Four Months of Frugal Life

Credits: This Link

Update. This post that you are reading was made in end of July. Since then, here are the updates on how I fared on living a frugal life. Here is the update from August. 

Now that I am probably the most expensive city in the country with no stable income, I need to somehow stop spending as much I used to once upon a time. In fact lot of my gurus in life (Warren Buffet, VS, VK etc) are proponents of Frugal Living. I never understood the importance of the same before this. Now that I am jobless I will try an experiment with it. It cant really hurt more than a bank balance of Rs. 3417. No?

So first things first.
At any given point in time, I have had just one stable job. And that has been my only source of income. So whatever I make from that job, I survive on it.

I have used buxfer and a custom made excel sheet (mail me if you need the sheet) in the past to track my spends. And the categories where I spend the most are petrol, travel, flights, eating out, gadgets and gifts. Apart from petrol, I could have avoided pretty much all other expenses. When I had a steady paycheck, it did not matter much, now they would. I would work on not spending money like I used to when I was earning.

My spending policy has been, its one life and rather than saving money to help you when you are old, save experiences that you can recall when you are old.

Second.
Thanks to my attempts at tracking where money goes, I can clearly see there are few areas where I could stop spending immediately. Gifts for example. I have always given expensive gifts, even when I couldn't afford them) to friends, family and strangers. I was like the secret "secret Santa" that I even I wasn't aware of and even the recipients did not realize that they have been on the receiving end of pseudo-largesse. I dont know why was I doing it. Now I will stop it all. Family and friends would understand. If they don't, good, Id know who to avoid. Strangers wont care anyway.

I can completely avoid eating out. I can reduce it to bare minimum if nothing else. I would stop working out of coffee shops and make my desk my best friend. I would spend more time at home and thus reduce the cost of intra city travel.

I can live without buying any more gadgets. I have the best smartphone in the market and I think I dont need to change it for another year or so. I have a decent laptop that I am ideally supposed to return but I wont unless my office calls for it. And I dont really need anything else. I would want a large television and a playstation and all that but no. I would give it all to younger cousins etc and try and live a simpler life. More on it later.

Having said all this, I will not compromise on

• Cost of living. I would continue to stay at my current place, expensive by all standards and continue to maintain the same lifestyle (food etc). I dont booze so that saves a lot of money and heartburn.
• Travel. This is my biggest passion in life. I would not let travel opportunities go by. Even if they are expensive, I would take up loans if required.
• Internet. Whatever I am and whatever I am not, is because of my excessive exposure to Internet. I would not stop it. But I would change the consumption pattern. More on this later.
• Time. And finally, I will save time, rather than saving money. So if this means taking a flight to Delhi, rather than train, I would take a flight.

Baby steps to Simpler Life
I read somewhere that its better to err on the side of action. Its been a few months and I have taken it to my heart. So before I wrote about a frugal life, here are the things that I have actioned already

• One of my two phone connections is a Blackberry. It translates into a fixed bill of Rs. 399 per month. I stopped using it. Although this is not a big number, its more of a symbolic thing. I am thus no longer connected on email 24 x 7. Also this would mean that I am no longer stuck in the rut of immediate replies that push emails demand.
• No to long phone conversations that I am dearly fond of. I dont know of an alternative but maybe less talking would help me save money, energy and time that I could use on other pursuits. 
• Reduce the amounts I spend on coffee shops and eating out. I would ration em out. And Even when I am forced to wait a ta coffee shop, I shall do so by ordering the cheapest thing on the menu, without any add on. I am ok with facing the wrath of social proof but I wont spend money. In last three days, I have spend some 300 bucks on coffee. If I was not jobless, I would have spent atleast 5 times than this.
• When traveling I would try and use public transport (read local trains) as much but I would not compromise too bad on this. Its expensive and I would live with it. I would thus walk a lot more and try and spend time close to home only. No more extravagant travel bills to meet random people. This also means that I handpick people that I meet and thus avoid all unhappy, depressed, sad people. I would ofcourse spend on meetings that can get me work et al. I would maintain a separate account for it. Last two days, I have walked lot more, compared to what I would have done in regular situations.
• And no more expensive gifts. Period. 
• And no more gadgets, like I mentioned already. Except one. A music dock. I dont really need it (I evaluated it on this flowchart by Vishal). I  WANT it. Dont know why. I am in that waiting period of ten days that Vishal recommends

On Internet and On living a simpler life.
When I say Simpler Life, I mean a life where I am completely free and I dont get emotionally attached to objects and hoard them in closets. Probably to never open them again. Us humans have that stupid tendency to attach ownership and names to stupif things like books, gadgets, objects. I have been guilty of that. I never give my books to anyone, not even to VG. Starting now, I will start parting with these lifeless objects. They would hopefully free my head of conversations about ownership et al and let me think of other things.

And on Internet, I have been the connected kinds. I have million updates all the time. From facebook, twitter, foursquare, emails from five email accounts that I have, membership to multiple groups (MDI Alumni, Mensa etc). When my phone doesnt ring, I tend to get jittery and am scared to know if the world was falling apart. I always wanted to be the first one to know about anything happening anywhere in the world. Now that I dont have a BB and I have disabled all push notifications, I select times when I login to Internet and check everything. This is keeping my mind at peace and I am not in that constant state of living multiple lives - one in present and other on the TL. Someone said on twitter, "life is what happens to you when you are refreshing your TL". Its a brilliant insight. I would live in the moment lot more. With no notifications to drag me towards them, I would have only one thing to focus on. The present.

Plus I believe if there is something that I need to know, it would permeate through my network and reach me irrespective of my use of Internet or not. So, if the world does fall apart, I would get to know about it. Sooner or later.

Thats it.

What next?
I would spend these four months chasing frugality like its nobody's business. I would try and write about it as well because I have realized that writing makes me structure my thoughts better, apart from helping me hone the craft. I would also continue to make changes in my lifestyle to help me get fitter, calmer and happier. Of course I want to get richer as well.

Do help me if you think I must know of something that would help me in this "project".

The keywords for next four months are freedom, frugalily, life-hacking, simplicity and action. More on these in the next post. Dont know when, but soon.

Summary!
Yesterday I called up my mom and I have never been happier while talking to her. Its probably toughest to mask real feelings when we talk to our folks. My mom, despite all the distance between us, she could sense and see that I was happy. Happy as in the Pursuit of Happyness happy. And I was totally loving it. Never before I have been so relaxed and happy.

And, do pray for me. This time, for a change, I mean it. 

Jul 27, 2013. Ajeeb sa din.

Bill Gates, on a couch, cooking up ideas. Source: Unknown

Today was day 1 after that july evening. And I had told myself that starting today I would watch every penny paisa that I spend. And I would be super selfish about my time. And Id become nobody's fool. And other such things.

But destiny, or rather I, had different plans for me. I dont know why but I decided to go to a mall and I ended up wasting half a day. I did nothing at the mall. Just walked and window shopped. I did not even eat there.

I then had to run a couple of long overdue errands that I got finally out of the way today.

Then I booked a wrong flight and ended up paying twice the fare that I should have.

Then I accepted a meeting request from an acquaintance and then I ended up waiting for a couple of hours for a friend, for dinner.

And in between, since I was so bored, I spent money. And lots of it. About a week's salary. A salary that I no longer earn get. And on things that I didnt need. And on things that are of no value to me and things that I know I would not use.

But then, the meeting with an acquaintance went really well. I got a few ideas that I could work on in the next few days. It actually made that light bulb in my head spark. Like that image of Bill Gates where all he does is cook up ideas. That was a favorite when I was growing up (posted with this post). I then connected this acquaintance with a friend (taking Altucher's advice) and I know the two of them would find each other interesting. And in the end I am really happy that I accepted that meeting request. What if I had to rush like crazy, park my car at a metro station, take the metro and spend an hour to reach him?

The friend I had to meet, she was fun as always. I wish I was even half as cool as her. She does not read blogs or something. She things blogs is for wusses (whatever that means).

And finally I was worried that I had lost papers of my car but I hadnt. I found them in the glove box.

And on top of everything else, I managed to move the Nidhi Kapoor story a bit further.

And yes I read some pages from Eat Pray Love and I am totally loving it. You must read it as well. If there was a man's version, it would have been great. Maybe I'd write one?

But this was an ajeeb sa din. A strange sort of a day. A day that kept me on my toes and kept me cribbing and yet made me content, as I am writing this. Would love to have more of these.

Yet another july evening

This day, in 2009, I quit from Creativeland Asia. And in 2007, on the 8th of July, I quit from my role at GE Money. For the curious cats, this is what I have done in life (my linkedin profile) so far.

I dont know whats with July, but from this day onwards, in 2013, I am taking a break from my full time employment at Gravity India. To work on a few personal projects, that include the Nidhi Kapoor Story (other things are listed below).

However, unlike the other two July dates that I mentioned above, this time the break is temporary and I am hoping once I have done things that I have planned to do in this break, I am accepted back at Gravity. I think they call this sort of an arrangement a sabbatical.

So, while I am on this sabbatical, I want to focus on the following...

1. Achieveing the goals I setup for myself in the beginning of 2013. Some may be almost impossible, for all I have is five months, but bring them to closure for sure.
2. Finish Nidhi Kapoor story. And publish it. Even if it requires me to publish it myself.
3. Travel as much as I can. In fact I am willing to work for free if I am given an opportunity to travel. See below.

Thats all I want from the next few months. Simple.

Oh, for the concerned, I have enough savings to see me through till the end of the year at least. So I think I would be comfortable. But then you never know with the money matters, I can only hope for the best. To mitigate the risk, I would indeed try and take up few freelance assignments with things that I am professionally good at, 1 - Brand Planning and 2 - Events conceptualization, ideas, planning, management. Apart from these two, startups and writing excite me as well. I thus want to explore opportunities to work with, 3 - marketing / product management with startups and 4 - writing (anything and everything).

I do not want to compromise on free time available to me and thus I would look for temporary arrangements only. If you are looking to hire a freelance professional to work on any of the disciplines listed above, please do write in and I'd send my credentials (here is my Linkedin profile). If you cant help directly, please do point me to leads, inputs, tips and anything else that you think I may need to know while I am by myself.

My contact details are here.

And thats about it. This is the second time I am taking a leap of faith. First time around, it dint really work for me (in the hindsight, we were doing some good things but we were doing a lot of bad things as well). I am not really anymore wiser this time around but this time, Inshallah, the leap of faith would help me take off, rather then send me crashing down a steep hill.

Hello, Dear Existential Crisis

Once upon a time when I was young, I took pride in my inability to cope up with the QLC that I knew I was going through. I just did not know how to live through it. There were confusing thoughts and emotions. So much so that I even boasted about it in parties.

But thankfully this was way back in 2009 when it was still in vogue and people would ask what was QLC and you'd get 15 minutes seconds of fame. But then like any trend wave, everyone I know seems to be riding onto it now and everyone is seemingly clambering through it.

Like a real trend setter and "early adopter" I thus needed to move on. And thus, now I have a new muse. My suffering from Existential Crisis.

Every morning before I set out to seize the day (hello Mr. Cliche), I lie in bed and try to focus my old eyes onto the ceiling and think about purpose of life and the reason why I am here. Despite concentration that can put a yogi to shame, I cant seem to find the reason, purpose or meaning of life. Not all life mind you, but my life. Saurabh Garg's life. Everyone else around me seems to have figured out things. Some people are happy playing the cog in a giant wheel, some are happy in the rat race, some are content with being just a number in large payrolls at giant corporations. Hell, I am not even a number. But then I cant think for the entire day, the AC bill would be huge that way. So I am forced to move out from my bed and find answers to my perennial  problem.

And like any other thinking human, I am trying to drive the blues away by indulging into various experiments (and projects). Thankfully, I am so much of a scatter brain with attention span of few nano-seconds, I have been able to hop on to multiple projects easily. While I continue to explore more, the notable experiments have been

• re-reading English, August (everytime I read it, it gives me a new perspective on life, so much so that I believe that it must be made a mandatory reading for anyone older than 18)
• discovery of interesting music (now a days my favorite song is this song called Harvest Moon by Neil Young, here is a cover by Pearl Jam)
• watching interesting films (amongst all the films I saw, notable is Eat Pray Love. Do watch it. It can change your life. It may change mine as well. Time shall tell. It did give me my current favorite song)
• learning to write code (I started with Python, moved onto PHP and now enjoying working with CSS. I use Coursera and CodeAcademy. These tools are amazing. Do try them out. And I think I would end up as a front end guy rather than complex behind the scene code)
• writing (the blog and Nidhi Kapoor Story) 
• playing lots and lots of tourneys of online poker (for play money of course and losing miserably at all those)
• toying with multiple business ideas (been toying since I was 10 and yet havent been able to close on any)
• watching a lot of TED talks for inspiration (but inspiration for what?)
• and finally evaluating myself on the goals that I had set for myself when 2013 began (there are more on my Evernote and at the half way mark, I seem to be failing on every count).

Of these I am very kicked about the code bit. If you know me, you would know about Kunal (linkedIn) and my exploits with C when we were in college. And there is no reason why I cant get good at code again. Just that I am on the wrong side of age and common sense says that I need to work on things that I can delegate, rather than getting involved into. But then I know I am scatterbrain and I would move on. Lets when the fatigue sets in.

And most disappointed about my mid year review and my inability to stick to medium term goals (6 mo). Thankfully there is time and I can still take corrective actions. 

On an unrelated note, since I have been spending a lot of time on TED, here is a screenshot of a slide from this TED talk on flow.

This slide is apt here because this slide demonstrates the reason of my existential issues. I think my problem is that I am in the Apathy and Boredom zone of the chart. To be able to find meaning and other such things, I need to move right and up. Ideally I would want to reach the Flow zone but even a shift to Anxiety would do. The question that I cant seem to find an answer to, is how do I move to the Flow bit.

Any clues?

I am alive!

I am alive.

Not alive as in experiencing the Icelandic colds or doing the African safari or living the American dream etc but alive as in breathing and standing on my feet. If the past few days are any indication, I would've been dead by now.

What started as a bout of fatigue from a long drive in the hinterlands on a car clearly not suited for the purpose, turned into a case of acute diarrhea and I suddenly found myself shitting all the time for almost 5 days. So much that it hurts to even sit again on a pot.

And since I dont trust doctors in general and dont go to them for minor ailments, I suffered the attack of the bowels.

Thankfully I was forced to take medications and I am on what seems like the road to recovery. I am finally  able to work on my computer again. This means I would resume work on Nidhi Kapoor's story and the new idea that I have had. And this does not mean that I have started to trust the medical profession again.

This post, is to let everyone (whoever cares) to know that I am back. Thank you for asking.

On dreams. And yet another project.

Today I made the first tranche of payment for yet another project. For the record, this is the third time when I am paying for a project and substantial amounts at that. Both the previous ones, sadly did not do well. Heck, what do I mean "do well"? I didn't even work on those apart from outsourcing a few simple tid bits and paying through the roof for those. FYI and FMI, the other two projects are Saboon (aka Made With Love) and Brownie Points.

This one, unlike the last two where I sunk money and did nothing about, I plan to get off the ground. Let me park this bit, for a bit.

Unrelated note, Neo sent me this awesome quote, which is apt here...

Build your own dreams, or someone else will hire you to build theirs. -Anonymous

So far I have spent my entire adult life in building dreams for others. I have spent countless sleepless nights working on those dreams, I have lied for those dreams, I have done things that I have hated doing for those dreams, I have almost sold my soul for those dreams and I have put in my best years to work on those dreams. And if not a major one, I have definitely made notable contributions to those dreams.

Connecting this and the thought I parked above, its about time I did something about my dreams. I mean I dont really know what my dreams are but I know that it definitely does not include what I am doing right now. I dont even know if this project is my dream. But its a step up for sure. After 55555, this is the second thing that I am working on in 2013. And unlike the previous ones, I promise myself that I would bring this to an end.

While I am writing this, I remembered, one of my ex-bosses captured me in a brilliant line. He said that I am a very good beginner but a very poor finisher (prospective employers, judge me). When I look back, I realize that not finishing has been a common theme in my life across all spectrum - relationships, work and my dreams. And its time to bring things to a conclusion, on all the three facets.

Starting with this one.

More details on this as and when I come close to the finishing it. Like always, I am looking for co-conspirators. If you liked Jerry Mcguire, you could be interested in this. Please contact me of leave your details in comments below.

Alice? Who the fuck is Alice?

Facts, before I get into a long drawn rant.

• A. I do NOT belong to a family that teaches their kids to speak English before they could start walking. In fact English is a very new phenomenon to me, so new that I can clearly see the day when someone asked me to talk about "honesty is the best policy" for 1 minute for a job interview at a call centre and all I could do was repeat the same line again and again for about 30 seconds before I was interrupted and was told to leave. 
• B. Since I am new to English, I do not really enjoy western music as a matter of policy. There are some that I do love but in general I do not like western music.
• C. I went from a totally nondescript college to one of the best in India for my post graduation. And since I was at this totally cool place I wanted to be accepted in the herd. So much so that I faked all I could. Not that it helped me. I am still as socially inept as I was when I got there but I did learn how to mingle without getting noticed. I think I am so invisible in a party that if it was crashed by kidnappers wanting to take hostages, I could dance in the middle of the room and not even one person, hostages or kidnappers, would notice me. 

And here is the rant.

So we have this tradition of a freshers' bash at college where they throw a party for the incoming class and everyone gets drunk like shit. The lucky ones get to score, the partying ones get to party hard and people like me get to learn. And the first thing I learnt there was, how to dance. Not dance as in contestants on Indian Idol or Dance India Dance or something but like a chicken, who's feet have been tied together and is trying to escape the butcher. Its a huge step up for me, the last attempt to dance before this resulted in my parents getting worried and calling a doc.

The second thing I learnt was this song called, 24 years living next door to Alice. The song was like any other English song that I had heard till then. Someone sang in English that was mostly incomprehensible to me, save a few words here and there. And then the singer would take a break, a riff would play and the song would hit the crescendo and send the audience in maddening frenzy. However, on the Alice song, when the singer took a break and the riff came, I learnt that I was supposed to yell, "Alice! Who the fuck is Alice?" as loud as I could and if I did that, I'd become part of a really cool set of people. The ones who know their music, English music. And who knew all the cool things to say. And the ones who laugh like mad people after that. I loved it. For the first time ever, I was a cool dude. I thanked God, for I was a  believer then and requested the DJ to play it over and over again so that I could yell the expletive again and again.

And after that freshers' party on a summer sultry day in 2004, its been almost 10 years now, every time I hear the song, my mind automatically inserts "Alice! Who the fuck is Alice?" in that silence. Like the Pavlov's dog. Life was all good and I got giggles and smiles from the members of opposite sex when I yelled those words out loud. I thought it was the secret to the game. So I mastered it and whenever I wanted attention, I would get the song to play and then I would yell out the magic words and lo and behold, I would become a huge magnet to attention and envy. Totally loved it.

But then one day last week, en route to office, I heard the original Alice and my whole world came crashing down around me. It never occurred to me that the song could exist without the reference to the question. I mean I have often pondered over the song and I could never understand why such a beautiful love song has those agonizing words. The song is like a beautiful tribute to the memory of a girl that you could never talk to. It has happened to me so many times that I could be my story. In my case the names would change to D, M, A, R etc (each word is the first letter of the name of a crush that I have had for long but could never express).

I had to stop my car, park it on the side of a flyover that looks down to a huge green park and I thought and thought about it, till my head starting hurting. And then I said, "what the fuck, who the fuck is Alice" and I moved on. And then, it hit me. The real meaning. Of Alice. And who the fuck is Alice.

Do listen to the original. Its one of the most beautiful songs ever written. And yes, if you are curious, you may read about it here. And yes, this page, someday would be a part of my biography. And like all my other books, you may pre-order my biography here.

My First Angel Investment

Ladies and Gentlemen, Boys and Girls and Children of all ages, I proudly announce that I am now officially an Angel Investor. I made my first investment (tiny by all standards) in a friend's venture. He is quitting has quit his plush job to start a business that he and another friend first discussed three years back. Its an online business that attempts to sell things that people cant live without. Its nothing new to be honest, there are 4-5 direct competitors in the market. For these guys, their edge is their confidence and impeccable focus on execution.

It couldn't have come at a better time. People are warming up to using Internet to buy all kind of things, they dont mind using credit cards and they are ok with the concept of ordering things without touching/feeling the material.

As an Angel Investor, I understand that my role goes beyond merely being the Uncle Scrooge (and providing with monetary support). The job is more about helping the business grow with expertise in a certain domain and contacts. I am not too sure if I have either but I can try for sure. I may not be good with marketing but when it comes to brainstorming, I believe I can contribute well. I am also good at situations that requires one to draw lessons from multiple disciplines and as the cliché goes, connect the dots. I am hoping that these guys can make good use of whatever limited skills I have.

In terms of measurable contribution, I am supposed to help them with marketing their service and help them reach their target audience. The good part is that they have been able to define their target consumer in so much detail that I can see her walking down the street. The bad part is that we dont really have any money to reach our target customer. But like they say, what is life without a good challenge. This is the first new thing that I am doing in 2013. Wish me luck.

And if you think you can help with giving me ideas on how to market the product, please do let me know, I would be happy to share more details.

Rant. On Writing.

I have heard from a lot of people that writing is one of the most strenuous and lonely pursuits that us humans can undertake. Of course its not as extreme as tight rope walking or mountain climbing or cross country swimming but its a very taxing thing to do. I have been (posing as) one for some time now and I can totally vouch for the lonely and stressful bits.

And unlike mountain climbing or tight rope walking or tennis, the rewards of writing are rather scarce, to say the least. If you have conquered a high peak, you are at the top of the world, literally. If you have walked on a tight rope, you have conquered, not one but two of man's greatest fears - height and nature (gravity, wind, nerves etc). If you have endured a long swimming route, you have pushed your physical limits and placed yourself in top 0.001 percentile of all humans to have walked on the Earth.

But writing, even if you manage to finish a short essay, what do you achieve? I dont understand at all why would someone want to write. Take me for example. Why do I write?

One may argue that once your have finished something, you get a shot at immortality. At least temporary immortality. This is true for all artists actually. If not for The Count of Monte Cristo and other such brilliant pieces of work, no one would have known Dumas. If not for Godfather amongst others, no one would have known Puzo. So on and so forth. So writing gives you an opportunity to create something that outlives you. And if you do it well, it can outlives your next few generations as well.

I, being a religious follower of the Society for Hedonist Indians, believe in instant gratification. And I know that things that give me fame, money, notoriety, etc after I am dead are of no use to me. So what could the pursuit of writing get me in this life time? From a few friends who have been able to do so, I think the right answer is audience. In this connected world, where every human has not just one mouth but multiple outlets and platforms (blogs, twitter, facebook etc) to rant about things, being a writer gives you access to certain audience. And that audience allows you to create something that may outlive you, even when you are alive.

There are no guarantees mind you that there would be audience, glory, riches or anything else. For every piece that gets successful, there must be 1000 others that rot in anonymity. But I think that shot at immortality is too tempting to let go. No?

Chapter 3. The Letter.

This is part 3 in a series. You may want to read part 1 and part 2 first.  

"So who do you think wants to kill you"?, asked Prakash, to no one in particular. He always let his questions hang in the air like that. One of his theories was to ask questions to no one in particular and let the audience answer. And more often than not, whoever responded first, in all likelihood happened to have a solid motive for the crime.

The scene in Nidhi's bedroom was morbid. She sat curled up like a fetus on the sill of giant french windows. The sill has been designed to hold a small platform that someone could sit on. It looked like the comfort place for Nidhi. It was padded with a rich cushion and there was a small coffee table next to it. Nidhi was holding onto her knees in front of her chest and was rocking back and forth slowly. If this was not for real, it could pass off as a scene from one of her numerous rom-com movies. Nidhi was the undisputed queen of Indian romantic movies of this decade and along with Kabeer Khan, had inspired millions of love stories.

She was wearing a light pink linen tank top and white hot pants and despite her distraught shape, a generous amount of her flawless skin was on display. Despite his known aversion to the members of opposite gender, even Prakash could not stop admiring Nidhi's well sculpted body. Prakash concluded that Nidhi must be the kinds to go to the gym religiously. Prakash also noticed that the windows behind Nidhi overlooked the garden and the swimming pool. Thanks to the Ashoka trees, from Nidhi's vantage point, you could not see anything outside the house. And vice versa.

In the room, in presence, in various states of distraught was Nidhi's entourage. Next to the french windows, on a writing table sat yet another strikingly good looking woman, of about 25 or so. Her hips were casually resting against the table and her arms were folded in front of her chest. She was wearing a pair of skin tight denims and a bright tee shirt. Prakash guessed that she must be Payal, Nidhi's manager and close friend. Prakash quipped to himself, "Even this Payal could be an actress". On the bed, sat the famous Neelima Kapoor, Nidhi Kapoor's mother. Prakash did not have any difficulty identifying her. He had seen his share of films when he was young. Though Neelima was old now, one could see that she would have been a splendid beauty in her heydays. Next to the bed, on a chair, sat Naveen Kapoor. He still had a look of hostility in his eyes and body language. He was talking softly to Neelima and Prakash could not hear their conversation, even though he was in the same room as them. Two servants, apparently a middle aged couple were busy tending to all those present in the room. The lady was standing next to Nidhi and the man was standing against a wall, close to Naveen.

Unlike the rest of the house, Nidhi's room was rather spartan. Apart from rich embroidered curtains, thick rugs and cushions in all shapes and sizes, a very few items of vanity were at show. Unlike the reception hall and her study, the bedroom did not have a single picture of Nidhi or her movie posters. Prakash found it rather strange. Prakash also noticed that the room did not have a single book. It did have a large Sony television and a few bollywood and hollywood DVD stacked neatly in the cabinet, just the way books and vinyl records were stacked in the office. He also saw a Harman Kardon music dock on the writing table where Payal was standing, connected to a mobile phone. There was no music playing though. There was some sort of a walk in closet on the far side of the room and Prakash could not see it from where he was standing but could make out that it was a dressing room, closet and storage, all rolled into one. There was another door next to the closet. It apparently led to the bath.

Prakash waited for Nidhi to answer but she continued to rock back and forth slowly on her hips. When no one else volunteered an answer, Prakash started to move towards Nidhi but Naveen interrupted, "This is not the right time to ask her such questions. Cant you see she is already troubled. If not for the shoot yesterday, God knows what would have happened. You must leave us alone now. I'd have a word with Commissioner Sharma."

Prakash shot an angry glance at Naveen. Prakash's eyes were hard and cold like a stone. Even though he was a small man, his eyes could easily send shivers down the spine of even hardened criminals. But Naveen did not flinch. He instead got up from the chair, walked between Prakash and Nidhi and folded his arms over his chest. Prakash realized that Naveen was either overprotective of Nidhi or was trying to shield her for some reason. Prakash said, "I am merely trying to help your family here, not that I want to. I don't really care about these mutts but the letter is a serious matter. I am sure you must be used to getting death threats all the time but do any of you realize that this time it is for real?"

Prakash took back a step. He was about to go out of the room. He paused and said, "Tambe, give me that letter." Without waiting for an answer, he literally snatched the letter from Tambe and placed it on the empty chair that was previously occupied by Naveen. He continued, "This letter was in the typewriter in the room downstairs. If after reading this, you change your mind, you may talk to Mr. Sharma and come see me at the station."
 
At the mention of the typewriter, Nidhi turned her neck slowly at Prakash. Prakash noticed the movement and for an instant he and Nidhi were looking into each other eyes. Prakash thought that Nidhi's eyes were her best feature and could now imagine why all her films did so well despite lack of any substance. Nidhi broke the gaze and glanced around the room, searching for the letter that Prakash was talking about. She found it on the chair and then she stared at it, wrapped inside a transparent evidence bag. She looked at the letter and then at Prakash and then at her mother, Neelima. Finally she rested her eyes on the letter.

Prakash noticed Nidhi staring at the letter, he turned around and left the room. Praveen followed him with a nonchalant walk. Renu was too dumbfounded to make anything of this. She was standing close to the door and after Prakash left the room, everyone, except the famous Nidhi Kapoor, was starting at her. She did not know how to react. She retraced her steps, turned around and stumbled out of Nidhi's room.

Renu climbed down the stairs and ran after Prakash and Praveen. She caught up with them when they had reached the lawn and were almost out of the main entrance to the house. Renu said, "What is this? You would simply walk away? Shouldn't you investigate further?"

Prakash looked at her, began to talk, and then stopped short in his tracks. He was staring at something behind Renu. Praveen and Renu turned around as well and they saw Nidhi Kapoor running towards them. They were stunned at Nidhi's sudden transformation from a shock-stricken young dame to having total control of her sense.

"Wait, wait", she was panting. She continued. "Sir, wait a minute please. I want to speak to you about this". She was holding the letter in her left hand and was waving it frantically in the air. Behind Nidhi, Prakash and party could see Naveen Kapoor and Payal Chopra trying to catch up to Nidhi.

Prakash said, "What about it? Clearly your uncle believes that he does not need my help. Contrary to popular belief, we are really short staffed and..."

Nidhi interrupted Prakash in mid speech. She said looked him into his eyes and said, "Ok, stop it. I apologize for my uncle. He is like that only. Please. You know, my dogs and cat were very important to me. I am not worried about the attack or the letter. I have been getting such threats since I was a kid. But I really want to see the bastard punished. Please help me."

By this time, while talking, Nidhi had come really close to Prakash without anyone realizing it. She was holding onto Prakash's arm by now.

Prakash underwent a sudden transformation. He looked at his arm. Nidhi realized it and let go. Prakash said, "Ok, I would need to ask you a few things. You will have to lodge an official police complaint about this letter. Can we sit somewhere quiet?"

Nidhi nodded like an obedient school kid and led them to her bedroom once again. She went and sat on her window sill. Prakash asked everyone else to wait in other rooms while he interrogated Nidhi at length. Renu observed that Nidhi was composed throughout the entire interview and volunteered information at a few places even though she was not asked.

After Nidhi, Prakash spoke to Payal, Neelima and two servants. He did not interrogate Naveen. Prakash relied on his memory to notice details and interviews, Renu on the other hand took copious amount of notes of all interviews. Praveen in the meanwhile had left to work with the rest of police team that had arrived to take a stock of the crime scene.

Prakash eventually got Nidhi and Naveen in a room and said, "I'd be leaving now. My team is already here and is working in your study. They would leave in a bit. I would need those CCTV tapes as and when you can get those. Please send them over. And let me know in case you need an extra cover of security."

Prakash and Renu walked out. As they were coming out of the house, Renu asked, "What do you make of these interviews"?

Prakash said, "Everyone seemed to cooperate. I could not read anything in any one's body language. I don't think someone would have had the balls to barge into the house with all the security and electronic surveillance. The animals were plain unlucky. Everyone believes that if Nidhi was not out for a shoot, she wouldn't have been with us."

Prakash continued, "It has to be an insider. But cleaving these animals like this, I don't think a woman is capable of doing it. Naveen Kapoor looks like those typical rich snobs but I he is not capable of hurting anyone. He is a rather meek person and he hides behind his loud mouth. If he wasn't related to Nidhi and Neelima, he couldn't be anything more than a mere orderly in a large building. So I think I can rule him out but I have been wrong in the past. The servants have been with Kapoors since last 15 or so years. So I don't know. Everyone seems to be above suspicion. I have asked Naveen for tapes from CCTV. Let's see what comes out of those. What did you think?"

Renu was back to her usual self, "Hmmm, makes sense. I thought as much. I have a few observations as well. But before that, I am starving. Can we please go and grab something to eat please?"

Prakash was getting irritated. He said, "I'd be in my office. I'd drop you to some place on the way."

Renu played along, "Of course. Now that you have The Nidhi Kapoor's phone number, why would you talk to a mere reporter? That Payal is not bad either. No?"

Prakash shot an angry glance and did not say anything. Renu continued, "But what was in that letter that made her forget all her worries and run to you like that?"

Prakash took the letter out of his pocket, handed it over the letter to Renu and said, "Here, read it for yourself. Hand it over to Tambe once you are done."

Dear Nidhi,

I have been trying to get in touch with you for so long. I have tried to speak to you so many times but you are always busy. Today Nidhi, the separation from you got the better of me and I had to come and meet you. I went to your film set but you had left by that time. I thought I would catch up with you here at your home. I knew you would be in your study. Didn't you say so in your interviews?

I came here and well well well, I was surprised to see all those books. I did not know you were interested in reading. You have never mentioned that anywhere. But it was a good surprise. May be when we are together, we could take a few books with us for the holidays.

Coming back, I loved your room and just when I sat down on the couch to play some music, your dogs and cat starting growling at me. Thanks to that documentary about you on the Discovery channel, I knew about them and I had come prepared. I had a pack of biscuits laced with sedatives and it was easy to pacify the greedy animals.

I just sat there and I waited and waited and waited for you. Since I did not have anything to do, I thought I'd play with your pets. But the silly creatures were almost asleep and were no fun. And I thought, why not just remove them from the scene altogether? I started with the cute pug. I know you call it Cho. Ever since that mobile phone company used it in their ads, every one has bought one. Did you also get it because of that ad Nidhi? Even if you did, thanks to me, its gone now. I held the pug in my arms and twisted it neck like a coil, like that wristwatch that you had to wound regularly. I did it till the neck snapped with that sweet sound of the bone breaking. Its the most comforting sound ever Nidhi, the sound that a bone makes when it breaks. Someday I would make you hear it.

Ceaser, the bulldog was next. You know I tied one of it hind legs to the writing table. I actually wanted to write this letter on its belly. I would have been the best love letter ever. I started to write but despite the drugs, the damn dog did not stop moving at all. I got so angry so angry that I just stabbed him in the belly with your pencils. And then it started to cry. Can you believe it? Cry! A dog. I just plunged a pencil in its face so that it would stop crying.

The cat, was surprisingly easy. I merely had to lift it up and slam it on the floor some three four times. You know I was surprised to know that cats don't really bleed as much as dogs, or even us humans do.

And then I cleaned all the mess. I piled them on top of each other on the nice carpet. It made a brilliant sight. And then I started to wait again! I waited till almost the morning. I wanted to stay longer but I had to go. If I am missing from my room for too long, they will know. And I don't want them to know about me. But of course you know who I am. Don't you?

I will be in touch. Will meet soon. You and I are meant to be together. This word can't keep me away from you any longer. There are so many things that I need to tell you Nidhi, so many.

Till the time we meet, you please take care. And wait for me. 

Renu got so engrossed in reading the letter that she did not realize that Prakash had left her alone in the sprawling lawns of the Kapoor's. She looked around and found Tambe smirking at her. Tambe said, "Madam, saheb has left. I am also done talking to the guards. I am heading towards the police station. Do you want a lift?"

Renu nodded and said to herself, "something is not quite right here. I cant put a finger on it yet though". She was now riding shotgun in an open jeep of Mumbai police and it was flying down the empty expressway.