Autobiography of Criba Shankar Pandey

Bade din sey crib nahin kiya. I feel odd. I can this negative energy affecting me. I need to blurt out. I want to write. I want to pour my heart out. On a public forum. I know every post I make goes on FB (atleast). I know most people dont give a fuck but there are a few who do take interest in what I have to say. And they are a large part of why I write. That one off comment, that random person writing in, it makes my day.

I know Miranda Warning (I have the right to remain silent. Anything I say, can or will be held against me in the court of law) holds truer for the Internet more than the real world. I know whatever I write today can be twisted enough in the future by some lawyer to seek higher alimony, or to make me plead guilty of a crime that I wouldn't commit. And I know I would be innocent. After all, as Red says, "everyone in shawshank is innocent".

Anyways coming to Criba Shankar Pandey ki dairy, today he is going to talk about things that ail him. Lekin before that, ye Criba Shankar Pandey hai kaun? Arey its my alter ego (the way Raju has Gajodhar and Karthik has Karthik). In short, its someone who I blame for all the fuck-ups in life. And it has served me well so far. And come to think of it, now that everyone including my maid, beggars and politicians have twitter accounts, how about a twitter account for Criba Shankar Pandey? @sgcsp :D

So what ails Mr. Pandey? Few things that he is really touchy about. He wants to believe that he is a good writer. And his first paid writing gig is a complete mess. Someone paid him good money to write content for a website. Our Mr. Pandey put in real effort. Effort as in e to the f to the f to the o to the r to the t. And now, the client says it was a "very mediocre" job. Nothing pisses a man off more than a frivolous comment on the only talent he has got. Sigh the bloody difficult demanding unsupportive rude world.

Then he cant seem to make any headway with his love life. The last girl that he liked hates him for the bottom of her heart. But our Pandeyji remain hopeful. Hope, is a funny thing. Andy says "Remember Red, hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies". And Red says "Let me tell you something my friend. Hope is a dangerous thing. Hope can drive a man insane". Our Mr. Pandey, being a simpleton he is, cant decide which one to choose. And like all other fictional heroes, he doesn't have the luxury of the coin that has heads on both faces. Where to they make those coins anyways?

Next on is lack of greenbucks in his life. Once upon a time some random guy told him that he would never be rich. And he laughed on that random guy's face and asked him to wait and watch. And its been about 11 years since this face-off. And the random guy seems to be winning. And in all likelihood the random guy would go to his grave, grinning. Where is the money dude? How to people become millionaires and billionaires? And that too at such tender ages? Wait. Tender is politically incorrect. I meant young.

BTW as I am writing this for Mr. CSP, the world is celebrating the International Women's day. And the other half is busy watching the Oscars. I dont know which is more useless. I mean we have to award all the effort that goes behind making movies and we have to appease to all the feminists. What I dont understand is that how do all the women in the world settle with just one day? Take them to dilli haat and they cant decide what to buy and here they are, their entire existence summed up in one day. And they are actually happy with it.

Next on agenda is his idiotic habit of trying to do too many things at the same time. He clearly believes in sailing in multple boats. Its like playing twister, with each colored dot in a different boat. And since all the boats are independent and have different rowing mechanisms, he invariably falls. And the worse bit is that he refuses to learn from his mistakes. Reminds me of Sisyphus. Damn .. the damned rock is rolling down the hill again. Lemme go fetch it. I will be back guys.

And before I end it randomly, here a couple of links (from the same guy) - two of my favorite themes - Simpsons and Super Mario (bonus - flute + beatboxing and piano. More posted here).

1 comment:

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