I did it!
I have been waiting for it for over a year now. It was always so close and yet so far. Like that trek that you go for, when the summit is always just a stone's throw away and yet you need to walk a thousand miles to be able to even touch it. You can feel it in the air, you can see it, you know you can conquer it and yet it takes you so long. Two years, in my case. Two long years.
I think more than me, everyone around me was waiting for it. Everyone I met, everywhere I went, everything I read, was invariably about it. "When are you doing it?", "Please do it soon.", "We cant wait.", I started getting tired of all the comments. I know that all of them were my friends and they really want me to do it. But after a point, the words became harsh and got into a very narrow zone. It sort of became the final frontier. Its like that last thing that a man can do. It started to feel that I'd die after this. Its like my epitaph is being written and everyone's waiting for me to etch my final words on it.
What people dint realize was that I am a mere mortal and I too have dreams. And insecurities. I too want to scale the peak. And I do get scared every time I get an opportunity. And of course more than my personal achievements, I need to fend for a larger cause. I represent a collective. I can never let my focus wander and chase personal glories. If only words could describe the pressure you are under when you have more than a billion people expecting you to entertain them and live their lives.
I think that is what it boils down to. Live their lives. More than myself, I am living lives of millions others. Everyone has the potential to do great things but they dont really get as many opportunities as I have got. I got lucky I guess. What do they call it? Ovarian Lottery I think. And when I do well, they probably see themselves doing well. They celebrate my success, as if they have played a significant part. Of course they do. A performer can never survive without patrons! And they are sad everytime I perform poorly. As if they are responsible for my failure. And no, its me, am individual that fails to perform my duty, my karma, everytime I fail. For others, if I dont do well, they can move on. I on the other hand, am left alone. To reflect on things. Trust me, someone rightly said, its really lonely at the top.
But now that I have done it, I think I can take a sigh of relief. All my life I have been measured by everyone along a long highway dotted with milestones. It took me a while but I have crossed all the milestones. And now there are no more milestones to chase, the onus is on me to set the new ones for people who would walk on this road in times to come. This is what every artist wants to be! A benchmark. A milestone on the sands of time.
And you know the best part? I can now go out and play like a kid. The way I used to, when I first walked out on a cricket pitch and had the entire ground at the mercy of my strokes.