Untitled 2 - Aug 2016

Note: Wrote this sometime last week. Never got around to publishing it as I did not get time to edit. 

As I write this, I am sitting at a site where a team I have hired is putting up a LED wall and other AV equipment for an event that I am producing, directing and managing. The work has come to a standstill as the other team that the client has hired has, sort of, fucked up!

The venue is about 30 KMs from Jaipur, on the Ajmer Road and I have been working on this event for some 20 days. Lately things have been so hectic that I haven't spoken to my folks in a week. And it is the week of Rakshabandhan, a day when my extended family gets together at my place. Once a year. And thus I make it a point to be at home on Rakhi (apart from Diwali, the other time in the year when I ensure that I am home). Of course for someone like me, these festivals are essentially symbolisms of archaic life that we Indians lead but its nice to keep some traditions.

Coming back, I haven't opened my workflowy in a while. I haven't written. I haven't checked email. I haven't had time to get a haircut (whatever hair is left on my head). In one line, I don't even know what is happening in my own life. On the work front, I haven't cracked a single new client. The last client I had hopes of making money from has sort of disappeared. It wasn't going anywhere and I just did not have the energy to chase it. There are no new clients in the pipeline. Heck, I don't even know what a pipeline looks like. See how easy I digress into a rant? Especially when I want to hurt myself?

So, like I said, I am at a setup and work has stalled for a stupid reason. I am not really liking this feeling of time ticking away and me blogging while work has come to a stand still. I have a deadline to meet and there are people on my clock. And they better work. Shit is stalled because of the incompetence and oversight of the other set of people working on this. The sad bit, I cant control what they are doing - after all I am not paying them. The client is.

I can try and complain and get them to move their ass faster. But the industry I work in, things often get stalled and the pushing around will not help you. As they say, the baby will take 9 months to come out. So, I wait. And I will have to get my team to work harder to cover up for incompetence of the other team.

The silver lining is that I can learn a few lessons from this snafu. After all its not often that you get to learn from expensive mistakes of others. Here it goes.

First and foremost, the biggest lesson so far is that indecision can fuck things more than doing em wrong. Doing things leads to outcomes - desired or undesired, good or bad, loss making or profitable. But they are outcomes. They move things forward. They are visible. Indecision leads to nothing. It just makes you sit on your ass, making your bottom rounder. And we were definitely not gifted this life to make our bottoms rounder. I can rant all I want on this but the sense of urgency captures this like nothing else.

Second, I need to build in redundancy in the systems. I still operate like a one-man army and while I love the action, the adrenaline, it is a deterrent to growth. Of course I hate corporate behemoths where process manuals are longer than the Holy Bible but I can see that they are there for a reason. Just need to find the right balance. More on this on the work blog.

Third, while I was sitting around, it dawned onto me that my parents are now old and they need me. All my life I have opined that I need to live away from my folks. Not any more. I can see the frail bodies and parched souls. I need to be around them. I am sure I cant be in Delhi. And I am not sure if I want to uproot them and make them move to Mumbai. It will be the mother of all selfish things. So its going to be a tough tricky decision. And I am not even sure if I want to be Mumbai for long. After all I am in love with my nomadic life. I love it that I can pack a suitcase and move at the drop of the hat. So, I don't know. But I will speak to them, speak to SG and then decide on this. Fast. And act before end of September.

That's it for the time being. Oh, one more thing. I need to get back to writing. There is no other thing that gives me joy like writing. May be being on the road? I think its the ultimate pursuit - to create something. Even if its as small, simple, silly as a blogpost that no one may even read.

And, coming back to the setup, I will ensure that it gets done. And in time and cost and quality that we have promised to the client. They've trusted me to deliver a fantastic experience to their guests. After all thats what I we do at C4E.

Note: Like I said, I am writing this almost a week after the event and it went like clockwork. There were a few things that I could've done better. I will ensure that we address them as we put up the next set of events. In case you want to see how the setup, the event looked like, drop me an email (sg@c4e.in) or head over to the blog.

Untitled - Aug, 2016

So, I haven't written on my blog in a while. Its been more than a month! Actually I've been super busy lately and to be honest I am liking this busy-ness. Am making (some) money, am (almost) independent, (I think) am taking calls that I've never taken before, I control the output, I am travelling (within India) and so on and so forth. This is the closest to Kwan (Love, respect, community and the dollars) that I've ever been. After about 33 years of living, I feel alive. Well, excuse the hyperbole but you get the drift. 

Coming back, even though I have been busy, I had to take out time to write this post. Its been some time that I've written and I don't like the feeling. There is this emptiness in me that I dont know how to tide over. The same emptiness that shrouds me when I havent spoken to her for a while. If not for this emptiness, in the current life, if I could make more money, have a little more impact, get time to write, pick a hobby (guitar), get fitter (yoga, running, hiking) and make meaning, I'd be a happy man. 

Actually I dont have much to complain about. I am sorted for the time being and I just need to keep doing this well and hope I get all that I want someday. 

The other thing that has happened in the last few days is that I got myself an Air. And its such a brilliant machine that my productivity has gone up by at least 10 times. I wonder why did I not buy this sooner. Have to have to learn the importance of investing in self. I need to revisit Rich Dad Poor Dad. 

While am talking of investing on self, I want to talk about the place I live at - Bandra. In a dilapidated building full of old people. In a house that need maintenance. And not just a coat of paint kinds. But the kinds where you tear down the walls and erect it foundation up. 

Taking up this house has been the worst decision of my life (except may be moving away from Mumbai the first time around). And not a day goes by when I dont regret the decision. The good bit is that the lock-in period for the lease is getting over in another month or so. That means I can change the house. And when I do, I will ensure that I get a fancy place - even if I have to pay extra.

Of course I can crib about the fact that I have to hop from house to house and all that, while all my friends and their friends and their pets and everyone else in the world have houses worth crores. But thats not the point. The point is that I need to change this place. In an ideal world, I would move into a place of my own, do it up the way I want (minimal) and then keep it spic and span and airy and all that. In one line, make the place has to be inspiring.

In fact I am going to blame the delay on #book2 to lack of inspiration caused by the fuckall place I live at. Of course it's a lame excuse but I sincerely couldn't write. I go back and I am fighting the pests, spiders, crows, leaking faucets, the AC that doesn't work, noise from the street and all that. Of course the ones who really write can write anywhere, under any duress and all that. But not me. I need the perfect setting, the table, the temperature etc etc. I have these amazing walls built about me! Thing is, it is depressing to even go back to the house.

Now you know why I spend so much time in office (yes, I have an office - actually it's a seat that I've borrowed from a friend who's made my life infinitely times better in the past few months) and you know why I dont invite you home. I am embarrassed about it. Had it been a shack, I wont mind showing it off, hell I pimp my poverty all the time. But this place, its like pseudo - everyone thinks Bandra is a cool place but no one gets to the underbelly. You know what am saying?

Ok, need to change the rant about the house. Lemme rant about something else. The other day I was thinking that most pieces on my blog are longish pieces of depressing content. I mean the last few posts are about how I am alone, an attempt to make friends, cribs about work. Essentially, I am discussing people. They say, bad people discuss people, good people discuss things and great people discuss ideas. I think I read this when I was very young but the lesson has stayed with me. To the extent that all my life I have tried to discuss ideas and not things or people. One of the reasons I have no clue about politics, relationships, gossip etc. My EQ, I think is zero, if not negative. May be going forward I will try and post ideas and their implication. But then, am human and I want to be able to vent out and in absence of friends, I don't know how else do. See the paradox?

Where does all this lead to? I don't know. But I do know that its awesome to have written after so so many days. Thats the point of a blog. You write for yourself. And to end this, some days back, I came across "ना सम्मान का मोह , ना अपमान का भय" on FB wall of Udita, one of the early readers of #tnks. And I've been blown apart since. Its such a simple statement and yet it says so so much. Exactly the kind of writing that I hope I can pull off some day. I sincerely wish she makes me her शाग़िर्द some day. Till then, over n out.