Anatomy of a good day, Dubai 2018, Day 02

Few of my favourite things. #suckerForBrands #loveRed @Apple @Starbucks @StarbucksIndia #note2self #loveMyLife #gratitude pic.twitter.com/4IqNZttwsM

— SG (@saurabh) April 14, 2018

Day 2 in Dubai. Technically third day but I am not counting the day I arrived here. So, day 2. Here's a list of things that I did yesterday...

• Woke up early. Went to a Starbucks. Read and wrote and day-dreamt for about 4 hours. Published this and this.
• Ate a late lunch. It included loads of Diet Coke and some bit of boiled rice. 
• Roamed around Dubai. Did not go to a single touristy place (except a large departmental store to buy groceries for Keto). Soaked in sights and sounds and smells and conversations and Diet Coke. 
• Had peanut butter for dinner and slept early. Sleep is still fitful to be honest - second day on the trot that I havent been able to sleep well. Need to work on this. 
• No exercise.
• Blew like 30K in the last few days even though I am staying with a friend (large pieces of expenses are running shoes - lol, AirPods (which are amazing AF), groceries and commute (Uber is expensive AF here)).

Apart from this, I was pretty ok. I did not have any dark clouds shrouded over my head. I was, for a change, not worried about the future. While Dubai is not the place for poor or for middle-class people on holidays, I would've ideally been fucked in the head for things but I did ok. 

So how could I do this? What enabled me? Here's a list. 

• While I am here, I am on a break. That means that I dont have a full-time job that mandates that I spend my time (physically and mentally) occupied with something. I am so relaxed that its not funny. I would love to remain in this state for perpetuity. But then, I know that life is not meant to be relaxed. Need to learn the difference between a cook and a chef. 
• I have access to some savings (hardwork over the last year with Rajesh and VISCOMM). And since in general I am not worried about how and where I spend my money, I am ok with the expensive lifestyle. I mean who buys water for 140 bucks at a Starbucks? Back home in India, I must be drinking like 5 litres of water while I am Starbucks. For free! 
• Since I am at a place where I dont have access to a phone, this essentially means I am away from all the "news"(updates from my parents, friends etc). Plus the guy who calls me the most (Vivek) is also travelling with limited access to phone / data. Plus I had recently pruned by twitter list to about 100 following. All this put together means I have NO distractions. Also, since I am not at home, I am not managing any chores per se. This has freed up time as well. 

Tried hard to think of other things but I could not. So, it boils down to having time for yourself and having enough resources to fill that time with things that matter to you. And eliminating distractions. Not really rocket science per se. 

Can this be done over long term? Dont think so. Wait and read more. 

Before that. An enquiry. Is this life worth living? Where I dont have relationships and I dont create anything that adds value (#note2self: write on value) and just spend all my time in enquiry, thought and chase of mental orgasm. You know, I'd rather create! More on this over the next few days (hopefully).

So, here are some lessons (and interpretations and introspections and realisations). 

A. Its tough for me to be alone. I need a constant companion. I dont crave for affection or attention or sex or anything like that. I just like someone around. In most cases I tell that someone to stay shut while I am doing my thing. But I want someone. I dont know how to put this. Weird. But I cant be alone. I this need to find someone who could be a companion. Not a spouse. Not a business partner. Not a soulmate. A companion. More I think on this, more fucked up I get.

But I am admitting that I need someone. Not a great idea that you need someone around to be able to conquer the world. Will probably think more on this and work towards eliminating this craving need.

B. I need a purpose to wake up. If I dont, I cant wake up in the morning. Since I've come here, I have this constant itch to go out and do.

Why? Because this trip has a purpose. I wish to find answers. I want to ensure that I live my life on my terms and do things that wont make me regret my choices when I am 80. I am here to find the answers.

And then to go back home (am glad that even though I am enamoured about the shiny-ness of Dubai, I still want to go back) and do things that I wish to do.

Get the drift? 

So as I grow old, I need to continue to have that carrot dangling. Something that makes me continue the chase - even if I am unable to (for whatever reason - health, time, brain etc). I need to find that muse that continues to illude me. 

C. I quite love the change in scenery. While this could relate to cutting off from your present (move to a different place for a week or so to think and ponder), I am talking about a micro-thing here.

I typically work from a Starbucks. After I've spent an hour or two here, I start to crave for a walk or something. And then post that break, that walk, I dont want to come back to the store where I was at. 

One simple solution could be that I work for a few hours from a certain place (coffee shop, office etc) and then get up to take a break (get something to eat, coffee etc) and then go to another place to work (work or coffeee shop). No shit, Sherlock! 

So once I go back, I need to create this life for me. Divide the week into maker-manager, day into chunks of 4 hours each and time slots in 25 mins. And then identify those places where I would work from. 

D. I love to spend money. Again, this is not new. I've known this that I love to spend money. Not spend on frivolous things. But spend on getting good things. I dont go and buy random expensive watches or toys or whatever. My benchmark is simple. I want great function and even greater form. If what you make can amuse me, make me smile and make me wonder, you have a convert. 

In fact these are the general principles that lead me in my decisions and output. Idea is to create things that can amuse, entertain, and above all, inspire others! This HAS to be the guiding principle of how I work once I am back. For C4E and for others.

***

So yeah, this is how day 2 was spent. Lets see what the next day has in store. Over n out.

-
Saurabh Garg
April 14, 2018
Dubai

The Rite of Passage, Dubai 2018, Day 01

In most cultures, traditions, societies, civilizations, communities, when a man has learnt enough and is ready to be the "person in charge", he is often sent on a trip, a rite of passage of sorts where he comes of age. He comes back better and stronger and is ready to discharge the higher duty - the purpose for which he's been sent, or created, if you will. In fact in his seminal work, Hero With A Thousand Faces, Joseph Campbell talks about the journey that any Hero has to undertake to find resolution to the conflict that requires his heroism. And while the Hero is on the journey, he often discovers who he really is.

As an individual and a storyteller, I've always been fantasised about such a journey.

As an individual, I've longed for that unknown adventure that makes me better, stronger and richer. That helps me discover my true purpose. That tells me what I ought to do. That guides me. And makes me richer - richer as in emotionally and mentally. And of course financially ;). Make me stronger - as in a stronger personality that can impact lives and things around me. And make me better - as in a better human being. So that I am not swayed by this newfound strength or wealth.

As a storyteller I want to observe, capture and narrate the story of someone who's taking the journey. I want to tail the someone and experience with him the highs & lows, the trials & tribulations, the wins & the losses and everything else in between.

Blame it on my innate curiosity, by being the traveller and the writer, I've wanted to evaluate and understand if the trip, the journey is worth taking. I mean, what the heck! Every Hero seems to have taken the journey. For example, The Pandavas took to Vanvas and Agyatvas before they could battle it out and claim what was apparently rightfully theirs (Pandavas come to mind because I am consuming Geeta on this break).

There must be something that happens on those trips! There are umpteen examples. These stories and the journeys are scattered all over the place - in popular culture, in mythology, in even those little tales that we create for ourselves.

I tried to find people who've taken these and come out better. But I couldn't locate anyone. So I thought, may be it's about time I took one myself?

Thing is, for someone like me who loves to shoot from the hip (and do things before I think them through), if I were really fascinated by the journey, I would've probably taken it by now.

But of course I haven't.
May be because I am not sure if I am ready to go on the journey.
May be I don't feel the need to go and discover myself and come back stronger or more mature or whatever.
May be I am scared, like it happens with all such things.

But then the call of the adventure, the beckoning got the better of me and I planned the trip. Tentatively at first. And with more gusto and conviction eventually. Probably because the longing got to me. Reminds me of what Anais Nin said, “And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.”

If you replace risk with pain (or charm), you'd know where I am coming from.

So, fast-forward three months. Here I am! At a Starbucks (where else) somewhere in Dubai. Trying to discover things. Today is first day!

Even though I am here and it's the first day, there is that fear, that tentativeness in my thoughts and actions. Truth be told, as I approached the date of travel, I tried to cancel this trip on multiple pretexts. I even postponed the trip by a few days. I was that scared!

Fear. I always thought I wasn't the kinds to be scared of the unknown. It's an emotion that I thought did not exist in my head. After all I have always been the one to walk up in a dark alley behind a tall building and gawk at whatever lies up ahead. I have always embraced uncertainty and my pitch to most of my clients and friends is, lets do this and then we'd see what happens. I believe in doing first and apologising later (if apologising is still required). And I've found that in most cases, apologies are not required. So, yeah. Fear hasn't stopped me ever. And thus the surprise on this perpetual delay.

Coming back.

Even though I was scared, I had to take the journey. I heard someone say that "the teacher comes when the student is ready". Now that I am here, to be honest, I am not sure if I am ready but I can not wait for the teacher to arrive. I want to go seek. Shoot from the hip. Act. Find the teacher. I want Saurabh Garg to evolve into 'The Saurabh Garg'. The damn the makes all the difference.

I don't even know if the break would do me any good. It's just a vague notion. Maybe I'll come back the same. May be I would merely blow up a lot of money while I am here (on expensive coffeeshops and even more expensive commute). May be I will lose opportunities back home.

What I do know is that I had to do this. Take the break.

Thing is, I have been planning dreaming of a break for years. A break where I go off the radar and don't have access to anything that defines me (people, things, ideas etc.). In an ideal world, I would go to the mountains where there are hardly any people around and the loudest sound is of your intimidated heart, fluttering at the thought of the height of the peaks and the depth of the gorges. Or I'd probably goto to some beach where I will have the endless spread ahead of me and there's nothing else that surrounds you but the sun, the sand and the loneliness. Either would've required a lot of work in terms of planning and logistics.

So I decided to hole up with a friend in a different country. This will allow me to be separated physically and stay detached. And the only person I knew outside of India that I could trust is the guy I am living with. He and I know each other for more than 25 years (if not 30 years). We don't talk on a regular basis but I trust him as much as I can trust anyone ever.

Oh, this is not the first time I am taking a break like this. In 2009, I had just quit from CLA and was trying to figure out what to do with my life. I went for a 10-day Vipassana course. I am not sure it changed me but it did teach me that I could do tough things (back then, if someone said I could not speak for 10 days on the trot, I would have laughed at them. But I did it!). The benefits were not really tangible (I should've ideally practised after I finished the course but I did not). Oh, it did make me fitter. Also, it was my first stint with intermittent fasting though I did not know about it back then.

So, this time I am on a 15-dayish break. Not really meditating. But I plan to cut off from my regular life (I plan to NOT use any social media tools, NOT check my email, NOT use whatsapp etc). I will continue to stay in touch with close friends (VG), family and work (limited to one phone call a day). This will allow me to get away from non-essential timesinks.

Of course I plan to explore Dubai - I don't really want to see the touristy places (been here enough times in the past and done all that needs to be done) . I will meet some old acquaintances, probably make new friends, expose myself to new ideas and try to soak in the life here.

In the next few days, I hope to eat right (do a 16-8 IF and if not Keto than low-carb for sure), sleep right (I had thought of experimenting with Polyphasic sleep but I am sure if I can do this in an alien environment), write a lot (blogposts, ideas, book2 etc) and get fit (go for long walks, meditate etc.).

There are other agendas - work (need to figure out what to do in with life - continue the hustle and try to make it big, or get back to the safe havens of a full-time naukri where I get peanuts to make someone else rich), relationships (with parents, friends, colleagues, co-workers, strangers and the all important "better half". I am sure that I don't want to "settle down" but as I grow old, I am told by every sage (aka learned person) around me that I will need a companion at some point in time. I am not sure. I need to think on it), review my annual goals, and finish my todo list (that has more than 400 items as we speak; and I use Asana for managing my tasks and projects).

Most important of them all is that I need to learn how to do things solo. I've always done things in groups or with close friends. I haven't done a lot of solo travels. This trip, I hope I learn what it takes to do a solo thing in an alien location.

I also want to go through the motions of trying to move to a different country, inspired by Jan Chipchase (who I think is one of the most interesting people ever). Of course I am not moving per se and I don't have what it takes to just leave my family and life behind. But I want to understand what goes in the head when you do that. I've moved cities but it's always been easy (the language, food, people, experience and other things are very similar even within a country that's as diverse as India in). Moving to a new country is a different ballgame altogether! One of my long term goals is to be a true global nomad (with luxurious homes in multiple countries and no permanent base - and I can do it - I hardly have any material possessions that I want to move around; more on this later).

So yeah! There is so much that I wish to pack in the next 15 days!

Wish me luck.

And while we are at wishing and all that, how about you think of taking a similar break and come back better, stronger etc?

-
Saurabh Garg
April 13, 2018
Dubai

R. Roads.

Post 4 in series of 30 posts in April. Each about a thing that I am grateful / happy about. Others in the series are W, M, G. I haven't been able to write on the 4th or the 5th. So glad that I could write today.

Today I'll talk about Roads. 

R. Roads. Or may be H. Highway. Depending on other days as this becomes increasingly harder. You understand that right? 

So, structurally a road is a stretch of paved surface that connects two places. And maybe takes you beyond. In an ideal world, this stretch is smooth to drive on, is lit well and has loos and pitstops at regular intervals. It should go on forever, if you ask me. And if forever is tough, which I think it is, may be it could just go around the world a few times, taking you through hills and valleys and cities and villages and people and stories and memories and dreams and all such places that typically seem accessible; but are not. You know what am saying? Its mithya. Its an illusion. You think its there but it aint not there. You think you've seen it all, hell, you know that you've captured the scene in your cameras and have uploaded to Instagram and have like a 238 likes on it already. But did you really get it? Did you see it? Did you capture it? Or all of its just a myth?

The thing is, I love the roads like I love life and money. I can spend all my life on the road. I could live on road. If I am home for a few days on the trot, I get itchy. So itchy that I have to just leave. The sad bit is that I don't have a car yet. I am buying one this year. I had thought that my first car would be a premium car but in case I cant get one, I will get whatever I can afford but will buy a car this year for sure.

With roads, thing is that you have this illusion of freedom. Freedom because you are moving all the time. Illusion because you are still confined to the road. You are on the road. You are tethered to it with the wheels and the seat and all that. But then like they say, you see the glass half-empty or you see the glass half-full. I see the road as a liberating agent. You are on the move. You can see the world go past by. You can see yourself move on. Move ahead. And move towards a destination in most cases. What destination you may ask? Well, often, there is that loved one at the other end. Wait. You know what's better than having someone at the end of the long road? That loved one next to you, as you try to break free from the road. And no, not break-free like in full-of-rage break-free. Just plain old pleasure of being in control and that great feeling of getting away from the trappings of the drab life.

Oh, I just noticed that drab life features in way too many posts that I make. I need to do something about it. Break the monotony. How? May be by hitting the road?

Well, maybe! 

G. Giants.

Post 3 in series of 30 posts in April. Each about a thing that I am grateful / happy about. Today I will talk about Money! Others in the series are W, M. Today I'll talk about Giants. I've talked about them multiple times in the past. But I think the subject deserves all the attention and mention that I can give it. 

G. Giants. 

For the context, I believe that I am very average. And that means I have to work hard to get things. And I'd have to work harder to be able to reach my #lifegoals. And one of the ways in which I can reduce the time that it'd take to get things, is to learn from others (who are learned, better than me, more intelligent than me and so on and so forth). I want to metaphorically stand on their shoulders and see farther than what they've seen. So I want to essentially build on top of what they know and push things further. You know, I want to stand on the shoulders of giants. 

I am so grateful that I have had access to some giants that shaped me who I am and gave me whatever little I have. This post is an ode to them. 

Here is an INCOMPLETE list - for I can never know who all have contributed. Its a long list and that goes to show that it has taken so much effort on part of so many people to help me reach a point where I live in relative abundance! 

So, here goes. 

Wait. I wrote a long list of people (and lessons), I realised I cant do justice if I were to publish it. Not to the people. Not to the lessons. So, no names. No lessons. Just gratitude. 

Thank you! 

Original post that I wrote, which I've since removed. 

M. Money.

Post 2 in series of 30 posts in April. Each about a thing that I am grateful / happy about. Today I will talk about Money! Others in the series are W. 

M. Money.

If you are a regular reader of what I write, you would have noticed that I talk crib a lot about money, poverty, unfairness of life, purpose, reason etc.

Truth be told, I am doing fairly ok for myself. In the sense that I have enough and more to live a upper-middle class lifestyle. I live in a decent house (rented of course). I have the latest iPhone available in the market. I buy the best brands. I eat good quality food. I travel to international destinations often. And so on and so forth. I have enough money in the bank to last me another 6 months if I stop working today.

And I am so thankful and grateful for that. Really am.

Of course a lot of things had to come together to make this happen. I had to get a good hand at the Ovarian Lottery to end up with my parents. They had to have the insight to send my sis and I to good schools. And pay for expensive education. I had to be lucky to get an admit at MDI. I had to have the keeda for learning. And I had to have a certain mention proficiency to be able to absorb things. You see a chain of things that had to work well?

What am I, if not lucky?

So, like I said, I am doing ok. A thing like money has no end to it. I do have enough if my aspirations were limited. If I were a simpleton, I could've retired on what I have!

But. The damn but.

But that's the problem as well. I do not have simple aspirations. They are tall. About 8848m tall. And more. I want to do large things. And to do large things, you need large ideas. Or access to large capital.

I don't have any big ideas to be honest. I am a mere aggregation of other giants that I have had the opportunity to stand on the shoulders of. So if I have to make those inroads and make this world a better place, I need to have access to large amounts of capital. Now I was not born a Baron. So I need to do things that can make me that kind of wealth.

And that can NOT happen with the ideas I have. Or my talent. Or the amount of money I have. And neither it can happen with the potential I have. So I need to work hard, slog and get access to more. And that's what keeps me up at night. The question is not "if". But "when". More on my dreams and ideas and aspirations some other day. Today its about being thankful for what I have.

Over n out.

W. Writing.

Its April. And that means a new financial year is here. That also means its yet another opportunity to start afresh. For this blog and for my writing, it specifically means that I can try and restart writing and creating. So, I am going to attempt to write a blogpost each day in this month. So 30 posts in the next 30 days. Each will be inspired by a thing that I am grateful (or happy or thankful) about in life. I call this Project 30Posts30DaysChallenge (yes I suck with naming conventions but I get things done). 

Here's the post for the day. Starting with W. Couldn't think of anything that starts with A. 

W. Writing. 

Among all things that I am so so thankful for in life is the ability to write. I may not be able to move mountains with what I write but I do think that I can write well. And unlike those super talented people who write so well that each piece is like a masterpiece, it takes a lot of effort for me to write something that is worth reading. So the only way to writing greatness for me is to write more. And the plan is to write so much that even if 1% of what I write is good enough, there is enough for a my audience to consume.

So yeah, I love to write. And I am thankful that I have some amount of talent that allows me to express. I do wish I were better at it. And its something that can of course improve with practise. Just that on the list of things that I want to do in life, writing is not really up there. I mean if I had all the money in the world, I would travel, teach and write. In that order. And if I had money and / or time left, I would play poker.

Why travel? To enrich myself.
Why teach? To learn more.
Why write? To connect with others.

And what would all these things do me? Allow me to become a better version of myself. And then use that to impact the world. Sigh. High hopes, Mr. Garg.

But then I dont have all the money. And that means I need to invest all the time I have to earn money. Like they said, "you're slave to money and then you die." Oh, the good part is, I am getting there in terms of money. I will have abundant money very soon and then I will put this plan (travel, teach, write, poker) in action.

Meanwhile, coming back to the agenda for the evening - writing.

So writing is such an integral part of me that I can not imagine not writing. I've been writing this blog since Jan of 2014. Thats like 14 years! I dont think I've done anything for longer than that!

Writing has helped me express thoughts well, it has helped me make new friends. It has given me the vain satisfaction of seeing my name in a bookstore. Agreed that tnks is not a bestseller but it is a book nonetheless. May be the next one will be. Or the one after that. May be its delayed because I dont see writing as an avenue that could give me enough to make my ends meet?

Thing is I've never been able to make it commercial - there are no blogging awards, no fans, no regular readers. Its just me and and my echo chamber. And may be thats why its not on the priority? Even if I had some people who'd ask me for an update or tell me that they wait for what I write, I would probably be more motivated. Vivek does. But I need more. And I need strangers. Why? Because like everyone else, I often take my people for granted. No am not crying about it. I would continue to write even if I had no readers. Its something that I do not need external validation for.

Anyhow. The point is, there is certain therapeutic value to writing. Its like pouring your grief, your tears, your sadness and your anger and your heart on paper. And its like leaving streaks of happiness, excitement and everything in between on a blank canvas. Of course it helps if you have the words and ideas that could make others share your grief as well. When the entire thing becomes a shared experience. That probably is when you succeed as a writer. Probably.

So yeah. Thats about it for the time being. Writing. One of the things that I am grateful for. First in the list of 30. I dont know what I'd talk about tomorrow. Lets see. Till then, over n out.

P.S.: If you are reading this, tell me what part of my writing has moved you the most? What can I improve. What can I do more of? 

The Monday Diary

So its been about 10 days since I published something here. And its been about 20 days since I made a meaningful post. And the "silence" is deafening. So much so that I want to scream at the top of my lungs.

Anyhow. Fuck the poetic shite.

So I have been thinking about the next book for last few days. Thing is, every once in a while someone asks me about the next one and I dont have an answer. Plus I am often at airports (like I was at one yesterday and spotted Sachin's), malls and other such places and I invariably drift towards a book shop and when I see shelves and shelves of books, stacked end up high and people leafing through them and all that, I give in to the weakness and start to pine for the rare, vain and frivolous notion of seeing my name on the bestseller list. While #tnks received generally good reviews, it did not put me on any list. Except it allowed me to tick off a thing from my bucket list.

I really need to give this a shot. I remember I had promised myself that I will write 5 books before I hang my boots pencils. And I've done just one. Need to do more. 4 more at least.

Lemme take a diversion. To avoid some heartburn. To something that's been occupying my head lately. C4E. The day AND night job. Something that I know can make me money wealth. Something that is right at the intersection of all things that I love. Something that I think believe is my life's purpose.

While what we do is supposed to entertain the world and all that, most days are drab. Not drab as in they are drab for bank-tellers (with all due respect) but drab as things take time to move. And there is movement after days, if not months.

Today was one such day. I got early drafts of a website that we are working on. And I was amazed at the range of emotions that came up when I saw just a computer image of the website. Mind you. Just a photo. Its not a website. Its not a MVP. It does not work at all. And its months away from any revenue or impact. But its a step in the direction.

And not just that one website, I saw a few more things come to fruition. I got the first set of prints for the Art Project (where we wish to empower other artists) in my hand. And they look gorgeous. The short film that I had to work on  came out. And they look gorgeous btw. The short film seems to be on track. Little-by-little, step-by-step, brick-by-brick, things that I have envisioned seem to be coming to life. And all these on shoestring budget and just a handful of people. If someone could give me a lever large enough, I could fucking move the Earth! But then, why would someone fund me? They would do it for the money and I cant promise any returns. Hello, reality!

Time for a diversion yet again. The point is, it was a good day. Need to have more of these. The only sad part is that I did not create anything new. If I could change that, I can continue to live the rest of my life exactly like this.

Until next time, over and out.

This close...

If I've ever come close to giving up on the dreams of making it big and working towards the bigness, this is it.

I am this close, as close as it gets to giving up. So much so that I want to pack my bags and leave. To a place where no one knows me and I dont know anyone. Just pack the damn bags and head to a new place, to a new life and restart the goddamn life. Agreed that at 35 I am too old to do this kinda shit but I don't see a way out. I mean don't even see that light at the end of the tunnel.

I know no one else imposed this life on me. I chose this for myself. I made this life. Whatever I have, whatever I dont, all of it is a direct outcome of choices I've made. I can of course cry that I did not get the opportunities that others got. I can whine about the non-existent silver spoon in my mouth. But will the rant matter? No!

All I know is that this is not the life I signed up for (but I probably deserved earned). I need to find the reset button. Or may be, the giveup button. Whatever it is. Need to find it. And hit it.

Work with hands!

One of the things that I had decided I will do #in2018 is to work with my hands. That means I will take up carpentering, painting, guitar, calligraphy, card-tricks or anything of that sort that makes me use my hands. Hands. Fingers.

One may argue that typing is also using hands. Its easy to type and even though you use qwerty and not Dvorak*, its fascinating to see your fingers do the dance on the keyboard. But then writing is for writing. Not for hitting two birds with one stone. You know what am saying?

So, as I think about this, there are few reasons for trying to work with hands. Here's a list.

A. I love action. This essentially means that I need to be able to fidget with something all the time. No no. Not fidgeting with a spinner or a cube. That's just plain consumerism. But fidgeting with something that adds up**.

B. I cant even twist or roll a pen in my hands (you know that thing that a lot of engineers do?). I need to learn that! Or something like that. Why? Why not? Its such a cool thing to do!

C. Finally, its a new skill. I think the day I stop learning is the day I will die. And while I do learn on the job, I do learn with each thing I do, I need to add new things to my repertoire.

I remember a few years back, each month I learnt a new thing (how to solve a Rubik's, remember a randomly shuffled deck of cards, juggle three balls etc). May be I need to bring that theme back? No, none of these will enable me to make a living but these will expand faculties that I don't use right now.

Ergo.


Ok. So I have established that I will use my hands, what would I pick?

There's guitar. That I've tried my hands on since I was in the 9th standard. And I've failed at. Since I was in the 9th standard. Lets just say I don't have what it takes to learn it. Or maybe, I'll pick it up and apply the 20-hour principle? Or may be, I'd do Khartal (that I ordered yesterday).

What do you recommend?

Oh, one more thing. In the end, ladies and gents, the question for you is, what new skill are you acquiring this year?


* I saw a video summary of a book on how to learn any skill in 20 hours. The author changed his keyboard from the start qwerty to a more efficient Dvorak in 20 hours. I don't want to. Because the kind of work I do requires me to work on multiple computers, often in crunch situations. So I want to keep that faculty intact. 

The point is that I can learn a new skill in 20 hours. Why not experiment it on a skill that I requires me to work with my hands? 

**Adding-up has been a consistent theme that has reoccurred in my thoughts last few days. What is adding up? Imagine you were making a pyramid. Every brick you lay makes the wall longer, stronger, higher. Each brick, howsoever small it may be becomes an integral part of the larger wall. Over time, with each insignificant brick, you achieve something large. Think compounding. 

*** Constant learning is the thing that probably gives us the edge. Need to think more on this. Need to talk more on this. 

Writing Off!

Alert. This is a ranty post. Why am I writing this? Because I dont know what else to do about this. I want HAVE to talk about this to someone and get the load off my head. Ideally, talk with a life partner or a business partner. I dont have either. I mean I do have business partners but none of them have any place for emotions in their heads. I also have a few friends and mentors that can lend a patient ear but I am not sure if they understand the battle I go though on a daily basis. Neither do I know if they understand what I am upto in life. I could vent out on the Facebook and twitter but I am not sure what purpose will that serve in all the cacophony around. For that matter, I am not sure what purpose will this blog serve. Once I publish, I will probably forget. But thats the point I guess. To vent out and move on. Here goes. 

So, this stint of working for myself, I started in the Feb of 2015. As I write this, I complete three years of being on my own. And its been one helluva ride. There have been one or two ups and a lot of downs. Its definitely been a great learning experience. Truth be told, I am not really doing that great (compared to how Id be doing if I were working for someone else) but as I think back, I dont think theres anything else that I would have done. There are no regrets, if I may.

However, if I had an option to go back, I would undo a lot of things. Things like never working for someone without taking an advance.

And thats what the rant is about. Stay with me.

In the last three years I must have worked on 20 large projects and about 10 clients (both big and small). And out of those there are 3 clients and 3 large projects that I did NOT get paid for. And I am talking about serious money. About 11 lakhs. In sunk cost and opportunity cost. It may not look like a lot of money to you guys, but to me, its big. Big as in B I G.

The point of this post is to tell myself that I ought to write those off. And write an open letter of sorts to people who get work done and do not pay.

So, here I am. Officially and finally, writing the payment off. I dont really want to name the companies (or the people). Neither do I want to talk about the circumstances which lead to me not getting paid. But there is this thing that I do want to put forth.

Thing is, I am someone who doesnt really have an easily monetizable skill. I am NOT a designer, coder, photographer, fashion blogger, singer, drummer, rich heiress, son of businessman, baker, chef, make-up artiste or anything like that. These people are blessed in the sense that they can make a living whenever they choose and wherever they choose.

Neither am I a career professional who's spent years in a certain industry (or a discipline) with large companies and thus has a CV that can get a super cushy job. Most of my friends from MDI fall in this category.

What I am is a hustler. What is a hustler? You dont know? Stop reading right now. Close the browser. Leave.

People like me, the hustlers, are often the Jacks of all trades. We are aggregators have no marketable skill and often have to fake what we do. We rely on services of others, often working with make-shift teams and arrangements, trying to deliver a great product (or a service) that makes the customer choose us over other more "established" businesses. If I may use a better word, people like me have to hustle and hustle hard to make the ends meet.

And why? For ofcourse the independence. And to make ends meet while hoping that things we do, work on, they add up. Add up bit is important. What do I mean by adding up? That someday all the work we've done, all that we've been through gives us enough name, clout, attention, contacts, relationships, ideas that we can go make that dent in the universe.

So yeah. As long as you get work that adds up, work that continues to pay you and keep the engine going, all is well.

Till the time a client fucks up on the money that is promised to you.

After all, every rupee earned is a tiny step towards that dent. And every rupee lost is a roadblock. When a client decides to not pay, for whatever reasons, they put a roadblock on the path to my progress. In fact I'd say I am dragged back 10 steps - after all, to take up a project I had to let go of other opportunities. No? The other opportunities could mean working on a different project. Could mean that that book I've always wanted to write will have to take the back seat. Why? To earn bread!

In fact, by not paying you dont just put a dent in an individuals meticulous plan for life. But you are an impediment to the whole notion of Karma itself. When you dont pay, you stop, you pull back people like me from realizing their life goals.

You know, the most important commodity is time. And when I invest time... Wait. I dont "invest" time. I "exchange" my time with a client's money. And in this implicit contract, once I have done my part of the deal, I expect and its probably fair for them to hold up their part. And pay up.

But often, they dont. And when that happen that sucks. You are way too small to fight and argue and you'd rather move on. Its just sad.

What makes it worse is that people like me do not belong to the entitled class. We are not big corporations for sure. Neither do we have bankers or VCs on our side to look out for what we work on. More often than not, its an individual like me, trying to hustle hard. To do things, add up and make that dent in the universe.

The simple act of momentarily selfishness by a client stops the wheel of life. And thats not a cool thing to do. No?

So, dear big companies, rich men and other such people, next time you get someone like me to do something, please PLEASE PLEASE pay up! For you its probably loose change. But for someone like me, it could be a shot at a better life.

Thank you!

P.S.: Here's a pledge. I WILL always pay once I have agreed on a number. Even if you take me for a ride, you dont deliver, you do shoddy work, you dont meet expectations, I am willing to understand and give you that extra chance. After all if people like me will not pay it forward, who will?