Time flies...

Hello! Been a while since I last wrote. Last I wrote was on the last day of the last month.

Time is flying so fast it's not funny. Last I remember I was sitting down for a session with Anjum Sir to learn about screenwriting (this was on last Sunday) and when I looked at the calendar, I realized its Friday morning! 5 days flew as it if were riding on a HummingBird or whatever is the fastest bird that you know of! I did not move an inch on things that I was supposed to work on. I did not read a damn thing. I did not listen to a single podcast. I did not write the logline for #book2. I did not try to eat less or workout more. I was fucking vegetating.

I know time goes by faster if you are old but I did not know it would be this fast. No wonder old age sucks! You have less time left to live and that too goes past by fast! As double a whammy as you can imagine. 

I think its also a function of the state of mind you are in. And the last few days have been anything but good. There's just way too much happening and there's way too much inaction at the same time. The two ought to be in this harmonious tension if you have to spiral up in life. But in my case, there is no harmony and a lot of tension! And I don't know what to do to get out of this whirlwind. And you know that pride that I hold dear to me? That is letting me not seek help. The thing is, I dont know what help I need! 

Anyhow. Sob story. 

Let's talk of more urgent matters. Health. So, if you are a reader here, you would know of my ambitions to do things like climb the Mt. Everest, run Marathons and all that. I want to add a few things to the list. To start with, I want to be able to do a few push-ups or chin-ups. Right now, I am unable to do even one. Like other things, it's a function of time, practice, and persistence. The three things that I don't have. Plus health is a function of a lot of other things - sleep, diet, discipline et al. Again, I am not the best case study when it comes to these. I have started a million times in the past and failed at each attempt. To a point that I've even ended up unwell as a result of these trials. 

The point? Starting today I am going to try all over again. The fitness bit I mean. The easy things are diet and sleep. I will get back to low-carb, IF today on. And try for a 7-hour sleep routine. Lemme report back in a week and see if I see any change in myself. 

Till then, over and out :) 

Previous posts that I wrote during the lockdown are - 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 10, 11, 19, 30, 32, 34, 35, 37, 39, 45, 47, 57, 63, 64, 69

Growing Old Sucks!

Day 64 of lockdown

Day 70 something

Wow! Time flies! I remember talking to a friend way back in Jan if she thinks that COVID would hit India hard. She said that she thinks it's like the flu and there are hardly any repercussions for India. And then she said that India would be left untouched as COVID seems to be spreading in a narrow band of weather. Of course, since I like to follow some smart people, I took her advice and decided that I don't want to be an alarmist. And then I forgot about it. 

Fast forward to today. 

We are on the 70th day of lockdown and quarantine and there is no sight for an opening up, at least, in Mumbai. Other parts, if I hear my friends and connections right, have opened up. I mean the government has not allowed things to open but most people are out and about. Public memory is incredibly short unless you are a celebrity :D

Anyhow. So, I want to rant about something that I don't know who to talk to about. Growing old. And things that are changing in me as a result of this 'coming of age'. 

Of course I am the biggest ageist I know of. All my life I have wanted to achieve things at a young age and of course I have failed at achieving any sort of success, irrespective of the metric you look at it with. The fears that I had when I was young have started to come true. Unlike my 25-year old self, I can no longer multitask. There was a time when I could juggle a million balls in the air and continue to add more balls. All the while balancing myself on a Yoga ball that is perched on a chair with one leg moving on a rollercoaster that is still functioning even when there's this biggest earthquake ever happening. Oh, I'd be sipping on to a can of Coke while that was happening. You know what I am saying? 

Now, at 37, I can NOT multitask. If I am writing this piece and there is some music playing in the background, I am distracted! To a point that I lose the chain of thought and what would take me normally 15 minutes to write, I take like an hour and a half to get out of my system! 

I know humans are not programmed for multitasking but I think I was wired differently and I could! I took pride in it. I could see that all the madness that I had surrounded myself with, was fed by the aforementioned million balls! It served me well when I was younger. Now, it's becoming an impediment! Even simple phone calls with people distract me so much that I can't recall conversations unless I take notes. And hence, I have started to take an insane quantity of notes. So much so that I need a person to manage those! 

The other thing that I was renowned for was my attention to detail. I was aware and I was perceptive. When I was juggling all those balls, I would know the colors of those balls. I would know about the scale of the earthquake and the trend line. I could count the pars of udti chidiya. I was the kind that would know the number of the cab I was in, the color of undies of everyone in the room, number of slides remaining in a presentation, and even the ongoing count of typos in a piece. And other such insignificant details! Nothing would escape my keen gaze. I was the one that checked and rechecked all copy before things had to ship! 

Now, I cant. I don't even know what I had for lunch the previous day. The memory is atrophying. Fast. More than that, attention is waning all the time. Like I am writing this, I am listening to a track and missing yet another track! Oh, any as I swapped the tab to change the track, I lost some 20 mins there. Sigh. 

The last thing that I want to talk about is that patience levels seem to be decreasing. I was the kind to be able to handle all sorts of muck thrown at me with a smile. But then age happened and the patience levels hit the rock bottom. To a point that in case a call that was planned for 8 AM does not start by 7:59 AM, I get jittery and sad and angry and scary and all that. I start screaming at people. And when I am reminded that the call was at 8 AM, I apologize so profusely that I spend the entire time on finding novel ways of apologizing to everyone who was cool enough to log in a minute before the call! 

And the last thing? You become abrupt with shit! Like this post. I am going to leave it here. See you guys on the other side. 

Chalo till next time. 

Over and out,

- The Old SG. 

Previous posts that I wrote during the lockdown are - 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 10, 11, 19, 30, 32, 34, 35, 37, 39, 45, 47, 57, 63

Breaking bad!

Day 63 of lockdown

Day 69 something

So I have officially lost track of the number of days that we've been in lockdown. A glance at my blog tells me that it's been 60+ days that we've been holed up indoors. And while it's been an interesting experience, to say the least. There's so much to talk about, I think I can even write a book about it, once I am done with #book2. 

But for the time being, here's a thing that I am want to talk about. 

Technology. 

Breaking upon on me.

For no apparent reason. 

At the worst of times! 

Since we've been in the lockdown, here are the things that have broken on me. The days are approximate :)

• On the 2nd day, the phone's screen broke. To a point that I could not even look at it! Thankfully I had a backup Android phone - the good part was that as a result the time I spent on the phone reduced considerably. Thankfully after about 2-3 weeks, I found a local handyman and got the phone fixed.
• On the 10th day, I realized that the AC that I have rented from RentoMojo does not work! I mean I hadn't used in a few months and there was no reason to. Now that weather in Mumbai is getting unbearable, I had to use it. And realized that it was not cooling, some gas issues. Raised a complaint and despite the complaints, they could not repair it. Called a local handyman and got him to fix it. 
• On the 35th or so day, the AC conked off yet again! This time, Rentomojo agreed to help and they did, though after a few days. 
• On the 55th day, the cable that charges the only computer I have (a Macbook Air) broke! Like broke. It would not charge. I could still use it to power the laptop and keep it functional. So, I had to maneuver the cable in a weird position to get it to keep the laptop alive. Thankfully, Amazon started working in the meanwhile and I could order a replacement charger. Let's see how long this one lasts. 
• Finally, the day before, the charging cable of the iPhone broke! I am in no mood to buy a replacement cable. I'd use the wireless charging station. 

Thing is, because of the lockdown the access was severely limited to markets, market places, people, and other things that could fix these things that broke on me. For no explicable reason. 

Plus all these are expensive, lifestyle things. That means that it takes money as well! It is frustrating to the point that you want to give up. That's the thing. I sweat about the small stuff and I am ok with larger things that most people lose sleep over! 

Of course I am privileged that I have access to all these in the first place. And then I have access to people and tools that can fix these. And then of course, money. 

Anyhow. The point I was trying to make from this post is, when things get tough, it pours from all sides. And all we can do is, keep calm and carry on :) As they say, life always finds a way. Hope it finds soon :) 

Previous posts that I wrote during the lockdown are - 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 10, 11, 19, 30, 32, 34, 35, 37, 39, 45, 47, 57

Day 57 of Lockdown

Day 57 of lockdown

Day 63 something 

So, it's been 10 days since I last wrote here. Time fucking flies. Even in this lockdown! I don't know about you guys but I have no clue where time is going. The days blur into nights and nights merge into the next day. The cycle continues. And things continue to move ahead. What remains behind is me, on the side of the road, watching the world go by. 

Anyhow. So yeah, 10 days. Not much has moved. I am still not sure about what I want to make of my life. This lockdown, which is nearing almost 2 months now should have given me the time and impetus to figure out. But I did not. I could not. Maybe that's how I will while all my life. 37 have gone past. Maybe that's how the next 80 odd would go? 

Ok. Enough of wallowing into self-pity. There are far larger things that I need to worry about. And work on. And get done. 

I don't really know what I want to write about. Just that I felt compelled to post something. Publish something. I had to. You know how it is? Something from within you moves you and then that makes you act. You know when you can't explain? Like that famous quote form Joker? He said, 

I’m like a dog chasing cars, I wouldn’t know what to do if I caught one, you know, I just do…things.

See it here! 

So yeah, there's nothing much to report. Just that I had to sprinkle some life into the dying blog. Matlab, if I have not written in 10 days despite not having anything substantial to work on, there must be some serious draught. 

No? 

 

Previous posts that I wrote during the lockdown are - 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 10, 11, 19, 30, 32, 34, 35, 37, 39, 45, 47

The last few days...

Hola amigos! Wassup?

No, I am not learning French. Or whatever that language is. I just wanted to change the salutation that I use to start a post with. You know, its getting boring with these numbers. Wait. What number is it today? 47 I think. 

So, here's the thing. When we started with this lockdown, I thought that I'd be able to manage the solitude, the ambiguity, the distance from all the things that I love (no, I am not missing people, to be honest), and all that. And I think I was ready to brave the break. And honestly, it did work well. Till the last couple of days. Or may be three. Not sure. But as we speak, I know I can feel the effect of this lockdown. I need to step out. And I will probably try an outing tomorrow. 

But before that, since this is something that is affecting my head, I need to find a way to fix it. Afterall, I am a padha likha samajhdaar aadmi na! So, I am going to subject myself to shit that I recommend to others. 

Here's my self-diagnosis. 

A. Are you working out? 

No, I am not. I was, till about three days. No no, my workout do not mean that I go gymming. But I do try and walk about 10000 steps every day. 

B. Are you aiming for a goal at the beginning of each day? You know, making meaning outta your life? 

Most days yes. 

Last few days, no. 

C. Is it work that is affecting your sanity?

Nope. There is no work. 

Events :)

D. Did you have an argument with your loved ones? Significant others? 

Nah. The ones that I care for, they are ok. I am talking to them ok. 

The ones that I want to care for, not fought with them either. So that's cool. 

E. Are you eating well?

No I am not. Not at all. In fact, am eating more crap than ever. In the last three days, I've had popcorn, paranthas, chole bhature, samosas, Maggi and I don't know how much bread. Pots and pots of coffee. And thankfully, no diet coke. Phew. Need to cut it. Need to get back to IF. I thnk how I ate over the last few days reflect how I feel. And how I feel affects how I eat. It is so connected! 

F. Is it a one-time thing? An isolated incident? Or has it been happening regularly over the last few days?

I think its a one-off. I have been pretty much ok if I ignore the last few days! 

G. Ok. Do freewriting about things that are creating the muck in your head? 

Ok. This will be tough. Quite a few things. For starters, I am not sure where am I headed in terms of my career. In the sense, there are a million things that I work on and none of those make either the impact or the money. And I am not sure how long can I keep going without a tangible output. I like results, you know. 

Plus the moves that I'd made, investments that I'd made in people and ideas and projects seem to be sliding away. And this is not new. I have fucked up in the past as well. To a point that I've questioned my very identity. But back then, when things went south in the past, I have been ok with those. I am mostly ok with maintaining a stoic distance. 

Also, I am an ageist. I am past my useful age. I've mostly been vocal about my age and the urgency with which I need to work. This lockdown and the disappearance of work has made me ponder if I were slow all this while! Do I need to fast forward and put more pressure? On myself? On the people that I work with? Do I need to work harder? Or do I merely wait for life to pass by and remain a "potential"? I mean I am done with 3/4th of my life. And COVID is making it apparent that life is uncertain (not that I did not know this prior to the crisis). So, do I just wait and die an anonymous death? Or do I try and make some movement happen? And go out and try to make that dent. Of course, these dents are meaningless in the large scheme of things but I am human. I want to be able to get others to do more with their lives. I am after all supposed to represent the idea of opportunity. I mean I was to be that outsider that hustled hard to do the impossible and while he was on the journey, inspired others, created opportunities for everyone around him, and ultimately made the world a better place! 

Ok, these were large issues. Simple things like ticking things off a checklist are not happening. I have not moved an inch on my book, leave alone other projects. I am not sure what is it that I am struggling with. 

Apart from these, I am of course fucked about the money situation but then that's ok. It will be ok. Someday. Hopefully, sooner. 

Rest I dont know. 

H. Do you feel good now that you have poured your emotions out? 

No! Maybe I will be once I wake up tomorrow. May be I need to take a break tomorrow? 

I. Anything else?

Nah. 

This looks like one of those freak times. 

That's about it for the time being. 

***

So, that was self-diagnosis. 

Not sure if it was any use. 

I mean I did get a post going out on the day - that in itself is the reward :) 

Chalo, over and out. 

Oh, and please do note that this is NOT a plea for help. 

NO, I am not down and out. 

And YES, I will be back. 

I think I am just missing Diet Coke ;P 

Chalo, till next time. 

Previous posts that I wrote during the lockdown are - 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 10, 11, 19, 30, 32, 34, 35, 37, 39, 45. 

Hello, Boy!

I don't know what day of the lockdown is it today. I am guessing 45. But it could very well be 44. Or 46. For all I care. You know, the days seem to be blurring into each other and things seem to be losing their meaning. Most people I know seem to be ok with it. You know, they've made peace with this idea of staying indoors. And why not? At least the circles I move in, these people have relatively comfortable homes (not houses), a steady paycheck, a family to bank on, and limited things that they're worried about. And these are things like where would I get that next bottle of Black Label from. Or where do I get that Parmesan Cheese from, you know, Nature's Basket is closed! 

Yeah yeah, I sound a tad jealous. And truth be told, I am. Jealous as fuck! To a point that I am questioning the choices that I've made in life.  The path I am on. The journey I've taken. Of course, I don't know where I would end up (if there is any ending up... I mean it could all be over before I know it...). And all I would leave behind is this collection of rants that no one would be interested in. 

But then, today is not about this jealousy. But about something else. About being a man. And not a boy.

When this lockdown started, inspired by a quip from Neo, I decided that I will take this opportunity to get some large things done - write my book2, flatten my belly, get my website up and running, learn new things, think about the future, learn guitar, reskill, fix my posture and I dont know how many more such lofty goals that I am full off. 

And the entire premise was that without any distractions of travel, socializing, and busyness, a real man would be able to put his head down and actually get things done! After all, those are the things that you blame when you can't do things. 

And I started like I always do. With so much excitement and spring in the step that it would put the fucking bunnies to shame. And then, as time passed, I started to become that person that loves to procrastinate, that allowed the monkey mind to rule my thoughts and got distracted by things like poker, films, and hyperbole. I mean I did EVERYTHING but work on those things that I had to work on. Of course, I did get the website to some semblance of design. I did try my hands at the guitar and I can now play the C chord really well (something that I learned while I was in class 10, around 1997). I did think about the book (I think I made some progress but with each increasing day I am realizing I don't have the next book in me). In fact, if I can't get 20K words on book2 in May, I will stop working on it for the foreseeable future. Plus, my work! The most important. The idea was the reskill myself in these 45 days and get employable and survive. But no. Not even the existential crisis is making me move my butt. You know, natural selection? No wonder people like me perish! 

On this 45th day, if I look back, I have little to show for. And I know there is no one out there looking out for things I do and all that, but then there is that wretched mirror. You know the one that shows you who you are? The one that is easiest to fool? And if not that mirror, this blog! 

Get the drift? 

Brings me back to the point with which we started. 

Men. Boys. 

Over and out. 

PS: When I rant like that, please do note that I am not being tough on myself. I am programmed in a way that I like the idea of shooting really really high and then land at a better spot than what I was when I started. So, this is not self-pity or something. But a gentle reminder that I need to do more! 

Previous posts that I wrote during the lockdown are - 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 10, 11, 19, 30, 32, 34, 35, 37, 39

How to spot a bachelor pad?

Day 39 of the lockdown.

Day 45 otherwise.

You know what this lockdown's doing to me? Making me take note of tiny little things that I have chosen to live with. And yet never realized that I was living with them. You know those things that are all around you. Visible. In plain sight. And you've been ignoring those. 

Of course, most of these things are things that have no inherent meaning but once they get added to your life, they start becoming valuable. And with time the value starts to grow. Linearly at first. Exponentially from thereon. And then suddenly, the object that is inherently penniless becomes the most important possession that you have! Like there is this Ganesh figurine I have. KG gave it to me on one of my birthdays. Not that I am religious but I tend to keep it close. And while it was used a paper-weight initially, now it has become this object that I can NOT lose! 

I am sure you have many such things. At your home. And around you. 

And why am I talking about this? 

Well, while I was getting ready in the morning today, I took note of the curtains in the room. There are three curtains and all three are different. One is a plain yellow sheath. The other has a pinkish flowery pattern on it. The third one is a plastic kind of thing with dolphins on it. And while I was seeing that, I was wondering, for someone like me who likes the idea of symmetry and pattern and has an opinion on design, how is that these curtains are so badly mismatched. And then it dawned on me - these were collected over the years. The yellow one is from a time when my sis and I lived together. The pink one I bought for this house - though I don't know how it ended next to the yellow on. And the dolphins - I don't even know where it came from. 

When I got looking, I realized most things at my house are such a ragtag bunch of things. I don't have furniture apart from a table and a bookshelf. Both were acquired at different times and different houses. Have stayed with me. I have two chairs, both different. Again, got at different times. All wardrobes are rented - each looks different from other. The bedsheets and pillow covers are the only upholstery that I have, apart from curtains, and no, these do not match either. 

Everywhere I look in the house, each thing is different from everything else. These don't fit. Even the best art director in Bollywood could think that a man my age and my taste could have a collection like the one I have. Well, how everyone in the world wants to be unique. Lol! 

Oh, I made a checklist that you can run through mentally to see if a house is a bachelor pad. 

1. Are the pieces of furniture mismatching? The ones that look as if they've been gathered over the years in various stages of life. 
2. Is the upholstery an assorted collection of colors, patterns, heights et at? Again, they could've been acquired over time, at various places that you have lived at.
3. Is the cutlery in the kitchen not from one set per se? But a collection of souvenirs from places that you've traveled to, gifts from friends, and from various events you've been to! At my place, out of 7 mugs I have, 5 are from Starbucks, one is from an event that I attended and the last one is I think an ex-girlfriend left behind. 
4. The electronics (except the TV) would be hand-me-downs and would be in dilapidated condition. After all, these things are not really required. 
5. The phone charging cable and the adapter would be a mismatch. 
6. If you get access to wardrobes, the hangars, on which clothes rest would again be an assorted mix. 
7. There would always be a key with the building security guard if the building has a guard. 
8. The place may or may not be clean depending on the person occupying the place.

These are the ones that I can think of. What about you? What do you often see at bachelor pads? Pray, tell me, and help me make this sheet exhaustive.

That's about it for the day! 

Previous posts in the lockdown series are - 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 10, 11, 19, 30, 32, 34, 35, 37

Day 37 of the lockdown

Day 37 of the lockdown.
Day 43 otherwise.

Day 43. Weird sa din. I don't know if I want to call it a good one. Or a disastrous one. So much happened in the world that is important to me (of course there is this grandness in which I am not even a speck of dust on the infinite timeline that we don't know about). So, lemme try and talk about those. You know, like dear diary. 

So, here we are...

Since the lockdown started, I have subjected myself to lo-carb food. That means I was eating a lot of pastels - eggs, paneer, tofu, dahi, and other things like that. The premise was that I don't want to come out of the lockdown looking like a 50-year-old version of me. You know how big an ageist I am. No? 

So I tried to eat "well" and it was well till it lasted. I could've gone longer but I was losing motivation with each passing day - I mean I had stopped losing weight and I was actually feeling lazy and lethargic all the time. May be it because that damned AC would not work and I won't get good sleep? 

Anyhow, so at a whim, last night I decided that I would do a 3-day water-only fast. And it went well for exactly 4 hours after I woke up. And I ended up ordering a Gobhi Parantha. And Rajma Chawal. And yes I ate all of that in like one go. Of course along with re-runs of Taarak Bhai. And I write this, around midnight, I have had this bread-omelet and there is a Maggi that is waiting for me to gobble it up. 

No, I can't say I felt great about all the carbs that I stuffed myself with. No, I can't say I feel shitty from the inside (now that my gut is lined up with gully ka tel and I don't know what quality of rice / Rajma). It's just a fact worth noting. 

The point of this longish rant? 

40 days of clean eating does NOT help you lose weight! 

At least, it did not help me. 

So that. 

The other that happened today was that the Podium went live on Apple Podcasts. Check it out here. AD and I have been at it since Dec last year. And it finally took so much effort and energy and money to finally get it up. Now the plan is to ramp it up. This is all the more special because after C4E this is the thing where I am attaching my name to. I mean I am as attached to TRS and PPP as Shiks and Prak are attached respectively (and like all the other entrepreneurs I partner with). But Podium is where my whims and my ideas about things will be pushed. The success or failure of the Podium will be my doing. And AD's. But he is generally supportive of what I do. So that! Oh, thanks are in order for the young team at Podium that is making this happen. 

The other thing that I have been doing lately is that every day at around 6, I take this mini-break from whatever I am doing. Get myself a coffee and something to munch on and sit at this window and stare blankly at the calmness around. And think about things that I cant recall. Matlab meditative trance ;P

Of course, this would be shortlived. Once the lockdown is lifted, the quiet road would turn into this mini-highway where everyone (even the ones without cars) is honking and all that. 

But I like this idea of a quiet moment in the middle of the day. Years ago Guru would tell me that he takes a break every day to go see the sunset from the nearest beach (he lived in Goa back then and I would go all the way there to meet him). Inspired by him, I promise that will find a place where I could have a quiet moment away from humdrum. Around the sunset. And pause. I guess this is why people smoke? A friend says they don't. I say, they do! What do you think? Do lemme know. I'd love to prove a point to her. 

The last thing that I want to write about is Irrfan. The actor. Though I was not a fan per se and I can't say I have seen his work but I do remember bits and pieces of Namesake and a lot of things from Haasil. He passed away today and like any celebrity, he got the entire world grieving. And like someone said on twitter, his passing on seems very very personal to a large large number of people. It seems everyone I know has lost a close friend, a confidant at work, a role model that they looked up to, an epitome of talent, and a product of disciplined hard work. I don't think a lot of people induce such deep reactions from as many people as Irrfan did. And not one has had any trace of negativity! Says a lot about the man!  

I don't know what I could say that's not been said already. I hope he rests in peace and the ones missing him find closure. 

Brings me to another point. The inevitability of it all. And the shortness of time. And the lesson that I take from each such incident. He was 54 and he apparently had a lot of time up ahead and he was doing great work. And yet he is gone. To never come back. Reinforces that in this random and unpredictable life, the time to do things is now. Patience and "in due time" is not for me. I can not slack! I know this is not the kindest thing to say but I sincerely hope I am reminded of this rude fact often. So that I stop slacking. And do some great work that inspires others to chase their greatness. What else is the meaning of life otherwise? 

Phew! And that's it for the day! 

Previous posts in the lockdown series are - Day 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 10, 11, 19, 30, 32, 34, 35

PS: Here's another short sentence for you ;) 

Day 35 of Lockdown

Day 35 of the lockdown.

Day 41 otherwise.

Hello, world!

The dark clouds that shrouded me yesterday? They seem to have dispelled! Yay to that! 

So, as I get about my day, I am listening to this concert by Shantanu Moitra where he is talking about his journey through the Himalayas and his lessons there. Each piece of music has been composed by his time there. I am thinking, it is SUCH a great idea. I mean as an individual, he took it upon himself to go discover himself. At places that are tough to live. Especially if you are not from there. And while he did that, he heard stories from people, got inspired by their simplicity, and then came back to create music. And then of course, he shared it with whoever he could. Via concerts etc. And I have to tell you, it IS BRILLIANT. Do listen to it. Thanks, JS for sharing it with me.

I think that is what keeps me sane. Inspiring stories from people that do things that are unexpected. As someone said, "koshish karne wale ki kabhi haar nahi hoti"

On the same note, I think this lockdown is a brilliant opportunity to think and discover and identify what inspires you. And what inspires me is the ability to help others figure what they want!

And here's an offer. In case you would want to use me as a bouncing board to crack what is it that you want to chase, I am happy to volunteer. Drop me an email with answers to these three questions...

• 1. If you had all the money what would you do? 
• 2. What was your favorite thing to do as a kid? 
• 3. Who do your friends compare you to?

So that's about it! Let whoop some ass! 

Previous posts in the lockdown series are - Day 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 10, 11, 19, 30, 32, 34

Day 32 of the lockdown

Day 32 of the lockdown.
Day 38 otherwise.

It is after a few days that I feel human myself again.

And what is this myself? Well, someone who's up and about early (as I write this, its 8 AM. Been up since 7 and puttering around the house, and right now I am sipping on to my coffee (with coconut oil and turmeric)). I feel that there is a lot to be done and no not in an overwhelming manner - in a good way. I am generally hopeful about life and work and all that. I know times are hard and things are tough and it will not be easy - especially for mercenaries like me. But I am hopeful. As hopeful as I have ever been in my life. Like acche din are just around the corner, even though its been almost 40 years now.

Thing is, I don't know what's helped me get up on the right side of the bed. This is one of those "khush hoon main aaj khamkha" days. You know when you are singing for no reason. Remember that ad from Cadburys? And while we are at it, see this post from Mar 2015. 

I am still sleeping as much. Or as less. Depends on how you look at it. I am still staying up late. I am still anxious. I am still having all the coffee that I must not have. I am not getting enough physical exercise. I am clearly not getting enough Vitamin D. Bank balance is now as negative as the amount of hair I have on my head. But I am generally being myself today.

I am sure there are things that are working below the surface - I don't know what those are and I want to identify those. Just that I have not done anything different yesterday compared to other days. Maybe I slept really well? Yesterday, there was this breeze that cooled the room a bit (my AC has conked off and I can't get it fixed till we open the lockdown). May be I will get used to a life where I don't need to AC to sleep? Fuck that would be amazing. It's always been a big big goal in my life! Let's see.

Apart from a tad better sleep, I am not sure what has changed. And anyway I sleep well on most days. There has to be something else at play. Need to figure out what that is. Maybe it will come to me?

That's about it I guess. 

Chalo kaam kare! Have loads to do :)

Previous posts in the lockdown series are - Day 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 10, 11, 19, 30

Day 30 of the Lockdown

Day 30 of the lockdown.

Or this may be 31ist for all you care. Let's carry on with whatever number. Day 36 otherwise.

Hello, blog, or whoever is reading this.

As I start writing this, it is 4:42 AM and I have just done the dishes. What an ungodly hour to do dishes. But I don't know what else to do at this time. I am tired - physically, mentally, and emotionally. For some reason, I can't get sleep (one reason is that the AC has conked off and the people I've taken it on rent from can't fix, cos lockdown). Of course, I am trying hard to eat less and in moderation. But I am failing gloriously at that. I mean in the last 24 hours, I have had three full meals, each at least 1500 calories. How do I know? Well, after each meal, all I can do is doze off in whatever state I am at in (sitting, lying down, doing dishes, etc).

Anyhow. Now that I am on the computer. Lemme dump the thoughts in my head here. 

So, the thing is, when this lockdown was announced, I had decided that I will use this break to work on the next book, get fitter and I don't know what all. I even wrote about it in my blog here. It was supposed to be three weeks and I was supposed to follow a schedule like a mule. Which I did. For a couple of days, I think. And then it was back to how I was before the lockdown. In a Brownian Motion. Drifting. Where life takes me. 

I think that's how I am probably. Start with something that has a super large ask from me. Find a comfortable part, that is higher than the normal and almost always lower than the ask that I have identified for myself. But in effect, I end up doing more than what I would if I were a realist. 

And this break was supposed to separate boys from men. And I think I am clearly in the boys' category. Do I even need to put all those lofty goals for myself then? Something to think about!

Of course, a few good things have happened. 

Here's a list.

A. Got the iPhone fixed. 

Got some number from the internet. Called the guy and even though he took almost double what it would've cost me on a regular day, the phone now works. And that means I can be a tad more functional.

But then, to be honest, I broke the phone on the 2nd day of the lockdown and I wasn't really functional, or on the other end, hyper-productive when I did not have a good phone. 

It's just a peace-of-mind thing that everything I want and need and wish for from a tech device is now back in my hands. You know, things like transferring money to others on Paytm? I'd have to call friends for that cos Paytm does not work from a desktop!
B. Met a couple of friends. 

They drove from Ghatkopar to here. Thing is, I was out of cash and there was no ATM in sight and I did not know how to operate. So, I asked them if they could. And voila. 

More than the cash, I think I am happy that I saw them.

Actually, no! I am not happy. Rather, I am pissed and angry that I saw them. Thing is, I wanted this lockdown to be pure. You know, sacrosanct. Where I don't meet anyone and no one meets me. Except for the delivery guys and the building security. 

Plus I realized that I hate when my friends and family see the way I live. I have no guilt or shame about how I've designed by my life and how I live. I definitely do not give two hoots about whoever comes to my place. But then, there are friends that you want to show off to, when those people see you living in a shack, it breaks my heart. I guess I'll never be comfortable going to (or calling people) houses, homes, pads, etc of other people. I know I am weird. 

C. Since I have been working for almost a month now, at home, on a chair and table. I don't think I am ever going back to a coworking space. Unless, of course, I get it for free. Or if someone else is paying for it. 

Oh, I will have to get some office supplies (printer, paper, aircon that works, and other such things that makes it bearable to sit at a place for hours and dream). 

I'd save some money. Money that would become super paramount in the times to come. 

D. I finally put up this wall of post-its and paper where I would purportedly write shit about my next book. Purportedly. I am not sure. Let's see. Also, see the point above about using the lockdown to do things. 

E. The best part is that because of COVID, I think the events business will take a large hit. I wrote about it here. And as a result my pivot to the next thing that I work on, to make ends meet, will get accelerated. 

No, I don't have an idea what that next thing is. And I am chatting with people to understand what it could be. Let's see what I close on. If you've read till here, you must know me well and have an interest in my success. Tell me what's the next thing I could do? 

With that, over and out! Hope you are staying safe and sane! 

Previous posts in the lockdown series are - Day 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 10, 11, 19

Day 19 of 21daysOfLockdown

Day 19 of the lockdown.

Day 25 otherwise.

Been more than a week since I wrote. Even though I've had a lot to write about. And I did not have anything to write. Minutes have blurred into hours, hours into days and days into something that I can't recall either the beginning of. Or the end of. Guess that's how life essentially is. Time blurring into one continuous stream that we sort of stop noticing!

Anyhow. So when we got into the lockdown, I decided that I would come out of this healthier, happier and with a manuscript of my book. Ok, hyperbole. But I had decided that I would use the time to see if I am a boy or a man. And if the last 18 days are to be believed, am more of a boy than a man. And that's a truth I need to live with, for the rest of my life. Unless I use the remainder of the time (another 18 days from here on) to get things done. In fact, I promised myself that in case lockdown extends in Mumbai, I would stop everything and focus on my book and shave my head off. So maybe, the book is what I'd work on for the next few days. 

Oh, I did shave my head today. A part of it at least. Whatever I could in sweltering heat of a stuffy, tiny room in my house. And if you are curious, I did a terrible job at it. To a point that I don't think I'll be able to show my face to anyone for a while. Thank God for the lockdown. I just need to say that I broke the camera of the computer to avoid the video calls!

So this is it. Nothing great or interesting to share. Just that I hadn't written in a while and I had to.

What are you guys up to? Pray, do tell!

Previous posts in the series - 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7*, 8*, 9*, 10, 11, 12*, 13*, 14*, 15*, 16*, 17*, 18* 
*- the days I did not post

Day 11 of 21daysOfLockdown

Day 11 of the lockdown.

Day 16 otherwise.

So today, I finally decided to stop cooking at home. Even though it is super risky to order in, I still want to go ahead and do it. My theory is that these restaurants have been operational for a while now and that means they are taking care of the safety requirements in terms of food and all. Plus the amount of time and mental trauma it takes to cook, clean, cook, clean twice a day is not something that I can't handle. I have learned enough to be able to do it if there is an absolute need. But for the time being, I am happy to order. The only trouble is that most restaurants that you can order from are cutting corners (at least the ones I have been ordering from) and sending in smaller portions. And I think it's ok. I want to judge but lemme take a step towards stoicism. 

The food situation is thus sorted. I need to reduce the amounts I eat so that I can actually lose some weight without working out - who doesn't want that? Apart from that, I also want to (and will work on) my sleep. For starters, I plan to sleep at 930 PM till the time lockdown is lifted. I mean if I cant do this at this time, when would I do? In terms of headspace, thanks to Naval's 60-day meditation challenge, I have been thinking hard about things. Harder than I've ever thought. And on things that are important. And has made me realize things that I never knew about myself. For example, today I realized that I am no longer a details person. I like to think and execute the macro and want someone else to do the dirty work. Of course, no ships were built by people that did not do the dirty work themselves but if that's a tradeoff I have to make, I will! At the age I am at, while I do want to learn new things and upskill myself, I do not want to undo what I have.

If I do these three (not waste time on chores, sleep well and think deeper), I think I should be ok. I will have enough time to be able to do things that I have planned to do in this break. This IS a break! I mean most of us are getting paid while we are at home. If you can read this, you for sure are. It may be less, it may have reduced a bit, it may be under a threat but as of today, you are getting paid. And all that you have is today! Not yesterday, not tomorrow. Yes, learn from the past and plan for the future. But live in today. 

Anyhow. So that's that. Today was day 11. We are at more than the halfway mark. If we survived for this long, we can do whatever is left. As always, please take care, be good! 

See you guys soon! 

Previous posts in the series - 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7*, 8*, 9*, 10

* - the days I did not post

Day 10 of 21daysOfLockdown

Day 10 of the lockdown.Day 15.

15 days now since I have been indoors. Except for the two grocery runs I made. And except the occasional walk that I go for around my building. One time I ever walked up 12 stories - you know, was trying to get fitter. But then that shall remain a distant dream.

So, the 10th day. I think I am beginning to accept that lockdown is not a bad idea, after all. I mean I am fairly sorted in the head even though I am alone. I am enjoying this solitude. I do miss company once in a while but those times I am ok with video calls. Etc etc. 

But then, like everything good, there are a few bads that I am worried about. Lemme make a list of things that are concerning me.

Today, I ran out of groceries. But then I found a restaurant that is willing to deliver at this time. So that is sorted. 

My internet connection is getting slower by the day. Apparently, everyone is streaming shit on Netflix and Youporn and all that. I know tons of friends that bough subscription to multiple streaming services - I mean how many times can you watch the same shows over and over again? In fact, the other day I read a tweet where a gentleman predicted that in about 12-18 months, there would be a glut of content on Netflix cos nothing new is getting made. Coming back to the Internet, this is something that I can clearly not do anything about. So, fuck this! 

Work is surprisingly going good. I mean I don't really have a lot to work on - thanks to a general lull in the business environment. But whatever little I have, I am getting a lot more done. At this stage, I can only hope that things will improve. And I hope things improve fast - before I am out of money (which I already am - just that I wish I don't run out of my credit line).

Fitness is not being up to the mark. But then there is no place to showcase the fitness. Except for all the jhaadu and dishes that I do. And then I don't really have anyone to show the great job that I am doing with jhaadu. 

In terms of life philosophy and other such things, I think I need a fresh start. You know, reset life. Start afresh. Like in the Fast Car. 

Anyhow. Glad to have finally written something after 3 days. Need to get other things back on track after I took that ill-timed sabbatical a few days ago. 

Over and out!

Previous posts in the series - 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7*, 8*, 9*

* - the days I did not post

Day 6 of 21daysOfLockdown

Day 6.
Day 11.

Today was day 6. And like most things human, life seems to have come to that point where I have accepted this as a new reality. It took me all of 11 days. To start getting comfortable with the idea of being alone, enjoying my own company and accepting that I will have to do the dishes, come what may. And while I was not sure about the idea, in the beginning, I am starting to see the benefit (the kitchen would not stink when I go to get myself that glass of water. 

Apart from that, today as well, like the last 2, 3 days, I could start work only after it was 1 PM. And then before I could list out the things that I was supposed to work on, it was lunchtime. And before I knew it, it was time for the siesta. And before I knew it, I had seen 5 episodes of Blacklist. And before I knew it, it was the time to go to bed! Where I am, writing this. 

If I were to talk about good things, I did the second day of Naval's 60 minutes a day for 60 days meditation challenge. It was tough today. Hopefully, it will get easier with time. Oh, I also started OMAD today (I ate some 1500 calories today, in one go) and I hope to continue to do so tomorrow. I did resist the temptation to have coke multiple times during the day. And I did not have coffee or peanut butter. Guess who's being a good boy! 

Of course, I did not work. Not on the website, not on the guitar, not on reading, not on my second book. And this has to change. Will try to do it from tomorrow. 

Wish me luck! 

Previous posts in the series - 1, 2, 3, 4, 5

Day 5 of 21daysOfLockdown

Day 5.

Day 10. 

Not the best of the days, even though I started it off brilliantly. And I did catch up with a few friends from the past that clearly I've grown over, now that I met them on a video call, forced by the Covid-19 crisis.

All was ok, in fact, I took a break yesterday only when I did nothing but watch TV and fed myself crap - figuratively and in reality. Today was supposed to be the day I got back to work. And I did. To be honest. Right in the morning. I started with work and I don't know where I lost it.

As I write this, I am plonked in front of the TV, binging on some stupid content that I would not remember tomorrow and I don't know how to not do it. At this hour I was supposed to be out walking, or climbing the steps or something.

I think the inability to meet people at a Starbucks is eating away at my heart and head and all that.

I guess once I sleep it off, I will be ok.

This is it for the day. While you're here, see this 10-minute video.


See you tomorrow!

Previous posts in the series - 1, 2, 3, 4

Day 4 of 21daysOfLockdown

Day 4. Day 9. Whatever. Point is, I am indoors for a few days now (except grocery runs) and today I just did not want to do anything at all. I mean no work, no tracking, no timesheets, no Asana, no worry of the new normal in a post-Covid world, no stress about what I am eating and definitely no thinking about how I could be doing more in this time that all of us have at hands. 

So I did not. 

It's 7:59 PM in the evening as I write this trust me I have not done a single thing that I would do on a normal day. For starters, I haven't showered. I haven't cooked today (phew! what a relief). I had two Diet Cokes (and the supply is getting exhausted now). And I have parked myself in front of the TV and been on a marathon. I've seen two already, on to the third one as we speak. 

The only thing I'll do is upload a pic on Insta. I don't want to break that streak. 

Oh, and this post. Of course. 

So here's a thread that I wrote on twitter the other day when I was on my way back from Delhi. This was just 2 days before the Junta Curfew drama happened and about a week before the Lemme reproduce it here (and edit a bit to give it more context).

[START]On my way to Mumbai, settled on 11A. A zillion thoughts are clouding my head. Merit a blogpost but because there’s nothing else to do as I wait for the takeoff, here’s a thread. Primarily, me talking to myself. You know, like writing to the dear diary?

1. First things first. What is home? I was born in Haryana. Grew up in Delhi. I lived across India for a few months in tiny spurts. Now settled in Mumbai. Since 2014. Always maintained that Mumbai is home. But Delhi is where I belong. 

Or vice versa. Maybe. 

You know, confused millennial.
To add context, parents are back in Delhi. Significant relations (friends, co-conspirators, business partners, colleagues, loose connections, flings, etc) are mostly in Mumbai. Relatives are spread across the world. Not too attached to them.

Work is primarily Mumbai. All passion projects (except writing that can happen from anywhere) are Mumbai. 

Most importantly, I find Mumbai conducive to my lifestyle - professionals, creative kinds, hustlers, convenient, etc.

So, Mumbai looks like home. No? Maybe. Maybe not. 

You see, confused millennial.
2. Why am I going back to Mumbai? 

Isn’t Mumbai my home? But then home is where your people are. Or where the work is.

Most of the people that I want to see often (even though they are a mere handful) are indeed in Mumbai but are self-isolating. So physical proximity doesn’t really help. Plus I am not the video calls kinds. I love my handshakes and hugs and pats on the backs.

Work has come to a grinding halt. You see events and films. Marketing consulting is getting fucked as well. Slowly. Thing is, what I do is a discretionary expense at best. After all, everyone “knows” marketing. Yes, I do add value and yes it’s important. But a lot of it requires F2F interactions to deliver. But in times of Covid-19, these would get few and far between. As they say, winter is coming.

So there’s no real reason to go to Mumbai. Or stay back in Delhi for that matter. Thing is, life as we know it, will change. This IS the black swan event that @nntaleb has talked about often.

3. What about my people? 

I don’t know. While am a very benevolent, empathetic person, I have less than 5 people that I really really care for. The kinds I'd considered dying for. These 4-5 will be ok. And they anyway don’t rely on me for anything apart from emotional support that I am not too good at giving.

The larger community, world that I want to change, make better, I don’t know what would happen to them! And come to think of it, they don’t really know me. And I don’t do zilch for them right now. I just have a vague idea that I want to make this world a better place. Too much wishful thinking. 

You see, ambitious millennial. 

What about work? 

Well, post-Covid, people like me that rely on conversations and meetings to earn our bread would be forced to re-look at how we work. This is already happening in less than 10 days since I wrote this. 

My strength is opening doors with strangers and connecting them with others (people, ideas, etc) that add value to everyone. You know, scout. Or a connector, if you will. In the post-Covid world, this skill will move online. 

And I suck at that! 

My work will change. 

The way I work will change. As a result, my lifestyle will change. In fact, am already thinking about the next steps with life. I haven't trusted a lot on savings and it’s a hard and long few months ahead of me.

Of course, things may come under control soon and all this may turn out to be the musings of a restless mind that is bordering on paranoia. But this incident has made me look at the very assumptions that I’ve made to build my life. Need to think about things that will make life comfortable and better in times to come.

[END]

I hope that made sense. How are you coping up with the lockdown? What's your defense mechanism? 

And with that, that's it for today! See you tomorrow :) 

Previous posts in the series - 1, 2, 3

Day 3 of 21daysOfLockdown

Today, after ages, the things I've been cooking for myself started to taste like food. And more importantly, look like food. You know, to me, the taste is a state of mind. I can happily eat the blandest and the spiciest foods ever. I think I became like that when I went to MDI for college. The food at the mess was great for a couple of times and after that, the taste buds just died. Like died. To a point that even a trip back home will not when my mom would make some amazing food would not give me any joy. 

But that's that. The thing is, I never imagined that a time would come when I would have to cook and clean for myself. To me, the availability of a domestic help was as much a guarantee as access to air and water is. Was. Of course, it is not true anymore. As we have seen. 

The thing is, I don't mind these chores at all. I am ok to work in the kitchen and all that. The challenge is that I want to use this downtime for others to create something lasting and sustainable for myself. And I want to believe that if not for all the chores, I would've! 

In fact, my life has been thrown upside down. I suddenly have a lot less time on my hands. And while I do practice the guitar and tinker around with Wordpress, I am simply unable to do anything else. And there are just far too many chores. I hope I lived with full-time help or something that would take care of things. I now know how all the rich ones can do so much when all the poor ones can not! 

Anyhow. Enough of rant. I shall do what I have to. 

So, I started SoG today. Been meaning to start for a while. Let's see how long this iteration lasts. Taking lessons and cue from last time around, I am not putting any pressure on myself about content, frequency and all that. I will send as and when I feel like sharing something. I just to make my mind about what goes on this blog, what goes on SoG and what goes on LinkedIn. And to be honest, I am glad that I have an audience - even if its small and a smaller number reads what I send.

Apart from that, I did talk to Suresh for a bit about #book2 and I don't think it is going well. The poor guy puts in a lot of effort and I am disappointing him with all my inaction :( 

Thing is, in terms of how the day went, not really happy. I cant be. It was almost 12 before I could start anything productive. And it's scary and sad at the same time. If at this time when everyone has all the free time on their hands, I can't find the time to do things that I've always wanted to, when would I? I think I need to be more disciplined. 

While it's day 3, for me, technically, its the 8th day. By now I should've been accustomed to the din of life where I live by myself. But of course, I am not ok. I can't wait to get back to normal life where I would not waste time on chores. And will have more time to work on things that I like. Or will I? Time shall tell! 

Previous posts in the series - 1, 2

Day 2 of 21daysOfLockdown

Today is Day 2 of the lockdown. And like yesterday, I cooked for myself (once, made a large pot, to be eaten multiple times during the day), did the bartans, did some safai and then after all that tried to get some work done. And no, I did not get a lot of work done. This is probably the first time I am doing all these chores by myself and no, these are not fun. These are not for me. Of course all the respect to people that manage all these AND other things alongside. I cant. Not even to save my life.

Here's a salute to the ones that do!

Moving on.

So because there is nothing important happening, I have a lot of time to think about things. And the mindless chores are making me get into that diffused thinking state where you let your mind wander about. And I have realized that this is the kind of idyllic life that I've always wanted.

In that ideal life, I would wake up without an alarm, in an empty bedroom. I would not have pressing engagements that expect me to reach a certain destination. I would start my day with some thinking, some warm water, some stretches, you know, coming to life. And then get to work. And then spend the day learning (today I did some), creating (today I did some) and connecting with people I care for (today I did some) towards the evening. And then wind down and sleep for like 8 hours or so. Of course all the bills, chores would be taken care of.

And this lockdown is making me do EXACTLY that. Just that the dream of becoming a rich and powerful man will have to be kept aside. Or may be when I am bored with the idleness, I could whip out my Ferrari and drive to the nearest city, pull off a caper, holiday at an exotic destination and then come back to the easy life. No?

But, SG, what about all those dreams and ambitions that you have?
Oh, those... do they really matter in the grand scheme of things? I mean look at us now. We are stuck in our homes with no hopes for the next 3 weeks!

But, SG, if you were indeed as rich as you want to be, you wouldn't be stuck here! No?
You are right. I wouldn't be. I would probably be at a secluded, landlocked island, chilling on the beach - eating, sleeping, creating and making merry.

There. I said it.

Sigh! 

So moving on. 2. 

The other thing that is remarkable and happened today is that I broke my phone. There is this large green patch on half the screen that won't go away. And I can't type on it. And I cant tap on it. Basically, it is useless. I will have to get a new one. Which I can only after the lockdown is lifted. Which is the cheapest iPhone right now, by the way? 

The bad part is that I will have to spend a mini-fortune. Unless I am ready to move to the Android universe (which I don't want to). The good part? I will probably spend far less time on the phone.

Moving on. 3
The best part of the day was when I saw this TED talk about how to learn in 20 hours. The speaker, Josh, postulates that you can be above average in any skill in just about 20 hours of deliberate, regular practice. Keywords - deliberate, regular. Inspired by him, I have picked up the guitar. Let's see where I reach. Today was day 1. So yeah, 20 days to go.

That's about it, I guess. Day 2 (which is technically day 7 for me) was a mixed bag but exactly the kinds that I want for myself - just need to find some banks to break-in to and super superstars to date and some countries to own :)

Stay safe, stay sane, stay healthy.

Previous posts in the series - 1,

Day 1 of 21daysOfLockdown

Hola!

We are in a lockdown for the next 21 days. And that means that I am away from all the people that I care for and talk to and want to talk to and like to talk to. And that means that I am by myself for the next few days. And that means that this is the closest I will ever come to being a Forrest - you know live by yourself? Of course, I have a comfortable house and a laptop and a refrigerator full of Diet Coke and an Internet connection that allows me to talk to people across the world and a smart TV that has Netflix on it and all that. But still, I will not have any human connection at all. For the next 21 days. I mean, except the occasional grocery runs that I would make. But then those humans are not humans you know. I mean they are not friends. I don't crave for their touch on my skin. I don't want to sing them a song. They don't see my shenanigans. They are the Amy, Lenord, Raj, Howard, Penny, Bernie and whoever to the Sheldon in me! You know what am saying?

Anyhow.

Now that I am in the lockdown, I have no clue what to do. I anyway had little to do when I was able to be out and about but this forced seclusion is not really cool. I crave independence and being the master of my ship and all that. I know that I need to stay away from the world. I know that we need to stay far from each other. But then I don't like the idea of getting forced to stay indoors. Of course, this is for the others that do not understand this but I don't like getting slotted like that, among others.

The thing is, there's no other option. I can either crib about it and write fanciful pieces of texts about it. Or I can use this time to do things that I've always wanted to. In fact, in VG, in one of the conversations, last night said,

"This lockdown will separate boys from men. People who dint do things on their list like working out, reading books, Learning a new thing due to lack of time..if they don’t it even know..they should stop bullshitting themselves" 

May be this is my opportunity to test if I really want that book that bad!

So, I will take his advice and see if I can do what I have always thought I'd do if I had the time. While it's a long list, the top of it would be #book2. Let's see if I can push it out of my system as we stare at at least 21 days of disruption.

Plus, apart from the book, there are quite a few things that I've wanted to do all my life. this is the perfect opportunity. What I need to learn is accessible on the internet and I have a lot of time and there's no one to disturb!

Plus I think I will try to adapt to the non-digital life. In the sense that I will try to move all my timekeeping, thought and all that to a notepad. I already have one where I've been logging in my thoughts since 20th March (the day I went into self-isolation. And no, grocery runs do not count). It is incredibly tough to not rely on the convenience that technology offers but I will try.

Let's see if I am a boy. Or a man.

With that, it's over and out. Oh, and one more thing. I will try to write every day for the next 21 days. Today was day 1. See you guys tomorrow.