B. Book.

This is the second post in the A to Z Challenge. My theme is my Bucket List. Read more about the project here

B is for Book. A published book. Under my name.

Its no secret that I aspire to be a writer. A professional writer. Even with my limited grasp on the language and tiny vocabulary, I want to be a professional writer. I want to write articles (for newspapers), opinions (for magazines), prose (for lovers separated by the world around them), books (for people bored out of their wits) and speeches (that moves the damn mountains).


I haven't read a lot but from whatever I have, I want to be talked about alongside greats like Charles Bukowski, Stephan King and Murakami. Maybe Hemingway from the previous era. Coming back to contemporaries, Sue Grafton, Jeffery Archer, John Grisham, Sidney Sheldon and Lee Child. And Surendra Mohan Pathak, RK Narayan, Uapamanyu Chatterjee, Satyajeet Rey, Khushwant Singh, Javed Akhtar Saab if I talk about people from India. I even dare to dream that I want to be as influential as Harivansh Rai Bachchan Saab and Gulzar Saab are. They often say about Gulzar Saab, "In the beginning, there were words. And then there was Gulzar."

Anyhow, I am sure I am missing out on some names but that's ok. I am sure this gives you a drift. I really really want to write.

The funniest bit is that writing happened to me by accident. About ten years back. With this blog. And about a year back when I took a break to work on The Nidhi Kapoor Story. Its funny that you spend 30 years of your life (more than half the useful time you have here) and you suddenly realize what you want to do. What makes you happy. And it turns out to be something as simple as writing. Or may be as tough as writing. Take your pick. Either way, its exciting. And its exhilarating. Its orgasmic.

The thing with is writing is that you could be holed up in a dark corner in a smelly basement and yet you can move a mountain in a different part of the world. Of course moving a mountain is at one extreme. Its a figure of speech. But other common place examples are as abundant. For example, I reckon, most freedom struggles have been won by the undying grit of the fanatic fighters and the mighty pens of writers. Most products are sold by advertising created by smart marketeers and smarter lines by the writers. Most things that pour molten chocolate down our heart and make us feel special (music, films, cards et al) are imagined by dreamers and crafted by writers. So on and so forth. You think of something amazing and I would point at the contribution made by writers.

These writers, some are lucky that they are gifted and they realize it early on. Most, like me, stumble on it and work hard to hone the craft. And the thing with writing is that with ample practice, you can really get better at it. I'd not go there. Enough people have said it enough times in enough ways.

Since I didnt really get it as a gift, I am working on it. I am working on it as we talk. I work on it when I sleep, eat, crap, travel, think or read. In terms of tangibles, every time I post a blogpost, every word I write is work. It takes me a step closer to being a better thinker. A better writer.

I know that writing is going to be an important part of me. And I am going to work hard for it.

I'd need to because I believe that writing a book is probably the biggest challenge of them all. To start with, it takes a lot of time to finish one. An average fiction book is about 80K words and if I was to write 1000 words everyday, it would take me 80 straight days to write it. At least 3 months. For someone as lazy as I, three months would mean nine. Then the book has this finality about it. There is a story and there is a plot and there are characters. There is an emotional investment that people ought to make when they pick your book. There is a lot riding on it. For a writer.

Its like the endurance test. Everyone can run 100 meters but very few can go and finish a damn marathon. I want to finish a marathon. A book is a marathon. Like a marathon, a book is not about the time you take to finish it. Its about the damn finish line. And nothing else.

A book, published book, under my name, is thus a thing on my bucket list. A very important thing that I ought to do in life.

And you know what, I have a book on its way. I have put in almost 9 months working on it. And its near completion. The book hopefully would come out by July this year if all goes well. Do see the website at www.tnks.in.

For me, #tnks would be the first step towards becoming a writer. Not that I need a gratification from the world but its like coming of age. Its like a personal milestone. That I can write. That I am a writer. It may not be accepted by the world, it may be laughed at but it will be out in print. Soon.

Inshallah.

Oh, by the way, a writer is nothing more than an egomaniacal delusional bastard in absence of an audience. And a few patrons. I am in dire need of some. You want to help? Its easy. All you need to do is pray for me and send some good karma my way. Thats all I ask.

You want to do more? Help me when The Nidhi Kapoor Story comes out. Help me with spreading word about it. Help me by liking the FB page. Help me by pointing things that I could do to make it better. Help me by connecting to other people who may help me further.

And, thats about it. About writing. About #tnks. About book.

Monthly Report - Mar 2014

The third month of the year is gone. Three months before I even realized. By this time I was supposed to finish working on the draft 2. But I haven't been able to. So coming to the update...

Here are the thing that I did in this month
  1. I shared the the first draft of the book, The Nidhi Kapoor Story, with a few friends and I have got encouraging response. I was supposed to finish the second draft by end of this month. 
  2. Had a better month with poker compared to last time. I was net positive. For the first time in last one year since I've started grinding on pokerstars. 
  3. Started applying to places. Money is running out fast and I need a naukri faster. So far, nothing has materialized. If you know someone who wants to hire, do point them to my linkedin profile, or better share their details with me.
Thats it. Two things really. Not a great month no? 

So moving on,

Report on things I had planned for Mar.
  1. I had planned six things. I managed to stay positive with poker, I worked on #tnks and I took yoga slightly more serious. I did not ge time to clear evernote and I did not see any of the videos. Like last time, multiple reasons. And again, I would rather not talk about those but I'd try and make April better. 

In Apr of 2014, these are the things that are on the cards
  1. Things for Feb, Mar (sell sgElectra, work on Cpt ObvISIN and next plot)
  2. Clear Evernote.
  3. #poker. Get yet another good month with poker. Like I mentioned, a good month is when I do not lose. This is probably going to be an ongoing goal. 
  4. #poker. See all of grisped on youtube. 
  5. #36to30. Take yoga as a challenge. Try and do asanas with more poise and tougher intensity. I would take it up as a challenge. I wrote about it here. Remember the tread mill that Will Smith talks about?
Thats about it from the month of Mar. Over to you April. In the meanwhile, do check out The Nidhi Kapoor Story's facebook page. I have 200 likes there and I want to take it upto 500. I dont know how. Any ideas?

Previous updates: Jan, Feb

A. Ancient Ruins.

Hello dear readers of the blog. I am taking up A to Z Challenge. Its a simple plot. You write 26 posts in April, each post starting with a different character. Preferably all these posts, all these words should have a common theme. 

The theme for me is my Bucket List.

For the uninitiated,  a bucket list is a list of things that people want to do before they die. Since, I love making lists and its been some time since I've made a list, its time that I make one now. One item at a time. One day at a time. One character at a time. Starting with A. On the 1st of April. I am going to archive the entire list here, if you are interested.

A is for Ancient ruins. Of Machu Picchu. And Angkor Wat and others.

I have no clue why I love history so much.

And come to think of it, I hated it in school.

Now that I am a grown up, I realize that the curriculum was inherently boring and thus the hatred for history was not me. Plus, I have been lucky to have travelled to so many places. And all that travel has made me realize that I love history. I love historical places. Love em so much that I that there are times when I have thought of joining the ASI or UNESCO. I dont know what I would do there but I know that I'd get to travel to all these places that have been long lost.

I really wish I could travel back in time. The pragmatist in me tells me that I may not be able to, in this life time. Thus, the closest thing that I can do about it, is goto all the historical ruins that I can goto. Specifically to the ruins at Machu Picchu, Angkor Wat and at other older civilizations (China, India etc).

Ruins at Machu Picchu

The thing is I have realized that there is a specific reason for me to travel back in time. The curious in me want to know that how in the world did they erect such majestic structures without the luxury of modern technology or tools. I mean look at the Taj. Or at Pyramids. Or the Great Wall. Or the temples are Angkor. How did they haul all that stone to such large distances in such short amount of time?

Who came up with designs? Who helped them with precision when they were creating things? Who was doing the QC? And most of them all, why would someone even want to create these things in the first place? Back then, lives would've been really simple and the kings would have had enough to eat and fuck and yet they chose to get these things made. Why guys? Why?

Not that I am complaining. I just want to understand these people. They must've been tripping on something really wild.

As an added incentive they may have hidden some treasure that may has escaped the eyes of all those treasure hunters that keep searching for. Wait, did I say treasure hunters? Lol! Wait till I reach T ;P

So yeah, one of the things on my bucket list is to travel to as many historical ruins as I could. If not all, I have to have to see Machu Picchu and Angkor Wat before I die. There is something mystic about these places that sorts of calls me there.

Anyone wants to sponsor my trip?

The Next Few Days. And next couple of years.

The next few days are going to be big. Big in the sense that things that happen in the next few days would dictate how I spend the next two years. And thus, probably, how I would spend the rest of my life. 

What? Why?
The book is almost done. The second draft is also almost ready. I have already had a round of discussions with a publisher. If all goes well, the book could be out in next three-four months. I am keeping my fingers crossed. And then after that I'd start working on the next one. I have a tentative plot in my head about the next one but I am not sure. However I am sure that I want to write atleast one every year. Audacious goal but what is life without a tinge of audacity? 

The publishing (of the book), even though it would be a grand event, wont really change the things. 

Change would be finding a naukri that would help me pay my bills. I have been jobless for almost 8 months now and I have spent everything that I had saved. And more. I need to find something that would help me pay bills. I am looking at working for atleast couple of years. Couple of reasons. A is to save some. B is to try and leave a mark. 

Sadly I dont know what I want to do in life and I have no clue about the kind of work I want to do. I take pride in being a Jack of all trades and that means I am employable across a wide range of profiles. Not wide enough to cover a lot of ground but wide enough to allow me to choose from multiple options. And the options, as I see are...

A. Go back to Delhi and either settle for what I was doing previously or go work for a friend's startup. Both options are open to me right now.

There is nothing wrong with my last job and there is nothing right with it either. Its a safe routine job that probably would give me some time off to work on my books. The book writing bit is going to be a long haul thing and I would have to spend a lot of time before I know if I am accepted by readers. 

The startup would be a huge huge challenge. I know that that guy is very demanding and thus I would have to work really hard on it. It will translate into lessons that would probably last for a lifetime but then I probably would not have anytime for the book. 

B. Find a naukri in Mumbai. Again, there is nothing wrong or right about this. Just that I would have to go through the grind of calling companies, friends, contacts, acquaintances and other such people and hope to find something for myself. 

Again, depending on where I end up, I may get lucky to find something that is the right mix of money, exciting work, time for writing, meeting new people. travel and mental simulation. But if I dont get lucky, I dont even want to list things that could go bad. 

C. Drift the way I have been drifting. Hoping for happy accidents to happen to me. Since I know that I am a destiny's child, I can try and keep setting in motion random oscillations that some day translate into giant winds that may bring love, luck and happiness my way. 

Thats about it. 

On paper, it looks like a very simple three point equation. In real life however, the implications and ramifications are so many that I cant even fathom. Anyhow, I have never been the thinking kinds and I life without a plan. Whatever comes my way first I'd take it and move fast on it. 

It has taken me ten years of sporadic writing and last few months of sustained effort towards The Nidhi Kapoor Story to realize that I love writing so much. I cant really waste anymore time in half-measures. 

Thats all! 

Writer's Block!

Via
Its here! The writer's block.

I cant write. I havent written for almost 15 days. Not on the blog, not on the book, not on the secret blog, no emails, nothing. And damn!

The thing is called the Writer's Block. And it is defined as a phenomenon when a writer loses the ability to produce new work. It is not a problem with the ability of the writer but is more of a temporary roadblock that prevents the writer from creating new work. I dont know if the definition is correct but I really want to assume that it is. I can not believe that I've run out of juice after writing a blog for ten years. People tend to become great after spending ten years with things.

In my case, the block is probably as a result of the break that I imposed on myself after I finished the first draft of The Nidhi Kapoor Story. Anyhow, the block is here and it sucks. Truly. I have realized that I am extremely happy when I am writing. In fact writing is my escape. There are times when I am fucked up in my head and the only way I can let go things is by letting my fingers dance on the keyboard. Writing is like my fix. Its my poison. Its something that I have to do if I am to be happy.

And since I hate to be unhappy for long durations of time (yes, I imply that I am unhappy when I am not writing), I have these homegrown remedies to get out of the block. This post, is actually an outcome of one such remedy. In fact, if Neo did not nudge me, I wouldn't have thought about this. Thank You.

Hopefully tomorrow onwards I would restart writing. Even if its small insignificant updates on the blog. Or inane changes in the story.

Till then, so long!

P.S.: Here are a few other posts that I've written about writer's block.

Weightloss Tamasha

Screenshot from Wolf of Wallstreet
I believe there is a heath book by this name. If it exists, I havent read it and I dont want to benefit from it's popularity (if its popular). If you are the author (or the publisher), please dont sue me. I am too lazy to google for the name.

So with the disclaimers out of the way, let me talk about the tamasha that I am engaged in. The shenanigans, while I try to lose weight inches.

Since my aversion for any exercise, physical or mental is well-documented, I cant really do em. However, here are a few things that I have decided that I would do. And here is a list...
  1. Walk. 10K steps a day. Most days I dont. But on an average I try to do 50K steps a week. Except the last week, I could do 50K over the last few weeks. I wrote about this here
  2. Eat in moderation. If you have gone out eating with me you would know of copious amount of food that I can eat and digest. I have stopped all that now. Except yesterday when I had a dosa after at least 15 days, an ice-cream after few weeks and my favorite egg biryani after a month at least. I wanted to top all this with Red Bull but then I had to sleep. It was awesome to indulge in all this foodgasm but in the morning, I could see the damn food stuck on my body, the way they stuck money around a woman in Wolf of Wallstreet
  3. Small meals. Rujuta recommends that six small meals a day is better than three big ones. Only fuck up is that I end up having six small meals along with the three big ones. 
  4. Cheap publicity. I make such a hue and cry about things that I post it on blog, my twitter stream, facebook and what not. 
  5. Large bets. I got into this mother of a bet with a friend about my goal for myself. I would buy him the latest iPhone if I am more than 30". Else he would buy me one. For someone like me, who needs external motivation more often than not, this is a brilliant carrot.  
Thats it! 

So, for the next few months if you see that I am obsessed by weightloss and things around it, could you please bear with me? The way you have since I started writing this? 

The Publish Button

The Publish button
You know the funny bit about blogging? Even today, ten years since I started writing a blog, more than 1300 published posts, everytime I push the Publish button, I have my guts in my throat. I get butterflies. I get scared. I am in jitters.

What if I've made typos? What if someone ridicules it? What if an prospective employer / bride reads this and rejects me? What if this? What if that?

The Publish Button is my greatest fear. I am not scared of darkness, heights, lurking monsters in blind alleys, public speaking, approaching a member of the opposite gender, dentists, (or any of these other top ten fears of humans). But I am scared of the Publish button. Very scared.

And like all fears, once I do it, once I am over it, it transforms from fear into freedom. From scare into thrill. The fear is gone. The button is like that teleport switch that helps me hit escape velocity and go in the orbit. On one side is a lot of ridicule and the other side is pure exhilaration of having created something. Of seeing things out there. And trust me, there is no larger satisfaction than creating something. Something out of thin air. That's what writing is about. Pulling strands out of thin air and weaving them in a coherent story!

No wonder I love writing. No wonder I am addicted. To the fear of Publish button and the relief that comes when I have pressed it.

Monthly Report - Feb 2014

The second month, the shortest in the year is gone. Someone rightly said that the time flies. Anyhow, here is the update for the month.

Here are the thing that I did in this month
  1. The credit card bill for the last month was my lowest ever. Ever. Since I started earning all those years back. May be it was because it was the shortest month of the year, but then, I am not complaining.
  2. I launched a new idea. Still working on it. You may want to read this post for more details. You may subscribe to it here
  3. Thanks to a tweet by Anaggh, I discovered Producteev. This has to be amongst the best personal project management tool that I have seen (apart from the good pen and paper). Do check it out.
  4. Had a good month with poker. A good month for me is when I do not loose. I did not. 
  5. Big news. Lost couple of inches. Off all the things that I want to achieve this year, I want to get fitter. And this is the first time ever, in my life, when I have lost inches. I am really really happy about it. So happy that I dont have words. Over the next few days I would continue to talk about it. 

Report on things I had planned for Feb.
  1. I had planned five things. I did none of those. Multiple reasons. But will not go there. I failed. 

In Mar of 2014, these are the things that are on the cards
  1. Things for Feb (sell sgElectra, work on Cpt Obv, ISIN and next plot)
  2. Clear Evernote.
  3. #tnks. Finish second draft of #tnks. And start talking to publishers. I have a friend who has promised to publish the book, but I want to get published on its merit, not on goodwill. 
  4. #poker. Get yet another good month with poker. Like I mentioned, a good month is when I do not lose. 
  5. #poker. See all of grisped on youtube. 
  6. #36to30. Take yoga as a challenge. Try and do asanas with more poise and tougher intensity. I would take it up as a challenge. I wrote about it here. Remember the tread mill that Will Smith talks about?
Thats about it from the month of Feb. Over to you March.

In the meanwhile, do check out The Nidhi Kapoor Story's facebook page

Previous updates: Jan 

Older than the mountains

Bukowski's Dirty Old Man. 
I am old.

And I can feel it. I feel it in the aching joints and sore muscles. In the perpetually tired brain and never-ending exhaustion. In the desperate lunges towards my bed to answer my dying need for sleep. And in the desperate, loud protests for not getting up even when I have rested enough. I feel it in this need to take breaks even when I ought to concentrate on the big task ahead. And in longer than average time that I take to make those snap calls. I feel it when people half my age talk about making twice in one year that I've made cumulatively in my entire life. And when I know that I'd never be able to catch up with them. I feel old when every interaction with a member of opposite gender makes me cringe and gives me butterflies in my stomach. And when the opposite gender ignores my attempts at these interactions. I feel it when friends talk about things like homes and babies and health. And when I have nothing to contribute in such discussion.

I feel old.

I can see it as well. Its actually easier to see. I see it all the time. Starting with the balding head. And the white sprinkled carelessly in my beard and whatever mop of hair is left on my head. I see it in ugly eye-bags. And thick folds on my neck. Double, triple chin. Aging, freckled, skin that could well have been the underside of a dried leaf if I weren't this dark. I see it when I get called "uncle" and other such things by people who are not more than a couple of years younger than I. And when I am in two minds about addressing someone that even if they look my age. I can see it in my boredom that creeps on me when I goto these loud fancy places that everyone else seems to be reveling in. And when, much to my surprise, I enjoy going to these simple quiet hideouts where a few years back I wouldn't even want to tread. I see it when things I loved to eat, the McDonalds, Coke et al when I was younger get replaced by boring foods like Muesli and Green Tea. And especially when I seem to enjoy em more than the greasy, fried cousins. I see it when I catch myself staring into a mirror all the time trying to notice that new faint age line that had appeared last night. I see it when I think twice, sometimes thrice, before choosing on a shirt for that all-important meeting. I see it when I my hands and feet start shaking by themselves. I see it all the time. All the time.

I can see that I am old.

If this is growing up, getting old is growing up, even if its a small part, I did not sign up for this. I did not.

P.S.: If there is one author that you ought to read before you die, you ought to read all of work from Bukowski. Really. And despite all my fandom I cant seem to spell his name right. I have to Google for it every time.

Dear Steve

Dear Steve,

Happy Birthday!

Wherever you are, I sincerely hope you happy. And I hope you are making that place better as well,  the way you made Mother Earth better.

I know you did not know me. And I know you had no reason to even know of my existence. On the other hand Steve, I, Saurabh Garg, would have given an arm and a leg to know you. To make an acquaintance with you. Why would I do that? Because Steve you are one of your kind. You pushed everyone around you. They may or may not have realized but you made them better. At least I want to believe that you would have made them better.

If I have improved looking at you from a distance, if I have taken inspiration from you despite being separated by time and geography, if I try to evaluate things the way you would have evaluated, if I have started to set my standards higher, I am very sure that the ones that had the fortune of working closely with you would have grown by leaps and bounds. In fact there is this guy in Indian mythology who becomes the best archer of his time by practicing by himself in front of a mere statue of the greatest guru around. Purely by dedication, effort and perseverance. You Steve are that greatest guru that I ought to learn from. I know you are not around to take on disciples but Steve, even at this old age, I ought to learn from you. And I promise I would.

You know I am one of those countless super-fans that you still have across the world. And I am sure each of your fan is remembering you today. For, the world is infinitely better because of you. You gave showed us meaning of greatness. You gave us the inspiration for being the best we could be. And you gave us tools that allowed us to chase these dreams, even if they are frivolous.

Steve, you have been an inspiration. You will remain an inspiration.

You know, the biggest regret of my life is that I could not work with you. If there is after-life, may be, just may be I'd see you there.

Till then, thank you for everything.

Love,
SG

P.S.: I miss you.

Review of a Pencil

The first thoughts, when I saw the pencil as a 3 year old was to investigate if I could eat it, for I was always hungry and even thought it was black but it did had to be opened up, cut like other fruits and vegetables.
Over time I realized that its probably more useful, better, powerful than a mere eating object. For, this tool allowed me to capture something intangible (my thoughts) and give a tangible shape and form. A form that would remain even after the thought has vanished from my consciousness. 
I dont know if a pencil is superior to any other instrument but I know that I cant think of living without one.

I had to submit a review of a cool tool that I have used, to be able to subscribe to KK's cool tools list. Since I dont really have money to buy these tools, I reviewed something that is as cool as any tool could be.

Yoga. As a challenge.

Before I get into the rant for the day, here are a couple of things that you ought to know.

A. I have been going to a yoga instructor for almost two months. I have signed up for a 1 to 1 session and that typically means there are no other practitioners when I am there. If there are others, they are like me, injured, damaged, nursing injuries and are in the class not to lose weight or to sound fancy but to heal themselves with yoga.

B. I was probably sleeping when God was distributing that knack of being social. On top of it, He made me an introvert. You remember that kid in your class that you can't remember at all? That. No wonder! So, as a result I have been awkward in social situations all my life. And now that I am almost bald, my anxiety levels are at an all-time high. Everytime there is a social situation that puts the spotlight on me, I can literally feel the butterflies hitting the inside of my stomach. Enough.

Now, armed with A and B, lets come to the rant.

So, today yesterday when I went to the class, apart from another regular, there was this really pretty woman. Pretty as in Bollywood pretty. In fact while conversing I learnt that she's won some sort of beauty pageant recently and is the next big thing in Bollywood. There. Anyhow, since my work has given me many trysts with the bold and beautiful, I am not really star struck. I merely took a note of her presence and I went on with my routine. 

But since the woman was new in class and I have this super-competitive streak, I noticed that she was very good with even complex routines. The simple ones that make me sweat like a pig out in the sun, those routines were like a breeze for her. The complex ones that I can only dream about, she was fretting over those but could do those well. And she had poise, strength, focus, determination and other things that you need to succeed at Yoga. 

I am not getting personal but if someone like her, with a busy schedule and erratic timings, could be so good at yoga, I wondered why was I bad? I want to believe that I am a fast learner and I am fairly athletic. I mean I am as athletic as a fat, old man can get.

I know I am a beginner and its been just two months but I believe that I can perform well. Remember? I keep saying that God gave me social anxiety but He's also blessed me with an innate ability to perform fairly well at any new task. In other words, I have a very steep learning curve on almost any skill.

It's time that I use it with yoga. And perform. Lemme make a promise to myself (damn this tendency of making promises to myself).

I would take yoga and complex poses as a challenge. I would get good better awesome at it. I would not step off the treadmill unless I die. I know it would take time, patience, effort and all such things that are in short supply but I will do it. Like I said, I will not step off the treadmill.

And no, I promise I would not leave this as a dead end. I would revisit this post in a month.

Keep watching fellas.

The Sleeping Beauty


Ever since I got done with first draft of the book, all and sundry have advised me to not look at the book for a month. And then redo the entire thing. Who am I to not follow the timeless wisdom. As as result, I have a lot more time on my hands now. And what do I do with it? I sleep. Sleep not as in take cat naps but sleep as in sleep like a log. Like this guy, Kumbhakarna used to. 18 or so hours a day. No, I am not exaggerating.

Take last night for example. I had slept at 9. I woke up at 6. Then I slept again at around 11. I just woke up at 4. So from 9 PM last night, I have slept for almost 14 hours. And as I type this, I am sleepy, all over again. Wait, let me get something to eat, been sometime since I have had food.

Back. So you know, may be, just may be I am suffering from clinical depression? They say that if you are depressed you tend to sleep a lot. Or may be its the transition from quarter-life crisis to mid-life crisis that is manifesting itself in sleep?

Or is it that I am suffering from Vitamin D deficiency? The same vitamin that sunlight helps produce. Or synthesize. Or create. Or whatever.

Or its because its winters?

Or is it because I have changed my eating habits drastically and have reduced carb intake to a minimal? I sort of survive on milk. May be its slowing down my metabolism?

I dont know.

Its like playing Roulette. On the ring are a million things that are responsible for my extended bouts of sleep. And I am trying to bet on the one that is responsible. Why bet? Because I want to fix it. I hate to be unwell and I hate to be sleepy, drowsy all the time.

And for the record, when I was young, I could get by with just 3-4 hours of sleep. I thought that sleep was a waste of time. I am sure I would have written a few blogposts about it. But look at me now. Living example of Sloth. Sleeping as if my purpose is to sleep. Like those damn cats!

Oh, damn... There is more to write. I know there is. But I cant think of it. Terribly sleepy. Let me lie down on my bed and write the remaining part. If I dont write things after this, you'd know what happened to me.

Right?

Untitled - 19 Feb 2014

Its been sometime since I posted something here. I mean I have been posting things but they have been more of updates on the book. At least the last four posts have been about the book. Here, go see the FB page of the book.

So, remember those heydays of blogging where one would post things regularly even though they didn't have anything to talk about? Where updates were more about mundane things? Where I wrote because I loved writing? Lemme get back those days.

So today, I dont have anything to talk about. The post is called untitled and I dont have anything special to write about. Lemme try and write without a reason.

Lets get started. With the last few days. They've been really interesting. I got to travel to Bali for free (got an opportunity to freelance with my ex-employer) and I had a ball. When I had a dopplr account, I would log in all my trips and miles. Now that is gone, I don't know where to log these things. I merely save the boarding cards and hopefully someday when I am old I would try and look at these boarding cards, I may feel good about these trips. When I was quitting my job to write full-time, I had thought that I would miss the crazy travels. But as luck would have it, I have travelled more since I quit. Thanks heavens for that.

Next up, the book. It's done. I mean the first draft. I now need a publisher to help me get it out in the market. Lets see when that happens. But I am happy to have finished the draft. I had no clue that I could write one full-length book. Took a lot of coercion and motivation but I finally did it. You may read about the journey here.

The other exciting thing is that two very important couples are having babies. One in Mumbai and one in the US of A. The very fact that they are having babies makes me nervous. The very concept of babies is nerve-wrecking. Its like getting a new life to the world. I dont know where my life is headed and here are people, getting babies in the world. And these are intelligent, smart people. Their decisions have been informed and planned. All the best to the couples and the babies on the way.

Talking about where life is headed, the reason for move to Mumbai, the book, is over. I need to now take a call about the future. I absolutely hate this bit, the one where I am supposed to plan and all that. But I have to do it. A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do. Next few days, I will try to figure out something that I could work on. And then go wherever life takes me. The thing is, whatever decision I make, I know that on one side is chase of glory and that illusive shiny goal. The other side is a life of mediocrity. More than anyone else, I am the judge and I am the jury. Worse, I am the executioner.

The other trouble is that I dont know what that goal it. I merely have vague inklings. Maybe its not for me. Maybe all the ambition that I believe I am full of, its of now use. I dont know. I have conflicting thoughts right now. Maybe in a few days I get some clarity. Hopefully I would.

Anyhow, the next thing is that I have started to play chess in my free time. Read free as transit and waiting. I tried reading but I could not. I can definitely not write. And I cant talk as its almost too noisy all the time.

Finally, if there is one blog that you ought to subscribe, even at the cost of others, I'd recommend James Altucher. He's my spiritual, mental and emotional guru. Ever since I have started reading him, my life has changed for good. No kidding. Read a few posts and you would know what I am talking about.

Oh, I am starting a new project. I call it the newsletter. The plan is to curate links and text from the world wide web and send the curated list to friends that I think would want to read. In fact I want to claim that if you are marketeer in the Internet era, you better read the list. The idea and inspiration comes from something I did when I was at CLA, where amongst other things, I curated cool things that the agency people ought to know. I am merely expanding the scope. This is a list of things that every thinking marketeer and entrepreneur needs to know.

If all goes well, I would send the first letter out this weekend. If you want it, please subscribe here.




And thats about it! For this edition of untitled. Hope you enjoyed it!

The first set of reviewers for tnks

First published on The Nidhi Kapoor Story's blog.

Just a couple of minutes ago, I sent out the first draft of #tnks to a few friends. Friends. Not literary critics. Not nitpickers. Not reviewers. Not editors. Simple folk like me. Who may someday want to pick up the book from the bookstores. The ones that I know want to see me succeed. The ones who were around when I needed them. Through thick and thin.

Thank you guys. In advance. For reading the the raw, uncut version. The one that would contain most mistakes. The one that would be toughest to read. The one that would be blander than tasteless wine.

To be honest, I had finished the draft almost half a month ago but then I had this serious case of butterflies in my stomach that I did not want to send it. I was am scared about opinions. I am scared of comments, reviews that the story would elicit. The ones I have sent to, they are my best friends but they are also my toughest critics. They are the ones who would not hold anything back. They would be brutal. And to be honest, I may not be ready for the brutality. After all, this is the first time I am doing something entirely by myself.

But guess these things have to be done. Someone, I think Murakami, said something about the pain that a butterfly has to go through to come out of its chrysalis. Honestly, I am not capable of understanding these heavy words and metaphysical emotions but I do know that I need to live through this pain if I want #tnks to see light of the day.

That's it for the update at this time. I am assuming that my friends would take a few weeks to get back to me. Lets see what they come up with. Till then, I would start thinking on the next one. And may be, start talking to a few publishers or agents.

In the meanwhile, if anyone wants to read, do write in.

Next steps on #tnks

Its done! I have finished the first draft of The Nidhi Kapoor Story.

What? Did you ask what is The Nidhi Kapoor Story? Are you living under a rock or something?

I can talk about excitement, exhilaration, fear, butterflies in the stomach, emptiness and all that. But let me park those because for the time being, I want to focus on the tasks at hand first.

This proximity to the finish line means that I need to find answers to a few very important questions that would determine the fate of the book. And my future as a full-time writer.

Here is an indicative list of things that need done. Pronto.
  1. Find an editor. Someone to painstakingly go through the first draft, find all the mistakes that I've made. Mistakes in terms of plot, grammar, sentence formation, structure etc. 
  2. Find a designer. To help me make marketing collaterals and design other miscellaneous things. Yes, I have asked everyone who has the word "design" in their bio. And everyone has refused so far. I don't know why. I don't know what am doing wrong here. Help!! 
  3. Find a publisher. Or an agent. Someone who know how this "industry" works. Someone who could help the book see the light of the day. 
  4. Create a marketing plan. I may claim to be an aware marketeer, but I need to put the plan on paper. And more importantly, execute it.
All this, under the constrains enforced by joblessness and limited "financial leverage".

Not to mention that I am on a constant lookout for the next career opportunity, after all, the money that I had saved all this while, is about to run out. Help me? This is my LinkedIn profile.

God? Tooth fairy? Bhagwan? Jezus? Anyone? Please? 

Addicted. To Writing.

Hotlinked from here.
Yesterday, I was meeting a friend and we were talking about life and all that. So, she's like my soul guru. I can bare my soul to her and yet not worry about making a fool of myself. Even if I do make a fool of myself, I don't mind. She knows how to put me at peace. She is brilliant like that. So, while talking to her, I said something that I had never realized before. That's the thing about her. Anyway, I said...
Every night when I go home and I think about the way I've spent the day gone by, if I realize that I haven't written 1000 words, I feel shitty about the day. Really shitty. 
And then I said,
Over time I have got addicted to the good feeling that only comes to me when I know that I wrote something during the day.
Wow! That was some writing. I am not even counting the number of bugs in there. Thats the exercise for someone else. Some editor or a grammar nazi. Are you one? I am looking for an editor for my book. Lemme know. 

The bottom-line is, I am addicted. To writing. And I am happy about it. I just want to indulge more and more into it. Get addicted more and more. Till it becomes terminal. Terminal as in terminal. Terminal like terminally-ill.

Like most other addicts, when they get terminally addicted, the thing they are addicted to, gets short-supplied. I am no different.

Similarly, now that I am addicted to writing, I dont know what to write. The book that I was writing? Even that is now done. The first draft of the book is done (you may like the FB page here), I don't know what to write. I do have the next plot but with it, I am in that phase when I am passively thinking about it. That's the process I follow. Think about things passively. Passively as in think absent-mindedly about things. Till they take up shape. Till I get some clarity. Till I know what it would be. And then I start writing. And write everyday. At least 1000 words. Till I get stuck. And then I repeat the process.

So, I dont know what to do. I dont know how to feed in this addiction. And the fact that I cant feed to this addiction, its killing me.

Help me. Somehow. Please.

Draft 1 of #tnks done!


Originally posted here.

As a kid, every time I saw this “That’s all Folks!” signage and heard the accompanying cheery music that came along with it, I got really sad and depressed. Sad as in SAD. S A D. Depressed as in DEPRESSED. D E P R E S S E D.

Why? Because the amazing cartoon that I was watching (Looney Tunes more often than not) was coming to an end. And I did not want it to end. I would cry because it was coming to an end. Since I could not control what started and ended when on the TV, I would cry all the more at my helplessness.

Today, years later, yet another thing came to an end. Something that I did not want to end. Something that I could prevent from ending and yet I let it end. I’d come to it in a bit. Meanwhile, I want to talk about the new-found respect I have for the guys who thought of “That’s all Folks!”. For, today, I realized that the end means conclusion. An end. The “That’s all Folks!” marked the beginning of the end. So that other things may be started. In fact, everything we do eventually comes to an end. It has to. That’s how the world has been designed by Mother Nature. And rather than crying about it, cribbing about it, we need to embrace it. With open arms. When something ends, we need to go forth. And celebrate it. We need to start looking forward to next. Start preparing for the next. We need to go on. Must go on. To the next adventure. To open that next door that beacons at us. The next dark alley that has always lured us. The unknown.

Ok, ok. I’d stop. There is more that I can talk about end but I need to end the rant. To talk about the next. I don’t know what that next is. I mere have a vague idea. I’d come to it in a bit. But I know what I ended today. The first draft of #tnks.

Took me 6+ months, 3 missed deadlines, 80K+ words, 240+ pages, 2 laptops, innumerable coffees and countless rickshaw rides to nearest Starbucks to work on the first draft. And today I finally completed the first draft of the book.

It also required me to quit my job, eat out of my savings and rely on temporary jobs to pay my bills. All said and done, this journey was totally worth it. I now know at least one thing that I want to do in life.

Am I good at it? Will I be appreciated? Can I make a living out of it? Can I make a dent? Jury is still out but I am willing to put in effort and wait for it.

For the time being, the big news is that that I have managed to finish the first draft of the book. And now that I have completed the first draft of the book, what is next? Two things. A, get some friends that I trust to read / review the book. And B, start talking to publishers, agents, designers, editors and other such people.

Over the next few weeks, I shall do so. And like every-time, I shall keep you guys posted.

Monthly Report - Jan 2014

The first month of 2014 is over. Its went past by so fast that I am wondering if someone hit the Fast Forward button on the remote control of the Matrix that we are hanging in. I had made elaborate plans for the month and had promised myself that I'd do so much that I'd leave my 30+ years of existence to shame.

But the malfunction at the matrix ensued that I did zilch. I mean not exactly zilch but when I compare it to other things, its more or less zilch. Anyway, the point of a report card it to evaluate how I did. Here is a list.

Here are the things that I did in this month. 
  1. Finished the first draft of The Nidhi Kapoor Story. Now I need to send the draft to friends, look for an editor and a publisher. If you know how to go about publishing, please help. 
  2. Ran out of money that I had saved while I was with Gravity. Now that the first draft of the book is done and I am out of money, I need to find something that pays me enough to pay my bills in Mumbai. I am in the job market now. 
  3. I took steps towards the inch loss goal that I have set for myself for the end of the year. These are yoga, walking and swimming. 
  4. This month, I also complete ten years of blogging. I started writing this blog in Jan of 2004 and its been ten years. Like I keep saying, apart from living and dreaming, this is the only activity that I have done for so long. This is the post that I wrote about it

I missed the following things this month.
  1. I had listed a few writing projects. I haven't been able to work on any. Its a long list. I have them archived on my Evernote. I shall try to initiate those in Feb. 

In Feb 2014, I would do the following.
  1. Work on Capt Obvious. Its a blog about brands and businesses. 
  2. Launch ISIN. Finally. I have been thinking on this for some time now. Its about time I did it.
  3. Start the next plot. I have a vague idea. I want to retell a classic, set in modern context. 
  4. Sell sgElectra. I know. Sell. :(
  5. Do things that I was supposed to do in Jan. Ref Evernote. 

That's it. I hope to make these report cards every month. I think I did sometime in the past but I cant seem to recall. Over a period of time, I would try to put tangibles in these cards. For example, I'd say that I wrote 20000 words this months or I spent 30% less than last month or something like that.

I can try and make this report on a non-public forum. I did a pros and cons analysis. I realized that by putting these online, I give myself an outside chance of bumping into people that may help me with these goals. If I do this bit on evernote, I lose out on the opportunity.

Lets see when I do that. You may want to read tnks blog in the meanwhile.

P.S. Thanks James. Really really appreciate all that you write.

10 Years of blogging

10-dulkar!
I don't believe it.

Its been 10 years since I started writing on this blog. Ten years. TEN YEARS! Ten long years.

Its a lot and lot of time. Its, its half of my adult life! Since my first post on this blog in Jan of 2004, I have come a long way. Some1293 posts, except this one. These ten years and 1293 posts, what a ride it's been.

If I can make tall claims, whatever I am today, this blog has had a very very large part to play in it. I am not a big deal but I am an aware individual and the act of researching and writing this blog opened my mind to a lot of things. If not for the want of writing better posts, I would've overlooked those things.

With the advantage of hindsight, the decision in 2004, to start a blog, is probably amongst the best decisions that I made in my life. Ever.

This blog, like I said earlier, it's been one hell of a ride. And oh man, did I enjoy it?

Along the way I've made a lot of friends, that otherwise would've remained inaccessible to me.
Along the way I learnt things that I would've otherwise oblivious to.
Along the way I developed the courage to go ask questions, at places, where it would've been a sin.
Along the way I realized that I loved the act of putting the words together and constructing sentences and coherent pieces. Well some were, still are, incoherent. But I realized that I loved writing.

Let me talk about writing. Probably the biggest takeaway from this blog.

While I was writing for those invisible readers, few and far between, I tried my hands at different things. I tried to write fiction, non-fiction, poems and what not. Even tnks, my first attempt at full-length fiction started on this blog.

If not for this blog, I would've never thought that I'd write the book. Actually this blog is a classic example of serendipity in action. How? Let me explain.

When I started writing this blog, I could write a single sentence without making grammatical errors. I still make quite a few. After all, English did not come naturally to me. I had to work hard for it. But once I got hooked to writing I started making efforts to improve my craft. I was writing inane posts that I knew nobody would ever read. But, unknowingly, I was developing a love for the craft of writing. More than love, I was unknowingly practicing the craft. I was actually like that bunch of infinite monkeys. Someone talked about the 10000 hour rule. With 1200 posts, I have definitely put about 2400 hours already. And then one thing led to another and I somehow knew that I've always wanted to write a full-length piece of fiction. Many years, posts and plots later, it took shape of The Nidhi Kapoor Story (website, FB page).

The book is still in the pre-publishing stage and I don't know how would it do when it comes it. However, I loved writing it. Now that I am done with it, the plot for the next full-length is already brewing in my head. Let's see how this experimenting with writing eventually goes.

Coming back to the blog, may be, just may be, I did not really make a dent while working on this blog But the blog did make a dent in my personality.

In fact, blogging gave me the biggest gift that I've ever got. The gift of writing. I have no clue what would I do if I could not write and express myself. There are times when words fail me but more often than not, writing has come to my rescue when I was trapped. I wish I could write better. And I know that more I write, better I'd get. And I am on it. Someday you'd see a bestseller with my name on it. I promise.

Call me indulgent, call me vainglorious, call me narcissist, I may be all of these things. I dont care. But I know that I am really proud to have completed ten years of blogging. And I have loved every minute of these ten years.

Hope I can write for another ten before I get bored..

And here is the most most important thing that I must talk about. I'd saved it for the end.

Dear readers of this blog, thank you. Apart from Naman, PD and Vivek, I dont know if anyone reads this regularly but whoever you are, thank you for reading. Even if you read one post, thank you. Thank you for those comments. If I have not replied, I take the blame. Thank you for landing on this page from I don't know where all. Trust me when I write, I dont want to attract traffic.

Thank you everyone for lurking in the shadows. For it was your apparent, yet invisible, presence that helped me continue writing on this blog for all these years.

Thank You!

And here's a toast for the next ten years...!

What to order at Starbucks?

The thing is that I love sitting at Starbucks and working on my book.

Even though I am alone when I am there, in my head, I am on a date with Nidhi Kapoor. Or may be with Renu on some days. There are days when I there with Tarana. Like today, I was with Renu and I had a wonderful time.

Coming back, irrespective, there is someone or the other to talk to when I am at Starbucks. I mean someone from my book. A character or two that I have cooked up. And when I am with someone, I love having conversations with them. In fact, conversations with these imaginary characters have helped me write.

Rather than thinking about the next line, I ask Nidhi about it. Or Tarana. Like today I asked Renu about her past and what made her the way she is. She had a lot to say. So much that I had to type fast. Really fast. So these answers from imaginary friends help me write. A friend told me that I am not an inherently creative individual. She may be right but then I think that this superpower that I have to converse with these imaginary characters help me craft what I am working on.

To be honest, the entire Nidhi Kapoor story is a result of these conversations.

The book is coming to an end. About three more days before I finish the first draft. I am hating that the book is coming to an end. I dont know how to keep it alive. Soon, I'd be the saddest and loneliest man that I know of. Why? Because all this while I had company of these three amazing women and in some days, I would be alone.

Guess such is life. But then, there is something that I am looking forward to. The next plot. I am hoping to write this one with a friend. We are still discussing it but if it goes as per plans, it would require me to sit at Starbucks even longer. But, but the challenge is, I do not like coffee. Or the iced-tea. Or anything that has any milk in it. Except ice-cream. I also don't want to eat any snacky things that they offer at Starbucks; after all I am on a weight inch loss spree and I want to avoid anything that is fattening.

And I don't want to sit at Starbucks and not buy anything. You see, reciprocity is a brilliant mental model and of all the people I know, I am the most severe case. If I am going to spend three hours everyday at Starbucks, I ought to buy something from them. No?

What do I do? What do I order? Someone help!

Originally posted here.

Chicken? Or Egg?

Hotlinked from here.
So I have a question. What came first? Chicken? Or the egg?

I am not sure. And I cant seem to find out.

Let me talk about a personal story pain-point about this.

If you know me, you would know that I have been trying to start writing. For money. Like a full time writer. I even made a blog but I did not do anything about it. Its on dotWriter. Do see it. And let me know what you think of it.

I know I have limited writing skills but I want to give it a shot. I know its too late at my age to attempt this. But I want to give it a shot. I know English does not come to me naturally. But I want to give it a shot. I know I dont know how to price my time. But I want to give it a shot.

You would also know that business development, or the act of asking for work, does not come naturally to me. I am a very shy person by nature and it takes a lot on me to be able to make a call and ask for work. Despite all of that, I make an effort to do it. I reach out, talk to people, pitch my services.

But somehow, every person that I talk to about this seems to want to work with experienced writers only. Only. Let me call this Chicken.

I tried to kill this monster called experienced and since I did not know who / what it is, I googled for it.

It told me that "experienced" is defined as "having knowledge or skill in a particular field, esp. a profession or job, gained over a period of time." The keyword here is "over a period of time". OVER A PERIOD OF TIME. Let me call this Egg.

So the question that I asked in the beginning, now that you know what is chicken and what is egg, let me ask it again. What came first? Chicken? or the Egg?

How do I get experience so that people who want to work with experienced writers agree to work with me? How do I get people to agree to work with me so that I may be experienced?

Simply put, where do I start? How do I get work? Any answers? Any help? Chicken? Egg?

In praise of walking

Add caption
One of the things that I am hoping to do in 2014, is to lose weight. Side-note: This has been on my yearly to-do lists since I started making these lists.

Since I have a medical condition that prevents me from running and gymming, I have handful of things that I can do to lose weight.

One of these things is walking. I have thus taken it upon me to ensure that I walk 10000 steps. Every day. Why 10000 steps?

Because...

A, its measurable.
B, it seems large enough goal.
C, its easy to keep track.
D, its simple to do.

In fact here is a chart that Moves has generated for me (if you want to track your steps, Moves is a simple, beautiful and intuitive application). For the sake of keeping scores, I walked 47K steps in the last week. And I walked 48K this week. Coming week I want to do 50K.

Except wednesday and sunday, I try and walk 10000 steps a day. Some days I do more. Somedays I do less. But the point is that I am more aware that each day I am supposed to walk. And each day I walk with a goal in my head. I have started doing things differently, like I walk shorter distances. As a run of thumb, any distance that is less than 2 KMs, I walk it up. Takes about 20 minutes for a fat-ass like me. I ensure that I leave in time to be able to walk for 20 minutes. Although when I reach, I am panting, I am gasping for breath but I know that I have burned some calories. And I know that I saved 20 bucks (10 bucks per KM in Mumbai). Two little drops in two different oceans that are important to me.

So today, while I walking something dawned on me. That when we take transport, we miss the scenery. And the stories that the scenery tells us. Its same as taking the train versus taking a flight. Imagine you flying over the countryside in a comfortable tube. You see things from 30000 feet and you marvel at the sights below when you could be part of the sight. There is so much to see, so much to experience on the ground below. A comfortable seat in the clouds can not match the experience of being a part of the sight. Ever. Trust me. Been there, done that.

And why do I like flying and airports so much? Because I am perpetually short of time. And I rather save time than save money. And flying is the fastest mode of travel for distances more than 1000 KMs. atleast in India. Even if its a scheduled flight.

So let me come to walking. This is supposed to be a post in praise of walking. So today, I had lunch and then I walked home. Its around 3 KMs walk and I took about 40 minutes for it. En route a couple of things happened that made me happy about my decision to walk home after lunch.

Let me talk about those two things.

First. These few kids were playing football close to where I was walking. Somehow the ball landed close to me. A kid yelled at me and said, "Uncle please pass the ball."

He called me uncle. Uncle. I was so furious so furious that it's not funny. I know I am old and I am fat and I am bald but I am not getting called uncle by these kids. Before I could yell back at him and invite him for showdown, since I was walking, my thinking muscles were active. I realized that it was not a personal remark and he was just going by my looks. He did not know me and he had no way to know that I hate being called an uncle.

The episode taught me a very important lesson. That I need to think through things and evaluate them objectively. I could've got angry at him. I almost flipped the bird but I did not.

Second. Along the way a rickshaw stopped me and asked for directions. I take pride in my ability to remember directions and I told him. An instant later, another pedestrian asked me for directions. This guy was from one of the seven Eastern states, I don't know which one though. He looked as if he had walked quite a distance and still had some distance to go. He didn't seem to have money for a rick and I did not know the bus routes. So, dejected, I told him that its a 30 minute walk and I dont know the bus. The dude grinned and walked away.

After I told him the directions, as well as I could, I realized that he comes from one of the most beautiful and gifted locations and yet he is here, in polluted and over-crowded Mumbai. I am assuming he's come here chasing the same thing that I've been chasing - my dreams. I thought if I was in his place and I lived amidst those mountains and valleys and rivers and springs and flowers and trees and beauty and whether, I would never leave that place. I would have normally cursed him and give him unsolicited advice of going back.

But then, since I was in the thinking mode, I thought, what if he's thinking the same thing about me That I have left family and friends and comfort and protection and all those things behind. To chase a dream that I am not even sure of.

Thats it. Two stories. Each happened in quick succession. I am sure if I walked everyday with an intent to look for scenery and stories, I can find many more. For a storyteller that I want to become, these stories are going to be important. I definitely saw much more, observed more and grasped more. And not just storytelling, for the lazy account planner in me, people-watching is an important tool. Walking gives me yet another opportunity to observe people in their natural environments.

So the point of these stories is that if you walk, you get better at being a human. Rickshaws speeds you up and fly past the scenery. Ofcourse rickshaws don't make you bad but they don't make you good either. You get the point?

No? May be go for a walk after you've read this.

Anyway, to end this note, the lesson of the day is that there are so many merits of walking and its sad that I've ignored all these all these years. No more. From now on, I am going to walk. At least 10000 steps a day.

For the ones who like to skim rather than read, here is a quick list in praise of walking.

When you walk...

  1. You lose weight without realizing that you are losing weight. All you do is walk and you dont goto the gym or go on a diet. You just walk and you realize that inches are reducing from your waistline. 
  2. You give your muscles exercise. Muscles work on the principle of positive feedback loop. Or Anti-fragility if you will. Every step you take, makes your muscles stronger. 
  3. You can tweak walking to make it a tool to spend more time with your special someone. Walking gives you "together" time. Nothing like walk. For a self-proclaimed King of Mush like me, I think, walking in the rain is THE most romantic thing you could do.
  4. You see things. Read the two anecdotes above. 
  5. You get perspective. Again, read the two anecdotes above.
This is it!


What next? Go walk! 10000 steps a day! Preferably with your special someone :)

Change Something

I haven't written anything on the blog for a while. It's about time I put an update. Even if its insignificant and is of no consequence. The very act of writing is important to me.

So while I write this, I am tripping on music from MTV Unplugged Season 3. MTV Unplugged has to be one of the best music shows that I know of. The concept is very simple. As simple as they get. They get an artiste and ask that artist to re-imagine, re-create, re-sing some of their most popular songs. Right now, I am #CLT to Kabira by Arijit Singh. The next on the list is Yaaron by KK and Tum Ho by Farhan Akhtar.

And I am having a tough time deciding which one is the best. You must try them. Here, I made a playlist.



So the point of this post is two fold.

One is to write for the sake of writing.

Two, make public yet another hidden wish that I have harbored since I gained consciousness. If I could change something about myself, I would want to be able to sing well. No, I don't have aspirations to go sing on stages et al. I don't even know how that would feel like. I don't have a reference point. But I know that I want to be able to sing well.

Sing well enough to be able to open my throat and sing at any place without running the risk of dogs chasing me. Sing well enough to be able to not get ashamed about my voice when I am tripping on a song. Sing well enough to probably learn a guitar or something and play for myself when I am down and about.

But then, at my age, I am not sure if I can learn how to sing. I think I'd have to stay content with my singing experiments in the confined and cramped walls of the bathroom. Atleast there, I dont run the risk of getting pelted by stones et al!

Oh, one more thing. If you could change something about yourself, what would you change?

Untitled. 18 Jan 2014.

Crib Alert. This is a whiny piece of text. You may not want to read this. 

We are almost 20 days into 2014 and I am already hoping that it gets over fast. To me, it seems as if the world is out to get me. To drag me down. To create obstacles in my path.

I know that I am wrong and this is never the case. Almost.

But these many coincidences can't really happen at the same time. Mathematically, its impossible. A coin toss can't continue to fall on the same face all the time. There are so many things that are going in opposite direction (from as planned) that if I made a list, it can reach the moon.

I can actually make and submit a long list of things that are dragging me down.

But to what effect? To whom? How would it help? God up there would look at it and help me fix things? I am not sure about God. If He had to help He would've helped already. No? Been some years that I have been drifting around here.

But I'd rather not.

I want to fight this battle with time. The one we are losing with every passing second. The one we are lagging behind in every minute. The one that takes us closer to the end with every passing year.

There are two kind of things that affect me (or anyone else for that matter). Things that I can control. And things that I cant. I can work on the first set of things. And ignore the other.

So the fact that I have been lazy and busy, I can fix it. I can blame is on preoccupation with a freelance project that I've taken up. I can blame it on weather. I can blame it on things at home. I can blame it on my general boredom with life and all that. I can blame it on a lot of other things.

But the fact of the matter is that I am singlehandedly responsible for my laziness. No one else is. I need to stop wasting time. Our time is limited and I can not spend it in not doing things.

Further, this laziness is already affecting everything that I want to achieve in 2014. My health, the book, career, money, love et al. I don't know how its affecting my non-existent love life, but I want to believe that there is some karmic connection somewhere. Again, the affects are evident. In last twenty days, the story hasn't moved a lot, I haven't posted on my blog, I haven't written my ten ideas a day, I haven't met new people, I haven't stopped spending money on frivolous things, I haven't become any slimmer or wiser, I haven't even made any attempts whatsoever to lose weight, etc etc.

Apologies. I said I wont crib and I wont make a list. Let me leave this hanging here.

Coming to  things that I can't control that fuck my head, its again a very long list. It may not reach the moon but it would reach zero gravity for sure.

Sunanda Pushkar for starters. I heard about it and was shocked beyond words. She was in news just a day before and I cant explain the extreme step. I don't know what really prompted her to take her life but I sincerely believe that overly intrusive social media has had a role to play in her decision. If I could, I would really really try and stop those jokes and quips that the world made on her.

Even though I did not know her and I did not make any of the aforementioned jokes on her, as a participant on "social media", I feel responsible for her decision. I have been trying to write about her, to her for more than an hour but I haven't been able to. There are a very few occasions when words fail me, this is one of those. I just hope that these incidents are not repeated. I hope that all the funny people learn a lesson. For our five minutes of fame, we have abetted her in killing herself.

The other thing that has left me numb in my head is the gross unfairness of the world that we live in. I dont want to write about the specific thing at a place that is in public domain but I am deeply moved by it. Its proof enough for me that God is merely a figment of our imagination. If He were around, I am sure He would not appreciate the unfairness. No no, I am not blaming God. I am merely saying that things around me are unfair and I need to start living with those.

Then these is this thing about shit happening at home. I can't control it. The fact that I am too poor to afford a house that I want to live in, in Mumbai, I am left at the mercy of landlords and brokers. More than anything else, these things drain me out of my energy. And what do I do to get this energy back? I try eating junk food. To get that temporary kick from carbs and sugar. What happens in the long run? I go down the spiral!

You see my point? No? Ok.

Anyway, enough of a rant. Gotta get going and get some words written on the Nidhi Kapoor Story. It's so close to the finish line.

Before I end this, I just hope that these 20 days are not an indication of the entire year to come and things improve as we go along. If they dont, I wont know what to do.

P.S.: Yet another reason why I blog. I don't write personal diary and this blog is hardly read by anyone (may be excluding prospective employers). Ranting things out of my system help me get back on the track. Imagine climbing on a really high, tall place and screaming on top of you lungs. So loud that your throat hurts. Despite being that loud, there is a good chance that no one hears you. But then do you scream for others to hear you? No. You dont. You scream because you want to throw shit out of your system.

This blog, this rant is my attempt at screaming like that. On top of my voice. Loud enough to clean my system. Clean the shit going on in my head. That.

Thank you very much. Why? I dont know.

Hello 2014.

Well well well.

2014 is here. And how.

Took me five days to realize that it's here. And all this when I have been waiting for 2014 for a long long time. 31 years to be precise. Someone of the pandit variety once predicted that I would get rich and famous when I am 31. He made this prediction when I was still young. And since I have waited this long, he better be right.

One of the things that I want to do in 2014, is to get regular with blogging. I mean more regular than the 100 odd times I post. The daily kinds. I may not have interesting things to talk about everyday on this blog but I will talk nonetheless. I want to be a writer and I am nowhere close to being a good one. The only way I'd improve is by writing a lot. For for every 1000 pieces I may write, just about one, or even less, may make the cut in the hyper-competitive and super-cluttered world that we live in.

Other thing would be reduce the amount of time I waste on doing frivolous things. For example, facebooking. I have realized that everyone else on facebook is richer, smarter, luckier and more successful than me. They also seem to know all the celebrities. Some are celebrities by themselves. I could compete. But I'd rather conceded and move out. So, in 2014, I would spend lot less time on FB. Except when I am talking about tnks. Its like a necessary evil that I'd have to live with.

Third thing that I am going to change is to start moving towards a simple and minimalistic life. I know I have this thing for collecting and hoarding things. I love physical greeting cards, collectibles, fridge magnets and other such things. I have saved a lot of these, hoping that someday I would have a home of my own and I would decorate it and fill it with memories. But then as I go along, I know I cant carry all these things with me. I know there is no point living if there are no emotions. I know I am confused. So in 2014, I would start thinking of all these things.

Fourth thing, I'd figure out a way to make money. I have a very large appetite for spending. I am a spendthrift personified. I may claim to love frugal life and all that, I just can not not spend money. I am loving the joblessness. I just need to find a way to foot my bills. Would you know of any rich old kings in need of eligible heirs?

Thats it I guess. Hope 2014 is good to me. Hope I can do these 4 things. Rest I think will follow. And wait. This list is different from this list. Dont ask me how. Thats for you to find out. As a reader. If someone's actually reading this. You've see Gravity? Sandra Bullock alone in space? That!

Thats it for the time being. Enough for the first post of 2014. More as and when I get time tomorrow.

Wish everyone a great 2014. Hope the year brings with it love, luck and happiness. Hope that pandit was correct.

The Nidhi Kapoor Story

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