Games we play

If you're not living under the rock, you would have heard about the recent mini mutiny in the world of Indian Tennis. The arguing parties were Leander Paes, Mahesh Bhupathi, All India Tennis Association - AITA (the governing body of sport in India), their fathers, neighbours, media, relatives and a lot of people on the sidelines.

For the sake of this piece, here is a small recap. the AITA is supposed to send names of the teams to the Olympics organizing committee. Since the AITA wants to maximize the chances of a medal. they decide to send Paes and Bhupathi as a team. For reasons known to Bhupathi alone, he refuses to partner with Paes. AITA then asks Rohan Bopanna to partner with Paes. Even he refuses to partner with Paes. Apparently both Bhupathi and Bopanna play with each other regularly and are of the opinion that since they have practised together, its only fair that they goto Olympics with each other. And rest, as they say, is history. India Today has an interesting timeline, along with pictures of this.

So, all said and done, the sport and the incident got more than the fair share of airtime. It was even "breaking news" for more than 2 days on most entertainment news channels on TV. And in the furore, everyone forgot a few very important things. Let me try to create a list here. 

First. The entire idea of the Olympics Games is about sports and sportsmen spirit. Sports and games are meant to advance solidarity between the participating nations and athletes. This time, they estimate that more than 200 countries are sending thousands of athletes to participate in the games.All those athletes have earned the right to represent their respective countries in the games. Most of these had to work hard, very hard for this honour. And its a shame that our tennis stars take the participation with so much frivolousness and they use words like boycott etc to talk about it. 

Second. The games are not about individuals. Its about individuals representing their countries and trying to and bring glory to their countries. Something that Sania Mirza got spot on in her letter. Wish the senior players from the country had that kind of common sense. Its not about fighting over petty issues and the idiotic royalties from brand endorsements. Its about, for once, burying the hatchet and trying to get some gold back to the country.

Third. The people in question are the highest ranked tennis players in the country. Their every action, every move, is observed by a battery of youngsters who hope to emulate the feats of these greats. With these players involved in such bickering, imagine the kind of legacy that these players are leaving behind. Guess what would the youngsters learn about the game? More importantly, what would the youngsters learn about life? 

And guess thats about it. Unlike most arguments where the loudest mouth tends to be the winner, in this one, the winner is sadly, nobody. And the list of losers, unfortunately is mile long. And it includes, all the players, the Olympic Games, the AITA, our country, the future generations and the hope. And yes, it includes you and I.

Dear lady in the white car

Dear lady in the white Wagon R behind my car on the Gurgoan Toll plaza,

First of all thank you! Today you made the otherwise boring and monotonous trip to office fun. You had been trailing my car, knowingly, since the Radisson flyover. Every time I went fast, you would speed up, every time I would slow down, you’d slow down as well, every time I cut a lane, you were prompt to follow. And yet at no point you looked threatening. In fact the sly smile on your face, when I looked back from the rear view mirror, was charming to say the least. If you weren’t wearing shades, nice ones by the way, I would have tried to read the intent in your eyes. But anyways, thank you.

Second, I was wondering if you do this to every random guy? Because from what I know, I have nothing remarkable about me. Not even my car. It’s a plain Jane Santro with a stupid “True Earth” color (somewhere between a brown and a dirty white). I am bald, dark and everything that a woman’s nightmare is made out of. And yet you chose to follow me. I cant for my life think of a reason why you’d do that. May be you shower such excitement on the least harmful guy every morning? But what ever the reason, you did it and I enjoyed it. At least I just cribbed once about the toll plaza today.

Third, you drive well. Really well. I consider myself a good driver, a lot of friends would vouch for this and its not easy to keep up with me. Not that I am fast or anything but I have this knack with driving. I know when the driver ahead of me would break, when that opening becomes available from where I could zip my car through, when to hit the break, when to slow and so on and so forth. Doing this when you are alone, is really easy. But tailing someone like a shadow, the way you tailed me for good 4 kilometers, is no easy task. You did it to perfection. So much so that, you may remember, that I was looking at you from the rear view mirror and I nodded in appreciation. You seemed to nod as well but then I don’t really remember as I was busy cutting a lane that time.

Fourth, next time you do this, don’t leave your car windows open. Nothing wrong with it. Even I enjoy the wind in my hair and all that but you know you have long hair. Ofcourse when they cover your face and that sly smile, you look all the more gorgeous but then I think in the long run, all the dust and sun could be bad for your hair. No? I mean you are a woman and you must know about this more than me for sure, who’s got like 20 hair strands left on his head. But anyways, it’s a matter of personal choice. I liked the whole effect of hair falling on your face, head, shoulders etc. Just that, i believe that the ones who are blessed with nice hair, must take care of em. Ask the ones like me!

And lastly and most importantly, same place, same time tomorrow?

Sincerely,
The guy in the Santro

The Roadies Generation

This year, the famous MTV series Roadies is in its 9th edition. And it has been bigger, better and more keenly followed than the previous ones. It’s a brilliant concept that I would have loved to work on. If TRPs are to be believed, the producers must have made a killing on their bonuses and the channel must be basking in the amazing ad rates that the show must be commanding. I wouldn't be surprised if the recent decision by the arch rival Channel V to turn into a GEC was encouraged by its inability to come up with shows as captivating as Roadies.

So the idea of Roadies is that about 10 -12 young men and women are asked to finish a road trip (on a bike) from point A to point B. Along the way, they are supposed to undertake various "tasks" and failure to finish those tasks could result in elimination from the show. The ones that complete the road trip are guaranteed of their shot to fame (contestants from previous editions of roadies have gone on to become successful VJs, anchors, singers, actors etc). If nothing, almost every youth in the country would start recognizing them and the face would become as common as Salman Khan's. No I dont have the empirical data to support this assertion, just my opinion.

 If you live under the rock and haven't heard about it, you may ask what makes the road trip of 12 kids so interesting. This is where the wizardry of the producers and writers comes on. The show is spiced up by adding lot of glamour, politics, manipulations, surprises, impromptu tasks etc. So to do well on the show, apart from being a good biker, you need to be able to stab your friends in the back, look for your interests over the groups', excel in the subtle art of bitching and whining, indulge in petty politics, ready to pounce over every tiny opportunity to bend the rules and most importantly, be rude while you are conducting yourself in public or in private.

And since the majority of youth in the country consume this content, the next generation of India is being groomed to accept these as the traits required for success. Gone are the days when hard work, perseverance, resilience, brains and respect were the values that youngsters wanted to imbibe. Now its about overnight success and stardom. And if Roadies is to be believed, the kids on the show are the epitome of someone on the fat road to success. Funny is that Roadies doesn't really market itself aggressively at all. For some reason, it just attracts youngsters like a magnet. For example, the Roadies page on FB, has 4+ million likes? Do we even have that many Indian users on FB? I really feel sorry for all these 4 million people. They are in for a rude rude shock, as and when they grow up.

I am scared that some day, these kids would actually grow up and yet they would not know an iota about the world around them. It would be a scary day. In fact a few years back when I was a brand planner, I conducted a survey amongst college kids in Mumbai where I was trying to understand who they idolized. As part of the survey I asked them about their favourite young politician. Of the answers I got, a large number said, they loved Rajiv Gandhi. And not because of what he said or what he stood for or the reforms he initiated but because he was cute. Cute. And while analysing I realized, that they meant Rahul Gandhi! Imagine, the person who could very well be one of the future prime ministers of the country, kids in affluent colleges in Mumbai dint even know his name!

I dont blame the kids for not knowing these things. I blame it squarely on content like the Roadies. Ask any kid about the show's host and anchor and not one would get it incorrect. But ask them about the reason for recent row in the Indian Tennis and I would be surprised if more than 10% know about it. Do a small dipstick. Ask any teenager around you, who is the president of India? And ask them about the Vice President. If more than 20% get the VP correct, I would send in an application to the next edition of the Roadies.

As a stakeholder in the society, I am very wary of the generation that is growing up watching content like this. And the sad part is that Roadies is not the only one. There are countless such television shows that paddle exactly these things, just that they are wrapped into a different garb. Gone are the good old days of Small Wonder, Jungle Book, Dekh Bhai Dekh where each episode, apart from the great entertainment value, taught something really important to the audience.

All said and done, Roadies is a brilliant television property. Ofcourse TV is serious business. About 30000 crores if some numbers are to be believed. But more than just that, the media has some responsibility as well. The fact that TV is almost universal in reach, the platform could be used beautifully to talk and educate the youth about issues where their input could be critical. TV could create abundant resources that our country would eventually need. Only if we could find an alternative to the Roadies generation!

The Pink Shirt

All my life, ever since I can remember, I have hated the color pink. Especially when someone wears it. It could be pants, socks, hats, teeshirts, shirts, gloves, undies, anything, the colour pink sucks. It’s the most inhuman color to have happened to us humans. My hatred for the colour pink is well documented. I have gone on record and have even publicly humiliated friends and strangers who have dared to wear pink in front of me. 

 Well, who would have known that someday I would end up buying a pink shirt. I was window shopping with a couple of friends today evening when we casually walked into a Fabindia store. For some reason they dint have anything in my size, except a pink shirt. Since both my friends were trying stuff, I was bored and went ahead and put on the pink shirt. And rest, as they say is history.

When I tried it, I felt as if it has been crafted specially for me. I fit so well into it. I have the weirdest structure that the humankind has ever seen and yet the pink shirt fit like an old glove. It was so comfortable that I could have died in it. It felt like second skin.

I was skeptical about it but then I thought what the heck and I just bought it. And since I haven’t worn it with friends as yet, the jury is still out, but yes, I am a proud owner of a pink shirt.

Happy Birthday Dear PD

Dear PD,

Happy Birthday.

Every year, for last few years, I have been trying to cook up a novel way to wish you. This year I have been lazy and have just this blog post to show for my love. I know you'd understand.

Have a great day and a wonderful year ahead.

Luv,
SG

The Count of Monte Cristo

For the last week of so, I have been having strange dreams. One day I woke up trying to console Mercedes that Edward will come back, sooner than later and all would be well. The other day, I thought I was in the grotto at the island of Monte Cristo. And yesterday, I thought I saw the confrontation between Mercedes and Edward where Mercedes pleads to Edward to spare Albert's life.

I mean I have read The Count of Monte Cristo atleast twice before this reading but I dont recall seeing the characters and incidents in my dreams. May be this time, while I am reading it, I am mature enough to comprehend the meaning and I actually understand what is it to be in love. I also understand the true meaning of longing. Ofcourse I dont really have any enemies that would have hastened the process of my separation with my love but I feel what the Count must have felt (had he been a real guy). The way Count plans his revenge on his enemies and the way its executed, I get goosebumps at the mastery. There are times when I actually want to believe in the existence of God and providence!

Coming back, its been more than a week that I have been reading it (I am reading the unabridged version) and its on my mind all the damn time. I have wished, countless times during the reading that there was a time machine and I could actually go back and speak with the Count and learn from him. Alexandar Dumas must have been God himself to have created such an epic body of work. Every character, every part of the story, every incident is just perfect. There is nothing that I would want to take away from the narrative and there is nothing I could add to make it better. Its no secret that I want to be a writer (the blog is an endeavor in that direction) and the day I think I can create something as complex and as interesting as the Count of Monte Cristo, I would have justified my existence.

And just in case you are not yet mesmerized by the Count, check out this character relationship map!

What if you lose your passport?

So this friend went on a road trip to France and Spain and while on the road, he lost his passport. Ofcourse he had two options. One was to get panicked and run from pillar to post. The other was to figure out the way to get it resolved.
So if you are abroad and you lose your passport, you need to do the following.

1. Lodge an FIR with the nearest police station. So before you head out to a new country, you need to have the phone numbers of the tourist police and the emergency number (like they have 100 in India and 911 in US).
2. Once you have the FIR, you need to goto the Indian consulate. This may or may not be in the same city as you are in. Get prepared to travel to the city that has the consulate. Here is a list of all Indian Embassies abroad. 
3. At the consulate, you would need to give the FIR, your photographs and an identity proof that ascertains that you are an Indian. It would be perfect if you have a scanned copy of your passport but if you dont, your Indian driving license and other such documents would suffice. 
4. And then follow the process the consulate recommends. Surprisingly, unlike the most Indian government offices, the consulate offices are surprisingly efficient and they issue either an Emergency Certificate or a new passport within 24 hours (An emergency certificate allows you to travel back to India and your passport allows you to carry on your itinerary as planned).

And that’s about it. Losing a passport is a very common thing and happens to a lot of people. If you DO lose your passport, its not the end of the world (unless you tear it away yourself and you are seeking refuge :D). Just follow these 5 things and you are sorted. And if you do come back, please get me some postcards!

At the cost of repetition, here is a checklist before you head out to a new country for a road trip.

1. Always keep a scanned copy of your passport on the internet. Use services like Dropbox to ensure that its easily accessible. In fact on my Dropbox, I have this folder called legal that has almost all the legal documents that I may need (driving license, PAN card etc) at any time.
2. Always carry a cheat sheet about the places you are going to visit. I use this sheet that I made for myself. This is one printed side of an A4 and has all the things that I may need - emergency contact numbers, hotel numbers, airline PNR, address of the nearest Indian consulate etc.

That's it! 

The Angry (and not so) Young Man

Without the formality of an introduction (or a beginning), let me dive straight into the heart of the issue. At this instant, I am a very very angry man. Here is why.

I live in a lower middle class locality of the capital city of a developing nation. And as a result, there are a plenty of problems - high density of population, bad traffic, lawlessness, petty crimes, broken roads, lazy officials etc. But then, I have had the privilege of getting really good education (private schools, bachelors in computer science and a MBA from one of the best colleges in India) and my job takes me to places that I can never afford, even if I was paid a bomb. As a result, I know how amazing life could be. Things could actually be perfect and there could be an Utopian world where everything is in order and you can work on things that are worth investing time in (rather than chasing people to get your Internet connection fixed). This dichotomy, of my aspirations of living in a Utopian world vs the expectations from the Banana Nation where I actually live, is in one word, fucking my head. Note to self: that's three words Mr. Garg!

Coming back, here is a small list of things that has gone haywire in the last one week or less. And this is not even exhaustive.

1. Its simply too hot to live in Delhi. I can live in extreme cold but I cant stand heat. Even at 7 in the morning, the heat is that harsh that you cant sit in the open. You have to have air conditioning. 
2. I crashed my car. Almost got attacked by a bunch of rowdy taxi drivers. And paying through my nose for the repairs. Will get the car back in about 15 days and as a result, I cant move around the city as well. I can take Metro but I am not a woman and men refuse to take bathes or use deodorants. 
3. The Internet does not work. I have an Airtel connection and they have the most incompetent helpline (or customer care, as they call it) ever. Apparently they always ALWAYS have some "server problem" and they can not even lodge a complaint. And there is no supervisor or an escalation process to expedite resolution. Airtel used to be good, till about two years back, but now, they are worthless. Oh, did I mention that they charged me 50 paisa, per minute, to lodge complaints? I am sure TRAI can do something about it. I will write into them soon. And no, the @airtel_presence on twitter is of no use either. 
4. There is no current. And no, I am not talking about the city of Delhi but in a block of 20 houses. From my balcony, I can see the shining street lights, the well lit advertising boards, the shining LED board for a gym and the constant hum of the ACs at my neighbors. But its me and some 20 other fortunate neighbors that have been blessed by the power cut. Apparently there is some short circuit somewhere. Despite repeated calls to BSES, no one wants to fix and I am left poking in the electric board with a wooden stick, hoping that I would live another day and actually write a few more of these blogposts. 
5. I have been thinking of a month long vacation. Nothing important but I think I am stuck at what I do an I need to recharge my batteries. I also want to take it easy, get fit and read. Every place that I have called (have spoken to at least 15 places), everyone is booked till July/August! Imagine, the entire world wants to go to Himachal in the month when I want to go. How fair is that? 
6. And then, apart from all these things that I cant control, there is that issue of not knowing what I want in life. I am almost 30 and in a few months, I would be on the wrong side of life and I wont know what my epitaph would say! How bad is that! All this while, I have always joked around about me suffering from QLC. Now I know what QLC/MLC actually feels like. There are days when I want to see a shrink but then I wish I could afford one. 

The funny thing is that I have tried everything that I could have. I called up the cops when I got into that accident. I have tried waking up early so that I may avoid traffic and heat while going to office. I have tried complaining against Airtel at all possible forums. I have called BSES multiple times, each time getting assurance about someone fixing the bug. Have called and exhausted all travel portals, agents, Justdials of the world. And have planned and thought about what I want from life. 

I guess my effort hasnt been that great and I need to do more. I dont know! All I know right now, is that, I am a very very angry young man. I now believe that the world indeed is an unfair place. Its definitely not a movie and there are no guaranteed happy endings. Reminds of that line from a song... "...yeah you bleed, just to know you're alive". I wish I had realized this while I was 20. 

And end-note, please do not make impressions about me just by reading this. I want to believe that I am far saner than this. If saner is a legitimate word. I am a mere human, suffering from the curse of mediocrity, wading through life, surrounded by more vegetables and I dont even see a sliver of hope from any corner.

Dear BJP and other political parties

Dear BJP and other such "political" parties,

I heard that you guys had called for a countrywide bandh today. From what I know and understand, a bandh, ideally is a peaceful activity wherein people and businesses supporting the activity, show their allegiance by not working. 

Today however was something else. More than businesses shutting shop by their own accord, it was the hired goons and muscles that forced people to down shutters. The ones who protested were bashed up! There were reports of violence in many parts of the country and the public infrastructure was damaged in at least three states.

You guys must be really proud of what you cooked up. I am sure all of you will sleep peacefully, probably as calmly as as child, tonight. You would have loved every second of the 15 minutes of fame that you enjoyed today, at the cost of us Indians. 

And why would you summon for a bandh in the first place? You wanted to bring things to notice? There are other ways to do it. Lets start with logic and reason. Who stopped you from doing a large campaign on the national media (the kind you do when you are fighting elections) and trying to make people understand why is that fuel prices are going up the spiral? You could have posted intelligent questions in the Assembly and hold the leaders responsible?

Agreed that inflation is getting out of control. I understand that the petrol prices are going through the roof. I know that its getting increasingly difficult for a common man to live a happy and content life in India. But does that mean we make it even more difficult for people! 

Dear BJP and the brains at the helm, a bandh is as anti-progress as anything else could be. If we were to strike about everything, we would not have reached where we are. The prehistoric man, could have decided to strike against the animals of the jungle. And we wont have had a civilization. Gandhi could have sat at home against the British and we wouldn't have had a free India. Stop looking that far back in the history. If businessmen like Tatas and Ambanis decided to call for a bandh every other day for stupid reasons, they wouldn't have had those empires that they have. You know, a man's destiny is not really "written" by some God. Its the man's actions that actually help him create that destiny. While you were forcing the bandh around the country, there were a few men and women who were still working and trying to make this country a far better place to live in. Hats off to them and salute to their spirit. 

You know, with time, typically, political parties grow in stature and they command respect. Their actions earn respect for them. This move has undone a lot of all the hard work you guys may have had done in past few years. I was not really sure if I wanted to get involved with politics but you guys have made my resolve much stronger. Hopefully I would live to see a day where political propaganda like this would not be encouraged by people.

Till then,

A proud Indian.

A real-life coward

A couple of days back, I was going to meet my agony aunt. I was in Gurgoan and I was driving at may be 40 and was singing out loud to my music. There are a few big decisions I needed to take and I wanted her opinion. I was thinking of all the things that I wanted to talk to her about. And I heard a loud noise. I was in an accident!

The other vehicle was a taxi, plying for Spicejet (I would come to Spicejet bit in a minute). The taxi was being driven the way taxis are driven - fast, furious, reckless and brash. I was driving the way I drive. And there was a blind turn. The crash was inevitable.Thankfully no one got hurt in the accident. The two cars got damaged like crazy. Especially mine is beyond recognition.

What had to happen, happened. But right after the crash, at least twenty other taxi drivers ganged up against me. They surrounded me from all sides, hurling abuses at me. Since everyone in an armchair activist, everyone had their version of the story and everyone seemed angry. At least two of them even held my shirt collar. They pushed me around and put my back against a wall. No one hit me but if I had opened my mouth and had uttered a single word, it would have been ugly and I would have been bashed up like crazy. I was held hostage by all these people, most of them dint really have a business being there, and I could not do a thing!

It was broad daylight and there were atleast 100 other spectators. The worst part, the damn voyeurs were actually laughing and enjoying the show. Not a single soul bothered to even try and help me. All the empty noises that I make about being a hero, standing up for what you think is right, being strong, being confident and all that, came flashing in front of my eyes. I was destroyed. I dint know if I was to voice my thoughts and get killed for real or if I was to become a coward and stand there with my head hanging like a guilty man.

At that instant, I realized that I am only good when the person in front of me is logical and understands the situation. There is no way I can handle a mob. Especially a gang of thugs, that is constantly looking for some problem to meddle into. These people are out there to kill or get killed. And for no apparent reason.

Thankfully  this was close to office. I called up a few colleagues, they came immediately. And once they arrived, I took a breather. I finally had someone who I could trust. Even the police turned up after a while. They merely stood there and told us to "reach a compromise" and not bother them with complaints and formalities of FIR etc. I was aghast at their behavior and I was surprised. Aren't they supposed to serve and protect? Aren't they supposed to maintain law and order? Arent they supposed to talk to those goons who had ganged up on me and put some sense in them?

Finally three hour after the arguments and counter-arguments, we reached a "compromise" and everyone left for their respective homes/offices etc. For me, the only outcome is the realization that I am by myself in this wild world. It's like back to those prehistoric days where every animal was for itself and had to fend itself from everything else in the jungle.

In 2012, it's a modern day jungle out there. I am a tiny creature and I need to look for myself.

And Spicejet, I sincerely wish I had a way of reaching your transport department and telling them the kind of people they've hired. But then one things for sure, I am not going to fly Spicejet anytime soon. And all the stock that I own, I would sell. Today.