On the clock

Here is a new experiment. I will write for the next 24 or so minutes. I will not think about what I write. I will not edit what I write. I will not proof read. I will not do a grammar check. I will not do any "post production." I will post.

Screencap of an http://e.ggtimer.com/25minutes screen.

I will use http://e.ggtimer.com/25minutes to track 25 minutes. Starting now...!

So why this experiment? Because I havent written anything in a long time. I mean I have written but that's been work related writing. Next to negligible (if there is a word like that) for recreation. And come to think of it, I really really love writing. I may not be great at it but I love it. It allows me to express what I cant often speak out loud. It makes me research things. It makes me put things in perspective. It gives my thoughts a structure and a flow. And I get in the other flow - the one that you get in when you are totally immersed in a task. When I write, my writers block, my pseudo depression goes away. I am in the moment. I am in the zone. I feel alive. I am not lethargic. I am not lazy. I dont think of anyone else. May be I do think about #sgMS but not anymore.

As I write, to accompany is some music by RD Burman in the background. Streaming on youtube. The phone is one the night mode. So apart from people in the favorites list I will not get any phone calls. And anyhow who is going to call me? I spoke to my sis already during the day. I am meeting Neo for dinner. My parents have now adjusted to my bouts of absence. And I just finished whatever little work I had on my plate. Of course I have to make some phone calls to get people to do their bit of work. Which they may or may not have done. But I will still have to remind them.

Wait. The track got over. I need to click on a new track. Back in a second.

Back. A quick glance at Eggtimer tells me that I have 20 odd minutes left. Another thing that I would want to do at the end of this excercise is that I would like to know my speed. I would copy paste this post into word and see how many words I typed. Why? I dont know. I have this thing for random data. Like for example, do you know of the Golden Ratio (I shall resist the urge to insert the hyperlink to the Wikipedia article on Golden Ratio, since I am on the clock)? The ratio of 1:1.6? Its insane. And then do you know of the numbers of playing cards? There are 52 cards. There are 52 weeks. There are 4 suits. There are 4 seasons. The total of the face value of all cards is 364. Etc. I love numbers. Just that I am not cool enough to chase my love for mathematics and dive deep in to it. For that matter I dont think I can deep dive into anything. I love being the jack of all trades. And I want to continue to be that. I recently read somewhere that its easy to learn about 70% of any discipline. And from there on, the journey gets tough. So most people would get easily to about 70% of any discipline that they choose. But only a few go beyond that 70%. And that's why we see a few people rise to top while most struggle in mediocrity. I think I have been blessesd that I "get" upto 70% of most things without putting too much effort. This ability allows me to straddle across disciplines. But the lack of expertise in any one stops me from making that impact.

Impact. Damn the word. And damn this guys called Hugh (runs the popular GapingVoid blog - he has been posting things about doing "things that matter" for last few days - again resisting the urge to post link). Wait the song got over. Lemme switch the next one.

I have 13 minutes left. So I wrote for some 7 minutes. More than my ability to concentrate, it was the track that was in the background. The track that I put on now is about 5 minutes long. So the next break will happen when I have 8 minutes left. Ok.

So I was talking about impact. Blame on the universe conspiring (I tweeted about it yesterday, or may be day before). I sincerely believe now that universe does conspire. There are a million examples in front of me. When you want something really bad, you actually get it. Not that I have got what I want (what do I want? simple - money, freedom, opportunity, love, travel). But I am seeing signs of things coming to me. I mean who would have thunk that I would be making my ends meet without having to hold a regular job? Of course I am working harder than a regular employee but I am happy. I can control my time. I can choose what to work on. I can get away from dirty work (P.S.: I think no work is dirty. More on this in some other post).

Ok I am now scratching my head. I think I am stuck. But I shall continue to write. So apart from impact the other thing I chase is making a difference in the lives of people who make me a part of their lives. I love it when I can help people learn things. I may not be the teacher per se. I could merely be someone that triggers something in their head that makes them chase some knowledge. I could be the conduit. I could be the catalyst. I could be that bottom most step on a ladder that helps people rise. And shine.

Wait. Time to change the track. 7 mins, 50 seconds to go. And 19% battery on the laptop. Brb.

Back. I put a 5 minute lone song. Main Koi Aisa Geet from the movie Yes Boss. I shall not post a link. I love the song. So so much. For a ton of reasons. Its SRK. Its a cute love story. Its about making someone you love happy. Its about you being that jester that exists only to make other people laugh, smile and be happy. In an alternate universe I could be a jester, if I could choose. I mean I want to be one in this life as well. But I lack the balls that it takes to try and make other people smile. No wonder I like being part of the entertainment industry. Well, not a part. But at least the fringes. May be, just may be, the meaning of my life is to be that jester? And use my [questionable] understanding of various disciplines to create something that makes people happy? Even if that happiness is for a fleeting moment? May be that's what the universe is trying to tell me all along? May be thats my purpose?

Oh purpose! I have had long discussions with two of my gurus over the last few days. Again, I shall not post links but the gurus are RG and KG. Both are a part of the communication industry and whatever little financial security I have now is because of these two. And because of HG and VK. Wait I am digressing. But thats ok. I am not getting any points for staying on track. The points are to be awarded for continuing to write. Which I am thankfully doing.

Another thing that I could talk is the ongoing shit on my head about my advancing age. It actually happens around this time of the year, every year. And I dont know what to do about it. Wait. Time to change track. Probably the last track. I have a minute and 40 seconds left to go. 

Back. The next is Chaand Taare Tod Laaon. Again, a track that I love. It is all about ambition and all that. Something that I can totally relate to. Anyhow. A thought struck me. Do I want to write for 25 more minutes? I thought as I wrote and the answer is... No!

Why not? If I like writing so much?

Damn the buzzer just rang. Time's up!

More later! 

So I am done. 

I am not editing anything. I am not adding links. I am not correcting grammar. I am not formatting it any different. I am not touching the bit I wrote. If you are a psychologist, may be you want to do an analysis? 

And as I was adding labels (read tags) to this post, I realized that I just did a session of free writing. Sounds interesting. Will explore. Until next time, over and out. And a random number fyi, I wrote about 1300 words, excluding this and the note on the top. Which is not bad, if you ask me!

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The Nidhi Kapoor Story

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