When is enough, enough?

Today, I have a serious question that I need an answer to. And like all times when I don't know where to go for counsel, I turn to my blog.  

The question is, when do you think you know you've tried enough? How long can you continue to try to make things work when you know that the other side is not reciprocating at all? When do you give up if you know that all the effort you are making will eventually go down the drain?

I don't know how to explain the predicament that I am in without going into specifics. But I need answers and I am out of clues and I don't know who else to ask. And thus this post. Hoping that while I talk in this echochamber, I will get an answer.

Side note. Since I discovered the joys of Roam, I have started to post more and more of these echochamber posts there. But this one, for some reason, I thought I should post here. In the pseudo-anonymous wilderness of the Internet. So, here we go. 

So I am in this situation with a project that is super dear to me. It seems to be slipping away. In the sense that I would lose the project and with it all the effort that I have put in the last 3-4 years. And all the hopes of a peachy future over the next 30-40 years.

And since this project is super dear to me (for multiple reasons - emotional, financial, egotistical, and more), I want to give it all and prevent it from failing. 

Now, of course, there are things that are beyond my control when you work in this VUCA world, and to prevent failure I probably need to do a lot more than what I am already doing. 

Which to be honest I am. 

I am doing more than I have ever done for any project. In terms of tann, mann, and dhan! I am not being myself and doing things that are uncharacteristic of me. For example, I am being polite, considerate, value-adding, tolerant, understanding, and all that. I am that desperate to make this happen! 

However despite my earnest, sincere and desperate attempts, nothing seems to be helping me get the project back on track. To a point that am this close to writing it off as a bad investment and moving on. But then, dil to bachcha hai ji and log kya kahenge and all that. 

This project was going to be my life's work and I can see it go down the drain. Without any dramatic music playing in the background. Without any loud splashes. Like a flame that is fading away. And it is the most painful thing ever. I mean you have hopes pinned that when you die, you would sleep for the final time with the knowledge that you have added some value! 

Even thought I've read all the economics that an average bloke may, I want to ignore the sunk cost fallacy and not want to let go of things. I want to keep trying. And I am. And as a result, I have started to bleed from self-inflicted wounds. I mean I am probably throwing more good money behind bad. But I am. 

What sucks all the more is that I thought this was a sure shot, lifelong passive income kind of thing. It wasn't when it started. But it was growing up into this beautiful thing that showed immense potential. And thus I gave it all I had. And more. I borrowed money for it. I lied to the world about it. I made it my priority. 

And all these in hopes of reaching a point where all the sacrifices I've made would start making sense and there would be some light at the end of the tunnel and all that. 

But I guess it's not meant to be.

The question that I want an answer to is, what do you do in such a scenario? 

Do you just give up? And at least get your self-respect back and go back to being yourself and not worry about posing as someone who you are not! 

Or do you just walk away without thinking about the loss? 

Or you listen to those people that say that you need to happen to things (and not otherwise), and go happen to things and do whatever is possible to make it work?

And irrespective of my giving up or not, what lesson do I take back from this loss? 

Do I henceforth chase only those things where the outcome is certain? Or do I do things for the sake of doing without expecting on the outcome? You know, like that king Krishna spoke of about doing the karma and not worrying about rewards? 

Heck, I did not even know that I was capable of getting this emotional about things! 

I have always tried to be stoic and this rant, this post, this feeling of loss, this heartburn, the general sadness that seem to have engulfed me like the thick Delhi fog is teaching me that I am still a million miles away from being the stoic SOB! 

Damn!