Though I dont really believe in pandits and/or astrological predictions, SS02Sep once told me that some world famous pundit has told her that I'd be filthy rich in 2011. This was sometime during the MDI days. Since then, I continuously cribbed that 2011 was really far and I couldn't wait for it to begin and all that.
But when 2011 started, I was elated. My life long quest to get rich was coming to an end. I had some plans, a few vague ideas, a lot of hope and large amounts of desperation when I started the year. And I knew that the combination of all these four would ensure that I do well for myself.
And like all other years that have come and gone, 2011 came and its almost over. About 10 days to go. And I am far away from being rich. VERY far. So far that I'd have to postpone it to 2012. So, during the year, I did get a few opportunities and I did spot them. But then just when I thought, that was it, things would drift away from me. Not once, not twice, but thrice! And apart from work, 2011 made a dent in my personal life as well.
No point getting into details here but 2011 sucked. The entire year. Lost more than I achieve to be honest. Both personally and professionally. Am glad that its almost over. This is one of those proverbial bottoms and from here on things can only become better. Hope 2012 is better. It better be.
And to be honest, if it 2012 doesn't make me, I would have to accept defeat and sink deep in the bowels of regular naukri and thus, mediocrity.
December is here!
Dear Brand Heads, Executive Creative Directors, Creative Directors, Account Planners, Client Servicing Managers and all the other assorted executives.
If in the fervor of all the dinners, karaoke parties, night outs, account wins and people movement, you have forgotten the impending deadline, let me take the liberty of gate crashing into the party and reminding you of the date. December is here! Hit the panic button guys and girls. After all it’s that time of the year again. The time when all of you scramble to find friends, relatives, neighbors, strangers and even mothers-in-law who own businesses. Apart from all the regular work that you do for your regular clients, the time to submit entries for the award shows is almost here. End of December!
I know most of you would be getting into serious thinking workshops. And workshops mean free tee-shirts with funny one-liners in large fonts on the front and giant logos on the back. It also means a location like Goa or Kerala for most of the creative team. And that means it’s time for those flip-flops, spaghettis (or is the noodle the flavor of the season?), cargo shorts, large sunglasses to come out of the closet. Women might want to go to the beauty parlors for their manicure and pedicures. Men may want to start with their gyms. These workshops are serious affairs after all. And so are the party sessions with free flowing booze where you get to hit on that cute art director who you never had the courage to speak to in all these months! And of course you are supposed to write a few award winning ads that could be sent to Europe, Asia and Goa for judging by your NCD and their friends.
Anyways, coming to the point, here is my offer. I am in process of launching a brand of bathing cakes. This is a product targeted at the young (at heart) and discerning Indian. Since this is a handmade product (which means it is actually made by poor village women), it is slightly expensive than the regular soaps made by the assembly lines. This also means that I am not using any chemicals or any harmful things in it. And as a direct result, the cost of manufacturing this is high. And to make some profit, I have to keep the price point a little higher than the best selling luxury bathing soap in India. So you may safely say that the positioning would be premium. Yes, you read it right. Young and Premium. Which other brand can you think of that lets you justify these two keywords this easily? After all this is a prerequisite for making a brand cult. Look at any of those cult brands. They all have had these humble beginnings. So, for this bathing cake, I need a brand name, a logo, packaging and a launch campaign.
I hereby invite all the agencies and individuals to come and present their thoughts on the product. When I say thoughts, I don’t really mean long presentations but I just want one small write up on how you plan to approach the brand. Once you have done so, I shall shortlist 6 of you and let you guys invite me to your offices so that you may present your pitch with spec shots of the campaign that you would create for me. And then, after much thought and deliberation, I shall award the business to one of you. I will do the press releases and create media bytes so that your agency is covered by all the leading websites and magazines. And you could then enter your work, for my brand, to all the award shows and books. I would of course give you a letter proclaiming that you are the godsend creative outfit that helped me launch a product in this very difficult and competitive market. Everyone would obviously know the importance of this letter. No award entry can be submitted without this letter. Clients do get their dues.
And guys, I am damn serious about this. I have this brand to launch and I am running short of ideas to do so. The investor is breathing down my neck and is after my life to do the launch. I will be an awesome client and would not bug you for meeting the deadlines. There are no mandatories and that means you have no thick brand books to read. You can create it out of thin air and I will still approve it. Trust me I am fast with approvals. I am a one man company with me being the Brand Manager, the Marketing Director, the owner of the company and the owner’s prodigal son.
You know, it’s a typical win-win situation we are looking at. You get to do a launch campaign for a brand that could potentially win you lions, pencils, stencils and all other cherished trophies. I get the identity done and get to launch the brand. And did I mention that unlike other ads that you release in December where you pay for the ad space, I don’t really mind spending on the media (in Free Press Journal at Indore, Kolkata, Jallandhar and all the other obscure places where you may want to release the creatives). This may help you sell the idea to your branch head, who, apart from the awards that his branch wins, is also concerned about the profits and targets that have been set by bosses sitting in Americas and Europe.
I have tried to give you as much information I could about the new brand that I want to launch, but if you still need more information, please send your briefing formats (if you actually have a document like that) to me and I shall revert with a brief that you can comprehend and work on.
And one last word. You need to be very fast on this. After all the competition out there is tough and you don’t want to be left behind in blind rat race to win most awards at an award show. I don’t have to extol the career boosting benefits of an award winning campaign. The CVs, they say, are forever. Finally, even if you pass on this irresistible opportunity to work on the next iconic brand from India, just a friendly reminder, December is here!
If in the fervor of all the dinners, karaoke parties, night outs, account wins and people movement, you have forgotten the impending deadline, let me take the liberty of gate crashing into the party and reminding you of the date. December is here! Hit the panic button guys and girls. After all it’s that time of the year again. The time when all of you scramble to find friends, relatives, neighbors, strangers and even mothers-in-law who own businesses. Apart from all the regular work that you do for your regular clients, the time to submit entries for the award shows is almost here. End of December!
I know most of you would be getting into serious thinking workshops. And workshops mean free tee-shirts with funny one-liners in large fonts on the front and giant logos on the back. It also means a location like Goa or Kerala for most of the creative team. And that means it’s time for those flip-flops, spaghettis (or is the noodle the flavor of the season?), cargo shorts, large sunglasses to come out of the closet. Women might want to go to the beauty parlors for their manicure and pedicures. Men may want to start with their gyms. These workshops are serious affairs after all. And so are the party sessions with free flowing booze where you get to hit on that cute art director who you never had the courage to speak to in all these months! And of course you are supposed to write a few award winning ads that could be sent to Europe, Asia and Goa for judging by your NCD and their friends.
Anyways, coming to the point, here is my offer. I am in process of launching a brand of bathing cakes. This is a product targeted at the young (at heart) and discerning Indian. Since this is a handmade product (which means it is actually made by poor village women), it is slightly expensive than the regular soaps made by the assembly lines. This also means that I am not using any chemicals or any harmful things in it. And as a direct result, the cost of manufacturing this is high. And to make some profit, I have to keep the price point a little higher than the best selling luxury bathing soap in India. So you may safely say that the positioning would be premium. Yes, you read it right. Young and Premium. Which other brand can you think of that lets you justify these two keywords this easily? After all this is a prerequisite for making a brand cult. Look at any of those cult brands. They all have had these humble beginnings. So, for this bathing cake, I need a brand name, a logo, packaging and a launch campaign.
I hereby invite all the agencies and individuals to come and present their thoughts on the product. When I say thoughts, I don’t really mean long presentations but I just want one small write up on how you plan to approach the brand. Once you have done so, I shall shortlist 6 of you and let you guys invite me to your offices so that you may present your pitch with spec shots of the campaign that you would create for me. And then, after much thought and deliberation, I shall award the business to one of you. I will do the press releases and create media bytes so that your agency is covered by all the leading websites and magazines. And you could then enter your work, for my brand, to all the award shows and books. I would of course give you a letter proclaiming that you are the godsend creative outfit that helped me launch a product in this very difficult and competitive market. Everyone would obviously know the importance of this letter. No award entry can be submitted without this letter. Clients do get their dues.
And guys, I am damn serious about this. I have this brand to launch and I am running short of ideas to do so. The investor is breathing down my neck and is after my life to do the launch. I will be an awesome client and would not bug you for meeting the deadlines. There are no mandatories and that means you have no thick brand books to read. You can create it out of thin air and I will still approve it. Trust me I am fast with approvals. I am a one man company with me being the Brand Manager, the Marketing Director, the owner of the company and the owner’s prodigal son.
You know, it’s a typical win-win situation we are looking at. You get to do a launch campaign for a brand that could potentially win you lions, pencils, stencils and all other cherished trophies. I get the identity done and get to launch the brand. And did I mention that unlike other ads that you release in December where you pay for the ad space, I don’t really mind spending on the media (in Free Press Journal at Indore, Kolkata, Jallandhar and all the other obscure places where you may want to release the creatives). This may help you sell the idea to your branch head, who, apart from the awards that his branch wins, is also concerned about the profits and targets that have been set by bosses sitting in Americas and Europe.
I have tried to give you as much information I could about the new brand that I want to launch, but if you still need more information, please send your briefing formats (if you actually have a document like that) to me and I shall revert with a brief that you can comprehend and work on.
And one last word. You need to be very fast on this. After all the competition out there is tough and you don’t want to be left behind in blind rat race to win most awards at an award show. I don’t have to extol the career boosting benefits of an award winning campaign. The CVs, they say, are forever. Finally, even if you pass on this irresistible opportunity to work on the next iconic brand from India, just a friendly reminder, December is here!
An Ode to Mumbai
As a kid I really wanted to live in Mumbai some day. Not that I wanted to be a film star but I had heard about Mumbai so much in movies and other popular entertainment devices that I had to experience the place. Somehow some stars did some funny jig and I landed in Mumbai in 2007. This was my first job after my MBA and I had my sis and a few classmates from college who lived in Mumbai. And thats all the people I knew.
So one fine day I landed in Mumbai and boy, was I was glad to be here! One thing led to another and eventually I ended up spending bout 3 years in Mumbai. In these three years I did change my job, converted those classmates into awesome friends, made a ton of new friends, learnt a lot about life and work (blame/credits goes to my ex boss), found this woman who I knew I could spend rest of my life with, developed an insatiable hunger for money, realized that life is more than a 9 to 6 job and pleasing your boss and traveled through the length and breadth of this amazing state called Maharashtra amongst other things. And as a result, grew (or may be evolved?) as a person. All in all I had a wonderful time in Mumbai. There was something about the place that I cant pinpoint that made the city dear to me. So much so that I keep coming back at some pretext or the other.
Anyways, like all love affairs, the crush on Mumbai ended as suddenly as it had happened. I had decided that I have had enough of working for someone else and I needed to take command of my destiny. I decided to move back to Delhi and try my hand at something. Kunal and I started Cyntax (we shut it down in less than six months, more about it some other day). I moved onto another job within Delhi. The thought of finding work in Mumbai didnt even strike me. With time, memories and passions faded and Mumbai became a yet another dot on the map that I had been to.
Today, on a Saturday morning, as I write this, I am in Mumbai and staring at a weekend ahead of me. I am not excited about being here and I am wondering what was it back then that made me alive when I lived here back then. The obvious suspects are people. I had the fortune of making some of my best friends here and every day there was something or the other we kept planning. I hated antics of my friends and yet there was something endearing about them. Not that they arent here anymore but then something is missing.
The other key suspect is opportunities that Mumbai made possible. This was the first time and place where I had the power of bumping into some hot shot and pick his brains. I could meet so many interesting people, almost on daily basis, and rack brains with them. I could think on brands, business, the state of nation and other useless thing. I felt alive with all the useless mental masturbation I was engaged in.
Then may be it was the umpteen opportunities to hit the road. Mumbai is perfect for short weekend trips. You can take your car (or your bike) and practically goto hundreds of places. While I lived in Mumbai, I traveled out on most weekends and explored mountains, rivers, dams, hill stations, roads, people and cultures. Mostly my partner in crime was Neo and there were times when we'd hit the road and then decide on the destination. As they say, we weren't intent on arriving. For us it was about the journey. The roads are a perfect escape from all the miseries. It lets you free your mind of all the bullshit thats occupying your head and allows you to start afresh. It is also a great thinking tool. And since you are on the road and driving, there is no way you can spoil the free thinking by taking notes and scribbling ideas. The roads are exhilarating. Like Red says, the excitement that a free man has, when he is about to start a journey, the travel excited me more than any other endeavor. May be I need to become a Raju Guide or something?
Or was it the freedom? Because Mumbai is probably the only city in the country where you can find public transport, food, people at all hours. And all these are accessible and not limited to a select few. Or was it the beautiful buildings and lanes that crowd the town side? Or the vastness of Navi Mumbai? Or was it the frequent star spotting? After all Mumbai is home to bollywood and cricket and the tryst with so many stars so often only make the possibility of you becoming one, real! Isn't that what attracts most of people who land up in Mumbai? Not the stardom, but the hope. The desire. And the opportunity.
Obviously there are things that I loath about Mumbai (read bad roads, politicians, traffic etc) but I then guess if I could put things on a weighing scale, the bad things would not make an iota of difference to awesomeness that is Mumbai. Like they say you need to be here to be able to see things for yourself. If you havent had the opportunity to experience Mumbai yet, you need to pack your bags and plan a trip soon. Wait, no need to even pack bags, why waste time in frivolities of the modern life? Nomads were so much cooler!
And in the end, thank you Mumbai for touching my life and giving me everything that you have showered on me. And for all the things that you are yet to gift me!
Salaam Mumbai!
P.S.: This post was meant to be a rant AGAINST Mumbai and while writing this I realize I couldn't come up with anything against Mumbai. I think I need to fix shit in my head rather than blaming it on Mumbai.
So one fine day I landed in Mumbai and boy, was I was glad to be here! One thing led to another and eventually I ended up spending bout 3 years in Mumbai. In these three years I did change my job, converted those classmates into awesome friends, made a ton of new friends, learnt a lot about life and work (blame/credits goes to my ex boss), found this woman who I knew I could spend rest of my life with, developed an insatiable hunger for money, realized that life is more than a 9 to 6 job and pleasing your boss and traveled through the length and breadth of this amazing state called Maharashtra amongst other things. And as a result, grew (or may be evolved?) as a person. All in all I had a wonderful time in Mumbai. There was something about the place that I cant pinpoint that made the city dear to me. So much so that I keep coming back at some pretext or the other.
Anyways, like all love affairs, the crush on Mumbai ended as suddenly as it had happened. I had decided that I have had enough of working for someone else and I needed to take command of my destiny. I decided to move back to Delhi and try my hand at something. Kunal and I started Cyntax (we shut it down in less than six months, more about it some other day). I moved onto another job within Delhi. The thought of finding work in Mumbai didnt even strike me. With time, memories and passions faded and Mumbai became a yet another dot on the map that I had been to.
Today, on a Saturday morning, as I write this, I am in Mumbai and staring at a weekend ahead of me. I am not excited about being here and I am wondering what was it back then that made me alive when I lived here back then. The obvious suspects are people. I had the fortune of making some of my best friends here and every day there was something or the other we kept planning. I hated antics of my friends and yet there was something endearing about them. Not that they arent here anymore but then something is missing.
The other key suspect is opportunities that Mumbai made possible. This was the first time and place where I had the power of bumping into some hot shot and pick his brains. I could meet so many interesting people, almost on daily basis, and rack brains with them. I could think on brands, business, the state of nation and other useless thing. I felt alive with all the useless mental masturbation I was engaged in.
Then may be it was the umpteen opportunities to hit the road. Mumbai is perfect for short weekend trips. You can take your car (or your bike) and practically goto hundreds of places. While I lived in Mumbai, I traveled out on most weekends and explored mountains, rivers, dams, hill stations, roads, people and cultures. Mostly my partner in crime was Neo and there were times when we'd hit the road and then decide on the destination. As they say, we weren't intent on arriving. For us it was about the journey. The roads are a perfect escape from all the miseries. It lets you free your mind of all the bullshit thats occupying your head and allows you to start afresh. It is also a great thinking tool. And since you are on the road and driving, there is no way you can spoil the free thinking by taking notes and scribbling ideas. The roads are exhilarating. Like Red says, the excitement that a free man has, when he is about to start a journey, the travel excited me more than any other endeavor. May be I need to become a Raju Guide or something?
Or was it the freedom? Because Mumbai is probably the only city in the country where you can find public transport, food, people at all hours. And all these are accessible and not limited to a select few. Or was it the beautiful buildings and lanes that crowd the town side? Or the vastness of Navi Mumbai? Or was it the frequent star spotting? After all Mumbai is home to bollywood and cricket and the tryst with so many stars so often only make the possibility of you becoming one, real! Isn't that what attracts most of people who land up in Mumbai? Not the stardom, but the hope. The desire. And the opportunity.
Obviously there are things that I loath about Mumbai (read bad roads, politicians, traffic etc) but I then guess if I could put things on a weighing scale, the bad things would not make an iota of difference to awesomeness that is Mumbai. Like they say you need to be here to be able to see things for yourself. If you havent had the opportunity to experience Mumbai yet, you need to pack your bags and plan a trip soon. Wait, no need to even pack bags, why waste time in frivolities of the modern life? Nomads were so much cooler!
And in the end, thank you Mumbai for touching my life and giving me everything that you have showered on me. And for all the things that you are yet to gift me!
Salaam Mumbai!
P.S.: This post was meant to be a rant AGAINST Mumbai and while writing this I realize I couldn't come up with anything against Mumbai. I think I need to fix shit in my head rather than blaming it on Mumbai.
Home to work, 50 mins flat
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| twitter.com/sgElectra |
I got sgElectra (please follow and spread some love) fixed after a while and for some random reason I wanted to take it out for spin. And I did. And the ride was amazing, I have written about my love for biking in the past, but today, I add yet another reason. Bike is faster than the car! Bike can navigate through small alleys and is not constrained to long jams. Perfect mode of travel in city. May be I was helped by the fact that todays a Saturday and more than half the world is on chutti. And then it was about 8 in the morning.
BTW coming to work before 10 has other merits. You could plug in your laptop to 5.1 speakers and hear Shankar Tucker, Lucky Ali, Mohit Chauhan and Rabbi Shergill on are-you-crazy levels! As I am typing this, I am listening to I want to break free by Queen.
Ode to Panchgani
Panchgani is my idea of an ideal life. Really. Its a small mountain town in Maharashtra. About 5 hours drive from Mumbai and about 2 from Pune. More about it here.
I went there for the first time with Neo. This was way back in 2006 or 2007 when both of us were in Mumbai and had nothing to do on the weekends. We had this stupid notion about leaving the city behind on the weekend and drive away to distant unknown places. In those couple of years we covered a lot of places around Maharashtra. And unlike all other tourists, we hardly took cameras or fancy clothes with us while we were on the road. Our idea of travel was to pack some basics (undies, toothpaste, toothbrush, a book, a notepad) and just leave. Often, we would decide on the destination hours after we had left the civilization behind. In fact Neo had this awesome blog at wknd2wknd.blogspot.com where he captured some images from these drives.
On one such sojourn, we went to Panchgani. Though it was far for a typical weekend ride (we liked doing distances that were between 2 and 3 hours), we went for it and it was a decision that we've been thanking since.
I was amazed at the beauty of the place. It was like the perfect small town of my dreams with all the activity around on small roundabout. And it had everything that you could ask for. The breakfast shop (Lucky's), a barber, long walks, mountains, civilization at a touching distance. Everything. Including the weather
And this is where the love affair with Panchgani started. I want to retire in a place like Panchgani. Not very far humanity (Mumbai is about a 5 hour drive) and yet secluded enough to allow you to go for long walks without any nuisance of traffic or pollution.
How would it be if I could wake up every day somewhere in the hills. The weather is just right. Not too cold, not too warm. I then take a leisurely stroll through the winding hill roads, sucking in the clean fresh air. I make my way towards the town center. Once I reach Lucky restaurant, just off the center, I would order my regular - two toasts, an omelet and a coffee. I would take time to read the newspaper, hear the gossip of regulars, see the staff serve the customer with fervor and attention. I would leave them with a handsome tip. Walk some 50 steps to the barber. Get a good head massage. Walk back home would be even slower. With millions of thoughts running amok. Probably the next business idea. Or may be solution to the next big problem. Once home, post a shower, I would spend the rest of day working, taking a break for stretching myself and catching up on other mundane errands. Once I would be done for the day, I would head to the volleyball court or a swimming pool for the work out. Spend some time there. Work up an appetite. Spend some time with other people at a tea shop and then head back home. End the day with a few poker games on the Internet, some writing and then work on some more problems.
And live like that, happily ever after!
I went there for the first time with Neo. This was way back in 2006 or 2007 when both of us were in Mumbai and had nothing to do on the weekends. We had this stupid notion about leaving the city behind on the weekend and drive away to distant unknown places. In those couple of years we covered a lot of places around Maharashtra. And unlike all other tourists, we hardly took cameras or fancy clothes with us while we were on the road. Our idea of travel was to pack some basics (undies, toothpaste, toothbrush, a book, a notepad) and just leave. Often, we would decide on the destination hours after we had left the civilization behind. In fact Neo had this awesome blog at wknd2wknd.blogspot.com where he captured some images from these drives.
On one such sojourn, we went to Panchgani. Though it was far for a typical weekend ride (we liked doing distances that were between 2 and 3 hours), we went for it and it was a decision that we've been thanking since.
I was amazed at the beauty of the place. It was like the perfect small town of my dreams with all the activity around on small roundabout. And it had everything that you could ask for. The breakfast shop (Lucky's), a barber, long walks, mountains, civilization at a touching distance. Everything. Including the weather
And this is where the love affair with Panchgani started. I want to retire in a place like Panchgani. Not very far humanity (Mumbai is about a 5 hour drive) and yet secluded enough to allow you to go for long walks without any nuisance of traffic or pollution.
How would it be if I could wake up every day somewhere in the hills. The weather is just right. Not too cold, not too warm. I then take a leisurely stroll through the winding hill roads, sucking in the clean fresh air. I make my way towards the town center. Once I reach Lucky restaurant, just off the center, I would order my regular - two toasts, an omelet and a coffee. I would take time to read the newspaper, hear the gossip of regulars, see the staff serve the customer with fervor and attention. I would leave them with a handsome tip. Walk some 50 steps to the barber. Get a good head massage. Walk back home would be even slower. With millions of thoughts running amok. Probably the next business idea. Or may be solution to the next big problem. Once home, post a shower, I would spend the rest of day working, taking a break for stretching myself and catching up on other mundane errands. Once I would be done for the day, I would head to the volleyball court or a swimming pool for the work out. Spend some time there. Work up an appetite. Spend some time with other people at a tea shop and then head back home. End the day with a few poker games on the Internet, some writing and then work on some more problems.
And live like that, happily ever after!
The Houdini Show
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| Houdini. Image Credits: Wikimedia |
Last week I was travelling and was in Mumbai, Chennai and Bangalore. And I got so unwell and so sick of things around me, I had to rush back home. I have done my Houdini's vanishing act in the past but this time it was in a different league. No one but the travel guy from my office knew where and when would I escape from Chennai. The phone and all the intruding alerts were switched off and clients and their whims could take a hike for all I cared. Thankfully I escaped.
Anyways, few rules for at least next 15 days.
- No flights. I can not get up at 3, reach airport at 5, catch a flight at 6 and then do it again. And again. And with work across Delhi, Mumbai and Chennai, I am sure I am flying more often than some pilots. Definitely more often than those Kingfisher pilots!
- No over time. Work is so far from home that I end up leaving at early hours to avoid traffic. And meetings require me to be in office till late. This leaves me with very little time for recreation, family, side businesses, writing, health, sleep, reading and million other things that I
wantneed to do in life. Starting this Monday, strictly 9 hours of work. Though my employment contract has no mention of hours but I will assume that these working hour norms must be followed by my employer as well. - More of what I like and less of what I dont like. P.S. Got this from Sagmeister (you should read his website, which IMHO is super cool). With in my work, there are quite a few things that I love doing. And there are more things that I abhor. Starting December, I shall try reducing focus and time on things that I hate doing. I know it would affect the way I work and my career and all that but then who cares. I still cant plan for the long term and I am happy to stay like that.
- Health. I know I have told this myself a zillion times but unless I keep doing it, I will have to keep reminding myself about it. I did start the gym and some cardio but then I had to take a break this month. I know these are mere reasons. Not lame but reasons. I could have taken time out and done small routines, but I did not do!
Thats it for the time being I guess. More soon.
P.S.: I am typing this on sgAcer. Please excuse typos.
Before - After
So, at the cost of making a few sweeping generalizations, here are a few things I noticed about gyms and people in gyms.
- Mirror mirror on the wall, who is the fittest of them all. I have no clue how other gyms are designed but this one has mirrors all over. The reception, the loos, the shower area. Even the ceilings. I wonder how they missed the floors. Anyways its like a mini glass house. Of course everyone like those mirrors and there has to be some secret exercise that requires you to stare at your reflection for long durations. Because everyone, including the coach and the supervisor, would go find their sweet spot in front of a mirror and flex their muscles. To the point that the entire work area is empty and you could play cricket there if you had to. Note to self. Ask the coach about the secret exercise next time I go to the gym.
- Six pack. Eight pack. I thought that wave that swept the entire nation in the six pack abs frenzy is more or less gone. How wrong I was. I see more people doing crunches and abs than there are statues of Mayawati Ji in Uttar Pradesh. And they are serious about doing abs. And in fact whatever time they are left with after stating at themselves in the mirror, I reckon they spend bulk of it on their abs.
- Tattoos are more important that anything else if you want to show off. No one, I repeat NO ONE is sexy enough unless they have a tattoo with an obscure meaning that only they or the tattoo maker knows about. And more obscure the meaning, better it is. After all we need some fodder for conversations. And to add to it, the more obscure place the tattoo is, better it is. You can then nonchalantly show off the tattoo. Like if its on your ankles, you may remove the shoes and wear some bright chappal. Get attention to the chappal and the ankle and thus the tattoo. More subtle you make it, better it is.
- Eat your supplements. Fruits. Fancy colored waters. Soya. Raw meat. Think of the most obscure thing that you could subject your taste palette and abdomen to. I think more than fitness they want to test their abdomens and gastric acids. Everyone comes with a small duffel bag stuffed with the choicest delicacies. Including raw fish!
The itch
Last few days, I have been travelling like crazy. And as a direct result, I have missed out on the treadmill farce and writing. So much so that I had this urgent itch that I had to scratch and write something. Ofcourse I am not a good writer and unlike most people I dont even have any story to tell, but there is something about writing that gives me kick. The readership remains at a dismal 2 (including myself), all the fan mails (and hate mails - what ever I had) have stopped, comments were anyways absent, that elusive book offer never materialized, even the random visitors that Google searches sent my way are on a decline.
So while I am at Mumbai airport, en route to Bangalore, I had some ten minutes and I couldnt think of a better time, place or the opportunity to scratch the damn itch and get over with writing something. Even if its a rant. About itches.
So while I am at Mumbai airport, en route to Bangalore, I had some ten minutes and I couldnt think of a better time, place or the opportunity to scratch the damn itch and get over with writing something. Even if its a rant. About itches.
Open Letter to Ms. Vidya Balan
Dear Ms. Balan,
This letter is to being to your note your recent actions for the movie The Dirty Picture. Though its a very gutsy role and all that but if you look at yourself objectively in mirror, you would realize that you look gross (for want of a better word). Of course this is my opinion and you may ignore it. But you need to realize that fat oozing out from under skimpy clothes is NOT a turn off. In fact it may squeeze all the blood out of a man's brain. If you know what I mean. First time I saw the photographs of your semi naked lewd pose I almost puked. Even thinking about it gives me jitters. You may consider acting in Final Destination franchise. They are on a constant lookout for things that induce slow death on viewers.
I understand that Silk Smitha might have been voluptuous and desirable back then. But like all things, times change. And they have changed for sure. We no longer live in an era where availability of soft porn is a concern. Back, may be there werent enough women who were ready to drop their clothes for pennies. All respect to her for whatever she did. I am uneducated about the matter and whatever I know about her is because of your new movie. At least that is what your movie portrays Ms. Smitha as.
I know that the business of making movies is going through a rough patch and you guys are in dire need of good ideas and concepts. If only you guys get out of the self-delusional mode and accept this, there are tons of able writers and thinkers who are willing to help you. Look at your counterparts in the west. Look at their cinema. Their movies are much more meaningful and even if when they stray of the tried and tested formula, they come up with gems like Slumdog.
I have nothing to do with Bollywood apart from being an occasional movie goes but I am hoping to make a career in the entertainment business. And as a result I become a minor stakeholder. Would request you to take a deep breath and relook at what you've done.
I normally dont write into actors but this time I have made an exception and I am sincerly hoping that someone from your PR team reads this and puts some sense into you.
Humbly,
An ex-fan
This letter is to being to your note your recent actions for the movie The Dirty Picture. Though its a very gutsy role and all that but if you look at yourself objectively in mirror, you would realize that you look gross (for want of a better word). Of course this is my opinion and you may ignore it. But you need to realize that fat oozing out from under skimpy clothes is NOT a turn off. In fact it may squeeze all the blood out of a man's brain. If you know what I mean. First time I saw the photographs of your semi naked lewd pose I almost puked. Even thinking about it gives me jitters. You may consider acting in Final Destination franchise. They are on a constant lookout for things that induce slow death on viewers.
I understand that Silk Smitha might have been voluptuous and desirable back then. But like all things, times change. And they have changed for sure. We no longer live in an era where availability of soft porn is a concern. Back, may be there werent enough women who were ready to drop their clothes for pennies. All respect to her for whatever she did. I am uneducated about the matter and whatever I know about her is because of your new movie. At least that is what your movie portrays Ms. Smitha as.
I know that the business of making movies is going through a rough patch and you guys are in dire need of good ideas and concepts. If only you guys get out of the self-delusional mode and accept this, there are tons of able writers and thinkers who are willing to help you. Look at your counterparts in the west. Look at their cinema. Their movies are much more meaningful and even if when they stray of the tried and tested formula, they come up with gems like Slumdog.
I have nothing to do with Bollywood apart from being an occasional movie goes but I am hoping to make a career in the entertainment business. And as a result I become a minor stakeholder. Would request you to take a deep breath and relook at what you've done.
I normally dont write into actors but this time I have made an exception and I am sincerly hoping that someone from your PR team reads this and puts some sense into you.
Humbly,
An ex-fan
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