Bawra Man Dekhne Chala Ek Sapna

I love iTunes. And not just because its a brilliant music player but because it has this feature called Shuffle. All the shuffle features are brilliant in the sense that they allow for serendipity, the happy accidents. I came to office, booted my PC and then put on iTunes. I clicked on shuffle and it played Bawra Man by Swanand Kirkire.

O M G !

I havent heard that song in a long long time. Months I think. And this is when I love it. Probably more than any other song. Even more than all the Lucky Ali and Mohit Chauhan ones. I love it for the lyrics, the way Swanand has sang it, the way he has written it. Its the complete package if you ask me.

Everytime I hear this song, I get lost in my world where I let my imagination take over. I can conjure images of two people madly in love. The guy is full of ambition and wants to do well in life. Like me, he is dreamy, eternal optimist, knows no rules and has no respect for the status quo. And the woman, is rock solid and is the foundation on which the guy would create his empire. The woman would act at the support, the guide, the latch that keeps the guy grounded. The two are different as chalk and cheese and are yet inseparable. They complement each other beautifully. So much so that its hard to even think of them as individuals. And I can think of so many shots! Like they sharing a Kulfi at a busy market. Or they travelling in car full of family and friends and yet talking to each other, with their eyes and looks. Or a shot in bed where they embrace each other and sleep curled up like babies. And a shot the next morning when they are in the kitchen together, getting ready to take on the world. There are so so many things that I can think of. If I ever become a film director or something, I would shoot this one before anything else. I think I can do at least this much for the great song.

Anyways, coming back to the real world, the best line I think is "Bawre sey ek jahan main bawara ek saath ho // Is sayani bheed main bas haathon main tera haath ho". Has the entire life's philosophy in a mere two lines. Thats all that we crave for no? Someone who we can share our lives with?

Epitaph of a hero

I did it!

I have been waiting for it for over a year now. It was always so close and yet so far. Like that trek that you go for, when the summit is always just a stone's throw away and yet you need to walk a thousand miles to be able to even touch it. You can feel it in the air, you can see it, you know you can conquer it and yet it takes you so long. Two years, in my case. Two long years.

I think more than me, everyone around me was waiting for it. Everyone I met, everywhere I went, everything I read, was invariably about it. "When are you doing it?", "Please do it soon.", "We cant wait.", I started getting tired of all the comments. I know that all of them were my friends and they really want me to do it. But after a point, the words became harsh and got into a very narrow zone. It sort of became the final frontier. Its like that last thing that a man can do. It started to feel that I'd die after this. Its like my epitaph is being written and everyone's waiting for me to etch my final words on it.

What people dint realize was that I am a mere mortal and I too have dreams. And insecurities. I too want to scale the peak. And I do get scared every time I get an opportunity. And of course more than my personal achievements, I need to fend for a larger cause. I represent a collective. I can never let my focus wander and chase personal glories. If only words could describe the pressure you are under when you have more than a billion people expecting you to entertain them and live their lives.

I think that is what it boils down to. Live their lives. More than myself, I am living lives of millions others. Everyone has the potential to do great things but they dont really get as many opportunities as I have got. I got lucky I guess. What do they call it? Ovarian Lottery I think. And when I do well, they probably see themselves doing well. They celebrate my success, as if they have played a significant part. Of course they do. A performer can never survive without patrons! And they are sad everytime I perform poorly. As if they are responsible for my failure. And no, its me, am individual that fails to perform my duty, my karma, everytime I fail. For others, if I dont do well, they can move on. I on the other hand, am left alone. To reflect on things. Trust me, someone rightly said, its really lonely at the top.

But now that I have done it, I think I can take a sigh of relief. All my life I have been measured by everyone along a long highway dotted with milestones. It took me a while but I have crossed all the milestones. And now there are no more milestones to chase, the onus is on me to set the new ones for people who would walk on this road in times to come. This is what every artist wants to be! A benchmark. A milestone on the sands of time.

And you know the best part? I can now go out and play like a kid. The way I used to, when I first walked out on a cricket pitch and had the entire ground at the mercy of my strokes.

Say hello to Categories!

Starting today, when I write blogposts, I would try to club them into categories. Like typical categories that any wordpress blog has. 

I have been using labels for a long time but I think categories is also a must. It helps identify posts with the same context. One may argue that labels are supposed to do the same thing, put all posts with a context in the same place. But, the simple answer is that (at least) I use labels frivolously and I create labels for fucks sake at the drop of the hat. With categories, I plan to be more organized and serious. Like this post for example. The labels could be personal, blogging, wordpress, blogger, thoughts etc. But if I was to put category to this one, I would say Blogging. I would use the plain old hashtag. So some categories that I have been able to think are #poker, #horrorStoriesFromWork, #attemptsAtFiction. 

And no, I am not putting any categories on this post. May be I can put this post under #notifications? May be not!

First post of 2012

I have been trying to write this for quite some weeks now. I started with thinking I would write about the year gone by and review all the posts. I started and could not finish it. Then I said I would talk about my most favorite post of the year. Again, I starting writing, and could not finish it. There were reasons and there were thoughts, too long to be constrained to a small blogpost. Then I said I would talk about why 2011 sucked so much and how I had been waiting for it for more than five years. But I couldn't finish it.

But then I had to write something. After all I am an aspiring writer storyteller and I have to be able to write well tell compelling stories. Even if the stories are boring and mundane, I should be able to make them interesting by the way I tell them. And to be able to tell good stories, I realize that I need to write often. More I write, better I get (apparently) and hence this blog. And this post. Like Yogi says, "You can't think and hit the ball at the same time". I ought to hit, hit and hit.

Anyways, after the longish introduction, coming onto the first post of 2012, let me do something that is as cliches as white safari suit and white shoes. I shall talk about my resolutions for the year. Without further ado, here is a quick list.

• Lose weight. This has to be the most common resolution. If I owned a gym, I would promptly drop the prices of memberships, get as many members to pay for it and then retire to Goa. And if all the people who have promised that they would lose weight, the sea level would actually drop!
• Eat right. At least once a day. I plan to stop having dinner. Vipassana taught me how to live on two means a day (just a simple breakfast and lunch) and I was fine with it. I plan to do that. I will try and achieve it by end of January. I am not sure if I can but I will try hard.
• Continue to not drink Coke. I stopped drinking coke in 2011. So far I have resisted the temptation to restart it but I will try to not have it as long as I could. I dont know if it does any harm to my health but I know any sort of addiction is uncalled for. And I know that once I start having coke, I would get hooked on. So why take a chance!
• Get Leh'd. I have been dreaming about the trip for a long long time. I have made plans and failed. This year hopefully I would go to Leh. With sgElectra. 
• Play poker more seriously. I have been toying with it, off and on, for last two or so years. I have now reached a stage where I think I am an average player and I have a keen interest in the game. And with almost two years of non-serious play, I have developed a fair amount of understanding and gut for it. Its about time I capitalize on it. I plan to play more and hopefully goto more live games. But then this is something I am not too sure about. I dont have the money to invest that the game calls for. 
• Start making a lot of money. I have had the pleasure of chasing my dreams and working for companies that you don't often associate management graduates with. Its been fun ride but as a result I have been left poor. Now that I am almost at my half life, I need to fend for myself. And I need to start making money. Btw, any recruitment placement hr consultants reading this (three keywords in one line ought to attract some bots)? I am a MDI graduate with almost 5 years of solid brand management and advertising experience. I just need a lot of money and I will sell my soul if I have to. You know where to reach me.
• Ensure that all the resolutions listed above. :)

And ofcourse this is no way a complete list. I would keep adding things to it. 2012 could be the last year for us humans and I better make the best use of it. I need to live it up. And, if, by any chance, this is not the last year, I am sure having done these things would do no harm. It would only help. Right? 

2011. What did I get? What did I lose?

Found on This Isnt Happiness

Its that time of the year when almost everyone, including me, is waiting for the new year to begin. I thought it would be apt to take a stock of things. Lets make simple lists.

What did I lose?

• Lost sgMS.
• A friend, who has been very close to me for last five years or so (made friends with her, right after MDI I think), who at one point in time was probably closet to me. No she dint die or something. We aren't talking any more. Hope she is doing well.
• Steve jobs. Not that he was my best buddy or something but I did look forward to everything that he did. His speeches, interviews, launches, ideas etc. Now that he is gone, I dont really have a role model. In fact I know for a fact that wherever he is, if hes there somewhere, he would be making grandiose plans to make that part better. 
• Stopped drinking coke. I loved coke so much that it was unthinkable for me to survive without it. I haven't had it for 6 months! 
• Respect for Naukri. This is one of the first intangibles. Before 2011, I use to think that working for someone else is really cool. Systems would be in place, people would respect you for your brains and all that but then I realized its a big sham. Not talking about my workplace per se but been talking to a lot of people about work.

What did I get?

• <tapping fingers on the table, trying to cook up things I may have achieved in this year>
• <still thinking>
• <still thinking>
• <there must be something Mr. Garg>
• <you cant be that worthless>
• <tap tap tap>
• <arrgggh>
• <I give up>

Now you know why am I looking forward to 2012 so much? 

That flunky in white shirt

Before I get into more details, lets get a few things straight.

1. I love wearing white shirts. Especially if they are made of linen. And if they are from Cotton World Corp. Or UCB. So much so that I wear them that often that if I was famous, it could have been my trademark. Much like Steve's black turtlenecks and Jeff's pale blue shirts. 
2. Of course when you live in Delhi and you work requires you to be inches away from dust and grime and other things, these white shirts would get dirty. And crumpled. And after a while, despite how well you wash them, they would look pale and old. Even if they are new. Even CWC and UCB shirts look old after you have worn them three or four times. 
3. The way I dress is none of anybody's concern. I like the way I dress and I want to be comfortable. If given a choice between dressing up for a party in a three piece suit where I may get an opportunity to meet a really hot woman vs dressing up in a white shirt and shorts (or a faded jeans hanging low), despite it being unacceptable in any respectable event, I would chose the later. I like being comfortable with my clothes and I dont give two hoots about what others think of it. Well I did change a lot, thanks a lot to constant feedback from sgMS, Rr and Neo's wife. I was like a 100 times worse than what I am right now.
4. I love my beard. I know it looks bad and is scrawny at best. But I love it. Probably more for the convenience of not shaving every day. I love it so much that I dont mind keeping one.

Now that we have established a few ground rules, let me come to the reason why I was prompted to write this post. No wait, not prompted, but FORCED to write this. I mean no one held my hands and made me type this thing up but I was so furious that I had to write this. 

Today at work, why have I been talking about work lately on this blog? I have never been the kinds to actually talk about work! Anyways debate for a different day. So today, at work, I was standing with my boss and there were some 100 more men behind me in a huge hall working on something. The client, who I may add, is probably half my age and yet probably one-tenth senile than I am, ambles across the hall, points a finger at me and tells my boss, how can that flunky in white shirt dress up like that and come to work. 

The flunky in question here is, me! The white shirt in question is what Rr bought for me. Her fashion sense, IMHO, is better than anyone I have met (including sgMS). Dress up like that means a white shirt, a blue jeans and a pair of white shoes. Work means construction of a huge hall where we had some 100 other men who are lot less fortunate than I and have very limited means to spend on their clothing. If someone asked me, I would have said that I was looking great in what I was wearing. Ofcourse the belt and the socks did not match but thats ok. I am not really fashion conscious and like I said in point 4 above, I dont give too hoots!

It dint piss me off that he commented on the way I dress. I have more enemies that Obama, Osama, Anna Hazare combined for the way I dress. What fucked my head was the reference to me as "that flunky in white shirt". What the fuck! A flunky! I mean I know that I am a nobody and tomorrow if I was to disappear from mother Earth, no one would miss me but I hated being called a flunky. Google defines flunky as

A person who performs relatively menial tasks for someone else, esp. obsequiously.

Am I a flunky to my boss? May be. Did I like being called a flunky? Hell no. Will I do something about it? Ofcourse Yes!!

And thats about it. Really.

P.S.: Fiction! No, really. I mean it. I cooked this up because I dint have no shit to work on today. 

The Rebel of Mediocrity

Police Line. Do Not Cross. 

If you read my blog yesterday, buried deep amongst the other rant was a comment about my office implementing mandatory frisking while exiting AND entering the building. Yesterday was the first day. I just took a note of it and dismissed it as yet another nuisance I had to encounter on my way to office (other ones being traffic, cops, bad drivers, distance, bad musico n FM etc).

But today, the dude did it again. Twice. While going to office. And now, about two hours back, on my way back. And both the times, he had this irritating stupid what-can-i-do smile on his face. And it pissed the hell out of me.

I mean I understand that frisking is for our safety. I understand that the security guard, who does not really have any qualifications to be called a guard (he is more of a doorman), is merely doing his job. I also understand that even if frisking does not check pilferage, it would be a deterrent to miscreants. I also understand that all hotels, airports, important buildings conduct rigorous checks before they let you in their premises. All that is fine. I am a visitor and they must do their checks, if they want to. But here, I am damn bonafide employee. Its like a marriage. Both the employer and I have agreed to work for each other. Both are in a professional relationship. I render my services to the employer and they reimburse me for my time and effort. But that does not mean that I am disrespect. I understand security and data and other things that are very critical in the la la land but dude, where is my respect?

And despite all this understanding, there are a few things that I fail to understand. The first and foremost being how is frisking of my bag preventing me from stealing things? I also cant understand that why is that employees below a certain level are frisked only? Cant the people at CXO level steal? In fact if I were the CTO, I would have told myself, there is no way the security guard is gonna touch my bag. Let me just pocket that super cool Kohinoor diamond that has been fixed on the level to flush the pot. And in a building that houses 60 odd people and as many visitors a day, there a very high chances that no one would ever point at me. I would be rich beyond my dreams overnight.

You know, its plain, simple stupid. Of course its a free market and I did raise my concerns but then, why would I be heard? Wouldn't that mean coming up with inconvenient answers about some petty theft that would have happened in the office 20 years back? And if they did check on it, they would realize that more than the thief, it must be someone else who wouldnt have done his job properly and misplaced it.

Dear boss, the admin manager and everyone else who decided to impose the mandatory frisking, of employees below a certain level, if I may add, the rule sucks. So much so that I am actually considering moving out. Please dont be surprised if the guard finds in my bag, a stolen laptop. And when you boot that laptop, the desktop has just one file on. My resignation. How would that be? Neat!

Like Neo says, all of are mere idiotic pawns! We move when we are told to. We sit when we are told to. No one needs us and yet they need us. And no one appreciates the damn opinion that we may have. And like Hugh says, every pawn aspires to be the king some day! I do too.

P.S.: I think this is the mediocre me who is trying to rebel his way out of the mask of extraordinary that I have adorned. I call this the rebel of mediocrity. More on it soon!

Take your pick!

Steve Jobs. I dont know the source.

Its one of those days when I want to write. I have no clue what direction would this post take and how would it end. But I want to write. And write till I am tired of typing on the really small HP Mini keypad.

So I can talk about my Poker addiction. I am not sure if it qualifies as an addiction yet but I tend to spend at least four hours everyday, almost everyday on playing online poker. No, I dont play with real money. I play with play money and play just the freerolls. Btw, I started a poker blog in 2009. Preflop.wordpress.com. Do check it out.

Or do I talk about the stupid rule that they have enforced in office where they check our bags every morning and evening. I have no clue how can they track all the times during the day when I leave the building and how would they even know if I stole something that is of no apparent value to the guard but still is an important asset.

I can also talk about my new found love AND hatred for Quora. Love the platform and love the fact that it allows me the chance discovery of things that I would have otherwise skipped. And hate for the latest feature that they call boards.

I may even talk about my latest quirk where I window shop for... jobs! Something told me to create a profile on Naukri.com and ever since I did that, I have been flooded with job offers interview calls that promise me a salary package starting at 10K a month and going upto "best in the industry". Some expect me to have my own two vehicle with a valid drivers license. And for the advantage of all the consults who look at my profile on naukri.com, I am not looking out right now. Unless you offer me a three time salary. And your client allows me to keep a beard.

Or I can talk about my wallpaper that changes every 10 minutes. It ensures that there is something new to see every time I goto the desktop. And all these are the images that I have gathered over time, in a folder called imagesBank. These are the ones that I save and then never go back to. With these images on loop, I get to see these. Serendipity anyone? Like right now, its Steve Jobs sitting on a swing. Attached above for easy reference. I have no clue what would it be next time I go the desktop.

I can also talk about recent spurt in activity on twitter (I am @saurabh there). Not that I am jobless again but it just means that I am now back to being what I was three years back. Pseudo social. Trying to track some interesting people and hopefully making their acquaintance. Why would I do that? I dont know. I love quoting Joker on this. So much so that its my twitter profile. It goes... "Like The Joker says... A guy without a plan. A dog chasing cars. Wouldn't know what to do with one if I caught one. I just... do things.". So I do things. I just do them.

I may also want to talk about my latest project. Offbeat Mag. But then it will be too immature to talk about it. I am not really sure what I want to do with it. I shall talk about it eventually. Right now, let it be what it is. An experiment. 

Thats it I guess for the time being. My fingers are freezing. Lemme get them some sun. And now that I have given you, dear readers, so many options to chose from, pray tell me what would you want to know more details about and I shall try and come up with a brilliant post!

Dear Diary,

Last night, I had a dream. In the dream, I was reading van Gogh's letters (primarily to his brother and some to other assorted people) and when I woke up, I realized that though a maintain this blog, use notepads to scribble thoughts and keep notes as text files on my computers, I have never had a diary per se. And the thought of keeping a dairy sounded interesting. Like it would be so cool to know what was I thinking on, say, 9th Dec 2007.

It goes without saying that I enjoy writing and I am big fan of recording things, may be I can put the blame on applications like Evernote, but can I (or should I) turn this obsession of writing into maintaining a diary?

Of course the answer is not easy. Here is a list of questions that I need to answer before I decide on the  diary.

• Would I actually go back to the diary at a later date and read what was I thinking on a given day in distant past? Do I do that with the blog? After all I have been writing for well over 7 years now!
• Will the process of writing, give me some clarity about things that are cluttering my head? Both in the long run and the short run? For example, blogging helps me put things in perspective and allows me to meet new and interesting people. Would a secret diary give me some clarity in my head?
• Would I have time to record my thoughts on a regular basis? Is the investment of time worth the returns that one gets from maintaining a diary? I dont know at this stage. A blog is a no obligation method where I am not reporting into anyone and I have keep motivating myself to write every once in a while. And more so when I dont have any regular readers! With a diary, there is no possibility of a reader ever.
• And last but not the least, there have been tons of notes that I have saved over the years. I need to figure a way to quickly get them at one place? Preferably on Evernote? How is this important to the  diary? They are not but then if I am going to have a diary, I would want all notes, past, present and future, at one place.

And then there are trivial things like the medium, the frequency, privacy etc.

When faced with these sort of decisions, I need to be able to put some filters in place to help me find answers. Right now, I have a very vague idea about those filters.

Anyways, coming back to the diary, I am not sure if I really really want one. The idea is tempting though. Or may be I would try recording some thoughts on some days and see how it goes.

The final answer, as of now, is No. I may reevaluate it at some other day in future but in the meanwhile I would try and get all my scribbles on Evernote. 

Do you guys maintain a daily diary? If you do, what are the best practices (if I may)?

EDIT
I wrote this post as "dairy" and I realized that I have used this word like ten times and each place, it was incorrect! Thanks to N for correcting me!

Anatomy of a productive day at work

Today, unlike all other days, at almost 8 PM, I am slightly content about how this day has gone by. I reached work at 11ish. Did most of the things on my todo list (that I made at around 9 before I left home for work), killed lot of time (on random tweets, reading and writing), listened to my favorite music, ate a good lunch, spoke to Neo and my sis and finished the bplan for WML that I had been meaning to write for three months. Like they say, I was totally in the zone and I was loving it. Of course I got bored of all the work and took long and generous breaks. But I always came back to do more things and get more things done.

Anyways, so what happened today that does not happen on all the other days that I am in office? The answer is surprisingly simple! There was no one in office, on my floor. Not even my bosses. Everyone was travelling and I had the entire 800 sq ft of floor to myself. I had no one to get engaged in gossip with. There were no distractions. I could sing, swear, shout, play music, sit anywhere, put my legs up on the chair, roam around, have my tea and do everything with complete disregard to anyone and anything. And most importantly, I realized, there was no one who I wanted to prove to that I was working and adding value to the company. I was on my own! And this I think, did all the magic. I need to be on my own to be able to do things. Merely putting the headphones and listening to loud music does not help!

Now, as I am having dimsums and Maggi (ya, together), reading Uncrunched and playing Poker, I am content about the way I spent this day. If I could chose, I would want to spend most of my working days like this. Remember Kwan? I just need to create more such opportunities where I am trapped in a secluded corner with no one watching me work. And get things done.

Once I crack the right formula, nothings gonna stop me baby. The work on the magic formula has started. Hopefully before 2012, I would get it out of the way. Talking about 2012, as we enter 2012, its time for all those resolutions that we make and conveniently forget by the 15th of January! I certainly have mine and this time, its not a list, but is a whole damn mindmap. So as we step into 2012, I plan to take a large printout of the mindmap and paste it at a place where I can see it everyday. I am even going to give a copy of the mindmap to VK (my agony aunt, mentor, friend, philosopher, bouncing board etc) and ask her to ensure that I do those things. And then, I would freaking go ahead and do those things. Of course I cant really control the outcomes but I can try and maximize my chances of success. And that is what I am going to do.

Like she says, its a sign, I can see the writing on the wall. Just need to get into the zone more often!

P.S.: I just lost 80% of my stack with pocket Aces! Arrrghh!