Where've you been?
Well, life's been up and down last few days.
I got a new workplace.
I have started to learn new things.
I am
I am little more aware of my limits as an individual.
I am still as dreamy as I were when I was 16. For context, am 36. PS late 30s without money sucks. Please do whatever you can to make all the money while you are in your 20s. Must write a thing for people in 20s to not waste the best part of their lives on chasing frivolous things. And make them pick skills that computers cant do!
Ok, lemme use this Wheel of Life thing that I found on the Internet, to talk about things.
It looks like...
Health
I've tried to get into Ketosis at least 5 times in last one month. But I have failed. In fact as I write this, I am at a McDonalds and I have had half a KG of vegetable oil. And deep fried potatoes. Well!
I did start jogging and meditation but that lasted exactly one day. I plan to start from tomorrow. Lets see how that goes.
But I am reasonably sharp and alert and active. I'd thus give myself a 5 on 10.
Wealth
I am doing ok. I have enough in the bank to fulfill all my commitments for a year. I would have wanted this to be at 24 months. But thats where we are.
Money is an object that allows me to do things that I want to do. Nothing more, nothing less. Right now the amount of money I have, I can do whatever I want to but there is that nagging thing at the back of my head for sure when I spend. In fact, I am running in the Eco Mode. I wrote about it in 2012 and 2013. Will write about it in today's letter. What letter? See below.
I'd give myself a 3 on 10.
Relationships (and family)
I am probably at the bottom of the ocean, with a rock of the size of the Mr. Everest tied to my legs with a chain made of Titanium.
After all these years I think whatever little emotions I had left (and had buried deep in my heart) for sgMS, they're gone. I dont know if its a good thing or bad. Its a thing. Like they teach you in mindfulness, I am just aware of it as a thing. No emotions attached to it.
Most friends are increasingly busier with their respective lives and things that are important to them. And I know I dont feature in any of those things. Not because they dont. But because I'd rather be writing or reading or dreaming.
Other relationships, well lesser said the better.
Also, recently, someone I know decided to call it quits and depart from the world.
He was a colleague for almost 4 years and even after I quit the company we worked at, we decided to stay in touch. And we continued to help each other out. To me, he was one of those "magicians" that could get things done, come what may.
I will never know why he decided to do this. He was strong, confident and had things figured out.
I still dont know how to cope up with death. I like to ignore it and bury myself in meaningless hedonism. I try to make my life into a blur and pile on things. So as to not think about them.
I'd give myself a 3 on 10.
Of course I have been writing. I think the month gone by has been amongst the most productive when it comes to writing. As I write this, I have written 28K words (and I have written EACH day for last 25 odd days). And I have edited a few blogposts for friends, I have written things that I havent pushed in public domain and more.
Most of what I've written is in public domain (just that its not on this blog). I sent a email out EVERY DAY to people who have subscribed (this is what I talked about when I talked about Eco Mode above). They are archived here and should you want to get those in your email, send me your email address. I am @saurabh on twitter.
In those emails I talk about one thing that I learnt in the day. And how you could apply to your lives. And often when I dont learn a new thing, I talk about things where I need help. I sincerely think I add value to readers. Lemme know if you want in.
PS: I am substituting hobbies for writing. I would love to read, play the Uke, play pool, learn swimming and all that but I cant seem to find time after all the work and writing. May be once I get into a routine. But writing is fun. Its my catharsis.
I'd say I am at least a 7 on 10 on this.
Work
A lot has changed at work. There are new challenges and new opportunities. That's all I'd talk about.
There is a lot of excitement (when do I not have this?) and if things pan out the way I planned those, I would get lot better on the work front. Finger's crossed.
I'd say, I am a 5 here.
Thing is, I have decided that the work I do HAS to inspire others, make an impact and of course make me rich. My ability to inspire and make an impact is constrained because of the limited influence that my company has. Once we are able to scale, I think this will sort itself out.
Personal Space
On a personal front, I think I am challenged enough. However I am still not making the kind of impact that I would want to make. And that is not happening because I dont have a podium to talk from.
But I am reasonably sure of things and the path I am on. So, I'd give myself a 5.
Contribution.
I think I am making a difference to the lives of people around me. I try to make them better, I nudge them (even if I am rude), I invite them to challenge themselves and chase a higher calling, a higher purpose.
I'd give myself a 6 on 10.
To end this,
So, once I do this little exercise, I came up with this edited version of the wheel.
 |
| As on Nov 2018 |
The idea is that over time this wheel must have more area confined in the lines than outside.
And of course all will not be stable all the time. Things will change. But idea is to work on all these aspects as I chase that elusive dream of the perfect life!
That's about it for the day. What does your wheel look like?
And finally, no, I havent disappeared. I am still around. Still writing. Just that life hasnt been kind lately and I hope to get out of this better, stronger and richer! 2018 has been among the worst years of my life. I will write about it toward the fag end of December.
Do let me know if you would want to subscribe to my daily emails.
PS: Do I sound like a whiner? Or do I sound like a dude who's got no one to share things with and thus is trying to use this blog as his audience?
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