On the road...

I'd be on the road for the next 18 or so days.

I may come back with the idea for the next book, or may be a collection of short stories. Or nothing at all. That's the point of travel. Right? When you just leave without an agenda?

Dear sgMS

Dear sgMS,

Its been some time that I've written into you. Today is as good a day as any to do so. And here I am. Actually, to be honest, today, I am missing you so so so much more than other days. I dont know why. I know I have promised in the past that I would try to move on. I tried to. You know it. But I cant. No, you are not to blame.

So I am going away for three weeks. I wont have access to email or phone and I wont know how to stalk you. Good thing is that I would be with someone who I can confide in. So may be I wont crave for you as much. But then may be I would. Yeah yeah I am an indecisive fuck. I dont know what I want and I dont know how to get it.

Once I am back, please grant me darshan. Its been some time that I've met you. No?

In the meanwhile, stay good. Stay happy.


Tumko Dekha To Ye Khayal

What do you do on a Sunday evening when you are randomly depressed? You turn onto youtube and hunt for some nice interesting mushy music. And that's when you stumble onto Jagjit Singh singing Tumko Dekha To Ye Khayal Aaya. 

This has to be amongst the best written AND performed love songs of all time. All time. Here. Enjoy it. I would some day, write a longer post about this.

Here is the lyrics...
Tumako dekha, to yeh khayaal aaya
Jindagi dhoop tum ghana saaya 
Aaj phir dil ne ik tamanna ki
Aaj phir dil ko hamane samjhaaya  
Tumako dekha to yeh khayaal aaya  
Tum chale jaaoge toh sochenge
Hamane kya khoya hamane kya paaya 
Tumako dekha to yeh khayaal aaya  
Hum jise gunguna nahi sakate
Waqt ne aisa geet kyun gaaya  
Tumako dekha to yeh khayaal aaya 

Dear Gloria Jeans Coffee

Dear Gloria Jeans Coffee,

Thank you. Thank you for being rude to my friends and me. Thank you for telling us to leave your store unless we ordered "once every hour". Thank you for breaking all faith, all trust that you had earned over the years.

I know that you are in the business of selling (often overpriced) beverages and (often bad quality) food to (often) unsuspecting patrons like myself. No, I dont blame you. You are not alone. There are multiple businesses offering exact same thing. In fact one of them is headed towards an IPO! After all the incomes are rising, people have money to spend and we Indians love to go out. I also know that the business requires people to spend long hours and order these beverages and keep the cash register ringing. I also know that there are people like me who sit at your air-conditioned cafes for long hours and keep other patrons customers away.

But then, if the entire cafe was empty and were not preventing any other customers from occupying those empty places. We were not loud. We were not rude. We were not out of place. We merely wanted to sit for sometime to make a presentation that we could take to an investor and raise money for our business. If we could sit, finish the deck and got the money, you could have been part of our story. Just like Starbucks is a part of my first book. Dear Gloria Jeans, you lost the opportunity. In fact, if I dont get the required money from the prospective investor, like a sore loser, I could blame you. No?

You know, I am not really out of place. Between the three of my friends we had ordered food and beverages worth 1200 bucks. Despite that, is it right for you to ask us to "order something once every hour?" May be it is. The place where I come from, we often say, "atithi devo bhava," the guest is like a God. May be you guys are different.

To be honest, your barista was really courteous during the entire episode. When we asked him why, he told us that "he is questioned" if we sat "idle" and "without a drink" in front of us. Company policy. Sigh! You know Gloria Jeans dear, more businesses have had to shut shop because of these company policies than any other reason.

Of course its your premises and you have the right to refuse admission. But did you refuse admission? No. Did you refuse to serve me? No. Did you throw me out once I gave you money? Yes! At least thats how I felt. And no, I am not exaggerating. And I am not the kinds to crib and rant about businesses unless something really ticks me off. You have ticked me off.

You know, I may not be a celebrity and I definitely don't have access to television and other such large mediums. And one irate customer cant really do much. Too small and too insignificant. But I can ensure that I never spend any money at any of your outlets anymore. And I can urge all my friends to not visit a Gloria Jeans. Not in Mumbai. Not in India. Not anywhere in the world.

I know, I am too small, too insignificant in the large scheme of things. But then, like Pink Floyd says, we're all just another brick in the ball.


Anyhow, all the best for your future endeavors. To me it looks bleak. But I have been wrong in the past. I sincerely hope this time I am not.

A regular patron who will not spend any money at any of your stores anytime soon.

Soul searching 102

There is no place in the world for jack of all trades. At least not in India. Everyone wants to hire an expert. Someone who's been there and done that. Someone who thinks in a silo. Someone who has never dared to venture out of their comfort zone. Someone who's a conformist. 

Sorry to say but the world (at least the bit around me) does not reward the ones who try things. Its like a negative spiral. You fall into once and you can never come up again! 

So, you see, I can crib. Crib for like ten hours. For ever if I have to. About how tough I am finding to find a naukri. I always thought that with my (almost) fancy degree, it would be a walk in the park, in any kind of economic environment, anywhere in the world. But now I realize how wrong was I. I have never been more wrong. So wrong that I am left in the lurch. Lurch may be too harsh. But I am definitely not happy. 

But like most experiences, this one has taught me a few things. Here is a list...

1. When you are falling, you fall like a hot knife through butter. You just go through everything between you and rockbottom. Its thin air and you fall fast. I went from extreme happiness and carelessness to bouts of anxiety in less than two weeks. All this when my first book is almost ready to hit the market. 

2. You are alone. And like Steve says, you're naked. There may be God but he has his funny ways. I am not fond of him anyhow. Apart from you, no one else loses sleep over what you're going through. They may want to, but they cant. Sleep is like that monster that makes everyone a slave. 

3. You are not anyone else's priority. Everyone would want to help, commit to help but help would be half-measures. Not because they dont like you. Not because they dont want to help you. But because they have other priorities. And you're second-fiddle at best. In fact I can put myself in others' shoes. How often has someone asked for my help and how many times did I actually help em? not enough! You reap what you sow. So may be, going forward, will help as many people as I can.

4. Dont take things for granted. I have been a happy-go-lucky dude all my life. So much so when people around me were buying houses and cars and making millions of rupees in their cushy jobs, I would laugh it out loud. Now, for some reason, it has started to suck. The dwindling bank balance has started to bother. Not being able to pay for drinks and food when you step out, it sucks. Everyone, including friends and family, treating you like a liability is even worse. Again, its about you. You being alone. And all that.

5. The world around me is transactional. You give me something and I would give you something back. And everyone wants to emerge as a winner. On top. Nothing wrong with it. Darwin knew this long before any of us could even comprehend. Either you fight and you come on top. Or you slither away to obscurity.

6. If you are nobody, nobody wants to talk to you. Not friends, not neighbors, not strangers, not prospective dates. Not prospective employers. When I had a naukri, I would regularly get calls from everyone wanting to hire me. And since I've been in the job market, no one wants to hire me! Sigh!

So.. What else? I dont know. I mean I know but I am not going to talk about it here. May be on the secret blog. Or evernote.

Yeah. This is it. For the time being. Of course all these are first-world issues. Since I've been blesseed  Lets see how many of these sessions can I do before I either succumb to pressure. Or find a way out. Either way, this will stop. In the words of Chris, this part of my life, I call it "internship being fucked up in my head."

Of course I chase happiness happyness all the time. But right now, this part, this part of being fucked up, sucks like hell. Need to find a way out. Soon.

Hope I dont forget these. Once I get a place of my own, this is something that I would pin to my board for sure.

P.S.: Here is Soul searching 101.

Monthly Report - May 2014

The fifth month of the year is gone. Here is the update.

Here are the thing that I did in this month
  1. #tnks was accepted by Grapevine. This means that I will be a published author in a few months. Yay!
  2. Had a net black month with poker. Hope to continue the run in June. 
  3. Still jobless. Like I was in May. And the months before that. I am looking for a naukri that gives me some money and some time. If you know of places that want to hire someone with 8 years of work-ex post MBA, please let me know. Some of my details are on my linkedin profile. I did interview at a few places and I now know how it feels to be on the asking side. 
  4. Launched onWriting.in. I dont know where would it end but I like what I've done with it. People have already said that its helpful for struggling writers. So a minor victory there! 
In June of 2014, these are the things that are on the cards
  1. I am traveling for almost 10 days in June. So I have like 20 days. In these 20 days, two key things would be onWriting.in and tnks' edit. 
  2. If I get time, I want to do things for Feb, Mar, Apr (sell giveaway sgElectra, work on Cpt ObvISIN and next plot)
  3. Clear Evernote.
  4. #poker. See all of grisped on youtube. 
  5. #36to30. I am done with Yoga. I would restart once I find a naukri. Meanwhile, I am trying to walk 10000 steps everyday. I post my progress here.
Thats about it from the month of May. All in all a good month. Hope more such months happen.

Over to you June.

Previous updates: JanFeb, Mar, Apr.

The Nidhi Kapoor Story

Did you like this post? May be you want to read my first book - The Nidhi Kapoor Story.

Check it out on Amazon or Flipkart?