Day 4. Day 9.
Whatever. Point is, I am indoors for a few days now (except grocery runs) and today I just did not want to do anything at all. I mean no work, no tracking, no timesheets, no Asana, no worry of the
new normal in a post-Covid world, no stress about what I am eating and definitely no thinking about how I could be doing more in this time that all of us have at hands.
So I did not.
It's 7:59 PM in the evening as I write this trust me I have not done a single thing that I would do on a normal day. For starters, I haven't showered. I haven't cooked today (phew! what a relief). I had two Diet Cokes (and the supply is getting exhausted now). And I have parked myself in front of the TV and been on a marathon. I've seen two already, on to the third one as we speak.
The only thing I'll do is upload a pic on Insta. I don't want to break that streak.
Oh, and this post. Of course.
So here's a
thread that I wrote on twitter the other day when I was on my way back from Delhi. This was just 2 days before the Junta Curfew drama happened and about a week before the Lemme reproduce it here (and edit a bit to give it more context).
[START]On my way to Mumbai, settled on 11A. A zillion thoughts are clouding my head. Merit a blogpost but because there’s nothing else to do as I wait for the takeoff, here’s a thread. Primarily, me talking to myself. You know, like writing to the dear diary?
1. First things first. What is home? I was born in Haryana. Grew up in Delhi. I lived across India for a few months in tiny spurts. Now settled in Mumbai. Since 2014. Always maintained that Mumbai is home. But Delhi is where I belong.
Or vice versa. Maybe.
You know, confused millennial.
To add context, parents are back in Delhi. Significant relations (friends, co-conspirators, business partners, colleagues, loose connections, flings, etc) are mostly in Mumbai. Relatives are spread across the world. Not too attached to them.
Work is primarily Mumbai. All passion projects (except writing that can happen from anywhere) are Mumbai.
Most importantly, I find Mumbai conducive to my lifestyle - professionals, creative kinds, hustlers, convenient, etc.
So, Mumbai looks like home. No? Maybe. Maybe not.
You see, confused millennial.
2. Why am I going back to Mumbai?
Isn’t Mumbai my home? But then home is where your people are. Or where the work is.
Most of the people that I want to see often (even though they are a mere handful) are indeed in Mumbai but are self-isolating. So physical proximity doesn’t really help. Plus I am not the video calls kinds. I love my handshakes and hugs and pats on the backs.
Work has come to a grinding halt. You see events and films. Marketing consulting is getting fucked as well. Slowly. Thing is, what I do is a discretionary expense at best. After all, everyone “knows” marketing. Yes, I do add value and yes it’s important. But a lot of it requires F2F interactions to deliver. But in times of Covid-19, these would get few and far between. As they say, winter is coming.
So there’s no real reason to go to Mumbai. Or stay back in Delhi for that matter. Thing is, life as we know it, will change. This IS the black swan event that
@nntaleb has talked about often.
3. What about my people?
I don’t know. While am a very benevolent, empathetic person, I have less than 5 people that I really really care for. The kinds I'd considered dying for. These 4-5 will be ok. And they anyway don’t rely on me for anything apart from emotional support that I am not too good at giving.
The larger community, world that I want to change, make better, I don’t know what would happen to them! And come to think of it, they don’t really know me. And I don’t do zilch for them right now. I just have a vague idea that I want to make this world a better place. Too much wishful thinking.
You see, ambitious millennial.
What about work?
Well, post-Covid, people like me that rely on conversations and meetings to earn our bread would be forced to re-look at how we work. This is already happening in less than 10 days since I wrote this.
My strength is opening doors with strangers and connecting them with others (people, ideas, etc) that add value to everyone. You know, scout. Or a connector, if you will. In the post-Covid world, this skill will move online.
And I suck at that!
My work will change.
The way I work will change. As a result, my lifestyle will change. In fact, am already thinking about the next steps with life. I haven't trusted a lot on savings and it’s a hard and long few months ahead of me.
Of course, things may come under control soon and all this may turn out to be the musings of a restless mind that is bordering on paranoia. But this incident has made me look at the very assumptions that I’ve made to build my life. Need to think about things that will make life comfortable and better in times to come.
[END]
I hope that made sense. How are you coping up with the lockdown? What's your defense mechanism?
And with that, that's it for today! See you tomorrow :)
Previous posts in the series - 1, 2, 3
