The War Of Words

Y. Yell out loud.

Next is Y. Y for Yell out loud. So loud that I lose my voice. So loud that my throat hurts. So loud that its louder than anything around me. Louder than the noise that people make at events like Woodstocks. Louder than your heart-thump when you're in trouble.

Can you guess the building?

I want to stand on the top of a really high building and stare at the world go by underneath. I want to stare in the void and see my voice reach to the very bottom. I want to see myself getting spent at the effort. I want to see myself inside out and I want the wind to go in and clean me up from inside. I want to take a rebirth. I want to break some shackles. I want to cry with the effort that it takes to yell like that.

Its like getting a high. The kinds that you get when you drop acid. Or when you do drugs. Or when you win a lottery. Its something that probably cleanses you from inside. It probably makes you feel renewed.

I would have done it long back if it didn't stigmatize people around. Yelling, in my culture, is connected to extreme pain or happiness or shock or something. There's no one that yells without reason. And definitely not for the frivolous reason of getting a high. Or renewing themselves. Or yelling just for the sake of trying! Damn these boundaries! It has to be one of the most liberating feelings ever. Probably more liberating than the bungee. Or the skydive.

I have to do it. At least once before I hang my boots!

Monthly Report - Apr 2014

The fourth month of the year is gone. Here is the update.

Here are the thing that I did in this month

Finished the second draft of The Nidhi Kapoor Story. Met with a publisher friend. Spoke to a few designers. With each passing day, #tnks now looks like a reality. Aiming to bring it to life by Jul or Aug of this year.
Had a net negative month with poker. Need to get back to black in May.
Still jobless. But I know a vague direction that I need to take. The naukri should give me some money and some time because I want to try and write another book in this year. Please let me know if you know of places that want to hire someone with 8 years of work-ex, post MBA. I have a fairly decent linkedin profile.

So moving on, Report on things I had planned for Apr.

I had quite a few things. Did none of those. Last four months, month after month I have failed to do most things that I had planned. Why? Because I am lazy? Or because I am trying to eat more than I can chew? Will think about it over the next month and plan accordingly.

In May of 2014, these are the things that are on the cards

Things for Feb, Mar, Apr (sell sgElectra, work on Cpt Obv, ISIN and next plot)
Clear Evernote.
#poker. Get yet another good month with poker. Like I mentioned, a good month is when I do not lose. This is probably going to be an ongoing goal.
#poker. See all of grisped on youtube.
#36to30. Take yoga as a challenge. Try and do asanas with more poise and tougher intensity. I would take it up as a challenge. I wrote about it here. Remember the tread mill that Will Smith talks about?

Thats about it from the month of Apr. Over to you May.

Previous updates: Jan, Feb, Mar

X. X men.

X. The tough one. I cant think of anything but X-Men. X-Men is a team of superheroes that have some genetic mutation that gives them some sort of superpower. Like all people with superpowers there are good ones and there are bad ones. And like all places where you have good people and bad people, there is an inevitable clash. And then like most myths, stories, the good wins over the bad.

So X for me is X as in X-Men.

X-Men Poster

The thing is, I really want to have some sort of superpower. I know its too late to get mutated by I think I can develop some superpower. It doesnt have to be a physical thing. I dont want to be a magnetic field or have an icy cold stare or something. I am ok with the superpower of words that allows me to move mountains with things that I write. Or I am ok with the superpower of observation that lets me decode people the moment I set my eyes on them. Like Sherlock had. Or like Reacher had. Or even a superpower with numbers that allows me to make money. Or may be I could grow bigger when I eat mushrooms, like Super Mario. Or may be the power of invisibility that Arun had. Agreed that a gadget gave him his superpower, it was a power nonetheless.

The superpower would elevate me from boring bald man in India to someone who would see the wonders that the world has to offer. It could come as a result of dedication, from a gadget, or from borrowed tools. But I really want one. I want to be an X-man. Somehow. For once. Before I die.

To be honest, I dont want to retain this power forever. I just want to get the power once and live a life full of excitement. A life that is beyond the rigmarole of money, society, relationships, emotions and other such things. At least for once. Somehow.

What is your superpower? What makes you a X-Man?

W. War of Words.

I have been writing this blog since Jan of 2004. And I want to continue to write here till I die. I don't know what purpose it would serve but I want to. Writing this blog is the longest I have done something, apart from living. And I dont want to stop.

Can I say that I cant imagine a life without this blog where I send inane updates and thought blurbs? That important is this blog!

Screenshot of my blog...

The very act of writing on a public forum and letting strangers peep into your life sounds stupid but thats how things were back in 2004. It sounded like a great idea that someone could be interested in your life. The fact that a stranger could read what I wrote gave me kicks. Ofcourse the blog helped me make new friends, helped me learn more things and definitely made me a better writer.

The blog is also good way to go down the memory lane. I can go to a month and a year and I can see things that were occupying my head those days. For example browse to a random month, say Mar 2009, and a glance at posts would tell what all I was thinking / planning / cooking then!

In fact the blog is responsible for a lot of things that I started and eventually did not finish. I am the kinds who wants to talk first and then attempt those things. I know its not really the best way to go about things but it has worked for me in the past. There is no reason why it wouldn't in the future. Even #tnks started on this this blog with this post in May of last year. If you're on FB, please see this page and do recommend changes that I may make on this page.

Thats about blogging. And about War of Words. I want to continue to write it till I can.

Onward to X!

P.S.: Again, this is not really a thing for the bucket list but for the wish list. Either ways, I am not complaining.

P.P.S: Not happy with post. Note to my future self. Take lesson from these posts that you dont like. Tagged with #reWrite.

V. (Master the) Vedas.

This is a part of the April A to Z Challenge. My theme is my Bucket List. Read about it here. Other posts in the A to Z Challenge: Ancient Ruins, Book, Coffee Shop, Date a Supermodel, Entrepreneurship, (Be a) Finisher, Give Away my Wealth, Handle a Baby, Inspire, Jack of all trades, Keep my shirt on, Make a lot of money, No, Off the Grid, Poker, Question Everything, Run a Marathon, Settle in the mountains, Teach and Up in the Air.

Next is V. V for (Master the) Vedas.

Vedas are ancient Indian scriptures that apparently contain the sum total of all ancient Indian wisdom. It was written over the years and by multiple people across the entire length and breadth of the great Indian subcontinent. Apparently, vedas is not a work of human imagination. It is what the sages heard from the divine. More on this later.

The four vedas

So, once I have hung my boots, I'd want to devote my time studying the vedas.

Why would I want to do it? I dont know. It just sounds unfair that this great body of work exists and while I was around on this planet, I did not spend time with it. All the more important because I believe that I am curious about the world around me and no better way to try and satiate the urge than the vedas.

Plus the vedas is like a collection of ideas and thoughts that everyone has an opinion on. And each sect would have their interpretation of the vedas. Each interpretation would make for an interesting read. Will show me different perspectives and opinions.

I wish I could leave everything and chase the knowledge and understanding like its no one's business. Just wish I dint have to work for money!

Oh, this series by Times Wellness is a good starting point!

U. Up in the Air.

This is a part of the April A to Z Challenge. My theme is my Bucket List. Read about it here. Other posts in the A to Z Challenge: Ancient Ruins, Book, Coffee Shop, Date a Supermodel, Entrepreneurship, (Be a) Finisher, Give Away my Wealth, Handle a Baby, Inspire, Jack of all trades, Keep my shirt on, Make a lot of money, No, Off the Grid, Poker, Question Everything, Run a Marathon, Settle in the mountains and Teach.

Next is U. U for Up in the air.

The movie. The one that had George Clooney in it. The one that was based on the book. The movie is about a dude who travels to places in America to layoff people. The important bit, the one that I want to achieve in this life, is that he has 1 million frequent flier miles and has a personal goal of collecting 10 million miles.

If you think its undoable, check out Chris and Ansoo. If not a million, they would be pretty close. In fact, at one point, I had 300,000 miles myself.

So the movie is about this guy who's job is to meet people who have been laid off and counsel them on the post-layoff distress. As a part of his discourses (read speech, monologue etc), he asks them a simple question. What's in your backpack. He further sort of glorifies the joblessness and extols the virtues of a frugal, free life. Lee Child and Jack Reacher would be proud of him. Not a pleasant job but a job nonetheless. That takes him to multiple cities and allows him to meet people and allows him to earn miles!

Like I said, at one point, I had more than 300K miles on me. I am not sure how many am I left with now. The trouble is that they are/were staggered across multiple airlines and multiple alliances. Plus a lot of them have expired because of inactivity. And I have used a lot of those for some travel in the last one year of joblessness. When I start work again, I want to stack up on the miles again. Took me 3 years to get 300K. There is no reason why I cant do it again. The million miles figure shouldn't be tough to achieve. Lets see...

Further, if I compare myself to Ryan or Jack right now, I have a houseful of things that I want to cling on to. These are books, pictures, photos, toys, puzzles, posters and I dont know what all. I want to be able to reach a point where I can pack whatever I own in a carry-on case. Thankfully, I am not that attached to clothes, so my bag is anyway half empty. But the other things, I need to start simplifying. I need to start giving away things. May be I'd start with my books. I dont know. I'd think on it. Soon.

So, the U for me is Up in the air. And the other smaller question. What's in my backpack?

Before I close this post, here is a question for you. Two. How many miles do you have? And what's in your backpack?

T. Teach.

This is a part of the April A to Z Challenge. My theme is my Bucket List. Read about it here.

Next is T. T for Teach.

Teaching, they say, is the noblest of all professions. They say that a teacher has the opportunity to shape the future of individuals and communities. And the teachers have the responsibility to shape the future of individuals and communities.

A teacher can inspire, can change the way a pupil thinks and works. In fact most great men became great because they had access to great teachers. Look at history. There is Arjuna and Eklayva and Guru Drona. Look at modern times. There is Warren Buffett and Ben Graham. Examples are plenty. So many that I can write a whole book about teacher / pupil success stories.

So, I am very sure that before I die, I want to take up the opportunity of being a teacher. And the responsibility of being a teacher. There are ifs and buts. And I know I would find answers.

Prof. Sanjay Bakshi

Ifs are, what if I am not a good teacher? What if I fail? What if I cant communicate well? What if I am redundant?

Buts are, but why would someone want to learn from you? But what would I teach? But is what I teach relevant in the modern world?

Tough questions. Tough to answer. I have a few years to find answers. And I will. I have to teach. There is no two ways about it. Thing is, when you teach, you are defending what you proclaim to be an expert at, in front of so many curious brains with their respective individual perspectives. Each interaction, each conversation, each defense, each objection, each rebuttal, is like a lesson. Its like a sentence, its like an execution and its like a new life.

More than responsibility and the opportunity, teaching is a brilliant way to improve yourself. Try it and you'd know. I have done some bits of it and I am dying to get back in front of a class and share what I know and learn from others.

Thats it. Bucket List item starting with T is Teach!

Oh, this post about teaching would be incomplete without a few words about Prof. Bakshi. He's one amongst the multiple giants who've kindly given me their shoulders to stand on. I am very fortunate that I took his course on behavioral finance at MDI. It has changed me for good.

To be honest, I was a really poor student and he may not even remember me. But whatever limited I know in life, whatever little that I am proud of, Prof. Bakshi has played a large part in helping me achieve it. Thank you Sir.

Do read Prof Sanjay Bakshi's Story. This has to be one of the most inspiring stories that I've ever read.

Onwards to U tomorrow!

Other posts in the A to Z Challenge: Ancient Ruins, Book, Coffee Shop, Date a Supermodel, Entrepreneurship, (Be a) Finisher, Give Away my Wealth, Handle a Baby, Inspire, Jack of all trades, Keep my shirt on, Make a lot of money, No, Off the Grid, Poker, Question Everything, Run a Marathon, Settle in the mountains.

S. Settle in the mountains.

This is a part of the April A to Z Challenge. My theme is my Bucket List. Read about it here.

Next is S. S for Settle in the mountains.

I am too young to retire. Too young to even think of it. And yet I am too old. Too old to not have planned for retirement. And the only plan I have, is to go live in the mountains. Not the Himalayas but may be Panchgani. Low hills, away from tourists. Where weather is fine the year around, I am ok with cold but hate garmi. Where I can go for long walks on the ups and downs and think about things. Where when I sit and write, I can stare into distance and look at the birds floating in the mid air.

Some random mountain town

I have a question. Are you a hills kind of a person? Or a beach, sea, ocean kinds of person? I am told that this answer reveals a lot about your personality. I am a hills kind. I dont mind beaches but I dont want to live next to an water body. But would love to live in the mountains.

To me, mountains are infinite. They present an intriguing case. You want to know whats on the other side and yet you are glued to the side you are on. You imagine wonderful things that the elevation is blocking. You think of those faint trails that were created by people walking up and down and wonder why did they make it. Mountains are challenging. You need certain amount of effort etc to be able to walk on the long tough windings roads. And while you walk, you can think and wonder about those little things that Mother Nature has created around us.

Ok! I sound like a failed romantic. Time to cut it short. So, the next thing on my bucket list is settle down in the mountains. Let me tangibilize it. Within the next five years. Ideally somewhere in western ghats. If not that, somewhere in Himalayas. If not even that, may be Nepal ;P

Other posts in the A to Z Challenge: Ancient Ruins, Book, Coffee Shop, Date a Supermodel, Entrepreneurship, (Be a) Finisher, Give Away my Wealth, Handle a Baby, Inspire, Jack of all trades, Keep my shirt on, Make a lot of money, No, Off the Grid, Poker, Question Everything, Run a Marathon.

R. Run a Marathon.

This is a part of the April A to Z Challenge. My theme is my Bucket List. Read about it here.

Next is R. The first thing that comes to my head when I think on character R is Reacher. Of the Jack Reacher fame. And the next is Run. And this is what the thing on my bucket list is. Run. Run a Marathon. And finish it.

R is Run a Marathon. Not just run, but finish a marathon.

There is nothing else I want to do more than running a marathon. To me its like the ultimate test of human spirit and grit. Its where you push yourself so much that every part, every muscle of your body is stretched to the extreme. So much so that you cant go anymore. Plus its not a one time thing. You cant just wake up one morning and decide that you want to run a marathon. You gotta train hard for it. Like shit. For years. And even then you aren’t sure how you’d perform on the D day. That is marathon. And that's what I really really want to do.

Run Forrest Run!

Thing is, as a kid I was very active physically. I could run, jump, duck, walk, play, roll, squat, dive, shove, push, move with ease. I had great reflexes and I took pride in my extremely amazing reaction time. As I grew old and fat, I started to lag behind.

Now, when I am past my useful age, I can hardly move a muscle. I cant run ten inches without panting and heaving. I am that unhealthy. I can feature in those late night informercials where men complain that no one wants to talk to them because they are fat and all that. That!

Like other feedback loops, I am trapped in this one. Since I am unhealthy, I cant run and since I cant run, I am getting more unhealthy. And it sucks.

From that, fat, I want to be someone who can run marathons. All 42 KMs of it. Its not about the time. Its not about records. Its about a personal battle and its about finishing. Its about reaching the end. Its about finishing. See F.

There is just one way out. To go out and run. Run a meter today. And two tomorrow. Three the day after and so on and so forth. Its very simple. No? But to someone like me, who wants ACs and shoes and tracks and inspiration and all that, its a mammoth task. So huge that I always finds an excuse to not run. In fact to end this non-running bit, I have given myself a simple goal. If by the end of the year, I am not 30", I would get a brand new iPhone to Neo. And if I am less than 30, he would get me one. And a large part of my inch-loss will have to come from running. If not running, then may be yoga or swimming.

Ok, I am digressing.

Coming back, I really really want to run a marathon and finish it. There are people (Fauja Singh) who take up running at 80 and are still running marathons at the age of 100. If they can, why cant I? Its such a simple sport. All you need to do is step out and go do it. Go run. Nothing else. All the damn world is the track and everything is an obstacle.

Damn! I want to run. A marathon!

P.S.: While I am at it, do see this ad by Nike. Has to be one of the best running ads that I have seen ever. And maybe this one as well.

Other posts in the A to Z Challenge: Ancient Ruins, Book, Coffee Shop, Date a Supermodel, Entrepreneurship, (Be a) Finisher, Give Away my Wealth, Handle a Baby, Inspire, Jack of all trades, Keep my shirt on, Make a lot of money, No, Off the Grid, Poker, Question Everything.

Q. Question Everything.

This is a part of the April A to Z Challenge. My theme is my Bucket List. Read more about the project here. The other things on my bucket list are Ancient Ruins, Book, Coffee Shop, Date a Supermodel, Entrepreneurship, (Be a) Finisher, Give Away my Wealth, Handle a Baby, Inspire, Jack of all trades, Keep my shirt on, Make a lot of money, No, Off the Grid and Poker.

Next is Q. Q as in Queen. Q as in Quit. Q as in Queue. Q as in Question. Question Everything. Yeah, Q is for Question Everything.

One of the biggest gifts that I've received when I was sent here, is the innate curiosity. I think this sets me apart from everyone else. Its my secret weapon. Its my magic wand. Just that I need to start using it. I'd come back to it. Right now, its about Q. Q for question everything.

From this xkcd

So, thing with questions is, it opens doors. So many and so often. Most relationships, business or personal, start with innocent questions. If you are trying to break ice with that cute girl sitting across the aisle in the local Starbucks, a question is the easiest way to do so. If you want to get new business from a tough client, ask questions that would help him do his job better. If you want a raise, ask a question. If you want to quit, ask a question. In fact all the wisdom of the world is contained in just six words. Why, What, When, Where, Who and How.

Thanks to my curious mind, I keep asking questions all the time. It worked just fine till I was a child. But now that I've grown up, it often lands me in trouble. I am dismissed as an over-enthusiastic, pesky companion and am left alone. Serves well because when I ask a question, I am called dumb once but if I dont ask that question, I remain dumb for life. This is an age old quote. Even has a wikipedia page. Other times the other side is patient and even enjoys while answering but such people are few and far between. But then these people make the entire thing about asking questions worth the effort.

But all said and done, its one of the best weapons that I have in my arsenal. And I need to sharpen it. To a point where it becomes my personal weapon of mass destruction. Ok, I am sorry for all the hyperbole.

So yeah, the thing for my bucket list and another mantra for life, is that I want to retain my ability to ask questions even when I am ridiculed and am dismissed.

P.S.: Not too happy with this post. I would try to rewrite this as some other date.

The Nidhi Kapoor Story