F. (Be a) Finisher.

This is the sixth post in the A to Z Challenge. My theme is my Bucket List. Read more about the project here. The other things on my bucket list are Ancient Ruins, Book, Coffee Shop, Date a Supermodel and Entrepreneurship.

This is a tough one. This one is making me think. This one is about a thing on my Bucket List that starts with F. I made a list of things that are important to me, that start with F. Here is the list. Family. Friends. Finish a marathon. Find a treasure (like real treasure) and I cant decide what is important enough to be on the bucket list. 

In fact the idea of these writing prompts is to make you think. This one is making me think. I know that going forward, the rest of April, it would get difficult. 

Ok, the random vomit of words has given me an idea. I know what I am going to talk about. Its called Finisher. 

The next thing on my bucket list is, "Be A Finisher."

Before the blogpost, let me define a Finisher. Someone, when he takes up a task, ensures that it reaches a logical conclusion.

All my life, so far, I have been guilty of leaving things mid way. Last few months, for a change, I have started to put an end to things. And its a different high altogether. I really want to be known as a finisher. If there was an epitaph, I would want it to read, "Here lies a man who finished things that he worked on."

Screen-cap from Cool Runnings. More on this later. 

So, for a scatterbrain like me, things are often tough. I see something shiny and I am tempted to cling onto it. And just when the clinging bit starts sinking in, I see another shiny object and I want to move on. And I do.

Thus, I hop from one thing to another, leaving the old ones behind. Nothing wrong with it. But often, I tend to leave things midway. Without finishing them. When I look back on life, I don't really see a road studded with diamonds and studs and achievements and all such things. But I see a bridleway strewn with projects half-done, half-dead, abandoned, left mid-way. To rot. To be ignored.

No these things dont come back to haunt me but its not a nice feeling to have. I realized it when I was making my CV. And preparing for an interview. More than justifying it to the world, I realized that I hated looking back at things that I left like that. It felt shitty. And anything that feels shitty, I am going to change it.

So last few months, I have worked really hard and I have started to finish things. I am beginning to become a finisher. I no longer abandon things just like that. If something doesnt work out, I put an end to it. I accept the failure and move on. I put the pieces back in place and close them. A logical conclusion. It may not be a desirable ending but its an ending. A clear end. I don't abandon it. I am ok with failure but I am no longer ok with abandoning something. I think thats the biggest thing I learnt from writing a book.

I want to be a finisher. I want this to be on my bucket list. I want to be known as a finisher. I want people to hire me because I can finish things. I want people to know that I am a finisher. I want to tell myself that I am a finisher. Most important of them all, I want to look into a mirror, stare myself hard in the eyes and tell myself that I am a finisher. Because I think that the easiest person to fool is self. The world sees what you may not choose to see. I dont want to fool myself. If you know me and you see my fooling myself about this (or other things), please do point out. I shall be obliged. Ya, thats the word. Obliged.

Thank You.

Oh, and do see this bit from the movie Cool Runnings. I will not spoil it by telling you what it is. But its a must see scene. I saw it atleast ten year ago and its still fresh in my head. Its that powerful. I thought of the word finisher and I knew I had to include this scene in the post. Do see it. Leave everything else and see it.

And if you still have some time, do read about Fucket List. I found this while searching for things that start with F and could be on the bucket list. Do you have a Fucket List? I haven't made mine as yet but I am tempted to. May be next month ;)

E. Entrepreneurship.

This is the fifth post in the A to Z Challenge. My theme is my Bucket List. Read more about the project here. The other things on my bucket list are Ancient Ruins, Book, Coffee Shop and Date a Supermodel. 

The one thing that I am probably most desperate about, the thing that I really want to do in life before I hang my boots is to be able to launch a business and run it successfuly. By successfully, I mean I want to make money from it (so much that I dont have to work ever again). It means that I want to be an employer of choice (the way Googles and Facebooks of the world are). It means that I want to be an industry leader in what I do (not in terms of revenue but in terms of thoughts et al). It means that I want to create things that users love. It means I want to leave a dent. Cliched. Over used. Abused. But I really really want to.

Steve Jobs.

I have no clue why I want to be an entrepreneur. I do love the freedom that comes with it. I do love the excitement that comes with it. I love the grind that it requires. But I dont know the real reason, something that comes from deep down in my heart. I have no clue. But I merely know that I want to be one. Someday. In fact I have tried in the past and have failed. On atleast two occasions. Both times, I put in time and money and effort and I failed. I had partners that were better than me and I failed. I am assuming that now, when I try again, I would be better. I sincerely hope so.

I am going to take another shot at it very soon. As soon as a couple of months. This time, for a change, I have the luxury of an investor who believes in the idea and is willing to help me with it. Lets see how it goes. Apart from the book, this is the second biggest thing I am going to work on this year. And I am geared up for it.

I'd talk more about it as I get closer to doing it. Inshallah it would happen. Like they say, if you want something real bad, the entire universe conspires to bring it to you. Dear Universe, please do your conspiring act and help!

To end this post, until I can create a company, until I am an entrepreneur, I shall continue to try. Till then, here are a couple of videos that I think every aspiring entrepreneur must see as often as they could!





Thats about it. Please go see the vids and thank me ;P

D. Date a Supermodel.

This is the fourth post in the A to Z Challenge. My theme is my Bucket List. Read more about the project here. The other things on my bucket list are Ancient Ruins, Book and Coffee Shop. 

Before I launch into the next item on my bucket list, lets get some definitions out of the way.

A date. I define a date as a meeting, an encounter, an activity done by a couple where they talk about things that are important to each other. They engage in all the frivolous activity because they either hope to make out after the date or they are evaluating each other as prospective partners for the rest of their lives. If there is a third reason, I dont know. I am probably too old and too old-school.

A supermodel. I define a supermodel as a woman who is so stunning that when she walks the ramp, she makes the heads turn. She makes the time come to a standstill. She presents such a stunning picture that it gets etched in your minds for a long long time to come. She leaves you feeling happy and gooey in your heart. The knees go weak and your throat goes dry. You want to say a million things to her but you cant even come up with a measly hello (remember "you had me at hello"?).

So coming to the next item on my bucket list, it is, Date a Supermodel. And in absence of a reference point, the woman I want to date is Priyanka Chopra. A quintessential Indian woman. Dusky, petite, long haired, million dollar smile, cute and hot at the same time.

Priyanka Chopra 

So the thing with a date is that its one of those encounters that may or may not result in a long term relationship. For someone like me, its always been a problem. You meet me once and you'd not want to see my face again. I just dont have what it takes to hold attention.

Anyhow, so the point of the date would be see how it feels to command attention of everyone in the room. Including the stunning beauty sitting across the table. It would a beauty and the beast, goldilocks and bears and so on and so forth.

A supermodel is like something untouchable. She is a public figure. She is for everyone to see and admire. A very few can reach the inner circle. Fewer have the balls to talk to her. Just a handful can get into a conversation with her. And the one who could date her, has to be one in a million. Just like her. Because she wouldn't deserve anything less. In fact, I think Priyanka Chopra deserves one in a billion.

Actually, I've seen her once. At some hotel. She was going away from it while I was entering the hotel. While crossing me, she accidentally looked into my eyes and the world came to a stand still. My world did. She on the other hand continued to walk. She did not pause. She did not wait. She carried on. With her security guards and managers and friends and well-wishers and all such people. Leaving me behind. With a burning desire. A desire to date her. Date a supermodel.

One may argue that dating a supermodel is one of those things that you'd like to do, not something that you HAVE to do. I have an answer ready. I'd say, there is a thin line of difference between something that you'd like to do and something that you have to do.

Like to do means "if you do it, great. If you dont, great."

Have to means "an itch that you have to fucking scratch." Have to equates to must do. If you dont that you are unhappy. You think your life was a waste if you didn't do things that you have to.

So yea. I have to have to date a supermodel someday. I want to do it so bad that its part of my bucket list. Filed under D. D for Date a Supermodel.

Oh, I do have a long disclaimer at the end of this blogpost.

The only real person that comes close to my definition of supermodel is sgMS. She may not be walking down the ramps but she could if she chose to. Its a misfortune of the world that she is not. Thankfully, I've been lucky enough to have dated her, once upon a time. Of course I couldnt keep her attention or affection and we have moved on. But I still hope that I am back with her somehow. If not now, may sometime in future. If not in this life, may be in next. But sometime. It would be such a loss for me if I cant. Its like, its like the purpose of my life was to be with her. And if I dont have her, there is no meaning to my life. No, its not hyperbole. Its the truth. I know. And I hope she knows as well. You know it. Right?

C. Coffee Shop.

This is the third post in the A to Z Challenge. My theme is my Bucket List. Read more about the project here. The other things on my bucket list are Ancient Ruins and Book. 

C is for Coffee Shop. Not a chain. A few outlets maybe.

Let me hazard an opinion. A coffee shop is one of the most important inventions of the current era. Why? Not because they sell overpriced beverages. But because the coffee shops give us those proverbial third places where we all can chill. First place is home, second is office. Third place is an in-between where we could choose to remain anonymous and seek asylum whenever we want. Atleast this is my definition of a third place. Of a coffee shop. This to me like a modern reincarnation of those salons that thrived in the last century.

So, one of the things that I want to do in life before I die, is to be able to create, own, manage and run a coffee shop that is loosely modeled on these salons.

I dont intend to make money off these salons but I want to sort of curate culture and change at these place. And if it could become a self-sustained venture, nothing like it.

Imagine a place where you could go without any inhibitions or any obligations as such. Where you have other great minds to chit chat with, where you could exchange ideas and where you create things. Think of a mashup of a co-working space, a coffee shop, a library, a school, a movie theatre, a laboratory and a barcamp. I would call it Acme Labs (inspired by Pinky and Brain).

Imagine is a place where you could come up with ideas, you could find co-conspirators to work on ideas, you could get an audience to showcase your ideas and then another audience to talk about your journey from ideas to execution to customers.

In fact, the modern coffee stores are very close to my ideas of Acme Labs but then they are for-profit operations and thus they cant allow a lot of freewheeling. I wish they could. I would not move out of such places. I could even live at such places. The other thing with these coffee shops is that they are more of watering holes without alcohol and most banter is social, rather than cerebral.

Anyhow, someday when I have figured out shit in life, I would really want to put money towards creating atleast one such edition of Acme Labs. Its not a question of if. But a question of when. There is no question about that. However, I have a question for you dear reader. Would you want to come to Acme Labs? To have a coffee and get into conversations about ideas? To translate these ideas into great pieces of art or business?

B. Book.

This is the second post in the A to Z Challenge. My theme is my Bucket List. Read more about the project here. 

B is for Book. A published book. Under my name.

Its no secret that I aspire to be a writer. A professional writer. Even with my limited grasp on the language and tiny vocabulary, I want to be a professional writer. I want to write articles (for newspapers), opinions (for magazines), prose (for lovers separated by the world around them), books (for people bored out of their wits) and speeches (that moves the damn mountains).

I haven't read a lot but from whatever I have, I want to be talked about alongside greats like Charles Bukowski, Stephan King and Murakami. Maybe Hemingway from the previous era. Coming back to contemporaries, Sue Grafton, Jeffery Archer, John Grisham, Sidney Sheldon and Lee Child. And Surendra Mohan Pathak, RK Narayan, Uapamanyu Chatterjee, Satyajeet Rey, Khushwant Singh, Javed Akhtar Saab if I talk about people from India. I even dare to dream that I want to be as influential as Harivansh Rai Bachchan Saab and Gulzar Saab are. They often say about Gulzar Saab, "In the beginning, there were words. And then there was Gulzar."

Anyhow, I am sure I am missing out on some names but that's ok. I am sure this gives you a drift. I really really want to write.

The funniest bit is that writing happened to me by accident. About ten years back. With this blog. And about a year back when I took a break to work on The Nidhi Kapoor Story. Its funny that you spend 30 years of your life (more than half the useful time you have here) and you suddenly realize what you want to do. What makes you happy. And it turns out to be something as simple as writing. Or may be as tough as writing. Take your pick. Either way, its exciting. And its exhilarating. Its orgasmic.

The thing with is writing is that you could be holed up in a dark corner in a smelly basement and yet you can move a mountain in a different part of the world. Of course moving a mountain is at one extreme. Its a figure of speech. But other common place examples are as abundant. For example, I reckon, most freedom struggles have been won by the undying grit of the fanatic fighters and the mighty pens of writers. Most products are sold by advertising created by smart marketeers and smarter lines by the writers. Most things that pour molten chocolate down our heart and make us feel special (music, films, cards et al) are imagined by dreamers and crafted by writers. So on and so forth. You think of something amazing and I would point at the contribution made by writers.

These writers, some are lucky that they are gifted and they realize it early on. Most, like me, stumble on it and work hard to hone the craft. And the thing with writing is that with ample practice, you can really get better at it. I'd not go there. Enough people have said it enough times in enough ways.

Since I didnt really get it as a gift, I am working on it. I am working on it as we talk. I work on it when I sleep, eat, crap, travel, think or read. In terms of tangibles, every time I post a blogpost, every word I write is work. It takes me a step closer to being a better thinker. A better writer.

I know that writing is going to be an important part of me. And I am going to work hard for it.

I'd need to because I believe that writing a book is probably the biggest challenge of them all. To start with, it takes a lot of time to finish one. An average fiction book is about 80K words and if I was to write 1000 words everyday, it would take me 80 straight days to write it. At least 3 months. For someone as lazy as I, three months would mean nine. Then the book has this finality about it. There is a story and there is a plot and there are characters. There is an emotional investment that people ought to make when they pick your book. There is a lot riding on it. For a writer.

Its like the endurance test. Everyone can run 100 meters but very few can go and finish a damn marathon. I want to finish a marathon. A book is a marathon. Like a marathon, a book is not about the time you take to finish it. Its about the damn finish line. And nothing else.

A book, published book, under my name, is thus a thing on my bucket list. A very important thing that I ought to do in life.

And you know what, I have a book on its way. I have put in almost 9 months working on it. And its near completion. The book hopefully would come out by July this year if all goes well. Do see the website at www.tnks.in.

For me, #tnks would be the first step towards becoming a writer. Not that I need a gratification from the world but its like coming of age. Its like a personal milestone. That I can write. That I am a writer. It may not be accepted by the world, it may be laughed at but it will be out in print. Soon.

Inshallah.

Oh, by the way, a writer is nothing more than an egomaniacal delusional bastard in absence of an audience. And a few patrons. I am in dire need of some. You want to help? Its easy. All you need to do is pray for me and send some good karma my way. Thats all I ask.

You want to do more? Help me when The Nidhi Kapoor Story comes out. Help me with spreading word about it. Help me by liking the FB page. Help me by pointing things that I could do to make it better. Help me by connecting to other people who may help me further.

And, thats about it. About writing. About #tnks. About book.

Monthly Report - Mar 2014

The third month of the year is gone. Three months before I even realized. By this time I was supposed to finish working on the draft 2. But I haven't been able to. So coming to the update...

Here are the thing that I did in this month

1. I shared the the first draft of the book, The Nidhi Kapoor Story, with a few friends and I have got encouraging response. I was supposed to finish the second draft by end of this month. 
2. Had a better month with poker compared to last time. I was net positive. For the first time in last one year since I've started grinding on pokerstars. 
3. Started applying to places. Money is running out fast and I need a naukri faster. So far, nothing has materialized. If you know someone who wants to hire, do point them to my linkedin profile, or better share their details with me.

Thats it. Two things really. Not a great month no? 

So moving on,

Report on things I had planned for Mar.

1. I had planned six things. I managed to stay positive with poker, I worked on #tnks and I took yoga slightly more serious. I did not ge time to clear evernote and I did not see any of the videos. Like last time, multiple reasons. And again, I would rather not talk about those but I'd try and make April better. 

In Apr of 2014, these are the things that are on the cards

1. Things for Feb, Mar (sell sgElectra, work on Cpt Obv, ISIN and next plot)
2. Clear Evernote.
3. #poker. Get yet another good month with poker. Like I mentioned, a good month is when I do not lose. This is probably going to be an ongoing goal. 
4. #poker. See all of grisped on youtube. 
5. #36to30. Take yoga as a challenge. Try and do asanas with more poise and tougher intensity. I would take it up as a challenge. I wrote about it here. Remember the tread mill that Will Smith talks about?

Thats about it from the month of Mar. Over to you April. In the meanwhile, do check out The Nidhi Kapoor Story's facebook page. I have 200 likes there and I want to take it upto 500. I dont know how. Any ideas?

Previous updates: Jan, Feb

A. Ancient Ruins.

Hello dear readers of the blog. I am taking up A to Z Challenge. Its a simple plot. You write 26 posts in April, each post starting with a different character. Preferably all these posts, all these words should have a common theme. 

The theme for me is my Bucket List.

For the uninitiated,  a bucket list is a list of things that people want to do before they die. Since, I love making lists and its been some time since I've made a list, its time that I make one now. One item at a time. One day at a time. One character at a time. Starting with A. On the 1st of April. I am going to archive the entire list here, if you are interested.

A is for Ancient ruins. Of Machu Picchu. And Angkor Wat and others.

I have no clue why I love history so much.

And come to think of it, I hated it in school.

Now that I am a grown up, I realize that the curriculum was inherently boring and thus the hatred for history was not me. Plus, I have been lucky to have travelled to so many places. And all that travel has made me realize that I love history. I love historical places. Love em so much that I that there are times when I have thought of joining the ASI or UNESCO. I dont know what I would do there but I know that I'd get to travel to all these places that have been long lost.

I really wish I could travel back in time. The pragmatist in me tells me that I may not be able to, in this life time. Thus, the closest thing that I can do about it, is goto all the historical ruins that I can goto. Specifically to the ruins at Machu Picchu, Angkor Wat and at other older civilizations (China, India etc).

Ruins at Machu Picchu

The thing is I have realized that there is a specific reason for me to travel back in time. The curious in me want to know that how in the world did they erect such majestic structures without the luxury of modern technology or tools. I mean look at the Taj. Or at Pyramids. Or the Great Wall. Or the temples are Angkor. How did they haul all that stone to such large distances in such short amount of time?

Who came up with designs? Who helped them with precision when they were creating things? Who was doing the QC? And most of them all, why would someone even want to create these things in the first place? Back then, lives would've been really simple and the kings would have had enough to eat and fuck and yet they chose to get these things made. Why guys? Why?

Not that I am complaining. I just want to understand these people. They must've been tripping on something really wild.

As an added incentive they may have hidden some treasure that may has escaped the eyes of all those treasure hunters that keep searching for. Wait, did I say treasure hunters? Lol! Wait till I reach T ;P

So yeah, one of the things on my bucket list is to travel to as many historical ruins as I could. If not all, I have to have to see Machu Picchu and Angkor Wat before I die. There is something mystic about these places that sorts of calls me there.

Anyone wants to sponsor my trip?

The Next Few Days. And next couple of years.

The next few days are going to be big. Big in the sense that things that happen in the next few days would dictate how I spend the next two years. And thus, probably, how I would spend the rest of my life. 

What? Why?

The book is almost done. The second draft is also almost ready. I have already had a round of discussions with a publisher. If all goes well, the book could be out in next three-four months. I am keeping my fingers crossed. And then after that I'd start working on the next one. I have a tentative plot in my head about the next one but I am not sure. However I am sure that I want to write atleast one every year. Audacious goal but what is life without a tinge of audacity? 

The publishing (of the book), even though it would be a grand event, wont really change the things. 

Change would be finding a naukri that would help me pay my bills. I have been jobless for almost 8 months now and I have spent everything that I had saved. And more. I need to find something that would help me pay bills. I am looking at working for atleast couple of years. Couple of reasons. A is to save some. B is to try and leave a mark. 

Sadly I dont know what I want to do in life and I have no clue about the kind of work I want to do. I take pride in being a Jack of all trades and that means I am employable across a wide range of profiles. Not wide enough to cover a lot of ground but wide enough to allow me to choose from multiple options. And the options, as I see are...

A. Go back to Delhi and either settle for what I was doing previously or go work for a friend's startup. Both options are open to me right now.

There is nothing wrong with my last job and there is nothing right with it either. Its a safe routine job that probably would give me some time off to work on my books. The book writing bit is going to be a long haul thing and I would have to spend a lot of time before I know if I am accepted by readers. 

The startup would be a huge huge challenge. I know that that guy is very demanding and thus I would have to work really hard on it. It will translate into lessons that would probably last for a lifetime but then I probably would not have anytime for the book. 

B. Find a naukri in Mumbai. Again, there is nothing wrong or right about this. Just that I would have to go through the grind of calling companies, friends, contacts, acquaintances and other such people and hope to find something for myself. 

Again, depending on where I end up, I may get lucky to find something that is the right mix of money, exciting work, time for writing, meeting new people. travel and mental simulation. But if I dont get lucky, I dont even want to list things that could go bad. 

C. Drift the way I have been drifting. Hoping for happy accidents to happen to me. Since I know that I am a destiny's child, I can try and keep setting in motion random oscillations that some day translate into giant winds that may bring love, luck and happiness my way. 

Thats about it. 

On paper, it looks like a very simple three point equation. In real life however, the implications and ramifications are so many that I cant even fathom. Anyhow, I have never been the thinking kinds and I life without a plan. Whatever comes my way first I'd take it and move fast on it. 

It has taken me ten years of sporadic writing and last few months of sustained effort towards The Nidhi Kapoor Story to realize that I love writing so much. I cant really waste anymore time in half-measures. 

Thats all! 

Writer's Block!

Via

Its here! The writer's block.

I cant write. I havent written for almost 15 days. Not on the blog, not on the book, not on the secret blog, no emails, nothing. And damn!

The thing is called the Writer's Block. And it is defined as a phenomenon when a writer loses the ability to produce new work. It is not a problem with the ability of the writer but is more of a temporary roadblock that prevents the writer from creating new work. I dont know if the definition is correct but I really want to assume that it is. I can not believe that I've run out of juice after writing a blog for ten years. People tend to become great after spending ten years with things.

In my case, the block is probably as a result of the break that I imposed on myself after I finished the first draft of The Nidhi Kapoor Story. Anyhow, the block is here and it sucks. Truly. I have realized that I am extremely happy when I am writing. In fact writing is my escape. There are times when I am fucked up in my head and the only way I can let go things is by letting my fingers dance on the keyboard. Writing is like my fix. Its my poison. Its something that I have to do if I am to be happy.

And since I hate to be unhappy for long durations of time (yes, I imply that I am unhappy when I am not writing), I have these homegrown remedies to get out of the block. This post, is actually an outcome of one such remedy. In fact, if Neo did not nudge me, I wouldn't have thought about this. Thank You.

Hopefully tomorrow onwards I would restart writing. Even if its small insignificant updates on the blog. Or inane changes in the story.

Till then, so long!

P.S.: Here are a few other posts that I've written about writer's block.

Weightloss Tamasha

Screenshot from Wolf of Wallstreet

I believe there is a heath book by this name. If it exists, I havent read it and I dont want to benefit from it's popularity (if its popular). If you are the author (or the publisher), please dont sue me. I am too lazy to google for the name.

So with the disclaimers out of the way, let me talk about the tamasha that I am engaged in. The shenanigans, while I try to lose weight inches.

Since my aversion for any exercise, physical or mental is well-documented, I cant really do em. However, here are a few things that I have decided that I would do. And here is a list...

1. Walk. 10K steps a day. Most days I dont. But on an average I try to do 50K steps a week. Except the last week, I could do 50K over the last few weeks. I wrote about this here. 
2. Eat in moderation. If you have gone out eating with me you would know of copious amount of food that I can eat and digest. I have stopped all that now. Except yesterday when I had a dosa after at least 15 days, an ice-cream after few weeks and my favorite egg biryani after a month at least. I wanted to top all this with Red Bull but then I had to sleep. It was awesome to indulge in all this foodgasm but in the morning, I could see the damn food stuck on my body, the way they stuck money around a woman in Wolf of Wallstreet. 
3. Small meals. Rujuta recommends that six small meals a day is better than three big ones. Only fuck up is that I end up having six small meals along with the three big ones. 
4. Cheap publicity. I make such a hue and cry about things that I post it on blog, my twitter stream, facebook and what not. 
5. Large bets. I got into this mother of a bet with a friend about my goal for myself. I would buy him the latest iPhone if I am more than 30". Else he would buy me one. For someone like me, who needs external motivation more often than not, this is a brilliant carrot.  

Thats it! 

So, for the next few months if you see that I am obsessed by weightloss and things around it, could you please bear with me? The way you have since I started writing this?