Untitled 2012 Nov 24

Disclaimer. I shall bare my soul and heart in this post. Make all my dirty secrets public. Please do not judge me on the basis of this post. I am a far better guy!

Last few days have been interesting frustrating. A lot of work, a lot of play, a lot of mental masturbation and yet, very little sleep. And since I am the kinds that can go with small amounts of sleep, less sleep doesn't really bother me. But then I am 30 (There! I said it. Secret # 1) and all the signs of ageing have started to show. There are evident signs of abuse that I have subjected myself to over the years (erratic sleeping schedules, no control on what I eat or when I eat or how much I eat, no physical activities etc). Thankfully since there is no narcotics, drugs or alcohol involved, I can somehow breathe. I wonder how to those people survive beyond 30?

Coming back, so last few days have been busy and a lot of action has happened. But for some reason, the action is not translating into excitement. And neither is it showing any tangible results. At least not the results that would have made me happy. Of course the output has been voluminous but then there is that debate about quality vs quantity and I know for a fact that quality has taken a hit.

I mentioned about lot of work, lot of play and lot of mental masturbation. Let me take each one by one.

Its been crazy at work. Not that I work a lot but I can safety say that I am overworked. There are just too many things on my plate and I am juggling too many things at the same time. I am worried about that one wrong move that would send all the plates I am juggling crashing down. And in the business I am in, there is no second chances. No, I dont get stressed about things. Thankfully I dont want a "career" and I am not worried about "spoiling my cv" and I can rest but yes, it bothers me. It bothers me that I have put so much at stake and so much at risk. And it just happened!

Also, I am most probably moving to Mumbai soon (before the month end) and that means a lot of loose ends to be tied up here in Delhi. This means that the next few months will be full of uncertainty and frustration. I would be running from pillar to post when I am trying to set my foot in Mumbai. I dont know if I would succeed but I will have to give it my 100%. That work life balance thing that we strive hard to achieve will get fucked up in the process.

I would also have to leave the comfort of home which I am very fond of (secret # 2). Things that I take for granted will now start becoming big and will make me part of the daily grind that involves cooking, maintaining a house, haggling with maids, etc. Its a very scary thought. I now appreciate all the efforts that my mom has put in, to raise us and keep my home a sane place!

Not much except drives, lunches and dinners with few people that help me kill time. Suds, Ankit, Vijesh. Missing is a meeting with Agony Aunt - she is too tied up to grant me darshan. I have been able to write quite a lot. On this blog, on Sandbox. I started working on SG.com and its close to completion. I will have to dig into Wordpress if I want it to look like what I have in my head. I cant really translate that into a product spec and get a theme made. But then, the lazy ass like me (Secret # 3), will I want to go through the grind of learning PHP and WP and spend countless hours mastering it?

Mental Masturbation
I added at least three more ideas to my list of to-do things. All the three ideas are what dreams are made of - easy to execute, large addressable market, clear gap, potential to be billion dollar enterprises that could run on autopilot and throw enough cash at me. Just one hitch - I am sure I will not start any of those. I just wish I had a machine that could execute all these ideas. Remember my post about hiring a boss? I dont know why I cant seem to do things (Secret # 4).

Then, I lost big in a recent game. It wiped my bankroll (Secret # 5). Time to slowly build it all over again. And the only way I know, to build the bankroll, is by saving a measly amount every month and waiting for it to reach a point where I can afford a ticket to Goa. And then hope to make it big there.

Finally India, has seen a lot of interesting days as well. Thackery died, Kasab got executed and there is that regular uproar about corruption etc. And for a change, I cant seem to have an opinion on any of the three (Secret # 6). I never liked Thackery or what he stood for but that gathering of 19 lakh Mumbaikars people at his funeral has left me confused. Kasab, in my opinion, should have been executed long time back. But now that he's gone, I dont know what will happen now. The war on terrorism is still far from over and with Kasab, we had a hope that something good may come out of it. I wrote about Kasab here.

Then there is this huge unrest in the country where every politician is either apparently corrupt or playing the blame games. I mean its not really surprising to know about corruption at highest levels. I have always known that bribery is how things actually move in India. Favouritism and ulterior motives has ensured that some people make all the money and everyone else is left poor. I just think that its amazing that us common folks are ignorant. And the fact that we minions dont know about favouritism has actually kept us happy in our own shells. I have a fleeting suspicion that the day we get to see the kind of shit Wikileaks exposes, we wont know what hit us. We wont be able to comprehend the depth or impact of it. I secretly pray that it actually remains under the wraps (Secret # 7).

End Note 
Phew! this was a long one. Thats it I guess for this edition of Lets Reveal Our Lives on Blogs. More episodes soon. Like always, please ignore typos, grammar etc. As if you'd read. The last two untitleds were read a combined 15 times.

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