On longing. And separation. And roller coasters.

The last few days weeks months years have been like a roller coaster ride. Actually more than roller coaster, they've been like a ride on the sine curve. No no, a roller coaster. In a sine curve, you can predict the crests and the troughs. And they happen often, with regular frequency. In a roller coaster, you cant predict. You dont know long would the crest last and you never know when would the next crest come.

Thats how my life has been for past few years. Periods of extreme happiness (typically marked by togetherness - crests) and periods of extreme sadness (typically marked by separation - troughs) dotted by things in between (typically marked by longing - the slopes).

With time, these crests are getting smaller, troughs are getting larger and slopes are getting infinitely big. And this ladies and gentlemen is what I would talk about tonight. Its going to be a sob story. So please indulge.

So thing is, I am an adult. I am old by ALL benchmarks. Its been years since someone has called me a young man. And no one would ever call me that ever again. Ever. Ok? Ever. And with each passing day, the amount of time I have left on Mother Earth is reducing. The amount of time that I could spend with that special someone is reducing by the minute. Every minute I spend away from her, I am wasting that.

Because that's all there is to life. There is no deeper, no higher meaning. We are happy accidents that happened when some chemicals played with others and randomly decided to mate. Or amalgamate. Or whatever. Bottom line, I am old.

And despite being old, I refuse to grow up. I refuse to understand why is it necessary for me get rooted to a place. I like moving around. I love the freedom I have. I am proud that I do not have a predictable schedule. And so on and so forth.

To age, the never-settle-down attitude, add one more thing. The on and off relationship that I have with sgMS.

Remember I spoke about roller coasters in the beginning of this post? The relationship is like the roller-coaster. I enjoy it in general but I think I've had enough of it now. I want to be on a highway. With her ofcourse. Thing is, although everytime I go up, I bloat in the anticipation. Everytime I fall down, I am left moaning in agony and everytime I am on the slope, I glow in anticipation. But I think I've had enough of excitement. Everytime I roll down a peak, I almost fall off. It takes serious effort to cling on. And I try to. But I dont know how long would I be able to do so!