Aug 21: Red Bull and The Wings

Red Bull is apparently supposed to give you wings. What the wings actually do to you is open to interpretation. But to me Red Bull gives me that kick that coffee, tea or other such things induce onto other humans. It makes me sharp and allows me to concentrate on things.

My tryst with Red Bull started at MDI when they agreed to sponsor our fest, Imperium and sent a cool Red Bull car, a couple of VERY cute women with tiny skirts and bags full of icy cold Red Bull. And since I was part of the organizing committee, I got all the access to the vehicle that I wanted. It tasted like cough syrup. And the fact that I loved the taste of a cough syrup dint help. I was hooked! I loved everything about the product. The taste. The feel of holding a cool silver and blue can in your hand when everyone else around you was struggling with PET bottles, the long swag you took and relished the taste when you rolled the liquid in your mouth, the little marketing they did and everything else around it.


In the following years, throughout my struggle with Coke addition (thankfully I stopped drinking coke this year), I continued to flip to Red Bull and kept returning to coke. Now that I dont drink coke, I rely on Red Bull more and more. To the extent that one drink, refuses to give me any kicks. Its like water to me. So what do I do now? I drink two! Together. In fact, because of the nature of my work, I, at times have to work long hours, I need something more than mere food. Also, I have very light sleep, get knighmares (yesterday I saw a kid flying over me and trying to snatch my blanket. I did wake up but I wasn't screaming or sweating. More on this later) and hardly sleep about 4 hours a day, my muscles need rest. I think Red Bull does that. Gives me that extra that I need to keep going.

And before the mother/father in you, the reader, Mr. Sob, kicks in, ya ya, I know. Red Bull is probably more harmful that Coke and I need to save money as well but till the time I find another alternative for my drinking needs, I shall keep calm and carry on. Hello @sgMS. Remember Keep Calm?

This is day 21 in a series of 31 daily blogposts. Other posts are here. I have missed updates for days 19 and 20. I shall post few more today but that does not mean that I compensated for the loss. Again, more on this later!

Aug 18: The Twitterati. 10 steps that can help you become one.

So there are few people who use twitter that well that they are now called the twitter celebrities. Or twitterati for short. They are as ubiquitous as Amitabh Bachchans of the world. In fact a time is not far when these twitteratis would actually start appearing in those soaps and give Ekta Kapoor and Colors a run for their money. And like all other kind of celebrities, these guys leave an indelible mark on the fabric of the society we live in.

I was so impressed by their mere existence that I thought I need to give them more time and attention. I in fact spent some time running an analysis and figuring out what separates an average twitter use and a twitterati. Of course since my “study” was conducted over twitter users in India, these may not be applicable to everyone. But I think the underlying principles shall remain the same.

Here are few rules that I put together in a hurry, which may help you realize your lifelong dream of becoming a twitterati.

• Drop the words Anna and fast in the same tweet and you have taken the first step towards becoming famous.
• Step two is even simpler. Pick on a famous personality and post a provocative comment. May be against Anna only. Dont know how to come up with an original rant? Search twitter for it! And once you have posted that comment, dont budge. You need to ensure that debate follows and the world is divided into two kinds of people. One, who are with you and the other, who arent.
  
• Third, though, this is tough, but knowing a celeb would help. He could be your neighbors’ best friend’s classmate’s distant cousin, but hey there is a connection. Anyways everyone is connected to everyone else by just 6 hops. Or may be 5 or 4 as enabled by the Internet. So in theory, Amitabh Bachchan knows me. So does Kofi Annan. And Sachin Tendulkar. And Anna. And his fast. Ofcourse I know them as well. And you ;P (Note to readers: See, how easily I dropped the two keywords here).
  
• Fourth. Proclaim the greatness of new media and effectiveness of the online medium over the traditional media. Look at the way twitter has helped Anna talk about his cause. Take a potshot at leading media outlets as if they have defamed the country by their mere existence. And yet at every opportunity to suck up a reporter, of even a Punjab Kesari or a Times of India, thou shalt bend over and invite em! I call this backrub algorithm. You rub mine, I rub yours. Goes a long way. Trust me.
• Tweet to Anna and all the bollywood and cricket celebrities once every hour, as if they owe you money and you are chuddi buddies since your mothers were pregnant. Irrespective of if they reply or even bother. After all success is 1% genius and 99% perspiration.
• Retweet every inane request that you get from other aspiring twitterati (remember the backrub?). These retweets could be jokes, blood donation requests, classifieds, gathering of support for Anna or whatever. Of course at first if people dont, you send them direct messages and then keep sending till the time the phone runs out of memory or money.
  
• Download a good collection of double meaning jokes and comments. And use a bot to post a joke once every 15 minutes. This will help you remain on top and despite the fact people find your comments awful, they would not have a choice but to take note. Of course the double meaning bits would sound offensive to some communities and people but then its a democracy that we live in. You have the right to freedom of speech. Look at Anna. And look at the way I have dropped his name, yet again in the post.
  
• Yet another sure shot way is to take up a cause. Like stand up for Anna. Every tweet that you post could have a reference to the great mother of the nation (I mean we have one undisputed father in MKG. I think Anna and Mumma have a nice ring to it.
  
• Use hashtags. #evenIfTheySoundStupid. #evenIfTheyAreUseless. #popular #great #iAmAnna #BharatMeriJaan #annaIsSexy so on and so forth. More hashtags you use, better it is for you.
  

This is about it. I am not sure if these are 10. I used the number in the post because it helps with the search engine rankings. May you want to use this hat-tip! Of course I aspire to be one. I am on @altsaurabh. Please retweet this blog, follow me, ask your friends to follow me and make me one. If you dont, I promise I would go sit on a fast. Will call it sobpal.

Thanks,
@altSaurabh

This is day 18 in a series of 31 daily blogposts. Other posts are here.
I could have called this post as 10 ways of putting Anna Hazare's name in a blog post, without letting people know. But then I thought the readers of my blog (the sole reader) is intelligent enough to guess that! Time for a question. Did you?

Aug 17: The chase of idleness

Last few days have been really tiring. The only time I got to catch on sleep was in flights and in transit. Every other moment, I was working. Not that what I do is rocket science but it’s a lot of coordination. Coordination, as they say, is the mother of all jobs. Its tougher than taking initiative. And is far more complicated than solving the Fermant’s last theorem. You could even fit that damned light bulb. And is made all the more difficult by a boss who travels more than you do, by colleagues that are nincompoops and by clients that are more concerned about making a fast buck and saving their jobs rather than working. I just hope that no one from work is reading this.

When I was just passing out of my MBA, all I could pray for was a job that kept me busy. And dude, am I busy? I should’ve heeded to that advice about watching out for what you pray for. Some prayers actually do come true. In my case, they come true more often than not. Like I wanted to travel and I now shuttle between cities more often than the airline pilots do. The sad part is that my company flies me economy and I don’t get any brownie points. I do get those boarding passes though, the ones I like to collect.

Coming back to the chase of idleness, since I am neck deep in work, there is hardly any time to engage myself in those idyllic pursuits. Reading, writing, talking, conversations, ideas and other such things. And the regular readers of this blog, with the combined readership of exactly one (including me), would know how much I love all these things. And I miss those days when I had time for myself. In an ideal world, I would be working at a place where I would be paid for writing and reading. But then, its an ideal world thingy. For a change, today, after a couple of meetings, I got an evening. I had planned to meet few friends and talk about some work (not the work work but the play work). But then I thought, let me spend this time on myself. Chill out at some place and write something!

In the long run, I would have to figure out a permanent solution. As they say, a man's got to do what a man's got to do, I am trying to create opportunities to intervene on the lack of mental orgasm. So for example, this project, where I am writing a post everyday. I plan to run this next month as well (despite me being AWOL from work and family for a week). And start a couple of more projects. Shall post the details as and when get closer to the end of this month. But for the time being, I am loving the idleness and I loved the pasta and the pastry that I just had at this cafe in Bangalore.

This is day 16 in a series of 31 daily blogposts. Other posts are here.
Note to self: When I write, I start with the title and then I goto the contents. Ideally, shouldn't it be the other way around?

Aug 16: The 500 word conundrum

Hello dear regular readers of my blog (aka me!),

How are you guys today? Its been long since I write to you. I have been busy writing over the last few days and for one reason or the other, I could not address you guys directly. I sincerely hope that you are doing well. I always think about you when I am praying.

You would have noticed that over the last few days, I have become really active with posting on my blog. I dont really have a specific reason but I just wanted to restart my habit of writing. All this while chasing a bigger dream of writing a full length novel some day. Would it actually materialize? Only time shall tell (assuming that by the time I get around to publishing it, people would actually be reading books. I am not sure cos of the dwindling time and attention span in the 149 character era). But anyways, I made a promise to myself that I would write at least 500 words everyday for one entire month. I did know that it would be a bit hard but I had no clue that it could drive me crazy. With all the work, meetings, travel, I thought I can take out twenty minutes easily and sit down in quiet and write something. But then I was wrong. I have missed it twice already. Its like taking the Sundays off. When I first thought about it, it seemed as easy as walking on the beach with sun playing hide and seek with clouds. But as I progressed through the month, I realized that its no simple task. It takes a lot of effort to just show up and actually start writing.

The surprising thing is that I really love writing. I know I am nowhere close to publishing quality, yet, but I do love the feeling of writing things. I love the way thoughts come to my head spontaneously. I love the way my brain cooks up connections in my memory and prompts me to type a set of words. Most of them dont really end up making any sense, but the few ones that do, they justify all the effort.

So if I love writing, why is that I missed on those two days? Not that writing feels like a job to me. I really want to write and writing is play for me. I could give a limb if someone paid me enough to write. Enough to be comfortable, drink all the coke, travel the world and play some poker. I love writing and writing actually helps. If nothing else, then at least its a nice conversation starter.

And then its not even that I dont know what to write about. I have tons of things that I want to write about. And I have more than 4 projects that I want to start. I have no clue where does all my time goes. May be its commuting across Delhi, twice, each day. Or its the nature of work I do where my time is not mine. It belongs to my office, my managers and my clients. And secret, since I get paid peanuts for it, I feel like a loser after I end most of my days. Writing post work, at least puts some sanity back in my head and I feel as if I have done something productive with my day.

Today, despite the fact that I havent done much work, seems like a day spent well. You know why? Because I am writing this piece. At 0100 hours. Just before I sleep (not really. Have to leave home at 0430 and catch a flight).

Oh, btw, does anyone wants any freelance writers?

This is day 16 in a series of 31 daily blogposts. Other posts are here.

Aug 15: Two months of coke detox!

This day, in June 2011, I had Coke for the last time. Or was it Diet Coke? Whatever variant it was, since then I havent had any coke. I have been to many trips post that and yet I did not have it. I mean when I travel, the only other companion, apart from my bag and my notepad, is Coke. Coke is as ubiquitous as probably air is. Coke has to be the most recognizable logo of the world.

Coming to the question, why did I stop coke? There are few reasons. One, to save on all the money I spent on Coke and Diet Coke. Two, get fitter. Everyone I know tells me that carbonated drinks arent healthy and all these drinks are but sugar and water. Three, I was bored and I needed something that I could shower my attention on! I know its a lame reason. So now that it has been two months, lemme see how I fared on each of the three.

Save on money. I keep track of each paisa that I spend. Been doing it since Feb this year. Note to self, I need to post summary of that excel sheet and uplaod a template for everyone else. So the spending on food has reduced considerably but I cant really attribute those to non-consumption of coke.

Next was getting fit. I think quitting coke aint no help. I have stopped eating outside and yet I am as fat as I was when I was having coke (assuming that there were just two things making me fat - outside food and/or coke). I dont drink any milk, tea. I do drink that occasional coffee but thats about it. And I am not losing any damn weight. I need to hire one of those Rujuta Diwakers for myself.

And attention. I did fairly well here. Everytime I see coke logo, I think about those wonderful days when I used to dote on coke and then I tell myself that I need to stay away. And as they say that staying away from your object of attention is more difficult when you can see it!

But then all in all, a very interesting experiment. Been two months. Lets see how many more can I clock.

This is day 15 in a series of 31 daily blogposts. Other posts are here.
P.S.: I dont like the way this post is written. This is way too bland, basic for my taste. I plan to rewrite this eventually. The content and the takeaway shall remain the same. Keep watching this!

Aug 14: Maid in India

Apart from being a mere domestic help, maids in India play myriad roles.

The chief one being the unofficial communication channel between women of a particular locality. This unorganized and apparently rag-tag channel is infact better and faster than most of the other traditional medium. Even the breaking-news-by-the-minute tv stations. In fact, more than mere messengers, these maids are like clearing houses for all the gossip. It also helps that these maids often come with life time warranty and terrabytes of gossip storage capacity. They can store specific pieces of gossips for decades and retrieve it at any later date with an uncanny ease. You can nudge them on shoulders and drop unconnected word and they would weave a story around it. The impact they have had on the peace deserves some gallantry award. At times, its this intervention of maids that has prevented those intra-locality battles.

Then, these maids often serve as advisers to our housewives. Ask them about cheapest grocery store around, ways to clean those ziddi daags, projection of gold prices over the next ten years, plots of ANY of those million saas bahu soaps (where the story, the richness and fancy clothing remains the same), reasons for corruption in India, spat between Ambani brothers, performance of Dhoni and his boys (and grown up men) in the test series against England and all other things that a woman of substance should be knowing.

Coming closer to home, all those times when you thought that your wife made that extra spicy gravy, the way you like it, it is your maid at play. Every time you spill that gravy on the cushions, and you thought your daadi maa ka nuskha shall clean it, its the maid. She is the one that ensures that your pot is clean. She is the one to wipe and dust those shiny surfaces that you otherwise know as television, ref, music system etc. She is the one who would more often than not carry your letters (if you still get those) up to your place. She is like that invisible hand that you always wished you had!

Of course our dear maid is one those those unsung heroes who end up remaining anonymous, not because their contributions are miniscule, but because they always work under the shadows of larger, more powerful allies. Its time we give them their rightful share of respect that they have always deserved. Lets stand for them. Lets do that candle night vigil, that walk to Jantar Mantar. Any anna's, bedi's, political parties want to take lead?

This is day 14 in a series of 31 daily blogposts. Other posts are here.
Once upon a time, I used to be an account planner with an advertising agency. I may have actually used this as a briefing document for the creative team. Gosh, I miss those days!

Aug 14: Of hits and misses

I missed it. Again. This was the second time when I missed working on Project 0811 this month. I was so correct about myself. I just need one opportunity and I am out of leash.

Of course I was busy but finding a mere twenty minutes wouldn't have been difficult. I actually asked a friend what she wanted me to write and she gave me a couple of ideas. I did start a few but I dint finish it.

Need to work equally hard for the remainder of the month to ensure that I do not miss anymore posts. A super hectic week is coming up, with travel to Chennai, Bangalore and Mumbai, some important decisions about life and career, lot of introspection and some reading to catchup to.

Aug 12: Any answers Mr. Garg?

There was this time, about two-three years back when I loved to drop the word QLC in any conversation, where I was trying to score BrowniePoints. Ofcourse I totally believed in the idea and I knew that I was suffering from it. I did not see a therapist obviously. Like everyone else, whos suffering from other such delusions, I was in the denial mode. I wondered all the time, how can it happen to me.

With time, things got moving and I got busy with work. So much so that I hardly had time to sleep, leave alone reading or thinking. I forgot about it. It would pop-up once in a while on those off days when I would have time. Or at those odd times when I would think about career and future. And when I would compare myself with my classmates from MDI. The fact that they were making a bomb and I was still to reach peanuts.

Yesterday, I met this friend of mine and we got talking about life and other such things. And I realized that maybe I am not alone. There are more people, apart from I, who suffer from these things. And they lead perfectly happy lives. Came as a revelation to me! But then the most shocking bit happened. During the conversation, I somewhere said that I am almost 30. And then I realized, o crap! Am I not the age that is the precursor of the dreaded middle age, AND the precursor to, the Mid Life Crisis?

And this is when the world came down crashing at my feet. At heart, I am still a 12 year old, who loves to day dream and believes that world is a fair place. Ofcourse my mind tells me to get back to work and accept the fact that Ovarian Lottery is a reality and I am unfortunate to have lost out on it. And, the mind adds, that since I lost on the lottery, I would have to live with whatI have got and work harder to compete with the beneficiaries of the lottery (read rich heiresses, cricketers, film stars, singers, politicians etc).

Hang on for a minute. Did I just say work harder? w to the o to the r to the k? work? If I could work, I wouldn't be wasting my time writing something that has a combined readership of exactly 1, including me! I would rather be sitting in my office, thinking about the next presentation I am supposed to write for that very demanding client. Uh! I AM sitting in my office conference room, occupying the most important seat (the one facing the wall, in the corner), seeing my fingers fly on the keyboard, pretending to think on launch ideas of cars and writing this!

I need that kick on the backside that would get that 12 year old, trapped inside my 30 year old body, out of my system and let me face the world. The way a 30 year old is supposed to face it. Which to be honest I have no clue. And unlike when I was facing QLC, this time, when I am daunted by MLC, I shall seek help. From the sole reader of my blog. Any answers Mr. Garg?

This is day 12 in a series of 31 daily blogposts. Other posts are here.

Aug 11: Apologies. To Myself.

I did not post yesterday. I broke the rule. I Of course I have few posts in the stock, but I cant rely on those. That was not the point. Point was to write a piece everyday. Irrespective of it ever seeing the light of the day or not. Yesterday I did not. I am so sorry.

I am all for breaking the monotony but I cant tolerate when someone breaks a promise. And this is such a simple thing! All I asked for was mere 500 words in an entire day. About 15 minutes of time (if not less). And that too a thing that is supposed to excite me!

They keep saying that showing up, is half the battle won, even though I may be churning out BS, I need to keep writing. I am chasing quantity, not quality. I am trying to program my mind that writing everyday is as natural a process as breathing is. My mind should understand that both, writing and breathing, have an important role in my life. I am incomplete without either. I reckon once I develop this habit, things would be much smoother (or may be slower, depending on how much creative juice, the juice Haruki Murakami, talks about in his book, you're left with). Anyways, coming to today's post, I am not doing a piece of fiction. I will try something totally random. I will list each color that I can remember today. Not the exact shade but lets see.

• White. Saw this guy in white starched dhoti and linen shirt. And a multicolored, jaipuria turban. I am sure the dude must be son of a bada aadmi and would have hazaar naukars scurrying about for even tiny errands. But then, the poor dude was standing in the security check line, like all commoners.
  
• Yellow. The dress of JetAirways hostesses. Some on them were stunning. The air-hostesses I mean. The color is brilliant and they should have better dress. Totally average. I wonder why dont these fashion designers pitch in?
• Gold. Saw these really funky gold on black teeshirts with whacky lines. But again too much for someone like me. May be some actors, cricketers want to try em. You wear em and the world would go blind! You would get all the attention that the world has to offer.
  
• White. From the window seat, looking down at clouds, they were that bright that eyes hurt to even look at them. I have not seen anything whiter. They were sheer brilliance. I dont think anything else can reproduce that color. If there is God, dude, hats off man!
  
• Gray. Once I landed in Delhi, it was raining. It was so beautiful. Everything had taken the shades of gray and was a pleasure to look at. I got soaked in the baarish after ages. I was traveling in a richskaw. I put my phone in my bag. Peered out of the rickshaw and let the rain hit my face. It was blissful!
  
• Red. The traffic signals all over Delhi. Like Mr. Murphy chasing me with his wretched law. Each time I reached a traffic signal, it would magically turn red and make me stop. I think today, en route to work, I shall count these!
  
• Some unknown color. The color of frustration. Over a lot of things. I could see it everytime I closed eyes but I cant pinpoint what color it was. Need to work more on this and find the color!
  
• Pink. The Strawberry iced tea that I had with a friend after I was done with work. I actually dont mind a life like that. You slog hard for a day. Then you meet some friends and just while away time over random conversations.
  

And I guess thats about it!

This is day 11 in a series of 31 daily blogposts. Other posts are here.
May not be 500 words, too low on energy to take a count but I did give in my best while writing this piece. Anyone likes this?

Aug 09: Untitled

Waqt ki quaid main zindagi hai magar
chand ghadiyan yahi hai jo azad hain
inko kho kar meri jaaneja
umar bhar na tararte raho

This couplet, defines the way I want to live life. These are from the famous, aaj jaane ki zid na karo. I will not go into the history of the song but whoever wrote these lines, would have a been a mini-rockstar. Not mini, but poora rockstar. The lines are as deep as you need them to be able to touch your soul. The lines are as simple as you need them to be able to comprehend. The lines are, in short, brilliant. (I wish I had a larger vocabulary, I could have talked about the beauty of this song in more vivid details #wishfulthinking)

There are times I wonder what are all these poets made of. They must have been really sad when they wrote these things. Or may be really drunk. A normal guy, can never ever write such a beautiful song. I can actually feel the author crying and longing for love of his life. As if some part of him is being taken away by force and there is no way that bit of him is coming back. The wailing is magnificent and depressing.

Sigh!

Apart from this, today, since I am posting a regular blog post (instead of fiction, fact, non-fiction etc), I want to talk about this vid that rr sent me. Its called Move and is a part of the three part series made by a couple of guys. After I saw this video, I got really depressed. The simplicity of the idea and the brilliance of execution of this video sets this apart from all those hours of footage that is uploaded on youtube and vimeo and other websites every day. Please do watch this video.

MOVE from Rick Mereki on Vimeo.

I really want to know how do people come up with so simple ideas that even a fifth grader can execute, and then pull them off to perfection, that would leave the most thorough professionals looking sideways.

And last but not the least, apologies to myself and the project that I am on, that I havent been able to do justice to todays post. It does not matter that I have to write a presentation and then catch a flight. What matters is that I made a promise to myself and I am breaking it. I know that its ok to take a day off once in a while but I am scared that this one off day might just become a regular habit and before I know, the project would be in tatters :(

Tomorrow, I am traveling the whole day a longish drive of about 300 KMs. I sincerely hope that I do post something interesting. I might have to use my phone to update the blog, but I shall, at any cost, do it!

Just wish me some luck.

This is day 09 in a series of 31 daily blogposts. Other posts are here.

Today, for a change, I did not write a piece of fiction. Actually I did start one but never got around to finishing it. Maybe some other day. I know that todays update is not really an update and is a sham but its ok to have one off day. But then, the important thing to note is, that you have to show up! irrespective of how you end up doing, showing up is half the battle won!