Day 34 of the lockdown

Day 34 of the lockdown.
Day 40 otherwise.

I feel spaced out. Not overwhelmed. But spaced out. You know where I want to be alone and do nothing? Not even watch shit on Netflix. Mood swing? May be. May be not. I don't know. It's one of those phases, those days when I don't want to do anything. Eat a lot and sleep. And wake up after hours.

Nah, not that bad. If I am able to write this stream of thoughts, things are not that bad. I've had worse phases where I don't even want to put my hands to use - you know, figuratively and metaphorically. Right now, I am doing enough to belt this out! 

I don't really know what's wrong. I mean I am still the same, that I was a few hours ago (aka yesterday). I am still eating the same. I am still wasting time like I was - I have long given up on the idea of being the man and stop being a boy. I think the lack of action and lack of opportunities to do things at scale is what is affecting me. I am guessing. Can never be sure. 

Lemme think and figure how the day was.

9ish - Woke up, not the usual time (got late in sleeping yesterday). Puttered around the house, fixed a coffee, spoke to a friend, to my parents. 

945 - Logged into a session on screenwriting with Anjum Rajabali. WHAT A SESSION IT WAS! Took reams of notes. Was distracted for a large part of it - there were so many ideas, so many themes that he touched up that I don't know where to start! I wish I could be like him someday. Had three Diet Cokes while listening to the sessions! Wait! Is that fucking my head? That I am not like him? We'd come back to this. 

Had three Diet Cokes while listening to the sessions! 

330ish - Class got over and a friend needed some help with tech. The MOST frustrating hour of the day. I, of course, could not figure out the tech. Ended up getting pissed at the inability. Note 2. I think I don't like getting into the nitty-gritty of things. I am a big picture guy. And in words of a friend, the world does NOT need any big-picture kinds no more. I will have to think hard and get down to execution. 

6 - 7 - Saw a couple of my friends do live sessions with some interesting folks. Did some logistical things alongside. While seeing those sessions, realized that all this talk of events and talks moving online? I think it's a fad and it will pass. The richness of seeing someone talk live is the same as watching a pre-recorded video on youtube or something. Worse, while it's beaming live, I can't really pause it or take breaks. I think this events and conferences and talks happening online and streaming live is a bibble and will burst soon! But of course, I have been wrong in the past - I famously said that why would people want touch phones to type when a BB Bold has the best keypad in the world? Let's see how it pans out. 

8 - Here I am. Writing this. 

So, in all, it was a pretty ok day. 

I ate "healthy" - at least my version of that (almost no sugar, no potatoes, no maida, no dairy. And a lot of fat, some protein, and some carbs. Though I am most probably going to order in a pizza soon). I did have 2-3 coffees and 3 Diet Coke cans. But I ate ok.

The days are hot here and since the AC is not working, I have no other option but to bear it. Which is ok. I am ok to dress down and I am ok with the idea.

I learned a LOT of new things in the session. Which is great! Doesn't happen quite often since the lockdown happened. 

I had a lot of idle time - which I don't like.
I did a lot of time pass - which I like.
I did a lot of procrastination - which I don't like.
I did a lot of planning - which I like.

Also, while I was writing this, I realized that I like working with people and getting them to do things that they don't want to. I mean inspiring them, motivating them, agreeing to go beyond their comfort zone. May be there is something there? Need to move towards that soon.

That's about it, I guess. I mean I am still the same in my head. But at least, I wrote.

Hope tomorrow is better.

And with this, over and out.

Previous posts in the lockdown series are - Day 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 10, 11, 19, 30, 32