5 mantras for succeeding in corporate life

After spending about five years in corporate life (ok, pseudo-corporate), here are a few things that I have learnt.

1. Save your ass. At any cost. Even if it means learning those famed talents like ass-licking, participating in political Olympics, back stabbing, water-cooler bickering et al
2. Yell first. Even before the blame games can begin. And since you have yelled first, you automatically stand correct. And it won’t hurt if you could be loud. After all you need to be heard over the entire din in the room.
3. Master the art of passing the buck. Your table should remain empty. No decision should ever be traced to you. No one should be able to question your decision and more importantly, that ability to take a decision.
4. Send emails to everyone in the world. Even your janitor. And the security guy. So that tomorrow everyone knows your version of the story. After all emails are free and people have lot of time on their hands. They do read each and every character. And since you are the one to have put things on record, and
5. Text must be bold face with red font. Bolder the better. Redder the better. Bold and red makes a deadly combination. As if it was written in the recipient’s blood.

P.S.: Wrote this when I was mindfucked because of some random comment from a client!