Anatomy of an ugly day, Dubai 2018, Day 04

If Day 3 was bad, Day 4 was ugly (read about the good and the bad). And ugly as in painful to the point where you want to die. I kid you not. I wanted to escape Dubai and go back home. Not to someone but home. A physical space (that even though is rented, I can call my own). And why home? Because I have my comfort zone there.

Lemme pause here.

I want to talk about three things today. My comfort (and the comfort zone), money and attachment detachment (conundrum).

A. Comfort Zone
Thanks to the day that has gone by, I now know the meaning of comfort zone. All my life when I’ve said that I’ve always stepped out of my comfort zone, I’ve merely pretended.

Now I know what is discomfort. Now I know what is pain. And I dont mean philosophically - I mean for real! Literal pain. Lemme elaborate.

When I say I am old, I mean it. I like my things in a certain manner and if there is even a slight deviation from things, I get fucked in the head. For example, when I dont get an AC I cant function. When someone speaks rudely to me, I get fucked for days, if not for weeks. I’d never survive with Fletcher (Whiplash). I would give up. I need my space and my time to be able to do great things. I may not be the gifted one but I want to be the one who worked the hardest and I dont need grief for it.

I am digressing. So I said I am someone who wants to live in comfort. This means I want things that are in working condition, clean, new, hygienic and all that. 

This trip to Dubai, with all due respect to the friend who is hosting me, he is after all a bachelor, I haven’t found the conditions that I think are bare minimum for living. That means he is ok with things being unorganised. I on the other hand suffer from OCD and I get sleepless nights if all objects on the table are not aligned well. So I am not happy about the cleanliness and all that. Thing is, back home, labour is cheap and we have a million people to help on things and in Dubai, there are no maids and that means its a lot of work keep things maintained. And you cant expect someone living by himself to work hard for hours and then go back to cleaning things. 

And no, I dont have the energy to fix it. If I were to spend my energy fussing over things like that, I was happy staying in India. At least the psycho maid gets shit done even if its too much effort. The point of being away from Mumbai was to not have anything that could potentially fuck my happiness. I think I need an assistant. Lol. Any applicants? 

So, anyhow, to cut the long story short, I am finding it impossible to be in peace and thus, finding it impossible to think and all that.

As I write this, one voice in my head (don’t know which one - rationalising, patronising, the one that wants me to give up or any other) is asking me to rush to a hotel that is comfortable and offers a nice view and all that and just focus on the task at hand. The other side of me (again, I dont know which one is asking me to battle is out).

The third voice in my head is evaluating all this and telling me that I am such a fool to heed to these thoughts. Mark Zuckerberg is influencing public perception, Elon Musk is sending rockets to moon, Jeff is the richest man, Bill is eradicating diseases etc. And here I am, talking of comfort and all that.

The fourth voice is telling me that all those people have been able to do all of that because the basic needs are taken care of and while I may be old, I am still struggling to make ends meet!

You see, I am like the Ravana with multiple heads and multiple voices - each in sharp contrast to each other. 

Coming back. So yeah, comfort is a challenge. 

B. Money.
So, money is important and all that. And money is not important either.

Important: While money may not buy happiness (I dont agree to this - it may not be able to buy happiness, it can definitely make life more comfortable and comfortable life is very similar to a happy life).

Not important: I’ve always had this notion that the kind of money I have, if I save a large part of it, it will never add up to even a crore in the next 5 years! And the amount that I dont save can upgrade my lifestyle by a few notches. Its a battle between promise of a bank balance of a crore in the next 10 years. Or a better lifestyle for the time that I have right now. 

I am thus better off spending that money and enjoying life. 

So I think I can not let the limitness of money guide my decisions. So, for example, when I travel, I want to travel in luxury. I cant do backpacking or something. Lemme give a further example here. Some people say that a hotel is not important as you spend just the hours you sleep. I on the other hand want it to be nice because not being able to sleep fucks up the experience of the day. 

So when I am not at home, I spend money like I own all the money in the world. To the point of being wasteful about it. Which is not cool to be honest. But then I have rationalised it to myself, by telling myself that it saves me anguish and grief and brains and thought and all that. And I am absolutely ok with that notion.

And why am I talking about this? Because Dubai as a city is expensive af. 

Funnily, one to the key criteria of choosing Dubai as the destination for the break was the low cost. I was under the impression that it will be cheap and convenient. This is turning out to be anything BUT cheap. Or convenient. Each ride (taxi, Uber or Metro) is expensive beyond imagination. Lemme share numbers. I’ve been here 4 (plus 1) days here as we speak and I’ve spent 40 fucking thousand! 40000. The amount of money I spend in a month when am in Mumbai (which is not cheap by any standards either). On top of that is money I’ve spent on tickets (and rescheduling). This is easily the most expensive trip of my life. For lesser than this, I’ve done 3 weeks in Europe some years ago. Again for little less than this, I did 3 weeks in America in 2013 or so! If I add the money that I am going to spend on the hotel (if I want my comfort back), the number will probably become enough to buy me a RTW, three times over. And PS I know of people who are paid by the world to travel. And I know people who’ve been to a 100+ countries and have done it on the back of their points! 

If I know these giants who are so anal about their plans and all that, I am probably the greatest fool in the world to have taken the break without any planning per se. Maybe I am.

Break.
If this sounds like a whiny man, I am sorry. I am merely presenting facts. 

Back to work. 

C. The attachment detachment conundrum. I’ve been here 4ish days now and I did not miss anyone in the last few days. Not my parents, not my sister, not my friends, not my work, not my girl, not my muses, not my people and not my place. May be I will miss them when I am miserable. I am not miserable right now (I am on the edge though). Is it good to be devoid of emotions? And what is a man if there are no emotions? As I write this, I am listening to “uske the jo sapne, wohi uske they apne, aisa tha Sindbad the Sailor. Am I Sindbad? I'd probably never find out. And as they say, a different decision, reserved for a different day. 

Thats about it I guess for today's post.

One More Thing Few More Things
D.1. The other thing that has happened is that I've learnt that I can not manage the Keto diet while I am here. One of the original goals was to lose weight and get fitter while I am here. That is not happening for sure. I tried and I did buy paneer and eggs on my first day here. I managed it for 2 days but it just became too difficult to manage. Difficult, mind you. Not impossible. So, I took the easy way out. Quit. 

D.2. I met a senior from MDI for a coffee and while narrating my life story, I told him that "I am no petty thief. I wanted the whole world or nothing" 

Reminded me of the promise with which I started. Gave me the spring in the step to bounce back and come from the slump. I promise I will. Day 5 on, things WILL become better. Will post things here.

The Silver Lining
So, this is the first time when am trying to live (live as in live, not visit or travel) in a different country and think on things. Even though I am creature of habit, am loving the unfamiliarity (what familiarity Mr. Garg? You may be in dubai but you are still at Starbucks! May be. But context is unfamiliar. And do you see the power of global brands?). I love that I am catching up on sleep when I am in transit (because I cant sleep at home). I like that I am walking so much and ducking in and out of places and I am taking decisions that I was not taking back home. This is a new me. I've not experienced anything like this. 

Plus I am loving the idea that I am a stranger in place that I dont know about. I’ve always romanticized the idea. I hope Vivek is reading this. And even better is that I am not just living like a nomad, I am actually here on a mission, for a purpose. To figure out where I want my life to move. And I love the idea, the mere thought, that I can move anywhere and try to setup the new. This is probably how those travellers in the times gone by would've felt?

Just that I need to ensure that these things make money. 

So, yeah. While this post is about things that are going wrong, the silver lining is that I am now VERY sure that I will take similar trips at least once a year, if not twice or more times. 

Where can I go next? I am thinking a cold place that has a 24-hours library (to work out of) and a gym or a swimming pool close by. 

Just that next time I will be better prepared.

Summary?
I’ve realised that I want comfort and I cant survive without comfort. Thats not a great thing. I always thought I could. Need to think more on it. As Guru Ji taught, this too shall pass, this will INDEED pass. 

I will have to see times when I won’t have the money to just book a ticket and take off. Or escape from an unclean room to fancy hotel at the swipe of a card.

Thank you for reading this! 

Saurabh Garg
April 16, 2018
Dubai

Update. I got myself a hotel. And its been such an amazing decision. Should've done this sooner. And see this ad when you get time...

Anatomy of a bad day, Dubai 2018, Day 03

Today was Day 3 in Dubai. I dont have much to report (nothing of importance happened) but I know what to talk about. Remember yesterday's post? I said that yesterday was a good day. And why? I slept well, ate well, did some work, thought some, I even went for a run (even though it was more of a walk for 2 KMs), learn a few new things and all that.

By that metric, today was as fucked up as a day could be. I did not one of the things that I've listed above! Kid you not. Not one. And on top, I ate a wholesome Indian meal (that means carbs). And I blew money on like a million Diet Pepsis. Goodbye Keto or great teeth!

Keto reminds of that old quip that I've always had. That if I could get some pills that I could just chew on to get the nutrition that my body requires, I'd do that? With Keto, I think I've found the solution. Just that its super hard to arrange for the food. With the Food Darzee subscription, I am sorted for the time I spend in Mumbai. Its just that when I travel, I get fucked. Like last night I had egg curry and paneer parantha. In Dubai. And considering it was made here, it was delicious. And since I've been starving myself for last few days (in absence of Keto options and erratic schedule), I probably enjoyed it all the more. Brings me to another point. I am trying to listen to Geeta as I walk. Now, I am not religious per se but I find that Geeta has quite a few observations about conduct and life and Karma and other things. And for reason, I tend to agree to those. One of the observations in Geeta is about the ability to tame senses that seek pleasure. The question is, does good food merely nourish your body? Or it gives your senses that, well, sensory kick? Answers? Thoughts? 

So yeah. Back to the day.

Like I said already, it was one big giant blur because I had to help a friend and attend the Seamless conference with him. It's a great show. The kinds that I would want to create. I would love to be in the similar business! Rant for another day. For the time being, here are my raw notes from the venue (edited slightly)

• Exhibitions actually work - how can I use these for our advantage? Not as an organiser but as a company, an individual.  
• I have to be better dressed. FAR BETTER!
• Need to get a new domain to send newsletters. Say c4enewsletter.com or c4eReach.com for sending out emails. 
• I need to have a great story to tell and it has to be a story that I believe in. Because if I dont believe in it, I will not be able to sell it with conviction. And the ones that don't have conviction, often get caught! 
• Rather than selling things that people often do not want (and thus they avoid you and all that and relegate you as a mere vendor), you need to have something that people want from you. 
• I will get a lot of flak for this but people outside India are really dumb. They get stuck in this whole work-life balance thing and work by the clock and thus just do that one thing that they are supposed to do. And thus they dont explore things that could make them wiser and better and sharper and all. PS: by dumb I mean people are typically lost and they dont try hard enough. They are content with whatever they have! I mean they want to make money and all that but they want that effing work-life balance as well! 
• Is there a merit in creating a business outside India? That takes advantage of the dumbness of people and yet delivers value? 

It was probably the only good thing I did this. For a change, I participated in there like an exhibitor and the business opportunities are immense. Must make it a point to visit every exhibition and talk to people. 

So yeah. That was that. 

Also, just realised that I have spent one-third of my break on doing frivolous things. I have about 10 more days to go and I am nowhere close to a decision or a movement on any of the thousand goals I had. I am not reading, I am not thinking, I am not running, I am not eating well. I dont have a life plan. I dont have any notes on what are the ethos that I want to live by. 

Heck why am I here then? I could’ve stayed back in Mumbai and used this lakh on something tangible! 

Brings me to a point. Why do we travel? Do give pleasure to our senses? Or to make the world jealous? I have a definitive thought on this (to experience new things and to run away) but its for a longish blogpost. I'll probably write it one of these days. What do you think why do we travel?

And last but not the least, what can I do to use the rest of my time well?

-
Saurabh Garg
April 15, 2018
Dubai

Anatomy of a good day, Dubai 2018, Day 02

Few of my favourite things. #suckerForBrands #loveRed @Apple @Starbucks @StarbucksIndia #note2self #loveMyLife #gratitude pic.twitter.com/4IqNZttwsM

— SG (@saurabh) April 14, 2018

Day 2 in Dubai. Technically third day but I am not counting the day I arrived here. So, day 2. Here's a list of things that I did yesterday...

• Woke up early. Went to a Starbucks. Read and wrote and day-dreamt for about 4 hours. Published this and this.
• Ate a late lunch. It included loads of Diet Coke and some bit of boiled rice. 
• Roamed around Dubai. Did not go to a single touristy place (except a large departmental store to buy groceries for Keto). Soaked in sights and sounds and smells and conversations and Diet Coke. 
• Had peanut butter for dinner and slept early. Sleep is still fitful to be honest - second day on the trot that I havent been able to sleep well. Need to work on this. 
• No exercise.
• Blew like 30K in the last few days even though I am staying with a friend (large pieces of expenses are running shoes - lol, AirPods (which are amazing AF), groceries and commute (Uber is expensive AF here)).

Apart from this, I was pretty ok. I did not have any dark clouds shrouded over my head. I was, for a change, not worried about the future. While Dubai is not the place for poor or for middle-class people on holidays, I would've ideally been fucked in the head for things but I did ok. 

So how could I do this? What enabled me? Here's a list. 

• While I am here, I am on a break. That means that I dont have a full-time job that mandates that I spend my time (physically and mentally) occupied with something. I am so relaxed that its not funny. I would love to remain in this state for perpetuity. But then, I know that life is not meant to be relaxed. Need to learn the difference between a cook and a chef. 
• I have access to some savings (hardwork over the last year with Rajesh and VISCOMM). And since in general I am not worried about how and where I spend my money, I am ok with the expensive lifestyle. I mean who buys water for 140 bucks at a Starbucks? Back home in India, I must be drinking like 5 litres of water while I am Starbucks. For free! 
• Since I am at a place where I dont have access to a phone, this essentially means I am away from all the "news"(updates from my parents, friends etc). Plus the guy who calls me the most (Vivek) is also travelling with limited access to phone / data. Plus I had recently pruned by twitter list to about 100 following. All this put together means I have NO distractions. Also, since I am not at home, I am not managing any chores per se. This has freed up time as well. 

Tried hard to think of other things but I could not. So, it boils down to having time for yourself and having enough resources to fill that time with things that matter to you. And eliminating distractions. Not really rocket science per se. 

Can this be done over long term? Dont think so. Wait and read more. 

Before that. An enquiry. Is this life worth living? Where I dont have relationships and I dont create anything that adds value (#note2self: write on value) and just spend all my time in enquiry, thought and chase of mental orgasm. You know, I'd rather create! More on this over the next few days (hopefully).

So, here are some lessons (and interpretations and introspections and realisations). 

A. Its tough for me to be alone. I need a constant companion. I dont crave for affection or attention or sex or anything like that. I just like someone around. In most cases I tell that someone to stay shut while I am doing my thing. But I want someone. I dont know how to put this. Weird. But I cant be alone. I this need to find someone who could be a companion. Not a spouse. Not a business partner. Not a soulmate. A companion. More I think on this, more fucked up I get.

But I am admitting that I need someone. Not a great idea that you need someone around to be able to conquer the world. Will probably think more on this and work towards eliminating this craving need.

B. I need a purpose to wake up. If I dont, I cant wake up in the morning. Since I've come here, I have this constant itch to go out and do.

Why? Because this trip has a purpose. I wish to find answers. I want to ensure that I live my life on my terms and do things that wont make me regret my choices when I am 80. I am here to find the answers.

And then to go back home (am glad that even though I am enamoured about the shiny-ness of Dubai, I still want to go back) and do things that I wish to do.

Get the drift? 

So as I grow old, I need to continue to have that carrot dangling. Something that makes me continue the chase - even if I am unable to (for whatever reason - health, time, brain etc). I need to find that muse that continues to illude me. 

C. I quite love the change in scenery. While this could relate to cutting off from your present (move to a different place for a week or so to think and ponder), I am talking about a micro-thing here.

I typically work from a Starbucks. After I've spent an hour or two here, I start to crave for a walk or something. And then post that break, that walk, I dont want to come back to the store where I was at. 

One simple solution could be that I work for a few hours from a certain place (coffee shop, office etc) and then get up to take a break (get something to eat, coffee etc) and then go to another place to work (work or coffeee shop). No shit, Sherlock! 

So once I go back, I need to create this life for me. Divide the week into maker-manager, day into chunks of 4 hours each and time slots in 25 mins. And then identify those places where I would work from. 

D. I love to spend money. Again, this is not new. I've known this that I love to spend money. Not spend on frivolous things. But spend on getting good things. I dont go and buy random expensive watches or toys or whatever. My benchmark is simple. I want great function and even greater form. If what you make can amuse me, make me smile and make me wonder, you have a convert. 

In fact these are the general principles that lead me in my decisions and output. Idea is to create things that can amuse, entertain, and above all, inspire others! This HAS to be the guiding principle of how I work once I am back. For C4E and for others.

***

So yeah, this is how day 2 was spent. Lets see what the next day has in store. Over n out.

-
Saurabh Garg
April 14, 2018
Dubai

The Rite of Passage, Dubai 2018, Day 01

In most cultures, traditions, societies, civilizations, communities, when a man has learnt enough and is ready to be the "person in charge", he is often sent on a trip, a rite of passage of sorts where he comes of age. He comes back better and stronger and is ready to discharge the higher duty - the purpose for which he's been sent, or created, if you will. In fact in his seminal work, Hero With A Thousand Faces, Joseph Campbell talks about the journey that any Hero has to undertake to find resolution to the conflict that requires his heroism. And while the Hero is on the journey, he often discovers who he really is.

As an individual and a storyteller, I've always been fantasised about such a journey.

As an individual, I've longed for that unknown adventure that makes me better, stronger and richer. That helps me discover my true purpose. That tells me what I ought to do. That guides me. And makes me richer - richer as in emotionally and mentally. And of course financially ;). Make me stronger - as in a stronger personality that can impact lives and things around me. And make me better - as in a better human being. So that I am not swayed by this newfound strength or wealth.

As a storyteller I want to observe, capture and narrate the story of someone who's taking the journey. I want to tail the someone and experience with him the highs & lows, the trials & tribulations, the wins & the losses and everything else in between.

Blame it on my innate curiosity, by being the traveller and the writer, I've wanted to evaluate and understand if the trip, the journey is worth taking. I mean, what the heck! Every Hero seems to have taken the journey. For example, The Pandavas took to Vanvas and Agyatvas before they could battle it out and claim what was apparently rightfully theirs (Pandavas come to mind because I am consuming Geeta on this break).

There must be something that happens on those trips! There are umpteen examples. These stories and the journeys are scattered all over the place - in popular culture, in mythology, in even those little tales that we create for ourselves.

I tried to find people who've taken these and come out better. But I couldn't locate anyone. So I thought, may be it's about time I took one myself?

Thing is, for someone like me who loves to shoot from the hip (and do things before I think them through), if I were really fascinated by the journey, I would've probably taken it by now.

But of course I haven't.
May be because I am not sure if I am ready to go on the journey.
May be I don't feel the need to go and discover myself and come back stronger or more mature or whatever.
May be I am scared, like it happens with all such things.

But then the call of the adventure, the beckoning got the better of me and I planned the trip. Tentatively at first. And with more gusto and conviction eventually. Probably because the longing got to me. Reminds me of what Anais Nin said, “And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.”

If you replace risk with pain (or charm), you'd know where I am coming from.

So, fast-forward three months. Here I am! At a Starbucks (where else) somewhere in Dubai. Trying to discover things. Today is first day!

Even though I am here and it's the first day, there is that fear, that tentativeness in my thoughts and actions. Truth be told, as I approached the date of travel, I tried to cancel this trip on multiple pretexts. I even postponed the trip by a few days. I was that scared!

Fear. I always thought I wasn't the kinds to be scared of the unknown. It's an emotion that I thought did not exist in my head. After all I have always been the one to walk up in a dark alley behind a tall building and gawk at whatever lies up ahead. I have always embraced uncertainty and my pitch to most of my clients and friends is, lets do this and then we'd see what happens. I believe in doing first and apologising later (if apologising is still required). And I've found that in most cases, apologies are not required. So, yeah. Fear hasn't stopped me ever. And thus the surprise on this perpetual delay.

Coming back.

Even though I was scared, I had to take the journey. I heard someone say that "the teacher comes when the student is ready". Now that I am here, to be honest, I am not sure if I am ready but I can not wait for the teacher to arrive. I want to go seek. Shoot from the hip. Act. Find the teacher. I want Saurabh Garg to evolve into 'The Saurabh Garg'. The damn the makes all the difference.

I don't even know if the break would do me any good. It's just a vague notion. Maybe I'll come back the same. May be I would merely blow up a lot of money while I am here (on expensive coffeeshops and even more expensive commute). May be I will lose opportunities back home.

What I do know is that I had to do this. Take the break.

Thing is, I have been planning dreaming of a break for years. A break where I go off the radar and don't have access to anything that defines me (people, things, ideas etc.). In an ideal world, I would go to the mountains where there are hardly any people around and the loudest sound is of your intimidated heart, fluttering at the thought of the height of the peaks and the depth of the gorges. Or I'd probably goto to some beach where I will have the endless spread ahead of me and there's nothing else that surrounds you but the sun, the sand and the loneliness. Either would've required a lot of work in terms of planning and logistics.

So I decided to hole up with a friend in a different country. This will allow me to be separated physically and stay detached. And the only person I knew outside of India that I could trust is the guy I am living with. He and I know each other for more than 25 years (if not 30 years). We don't talk on a regular basis but I trust him as much as I can trust anyone ever.

Oh, this is not the first time I am taking a break like this. In 2009, I had just quit from CLA and was trying to figure out what to do with my life. I went for a 10-day Vipassana course. I am not sure it changed me but it did teach me that I could do tough things (back then, if someone said I could not speak for 10 days on the trot, I would have laughed at them. But I did it!). The benefits were not really tangible (I should've ideally practised after I finished the course but I did not). Oh, it did make me fitter. Also, it was my first stint with intermittent fasting though I did not know about it back then.

So, this time I am on a 15-dayish break. Not really meditating. But I plan to cut off from my regular life (I plan to NOT use any social media tools, NOT check my email, NOT use whatsapp etc). I will continue to stay in touch with close friends (VG), family and work (limited to one phone call a day). This will allow me to get away from non-essential timesinks.

Of course I plan to explore Dubai - I don't really want to see the touristy places (been here enough times in the past and done all that needs to be done) . I will meet some old acquaintances, probably make new friends, expose myself to new ideas and try to soak in the life here.

In the next few days, I hope to eat right (do a 16-8 IF and if not Keto than low-carb for sure), sleep right (I had thought of experimenting with Polyphasic sleep but I am sure if I can do this in an alien environment), write a lot (blogposts, ideas, book2 etc) and get fit (go for long walks, meditate etc.).

There are other agendas - work (need to figure out what to do in with life - continue the hustle and try to make it big, or get back to the safe havens of a full-time naukri where I get peanuts to make someone else rich), relationships (with parents, friends, colleagues, co-workers, strangers and the all important "better half". I am sure that I don't want to "settle down" but as I grow old, I am told by every sage (aka learned person) around me that I will need a companion at some point in time. I am not sure. I need to think on it), review my annual goals, and finish my todo list (that has more than 400 items as we speak; and I use Asana for managing my tasks and projects).

Most important of them all is that I need to learn how to do things solo. I've always done things in groups or with close friends. I haven't done a lot of solo travels. This trip, I hope I learn what it takes to do a solo thing in an alien location.

I also want to go through the motions of trying to move to a different country, inspired by Jan Chipchase (who I think is one of the most interesting people ever). Of course I am not moving per se and I don't have what it takes to just leave my family and life behind. But I want to understand what goes in the head when you do that. I've moved cities but it's always been easy (the language, food, people, experience and other things are very similar even within a country that's as diverse as India in). Moving to a new country is a different ballgame altogether! One of my long term goals is to be a true global nomad (with luxurious homes in multiple countries and no permanent base - and I can do it - I hardly have any material possessions that I want to move around; more on this later).

So yeah! There is so much that I wish to pack in the next 15 days!

Wish me luck.

And while we are at wishing and all that, how about you think of taking a similar break and come back better, stronger etc?

-
Saurabh Garg
April 13, 2018
Dubai

R. Roads.

Post 4 in series of 30 posts in April. Each about a thing that I am grateful / happy about. Others in the series are W, M, G. I haven't been able to write on the 4th or the 5th. So glad that I could write today.

Today I'll talk about Roads. 

R. Roads. Or may be H. Highway. Depending on other days as this becomes increasingly harder. You understand that right? 

So, structurally a road is a stretch of paved surface that connects two places. And maybe takes you beyond. In an ideal world, this stretch is smooth to drive on, is lit well and has loos and pitstops at regular intervals. It should go on forever, if you ask me. And if forever is tough, which I think it is, may be it could just go around the world a few times, taking you through hills and valleys and cities and villages and people and stories and memories and dreams and all such places that typically seem accessible; but are not. You know what am saying? Its mithya. Its an illusion. You think its there but it aint not there. You think you've seen it all, hell, you know that you've captured the scene in your cameras and have uploaded to Instagram and have like a 238 likes on it already. But did you really get it? Did you see it? Did you capture it? Or all of its just a myth?

The thing is, I love the roads like I love life and money. I can spend all my life on the road. I could live on road. If I am home for a few days on the trot, I get itchy. So itchy that I have to just leave. The sad bit is that I don't have a car yet. I am buying one this year. I had thought that my first car would be a premium car but in case I cant get one, I will get whatever I can afford but will buy a car this year for sure.

With roads, thing is that you have this illusion of freedom. Freedom because you are moving all the time. Illusion because you are still confined to the road. You are on the road. You are tethered to it with the wheels and the seat and all that. But then like they say, you see the glass half-empty or you see the glass half-full. I see the road as a liberating agent. You are on the move. You can see the world go past by. You can see yourself move on. Move ahead. And move towards a destination in most cases. What destination you may ask? Well, often, there is that loved one at the other end. Wait. You know what's better than having someone at the end of the long road? That loved one next to you, as you try to break free from the road. And no, not break-free like in full-of-rage break-free. Just plain old pleasure of being in control and that great feeling of getting away from the trappings of the drab life.

Oh, I just noticed that drab life features in way too many posts that I make. I need to do something about it. Break the monotony. How? May be by hitting the road?

Well, maybe! 

G. Giants.

Post 3 in series of 30 posts in April. Each about a thing that I am grateful / happy about. Today I will talk about Money! Others in the series are W, M. Today I'll talk about Giants. I've talked about them multiple times in the past. But I think the subject deserves all the attention and mention that I can give it. 

G. Giants. 

For the context, I believe that I am very average. And that means I have to work hard to get things. And I'd have to work harder to be able to reach my #lifegoals. And one of the ways in which I can reduce the time that it'd take to get things, is to learn from others (who are learned, better than me, more intelligent than me and so on and so forth). I want to metaphorically stand on their shoulders and see farther than what they've seen. So I want to essentially build on top of what they know and push things further. You know, I want to stand on the shoulders of giants. 

I am so grateful that I have had access to some giants that shaped me who I am and gave me whatever little I have. This post is an ode to them. 

Here is an INCOMPLETE list - for I can never know who all have contributed. Its a long list and that goes to show that it has taken so much effort on part of so many people to help me reach a point where I live in relative abundance! 

So, here goes. 

Wait. I wrote a long list of people (and lessons), I realised I cant do justice if I were to publish it. Not to the people. Not to the lessons. So, no names. No lessons. Just gratitude. 

Thank you! 

Original post that I wrote, which I've since removed. 

M. Money.

Post 2 in series of 30 posts in April. Each about a thing that I am grateful / happy about. Today I will talk about Money! Others in the series are W. 

M. Money.

If you are a regular reader of what I write, you would have noticed that I talk crib a lot about money, poverty, unfairness of life, purpose, reason etc.

Truth be told, I am doing fairly ok for myself. In the sense that I have enough and more to live a upper-middle class lifestyle. I live in a decent house (rented of course). I have the latest iPhone available in the market. I buy the best brands. I eat good quality food. I travel to international destinations often. And so on and so forth. I have enough money in the bank to last me another 6 months if I stop working today.

And I am so thankful and grateful for that. Really am.

Of course a lot of things had to come together to make this happen. I had to get a good hand at the Ovarian Lottery to end up with my parents. They had to have the insight to send my sis and I to good schools. And pay for expensive education. I had to be lucky to get an admit at MDI. I had to have the keeda for learning. And I had to have a certain mention proficiency to be able to absorb things. You see a chain of things that had to work well?

What am I, if not lucky?

So, like I said, I am doing ok. A thing like money has no end to it. I do have enough if my aspirations were limited. If I were a simpleton, I could've retired on what I have!

But. The damn but.

But that's the problem as well. I do not have simple aspirations. They are tall. About 8848m tall. And more. I want to do large things. And to do large things, you need large ideas. Or access to large capital.

I don't have any big ideas to be honest. I am a mere aggregation of other giants that I have had the opportunity to stand on the shoulders of. So if I have to make those inroads and make this world a better place, I need to have access to large amounts of capital. Now I was not born a Baron. So I need to do things that can make me that kind of wealth.

And that can NOT happen with the ideas I have. Or my talent. Or the amount of money I have. And neither it can happen with the potential I have. So I need to work hard, slog and get access to more. And that's what keeps me up at night. The question is not "if". But "when". More on my dreams and ideas and aspirations some other day. Today its about being thankful for what I have.

Over n out.

W. Writing.

Its April. And that means a new financial year is here. That also means its yet another opportunity to start afresh. For this blog and for my writing, it specifically means that I can try and restart writing and creating. So, I am going to attempt to write a blogpost each day in this month. So 30 posts in the next 30 days. Each will be inspired by a thing that I am grateful (or happy or thankful) about in life. I call this Project 30Posts30DaysChallenge (yes I suck with naming conventions but I get things done). 

Here's the post for the day. Starting with W. Couldn't think of anything that starts with A. 

W. Writing. 

Among all things that I am so so thankful for in life is the ability to write. I may not be able to move mountains with what I write but I do think that I can write well. And unlike those super talented people who write so well that each piece is like a masterpiece, it takes a lot of effort for me to write something that is worth reading. So the only way to writing greatness for me is to write more. And the plan is to write so much that even if 1% of what I write is good enough, there is enough for a my audience to consume.

So yeah, I love to write. And I am thankful that I have some amount of talent that allows me to express. I do wish I were better at it. And its something that can of course improve with practise. Just that on the list of things that I want to do in life, writing is not really up there. I mean if I had all the money in the world, I would travel, teach and write. In that order. And if I had money and / or time left, I would play poker.

Why travel? To enrich myself.
Why teach? To learn more.
Why write? To connect with others.

And what would all these things do me? Allow me to become a better version of myself. And then use that to impact the world. Sigh. High hopes, Mr. Garg.

But then I dont have all the money. And that means I need to invest all the time I have to earn money. Like they said, "you're slave to money and then you die." Oh, the good part is, I am getting there in terms of money. I will have abundant money very soon and then I will put this plan (travel, teach, write, poker) in action.

Meanwhile, coming back to the agenda for the evening - writing.

So writing is such an integral part of me that I can not imagine not writing. I've been writing this blog since Jan of 2014. Thats like 14 years! I dont think I've done anything for longer than that!

Writing has helped me express thoughts well, it has helped me make new friends. It has given me the vain satisfaction of seeing my name in a bookstore. Agreed that tnks is not a bestseller but it is a book nonetheless. May be the next one will be. Or the one after that. May be its delayed because I dont see writing as an avenue that could give me enough to make my ends meet?

Thing is I've never been able to make it commercial - there are no blogging awards, no fans, no regular readers. Its just me and and my echo chamber. And may be thats why its not on the priority? Even if I had some people who'd ask me for an update or tell me that they wait for what I write, I would probably be more motivated. Vivek does. But I need more. And I need strangers. Why? Because like everyone else, I often take my people for granted. No am not crying about it. I would continue to write even if I had no readers. Its something that I do not need external validation for.

Anyhow. The point is, there is certain therapeutic value to writing. Its like pouring your grief, your tears, your sadness and your anger and your heart on paper. And its like leaving streaks of happiness, excitement and everything in between on a blank canvas. Of course it helps if you have the words and ideas that could make others share your grief as well. When the entire thing becomes a shared experience. That probably is when you succeed as a writer. Probably.

So yeah. Thats about it for the time being. Writing. One of the things that I am grateful for. First in the list of 30. I dont know what I'd talk about tomorrow. Lets see. Till then, over n out.

P.S.: If you are reading this, tell me what part of my writing has moved you the most? What can I improve. What can I do more of? 

The Monday Diary

So its been about 10 days since I published something here. And its been about 20 days since I made a meaningful post. And the "silence" is deafening. So much so that I want to scream at the top of my lungs.

Anyhow. Fuck the poetic shite.

So I have been thinking about the next book for last few days. Thing is, every once in a while someone asks me about the next one and I dont have an answer. Plus I am often at airports (like I was at one yesterday and spotted Sachin's), malls and other such places and I invariably drift towards a book shop and when I see shelves and shelves of books, stacked end up high and people leafing through them and all that, I give in to the weakness and start to pine for the rare, vain and frivolous notion of seeing my name on the bestseller list. While #tnks received generally good reviews, it did not put me on any list. Except it allowed me to tick off a thing from my bucket list.

I really need to give this a shot. I remember I had promised myself that I will write 5 books before I hang my boots pencils. And I've done just one. Need to do more. 4 more at least.

Lemme take a diversion. To avoid some heartburn. To something that's been occupying my head lately. C4E. The day AND night job. Something that I know can make me money wealth. Something that is right at the intersection of all things that I love. Something that I think believe is my life's purpose.

While what we do is supposed to entertain the world and all that, most days are drab. Not drab as in they are drab for bank-tellers (with all due respect) but drab as things take time to move. And there is movement after days, if not months.

Today was one such day. I got early drafts of a website that we are working on. And I was amazed at the range of emotions that came up when I saw just a computer image of the website. Mind you. Just a photo. Its not a website. Its not a MVP. It does not work at all. And its months away from any revenue or impact. But its a step in the direction.

And not just that one website, I saw a few more things come to fruition. I got the first set of prints for the Art Project (where we wish to empower other artists) in my hand. And they look gorgeous. The short film that I had to work on  came out. And they look gorgeous btw. The short film seems to be on track. Little-by-little, step-by-step, brick-by-brick, things that I have envisioned seem to be coming to life. And all these on shoestring budget and just a handful of people. If someone could give me a lever large enough, I could fucking move the Earth! But then, why would someone fund me? They would do it for the money and I cant promise any returns. Hello, reality!

Time for a diversion yet again. The point is, it was a good day. Need to have more of these. The only sad part is that I did not create anything new. If I could change that, I can continue to live the rest of my life exactly like this.

Until next time, over and out.

This close...

If I've ever come close to giving up on the dreams of making it big and working towards the bigness, this is it.

I am this close, as close as it gets to giving up. So much so that I want to pack my bags and leave. To a place where no one knows me and I dont know anyone. Just pack the damn bags and head to a new place, to a new life and restart the goddamn life. Agreed that at 35 I am too old to do this kinda shit but I don't see a way out. I mean don't even see that light at the end of the tunnel.

I know no one else imposed this life on me. I chose this for myself. I made this life. Whatever I have, whatever I dont, all of it is a direct outcome of choices I've made. I can of course cry that I did not get the opportunities that others got. I can whine about the non-existent silver spoon in my mouth. But will the rant matter? No!

All I know is that this is not the life I signed up for (but I probably deserved earned). I need to find the reset button. Or may be, the giveup button. Whatever it is. Need to find it. And hit it.

Work with hands!

One of the things that I had decided I will do #in2018 is to work with my hands. That means I will take up carpentering, painting, guitar, calligraphy, card-tricks or anything of that sort that makes me use my hands. Hands. Fingers.

One may argue that typing is also using hands. Its easy to type and even though you use qwerty and not Dvorak*, its fascinating to see your fingers do the dance on the keyboard. But then writing is for writing. Not for hitting two birds with one stone. You know what am saying?

So, as I think about this, there are few reasons for trying to work with hands. Here's a list.

A. I love action. This essentially means that I need to be able to fidget with something all the time. No no. Not fidgeting with a spinner or a cube. That's just plain consumerism. But fidgeting with something that adds up**.

B. I cant even twist or roll a pen in my hands (you know that thing that a lot of engineers do?). I need to learn that! Or something like that. Why? Why not? Its such a cool thing to do!

C. Finally, its a new skill. I think the day I stop learning is the day I will die. And while I do learn on the job, I do learn with each thing I do, I need to add new things to my repertoire.

I remember a few years back, each month I learnt a new thing (how to solve a Rubik's, remember a randomly shuffled deck of cards, juggle three balls etc). May be I need to bring that theme back? No, none of these will enable me to make a living but these will expand faculties that I don't use right now.

Ergo.


Ok. So I have established that I will use my hands, what would I pick?

There's guitar. That I've tried my hands on since I was in the 9th standard. And I've failed at. Since I was in the 9th standard. Lets just say I don't have what it takes to learn it. Or maybe, I'll pick it up and apply the 20-hour principle? Or may be, I'd do Khartal (that I ordered yesterday).

What do you recommend?

Oh, one more thing. In the end, ladies and gents, the question for you is, what new skill are you acquiring this year?


* I saw a video summary of a book on how to learn any skill in 20 hours. The author changed his keyboard from the start qwerty to a more efficient Dvorak in 20 hours. I don't want to. Because the kind of work I do requires me to work on multiple computers, often in crunch situations. So I want to keep that faculty intact. 

The point is that I can learn a new skill in 20 hours. Why not experiment it on a skill that I requires me to work with my hands? 

**Adding-up has been a consistent theme that has reoccurred in my thoughts last few days. What is adding up? Imagine you were making a pyramid. Every brick you lay makes the wall longer, stronger, higher. Each brick, howsoever small it may be becomes an integral part of the larger wall. Over time, with each insignificant brick, you achieve something large. Think compounding. 

*** Constant learning is the thing that probably gives us the edge. Need to think more on this. Need to talk more on this. 

Writing Off!

Alert. This is a ranty post. Why am I writing this? Because I dont know what else to do about this. I want HAVE to talk about this to someone and get the load off my head. Ideally, talk with a life partner or a business partner. I dont have either. I mean I do have business partners but none of them have any place for emotions in their heads. I also have a few friends and mentors that can lend a patient ear but I am not sure if they understand the battle I go though on a daily basis. Neither do I know if they understand what I am upto in life. I could vent out on the Facebook and twitter but I am not sure what purpose will that serve in all the cacophony around. For that matter, I am not sure what purpose will this blog serve. Once I publish, I will probably forget. But thats the point I guess. To vent out and move on. Here goes. 

So, this stint of working for myself, I started in the Feb of 2015. As I write this, I complete three years of being on my own. And its been one helluva ride. There have been one or two ups and a lot of downs. Its definitely been a great learning experience. Truth be told, I am not really doing that great (compared to how Id be doing if I were working for someone else) but as I think back, I dont think theres anything else that I would have done. There are no regrets, if I may.

However, if I had an option to go back, I would undo a lot of things. Things like never working for someone without taking an advance.

And thats what the rant is about. Stay with me.

In the last three years I must have worked on 20 large projects and about 10 clients (both big and small). And out of those there are 3 clients and 3 large projects that I did NOT get paid for. And I am talking about serious money. About 11 lakhs. In sunk cost and opportunity cost. It may not look like a lot of money to you guys, but to me, its big. Big as in B I G.

The point of this post is to tell myself that I ought to write those off. And write an open letter of sorts to people who get work done and do not pay.

So, here I am. Officially and finally, writing the payment off. I dont really want to name the companies (or the people). Neither do I want to talk about the circumstances which lead to me not getting paid. But there is this thing that I do want to put forth.

Thing is, I am someone who doesnt really have an easily monetizable skill. I am NOT a designer, coder, photographer, fashion blogger, singer, drummer, rich heiress, son of businessman, baker, chef, make-up artiste or anything like that. These people are blessed in the sense that they can make a living whenever they choose and wherever they choose.

Neither am I a career professional who's spent years in a certain industry (or a discipline) with large companies and thus has a CV that can get a super cushy job. Most of my friends from MDI fall in this category.

What I am is a hustler. What is a hustler? You dont know? Stop reading right now. Close the browser. Leave.

People like me, the hustlers, are often the Jacks of all trades. We are aggregators have no marketable skill and often have to fake what we do. We rely on services of others, often working with make-shift teams and arrangements, trying to deliver a great product (or a service) that makes the customer choose us over other more "established" businesses. If I may use a better word, people like me have to hustle and hustle hard to make the ends meet.

And why? For ofcourse the independence. And to make ends meet while hoping that things we do, work on, they add up. Add up bit is important. What do I mean by adding up? That someday all the work we've done, all that we've been through gives us enough name, clout, attention, contacts, relationships, ideas that we can go make that dent in the universe.

So yeah. As long as you get work that adds up, work that continues to pay you and keep the engine going, all is well.

Till the time a client fucks up on the money that is promised to you.

After all, every rupee earned is a tiny step towards that dent. And every rupee lost is a roadblock. When a client decides to not pay, for whatever reasons, they put a roadblock on the path to my progress. In fact I'd say I am dragged back 10 steps - after all, to take up a project I had to let go of other opportunities. No? The other opportunities could mean working on a different project. Could mean that that book I've always wanted to write will have to take the back seat. Why? To earn bread!

In fact, by not paying you dont just put a dent in an individuals meticulous plan for life. But you are an impediment to the whole notion of Karma itself. When you dont pay, you stop, you pull back people like me from realizing their life goals.

You know, the most important commodity is time. And when I invest time... Wait. I dont "invest" time. I "exchange" my time with a client's money. And in this implicit contract, once I have done my part of the deal, I expect and its probably fair for them to hold up their part. And pay up.

But often, they dont. And when that happen that sucks. You are way too small to fight and argue and you'd rather move on. Its just sad.

What makes it worse is that people like me do not belong to the entitled class. We are not big corporations for sure. Neither do we have bankers or VCs on our side to look out for what we work on. More often than not, its an individual like me, trying to hustle hard. To do things, add up and make that dent in the universe.

The simple act of momentarily selfishness by a client stops the wheel of life. And thats not a cool thing to do. No?

So, dear big companies, rich men and other such people, next time you get someone like me to do something, please PLEASE PLEASE pay up! For you its probably loose change. But for someone like me, it could be a shot at a better life.

Thank you!

P.S.: Here's a pledge. I WILL always pay once I have agreed on a number. Even if you take me for a ride, you dont deliver, you do shoddy work, you dont meet expectations, I am willing to understand and give you that extra chance. After all if people like me will not pay it forward, who will? 

Untitled / 11 Feb 2018

One of those posts where I ramble without an agenda. While I decided that I will do these on sgEchoChamber, I am doing this here because I want to maximise the odds of serendipity. How? Topic for a different post. This one, read at your peril. 

Last night two few days back, I wrote this open letter to Steve Jobs. While I havent been ridiculed by anyone for it, yet, while I was thinking about it, when I re-read it, I was like, the fuck dude. I want whatever you are tripping on! Maal must be so good. No?

Thing is, I need to know that life does not work like that. You know that song? The Bittersweet Symphony? You know what it says? "You're slave to money and then you die." That. All you do is try to make ends meet. Everything else is an illusion. Sooner I get that in my head, better it is.

I may want to change the world and make a dent and impact lives and inspire people and all that but fact of the matter is, at this day, I am nothing but an epitome of mediocrity. For the 35 years that I've been here, what is that one thing that I can be super-proud of? Nothing!

I am not successful by any metric -- societal (dont have a family, dont own a house, dont own a car, bank balance runs in low 5-figures, both my companies are small tiny etc), personal (I am unhealthy, get frequent mood swings, have less friends than fingers on my hands etc), evolutionary (dont plan to procreate, I am short, bald etc). All I am is a middle-aged man trapped among voices in my head that bounce around and get louder by the day. The kinds that makes people delusional. Delusional. Thats the word that defines me.

Wait. I may not be that either. The ones that are delusional actually have blind faith in their capabilities and they actually do great things. I dont. I am waddling in mediocrity. And the worst part is that I feel helpless about it. I want to change things but I cant. I am stuck! I think I need more resources - time, talent, people etc. How do I get those? May be if I had money to put in?

Money, Mr. Garg, cant be the root! There has to be more.

I mean I dont know. There are people who start from scratch and zero money and do amazing things. Most startup guys are in this category. They are driven and they keep at it till they make money. Then I know of people who are paupers and somehow get married to rich heiresses and then build their empire on top of the largess that they get from the family (of course they are good and know what to do with that money). Then there are people who get lucky (seated next to a big dude in the plane, etc). And there are people that inherit legacies and then they work hard to make em larger. And finally, there are people like Saul, who build churches atop rocks create empires on top of crimes. Well, not crime as in crime but something that the society would frown upon!

Irrespective of the route they take, people do amazing things. So amazing that the world takes a note. And their work impacts people around them. And in most cases, people away from them. Here's a slide that I use when I speak to prospective hires, investors, partners and others (P.S. this is an always WIP deck and hence this is a WIP slide).

EACH one has had impact on more than just their immediate circle. Hope you get the drift. Drift reminds me that am drifting.

Coming back.

The point is, this post is full of self-doubt and self-flagellation and all that. Which is ok I think. Once in a while I need to be grounded as well. Like someone once told me, "dar mujhe sachet rakhta hai" (fear keeps me aware). Posts like these allow me aware. And make me take a break and reflect and think.

Hopefully, someday, the clouds will part and sun will shine through. And as they say, someday all this will make sense. May be it will not. May be it will remain one of those unfinished things that I will take to my grave? May be I will get to it in 2881 days? Who knows.

What I know is, I ought to keep walking.

Dear Steve,

A friend asked me, "if you were to write to Elon Musk about your aspirations and ambitions and what you want to do in life, how would you?"

This blogpost is in response to that. But before that, few caveats.

• I will NOT write to Elon. Rather, I would email Steve. Thing is, the outcome and vision and purpose-driven approach of Elon is fascinating and exciting. But Steve, the legend, is what is inspiring. I love the fact that he was a hustler (compared to an Elon that is a tinkerer). 
• I'd assume that ambition is personal, more tangible. And aspiration is little more altruist. Read more here. 

So, here's the letter. 

Dear Steve,

Thank you.

For being who you were are. And being an inspiration that makes me want to do more and make that dent. Or ding. Or whatever.

It is you who taught me that our actions must create consequences. Consequences that are larger than self. Larger than our imagination.

It's by following you (and your actions and your words) over the years that I have understood my limitations. And I have found ways and means to overcome those limitations. I still suck at getting things done but I am getting there. All thanks to you.

Thanks to you, I know that the only thing that limits us, is our imagination. You taught me how to think big. You taught me to take tiny steps and keep at it till you reach there. You showed me the power of setting lofty goals and challenging what we thought was possible. Thank you, Steve.

Steve, I write to you to seek a favour. Will you please indulge me? I want to talk about what my aspirations are. And I want to talk about my ambitions and what I want to do in life.

Steve, when I look at the world around me, I see so much potential getting wasted in frivolous things. Things that dont add up. Things that dont add value. Things that dont create. Lemme give you an example. Today, I was coming back from work in a train and I saw a young couple arguing about a mobile game. And they were stuck on the game for the 20 minutes it took the train to reach my destination. And they werent happy. What if they could use that time to learn a new thing (by seeing a TED talk, or by reading a book or by watching a tutorial or something). Or at least debate about how they's plan their finances!

The world would be such a better place if that happened.

You know that's what I want to work on. Make people more aware about our limited time here. You talked about in your Stanford address. I was lucky to have seen it. Someone needs to talk to them as well. And inspire them to do more with their time. Of course someone may argue that its all pointless (we die, our kids die, our kids's kids and the world will eventually come to an end and all that we stand for, all that we create will amount to nothing) but I know that while we are alive, when people are creating, they are lost in the work. They get in the flow and the flow is the closest that it comes to Nirvana. The little things that make life miserable cease to exist when you are creating. Reminds you to Carl's Pale Blue Dot.

Life suddenly starts looking so much better. No?

This, Steve, is my aspiration. This is what I really want to do. Its fuzzy AF. The fuzziest thing that I've ever thought about. But I believe that there's merit. 

And what is my ambition?

I want to push limits.

Physical, mental, emotional. And at other levels that us humans can experience.

I know that I am not sorted in the head. There are times when I am elated that I am jumping with joy for no reason and there are times when I so sad that I just want to sleep. But Steve, most days when I wake up, the world does look like a great, inspiring place. Life looks like a "journey" that is worth taking. There are so many people doing so many things that you thought humans were incapable of. Look at Elon. Wait. Look at Wright Brothers or whoever made the first aircraft. They allowed us to fly. Look at Elon. He will not rest till he has colonised Mars!

While I want to push limits, Steve, I know that I am a drifter. I've never had the clarity in terms of where I want to end up. I also know that I dont have one specific talent that I can dig at till I make that dent. I am a proverbial Jack of all trades and I am happy being one. Thing is, I love this drifting. I love that I can walk the surface of a lot of disciplines. I know this is best suited for someone with a lot of money. But its ok. I will make my money. Ok, I am drifting while writing the letter. Coming back. Steve I want to push limits and in the process, inspire others.

In fact, lately, I have started to realise that I get immense happiness and satisfaction and I sleep well at night when I am able to inspire others. And help others. And enable others. Enabling. Thats where the Gold is. Thats what I want to do. Enable.

Now enabling is too broad. If I were to put enabling in a box, I'd say I want to enable a billion people to live better lives.

Billion people. 

Better Lives. 

And how do I define better? Well, better means that if they are poor, I enable them to live in relative comfort and happiness. If they are unhappy, I put on the red ball on my nose and dance for them. If they need access to opportunities, I want to give them that. If they need  inspiration to do more, I want to inspire them.

I want to be the thing, the jester, the platform that enables people to be better. I hope you get the drift. 

One of the ways in which I can do this, is by doing amazing things and by doing em so well that I inspire people. To do more. To #bebetter. And to #livebetter, and #workbetter.

So, my second aspiration, if I may have more than one, is to make the world a better place. And do it by enabling people to be better versions of themselves. And while I become the enabler, my life (where I achieve a set of seemingly super-tough goals -- each goal must push human limits, such as, make a billion dollars, run a marathon in less than 4 hours, live till 120 and more) and my actions and my conduct become a source of inspiration. Just like your life was, Steve.

Thats about it I guess. Phew.

Thanks for reading.

Your's Faithfully,
Saurabh Garg

The Urban Nomads

So, yesterday day before few days ago at a cruise ship in HCMC, we were doing an event for the Indian offices for a UK based company. And one of the acts was a Filipino band that had two singers, one of them a Cuban.

Picture this. Retro English pop. In Vietnam. Arranged by a French woman who works for a company owned by an American. Artists from Cuba and Philippines. For guests from India and UK.

I dont even know how many countries is that. But I do know one thing. The mobility and opportunities that you have if you are an artist and are talented!

Thing is, I think that talent allows you to live wherever you wish to. And that is such a fascinating life to have!!

You know what am saying? You can choose a country you wish to live in. If you are talented enough, you can make enough to pay for your bills, and then some more. You can make friends that are not just accidental. You can chase your craft. You can hone it while you earn your bread by performing. You can see sex and cash in action. You know, you happen to things, rather than things happening to you!

Lemme park the talent bit for a while and drift.

***

There is this thing called the Urban Nomad. Its essentially refers to people that live in urban locales and yet are not tethered to a particular location. These people dont own anything that ties them down to one place (immovable assets, large families, a job that requires you to goto office everyday etc etc). You are free to move across borders and all that. And these people are skilled in one particular discipline that is in demand across borders (painters, photographers etc) and thus they can fend for themselves. Oh, and modern world is introducing lot more professions that allow you to become an urban nomad. Think of those bloggers, language tutors, Yoga instructors, chefs, entertainers and more.

And why am I talking about this? Because I have had this fascination with being an urban nomad and at various times in life I have thought of multiple ways in which I could become one. At different points in time, I have considered becoming a designer, a coder, a photographer, a writer, a yoga instructor, an English language teacher and / or more (assuming I can be all of these).

But then I've, sort of, held back myself for three reasons.

A, I know I am way too good to be cast in just one mould (and at the same time, not that good that I am in top 1%ile of any). This means that its in my karma to be never satisfied. I will run from one thing to another and my life will be defined by "chase" rather than "destination."

B. I've wanted / still want a luxurious life for myself. Ok, not luxurious but abundant life. Where I dont have to think for 5 months (or wait for a stupid cashback scheme) to buy an iPhone X (PS: RG gifted me one and I couldn't say no. Thank you, sir). Where I know I can travel business class without any fear (of poverty) or guilt (of splurging when my parents dont even travel in the plane). Where I know I have provided for enough to discharge my duties as a son and a brother and a friend. Where I know that if I were to take off, people would be happy and will not miss me. There is more. But I am sure you get the drift.

C. I dont want to live as someone who came, saw, enjoyed and left. My epitaph has to mean something. I want to give back. I want to pay it forward. I want to make an impact. And that can not happen if I an urban nomad, drifting from one place to another and one opportunity to another.

So yeah. I have wanted to travel the world and see the sights and soak in the experiences and meet new people and taste the different flavours that the world has to offer and talk to new people and learn all I could and all that. But then I've held back.

***

Coming back. This That evening at the boat where I saw that Cuban lady, the painful memories of the time when I wanted to move out of the country came back rushing to me. To the extent that my heart actually started aching. And ache as in ache. Like I had to sit down and sip on a glass of water.

But then, I realised that am not talented enough to chase nomadic life. Neither am I someone who has what it takes to hold onto a stable job that can pay me well enough to provide for my family. And I am miles away from the impact. So, I cant. And I need to accept it and put this on the list of things that I could not do (other things include play Cricket for India).

Also, I am reminded of this wonderful post by one of the giants that I stand on the shoulders of, Jan Chipchase. He recently wrote about moving to a new place, a new country. He says if you stop learning, you become obsolete and the best way to continue to learn is to move to a place that challenges you and makes you learn. And he says that the hardest part is making the decision.

For me, I think thats where it is. The #lifeGoal.

I want to be a nomad. I want to explore the world. Learn new things and make the fucking dent. But then, how do I...  leave my family behind? run away from my "responsibilities"? do this at this ripe old age of 35? Etc.

Any ideas?

Oh, I believe that I am one of those birds that hates to be caged!

From Shawhank. 

P.S.: One of the ways in which I can do this is by becoming a famous author. That allows me to make an impact (I will have an audience), travel (to talk about my book, on book tours etc) and provide for my responsibilities (royalty etc). But then odds of getting successful as an author as tiny as me hitting a royal flush on my first hand at the WSOP ME (whenever I get to it). 

On failing. And getting back up.

As the first month of 2018 is officially over, here's a time to look back. Without trying to link back to posts and give evidence of promises, here is a list of things that I failed (and won) at, #in2018.

In no order,

A. I decided to take up the 2019in2018 challenge. Was on it for a few days in the beginning of the year but with time I lost the plot.

I want to end the year at 30" and its going to take superhuman effort from here on. A large part of it will be diet. And a smaller part (not so small) will be working out. I had thought that I will start with daily walks, easing into jogs and then eventually a run. Ending in an attempt at HM. But January has been disappointing. Lets see whats in store for Feb.

B. A few people I know IRL went and came back from JLF. And their twitter feeds tell me that as someone who's interested in the writing scene, I ought to be there. To be honest, not sure if I want to be on the stage at all the litfests around the world but would love to have an opportunity to be at a place where my books are sold.

No, I dont want fame. I merely want to tell stories, create time to write and of course make money. I am ok if my books get published under a pseudonym and all I get is royalties. Actually, thats an idea there. Need to think more.

Back to the point. I want to get the second book out. And I want to get #BetterYou out this year. Both are stuck. Because I dont have time to work on em. And why do I not have the time? Because I am stuck in the rut :(.

Ok. Cribbing.

Point is, need to get back to writing.

C. I wanted to work on my waning mental faculty. For the same, I wanted to start with these app-based games that apparently train the brain. And, I've been able to more or less do this!

Yay!

So, a win. Phew.

Been playing on Peak and havent missed too many days. And there's a marked improvement in my scores. May be I am getting used to the games that Peak makes me play. May be I am actually improving. Irrespective. A win. Something that is needed to create habits (you know, the trigger, action, reward triad?)

D. I had started posting a pic a day on my instagram last year.  It went well for a few days and then I lost the plot. All those things that they say that make habits if you do something for 21 days? Yawn.

I need to restart it. For two reasons. One, it allowed me to stay curious about the world around me. And, two, it made me a better photographer and a storyteller. Every pic I uploaded, I would think about what the pic meant to me and I would be forced to pen my thoughts bout em.

Did you follow the thread? You want to tell me what you liked about it most?

Just realised that I still have issues with means or meant. Present tense, past tense and all other tenses. Need to fix em. Where do I start? 

E. I dont know if I have spoken about this earlier but I've been tracking each day of my life since (well, most days) 23 May 2017. I started with a daily log of work and all and with time I have expanded it and most days I track 32 variables. Starting 26 Jan 2018, I have started tracking what I eat. And since day before I've started tracking some 20 other tiny things on Nomie (inspired by Thej). I dont know what would I do with all the data but I like the feeling that I will be able to look back at a random date and see what I was upto.

For example, on 12 Aug 2017 (I promise I cooked up this date to give you a case in point), I did the following...

• Was in Delhi for an event at Andaz (which is an awesome hotel)
• Met Vanita, Kunal, Ankit 
• Spoke to Jinal and Parry about things that they are working on 

You get the drift? 

So, net net, its a win. It keeps me grounded. Keeps me going. Gives me a semblance of stability in a world that is in perpetual chaos. 

F. I started maintaining a daily journal at the beginning of the year. Again, after the first week  I havent been able to do much about it. Will restart it. I think I got stuck with it because I did not know to write on it. Do you maintain one? What do you write on it? 

G. I have not played pool in 2 months I think. Before I did that big project at Bangalore last year, I was getting in 2-3 sessions a week. I need to find a way to spend more time around home. May be on the Maker days? Start with a session of squash / yoga, shoot some pool, write and create. Thrice a week. Lol. Wishful thinking, Mr. Garg. 

H. As I write this, I am in HCMC, trying to put together an event for a client. And since I've been here, I havent done any of those "daily" things that I am supposed to do (Peak, photos on insta, writing, daily journal etc). I realised that its tough to do anything when you are on the road. Immense respect to the ones who are on the road and get things done. How?

Oh, and I carried a pair of running shoes with me on this trip, hoping I will go for a run each day. Lol, high hopes. 

***

So, yeah, that was January of 2018. Not exactly what I wanted it to be. I remain cognisant and aware. Lets buck up in February and beyond. 

PS: While writing this post I realised that the marathon, lit fest and others are all "properties" owned by event companies. Why can't I be the one to create something like this? #note2self and to Team @ C4E. 

Hello, iPhone

I dont know if you noticed that I moved to an Android phone sometime last year. The objective was two fold. A, I wanted a phone with a longer battery life. This means that iPhone was not gonna cut it. And B, I wanted to be more efficient by not wasting time on social media (twitter, insta etc). And I dint want to just mute notifications but also remove the access to these apps that are big time-syncs.

So, been on Android past few weeks and while I am getting used to the shenanigans of an Android fast, I am going back to an iPhone. Why?

A, Aesthetics. An iPhone offers a far better experience. In terms of navigation, reading, phone features and others. Ofcourse Android allows for a deeper integration with Google Suite (I literally run my life on Google) but I am willing to give it up for usability. And there's a lesson there. Form over function. Lol. In the real life you ought to have a balance of two. More on this some other day, in some other blogpost.

B, Battery. I use a MI Phone as my Android device. When I got it, the battery would outlast the iPhone's. But now, after like 3 months of usage, the battery performance is worse than than of an iPhone. And no, I dont have the heart to invest in a better Android phone for a longer battery life.

So, back to the iPhone and back to being tethered to a battery pack!

C, Privacy. I am told that Apple offers better privacy and protection against data theft, hackers and all that. Not sure. I mean who would want to hack into my life? I gave it up when I queued up to get the Aadhar enrolment done.

P.S.: At this point, lemme take backup of my blog, lest some hacker gets offended. Done.

D, Self-moderation. I want to try self-moderation rather than enforcing abstinence from distractions. I have traditionally sucked at this. But I want to try and see how this goes.

Thats about it. Nothing more, nothing less. Guess its a thing I want to do for some reason and rather than having all the rational answers, I am merely rationalising. And thats' the thing to learn from this post - rational vs rationalising.

P.S.: My average blogpost runs into1000+ words. This one is like 500 words and something seems off. No?
P.P.S.: And no, this is not part of any of the themes that I had said I will write about. So, this goes under #miscBetter. 

Help me help people around me...

Among other things that I have planned to do #in2018, I am gonna work on a non-fiction. The idea is to create something that helps the world, allows me to reach more people and achieve financial independence. A win-win-win. Yes there IS a thing like that.

The starting point of all the above, is a non-fiction book. And for the same, I am looking for a research and writing assistant to help me! 

What is the book about?

Cant give too many specifics for the time being (because I dont have them to be honest; all of it is WIP). But when it does come out, it will be stocked in either the self-improvement or business & management category at bookstores across the world (not just India). In fact, the first month together will be spent on shortlisting the theme, idea etc. 

What I need from you? What "skills" am I looking for? 

• Understanding of business. If you have studied marketing, journalism, business reporting, you will be an ideal person to work with.
• Understanding of behavioural sciences. All self-improvement books are essentially about behaviour, decision making and mental models. 
• Ability to conduct online research, do background research on people, connect dots (like investigative journalists do) and other similar things that will help us make sense of all the data that we gather. 
• Inquisitiveness and innate curiosity about the world around us. What makes people do things they do? Why do companies fail? What makes an underdog beat a Goliath against all odds? 
• Handle large quantity of data. This "data" would be things like interviews (that we conduct), research (to back up these interviews), original text (that we write), media (that we will have to consume to work on the book), scratch notes, snippets, thoughts and other things. 
• Great command over English language. This means that you are a grammar nazi, you know how to fix a badly written piece of text and you can spot a badly written piece of text from a mile. This is probably the most important bit as my command over language is questionable. 
• Some sense of humor. Please. There's just too many serious people around and we can do with some easy going people. 
• You would have read a few business, non-fiction and self-improvement books. This means you understand the structure of such books. You also know what is faff and what actually adds value. 
• Most importantly, you REALLY want to work on a non-fiction in the self-improvement genre. 

You must... 

• be is in your mid-twenties. I am sure of this unless you are an anomaly. 
• be willing to work 2-3 hours EACH day. No Sundays or weekends. I dont believe in that thing called the work-life balance. My work is my life. I live to work. I work to be able to make lives of people better, if not make a dent in the universe. 
• live in Mumbai. You will work from your home / college / office etc. And you will have to meet me once a week for 2-3 hours. 
• have access to a computer and Internet. 
• know Google suite really well (drive, docs, keep, calendar etc.). 

And the most important of them all. What's in it for you? 

• Stipend. I can pay upto Rs. 5K per month. For the duration that we work together. I estimate this to be a 6-month long engagement. If 5k a month is too less for you, I promise that I will give you all the royalty I make for the first 5 years. No conditions. Serious about this. 
• Credits in the book. As an assistant for sure. And in case you and I click, may be as a co-author. How cool will it be to have written and published a book in your name? 
• Learning. The book will help people become better (yes, you are staring at a man who wants to be yet another self-improvement and personal productivity guru). And while the ambition is to write a book that helps people, the very process of writing the book will help you as well. Plus I am a great mentor. I am. Trust me! 

In short, I am looking at a Superman / Superwoman. To push me to do well. And make the world a better place. I know I cant do this alone. And I need help. Are you the one? 

P.S.: Found any typos in this post? 

Fork in the road

So, Yogi Berra apparently said, "when you come to a fork in the road, take it."

Here's a fork.

Starting today, I am moving my personal rants to a closed blog. No access to it ever. Its like an echoChamber.

This makes the number of blogs I (try to) maintain upto 523321842. Of course apart from this one and the one I maintain for C4E, most remain dormant. I will work on those at some point in time.

For the time being, to know more about the fork, please refer to this short QnA I did with, well, myself!

So what happens to the War of Words? 
It stays! Stays the way it is. Except posts where I get super critical about myself. Those go on my personal blog.

I will not post things related to work here. Those things go on C4E blog. Or may be on S101. Or I dont know where. But not here. This has been and shall remain a place where I park my personal thoughts (dude, all thoughts ARE personal). Fuck all the jazz about building personal brands and all that. This is me. And thats how it will be.

Oh, some posts will go on multiple blogs. But this blog will become a repository of EVERY post that I write. Except the ones that I write for myself, for the echoChamber.


Why this segregation?
As I grow up in life (lol), I am beginning to realise my raison d'etre (though I cant pronounce the word yet, damn French or whatever language is) -- a billion lives, a billion dollars and The Everest. And to do that, I need to be able to get access to people, ideas, opportunities and other things that will enable me to fulfill the purpose.

And that wont happen if I am known as someone who's super critical about things.

Thing is, I think, to do large things, you need a tinge of irrationality, the blind faith in your ability and a big dollop of hope. Not a pragmatic, critical, type A personality - which I think I am. So I need to get out of the mould. And to do that I will have to do some lot of things that I havent done in the past. Such as be conscious of the signals that I send out. No, I dont mean that I will stop being who I am (last few days, have got so many lessons on authenticity that I would be a fool to get away from it). But that means that I will consciously chase things rather than letting them happen to me. And if that means changing how the blog sounds like, I will do it. This year, by hook or by crook, I have to make it big. And I am on my way.

Ok I am digressing. Next question please.


You must be nuts, dude.
You dint know that already?

Actually, more than nuts, I think I am like Louis. And this blog, is like Norma - a consistent echo-chamber that has been around since I think I have started thinking.


Coming back, what about your fans? The ones who read this blog religiously? 
Lol! You gotta be kidding me! Fans hote hain #bhairoxx ke. Humare to readers hai. Wo bhi ek-do. And they'd understand. Any more questions?


How will the shape of this blog change as we go along? 
I dont know that. I gave it a cursory glance and tried to read it like a stranger would. Here's what I think of WoW as a stranger.

First thing is that most posts are long by the snacky-listicles standards that we are used to seeing on the Internet. Boring for most people who spend time online. Assuming that someone does stumble upon something they do want to read, to people who dont know the author, all the posts would remain meaningless. Each posts requires way too much context before someone could make sense. Even if you have "fans" from the book, dont think they'd be keen on reading what you rant about. Agreed there are posts about how you're trying to improve and all that. But then, as a stranger, am I interested? Dont know. 

Also, side note. Most blogs tend to have a theme - say technology, writing, design, marketing et al. This blog has no theme. Its a potpourri of things that the blogger is interested in. I will never bookmark because the interests are so varied that its tough to track. Plus none of the posts is deep. I mean the dude is clearly not an expert on any topic that he writes on. So, why would I read it? 

Ok. So, if I need to chase the ambitions, I need to try and talk to people who's push me ahead on the path of those ambitions. That means I will have to talk about impacting people and inspiring them (essentially about making better decisions, pushing thyself, learning new things, identifying the limitations, failure, life, making the world a better place, et al), money (work, opportunities, ideas etc. P.S: Of course I will not get into specifics. Those will go on work blog. Here, I will talk about lessons am taking home, the mistakes am making and pitfalls that I am getting stuck in) and the Everest (fitness, the journey, baby steps that am taking towards it etc.).

I will need to create deep, meaningful content that has to be contextual to the themes that I am chasing. For example, if I want to write about brands, I need to make it so relevant, so interesting that marketers actually want to read it! Makes sense.

May be the blog needs to get three distinct headers. Say, wow.in/inspire, wow.in/work, wow.in/everest. And each talks about a certain thing. Whoever is interested in whatever section can choose to read that section alone and then come back to it. Or not. Depending on how they like it.
a

Wait. Where do things like poker, travel, short stories et al go? 
Ummm... they could go under personal?


Lol! that's where you started. No? 
Ok. They could go under inspire. And the content could be lessons I learn from various incidents that prompted me to write that particular post.

For stuff like short stories and other projects that I announce regularly, may be I do need to create a section called misc. or something that I can dump everything in. And with time, try and reduce the amount of content I create for the misc bucket.


Yes yes. Makes sense. Carry on.
That's it dude. Nothing else to carry on with. Lets just do it. So 4 sections or themes as we go along. Be Better (inspired by well, inspire), Work Better (inspired by work), Live Better (inspired by Everest) and Misc. You'd probably notice em on the sidebar (for the time being till I figure out the new design etc).


All the best! 
Thank you, it was a pleasure. Oh, if you are reading this, any thoughts? Inputs? Please?


P.S.: Love this echochamber!