The Insignificant Installation of I

Once you ignore the title of the post and dig deeper, you'd probably see what I am seeing. 

Somehow and for some reason, I have grown up into someone that takes myself way too seriously. This means I am humorless, often found gazing into the future, and have my head clouded with a million thoughts - most of those around how to become what I've always aspired to become - rich, affluent, impactful, giving, contributing, learning, fit, lean, emotionless, machine-like forever living thing. 

And all these adjectives / verbs play just one role -- they add a qualifier to the idea of identity that I have for myself. 

That identity is probably as meaningless as the concept of immortality. I am sure we would find answers (about the grand plan of life and all that) in due course; but as of today we do know that all this that started with a Big Bang will end in a few gazillion years (how exactly would the end come is still being speculated). 

And all the adjectives that you use to define you and the very concept of you will cease to exist. 

And thus, this image that you have installed in your head about yourself (wait, am talking to myself - so this image that I have installed in my head of myself) is meaningless. Insignificant. I think I need to see Pale Blue Dot more often.

The insignificance gets even more, well, pronounced when you realize that all that you've been building towards does not add up to that grand picture that you had in your head about things and people and life and all that. All those sacrifices that you made hoping for a better tomorrow, all the gratification that you delayed for deeper meaning, all the struggle you were engaged in chasing happiness at a later date, all of it, is insignificant. And if you've known me, all my life has been a run-up to this grand picture where I am happy, successful (whatever that means), and have contributed to the well-being and happiness of a billion people (in whatever way). And it's a sobering thought that this grand picture is a mere mirage - something that you think is around but it is a mere reflection of something that's not even there in the first place!

Even these words that, sort of, give you immortality will cease to exist. 

The momentary masterness that we are chasing, the fleeting validation that we chase, the semblance of control that we wish to exercise over life, well, insignificant. Like the I. 

So, what is the point of going on, you may ask? Well, I don't have any specific answers per se. But I do know that if by your actions, your thoughts, your work if you can give someone else some comfort, some break, some hope, some validation, some inspiration, it is worth it. 

No? 

Hello September / Monthly Review - Jun-Jul-Aug 2020

Good Morning, ladies and gents!

Trust you and your loved ones are safe and well-taken care of! 

Things in India don't seem to be improving and as that joke goes, everyone is now at dekhi jaaegi as far as COVID-19 goes. Not sure if this is a good thing. I just hope that people remain sensible and don't do stupid shit while they are bored with the lockdown. 

I had predicted that we would have the second lockdown if cases continue to grow but I was clearly wrong - cases ARE indeed growing (at the time of writing this, we are reporting a new high every day) and yet no one seems to be taking any precautions - the entire world is out there!

Anyhow. 

Here's a recap of the last three months (I could not send it out at the end of August). To jog your memory, I do this bi-monthly review and I track progress on to my yearly goals, life plan, and goals. And for the record, three large goals for 2020 are, publish #book2, run a sub-5-hours marathon, and a business with a topline of 50 crores. 

So, in one line, the last three months were a mixed bag. 
There were bottomless pits and there were some highs. 

Lemme use the regular sections of fails, wins, inbetweens, lessons, and plans for the next two months. And with a reminder that each thing I do this year must help me reach three large goals. I wrote a longish post about these goals here, in case. 

Here we go... 

😡😡 #fails 
+++++++++

1️⃣ No action on book2.
I did write for a few days, thanks to daily prompts by Prak but it got lost somewhere. 
The thing is, if this was any other project, I would have thrown it in the trash by now and stopped thinking about it. But, writing is as important to my existence as food, water and air is. So, have to be on it. 

Plus I am at a very exciting phase in the writing journey. I want to tell the story like I have wanted to tell no other story! 

2️⃣ Works not being too good.
My primary bread comes from two things - an events agency and a marketing consulting gig as a freelancer. Both continue to suffer. And my attempts at landing gigs have proved futile. I always thought that an MDI tag and the experience of all these years would help me get some projects. But I was never so wrong! It's been a struggle! 

However, The Podium continues to do well. We are now a well-respected podcasting network. Need to now go to bigger strengths. 

Plus, within the Podium network, I FINALLY launched my own podcast (yay!) where I speak with some of the biggest marketers in the country. I was very very skeptical of the same (I was not sure of the quality of my interactions with them and I hate my voice) but AD pushed me hard for it and made me do it. No, I don't know how it is doing but I do know that the weight is off my chest! You may want to listen to it on Spotify here

So that was work. Largely suffering. 
But, as Guruji's taught me, this too shall pass :). 


😊😊 #wins
+++++++++

I'd like to talk about 3 things. 
1️⃣ I started going on hikes. 
I know lockdown and all but these hikes have been rejuvenating, to say the least. Especially after a harsh June and July. 


The good part of these hikes is that I got to know that I am severely underprepared for the Everest lifeGoal. Not just in terms of my physical health but also with my mental game. If I cant do a tiny hillock in Thane, how am I going to get to the top of the highest rock we've known as humans? 

Apart from this, the last quarter has also been great in terms of my step-count. 

I walk around Andheri and listen to podcasts and see people and click photos. Each month the goal is to do better than the last. 

Sep will be tough - the weather has gone to the dogs here in Mumbai - there are no rains and way too much humidity. Plus the traffic is back. And back are those cars and bikes and all the incessant honking. I guess I need to wake up sooner! 

Well, Annkur, Puneet, and I have expanded that into a full-blown workshop! 
We call it Notes For Growth and we have delivered it to 300+ people so far. The feedback has been unexpectedly good! To a point that we are thinking about offering it to companies. Clear example of how random things convert into opportunities! In case you want me to offer it to your teams, please do let me know. I sincerely believe that it's powerful! 

3️⃣ Continued with the lessons on screenwriting. 
With Anjum Rajabali and Boman Irani (yeah, he teaches screenwriting as well). In fact, this is the only thing I've learned with some religiousness since March. 

Like I said last time, this lockdown has been a blessing to me. I know it may sound insensitive but if not for the lockdown, I would have never got this opportunity to learn from stalwarts like Satyanshu, Anjum, and Boman. I can't write this and not thank Harshit for making me aware of these. Forever in debt to him.


#inBetweens, #miscNotes, #lessons, etc.
+++++++++

Few things... 
1️⃣ I quit #aPicADay
I just did not feel like continuing with it. Must have some good 175-200 days! 
Plus its September now and that means I will take my annual break and will not have access to the Internet for about 10-12 days. So, I will anyway break the continuity. Lesson? Need to pick up smaller goals (even though they do NOT sound as fancy as larger ones, they have higher odds of getting reached)! 

2️⃣ I published quite a few words in the last 3 months! Yay! 
While I may not have an exact count, here are three long-form pieces that really I want you to read (if you have more time and if you haven't already)...
  1. How to make your personal board?
  2. How do you get better at long-form writing?
  3. 9 Tips to build your personal brand
All three were written first on my weekly-ish newsletter, SoG. 
In case you wish to subscribe to these weekly-ish letters, the link is here

3️⃣ Some random updates that have no meaning :)
  • My computer broke. And I realized that I am so addicted to a Mac OS that I can't get anything done on any other machine. 
  • I got myself a second screen (I hooked a TV that I never watched onto the computer and now I can't imagine working without a second screen). Try it and you would NOT go back! 
  • I am off Diet Coke once again! But this time, to replace the addiction, I have started with binging on Soda, the closest Indian alternative to sparkling water. So far, so good :)
  • Serendipity is real! The biggest lesson for me in the past 3 months! Most good things happen to me because I open some doors thinking they would lead me to a certain destination; but when I chase them, my curiosity and chance often lead me to another place, which is far better than the one I had originally set out to reach at! Guess I really AM a destiny's child!

#inNextMonths 
+++++++++
What do I plan to do in Sep and Oct of 2020? 

Three things. 
1️⃣ So here's the big thing. 
You may remember from the last letter (and a quip above) that I am seeking work? Thanks to general hustling around, I may have stumbled upon an idea that can help me do what I've always wanted to - enable others, create impact, and in the process, make money! And I seem to have found a partner and a mentor to do it with. And both of them are aligned with how I look at the world. 

So that's probably gonna become the primary vocation over the next few months and if all goes well, over the next few years. I am almost all-in on it! 

But then, this also means that I will have to give a hard look at all the other "projects" that I tend to dip my toes into. Lemme see what I decide. Will keep you informed. 

2️⃣ Second, I will try and get some running done. 
Lol, I have been talking about this since I started walking! Let's see if I manage this in the next few months. 

3️⃣ I am moving out of Andheri. 
Unless there is some miracle. The lease of this house expires in October and I will be forced to look for an alternative. Even though I've been in Mumbai since 2013 and this is the first time the thought of cutting the cord has crossed my mind! And in fact, I am thinking if I want to move to Goa for a year or so, till the pandemic settles. Most of my work now is largely remote. And if the startup takes off, we'd do it fully remote. So, let's see. 


***

So, that's about it for the update. 
As always, thank you for your time and attention. 
Please stay safe!

If there's something I can do for you, please do let me know. 

Over and out!
@saurabh
06 Sep 2020

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