These days I talk a lot about life. Probably because I am at that juncture where I need to figure out the next step. And its going to be a very important step because the next few years are going to be very important.
I have realized that I am not passionate about any one idea and thus I dont think I can start something. I have also realized that I love my freedom so much that I dont want to work for someone else. And I know that I need money. And I am at a stage when I have to have to settle down if I want to die a happy man. So many decisions and so many constraints!
All of it, all these things that I have talked about above look doable and yet are difficult. They look within grasp and yet they are out of reach. And last night I realized that I need a tailwind gain of a crore and a year. That's all it would take to get my life back on track (read [1] below). One crore and one year.
And that's what I really really need right now.
I can't think of a way to make that much money in a year unless I rob a bank or start cooking meth or sell a kidney or commit a fraud or something. There is no legit way to make money. At least I dont think there is. If there is, please point me to it. Really.
Apart from this, I think all is well. I have discovered something that I think I like doing. And I can totally see myself doing it for the rest of my life (writing). Just that I dont know if I am good enough to make a commercial success out of it. I know the woman that I want to marry and settle down with. Just that she cant tolerate even standing next to me. I know the kinda life I want to lead. Just that its kinda long shot as of now. And so on and so forth.
Oh, and my current mood is sad. And I need sad music. The kinds where the hero walks alone through a happy crowd on a well-lit road at night and a saxophone is playing somewhere in the background (read [2] below).
That's it!
Notes
[1] When I say back on track, I mean that I would be back on par with my cohorts, my classmates, an average guy my age etc.
[2] This kinda music.
The predicament(s) of a writer
I am a struggling writer. My first book is out in Oct (if all goes well). While I am proud about the fact that I am going to be a published writer, there are a 1000 questions swirling in my head. Answers are not easy. And hence the predicament. Before I launch into it, here is a disclaimer.
Disclaimer.
Writing is something that did not happen to me naturally. I had to work hard on it. Took me 10 odd years of consistent rambling on this blog to be able to realize that I could write a book.
In fact this blog helped me realize that I loved writing.
Now, coming to questions, the first question that I get asked is, "Why do I write?"
And my answer is...
Next question that inevitably is, "Who do you write for?"
My answer:
The final question that makes the predicament apparent, "If you write for yourself, why do you want to publish it? Why make it public? Why not keep it hidden in a secret dairy? Why even write a blog?"
I struggle, cringe and sweat. But then more often than not, my answer is:
And then I get that inevitable look of confusion, distrust, mockery from people. Even from good friends. And I dont know what to tell them. Now you see? The predicament. I wonder how do other writers answer these questions. I wonder what about other artists? I can hazard a guess that any art has to be commercially viable for it to take off in the long run and hence the publishing etc. But then who am I to mix art and commerce.
No?
P.S.: If you are interested in writers talking about writing, do see www.onWriting.in. I ask Indian writers 5 questions about writing and publish these on this blog. No, so far I havent published my answers. I think I'll wait till Oct for that. Why? Because The Nidhi Kapoor Story comes out then!
Disclaimer.
Writing is something that did not happen to me naturally. I had to work hard on it. Took me 10 odd years of consistent rambling on this blog to be able to realize that I could write a book.
In fact this blog helped me realize that I loved writing.
Now, coming to questions, the first question that I get asked is, "Why do I write?"
And my answer is...
I write because I love writing. Its like my fix, its my poison. Its my kick. It makes me happy. There is nothing else that I have been able to discover that allows to get me in the zone, in the flow.
Same zone, same flow that athletes get into when they are performing at their peak. Same zone where yogis get in when they are meditating. Same zone where coders are when they spend nights after nights working on lines and lines of code.
Next question that inevitably is, "Who do you write for?"
My answer:
Ofcourse I write for myself. Apart from a secret blog that I write for sgMS, for her to read, everything I write is for me.
Not for readers. Not for friends. Not for family, not for strangers, not for anyone else. It's for me.
It has to give me that happiness. It has to please me. Everything is about me when I write.
And no, I am not a narcissist. As yet.
The final question that makes the predicament apparent, "If you write for yourself, why do you want to publish it? Why make it public? Why not keep it hidden in a secret dairy? Why even write a blog?"
I struggle, cringe and sweat. But then more often than not, my answer is:
Because I like the idea that what I write has the ability to go beyond the borders. What I write can spread. What I write can help me meet more people. It can open doors. It can broaden my horizons. Having someone else read what I have written gives me an opportunity to improve my craft. It allows me to get feedback. It's the reality check.
And then I get that inevitable look of confusion, distrust, mockery from people. Even from good friends. And I dont know what to tell them. Now you see? The predicament. I wonder how do other writers answer these questions. I wonder what about other artists? I can hazard a guess that any art has to be commercially viable for it to take off in the long run and hence the publishing etc. But then who am I to mix art and commerce.
No?
P.S.: If you are interested in writers talking about writing, do see www.onWriting.in. I ask Indian writers 5 questions about writing and publish these on this blog. No, so far I havent published my answers. I think I'll wait till Oct for that. Why? Because The Nidhi Kapoor Story comes out then!
Lovers at Large
Move over AA. There's a new thing in town. Lovers at Large. The idea, the concept is similar to AA but has a wider score.
Just like in AA (where people who have issues with Alcohol gather and talk about things) Lovers at Large (or LL) is a group of jilted lovers who can't seem to get over the separation. And the separation is wrecking havoc in their personal and work lives.
The scope is larger because unlike alcoholics who know the issues that they are facing, the Lovers at Large don't know that they are suffering from longing and separation. And because of this ignorance they continue to suffer.
Needless to say, I, the founding member of LL, have my reasons for creating this support group.
Its just one reason actually. sgMS. The thing is, I cant get over sgMS. And I know she cares and yet she chooses to ignore me (to participate in all assorted, tiny, insignificant social gatherings that she could totally avoid but she does not). I know she's not seeing anyone but has a room full of tall, dark, handsome, rich, funny and successful guys who continue to accost her. And I know I don't stand a chance if she were to compare me to them. What makes my suffering worse is that she has been telling, and consistently forever, that I am not the one for her and yet I continue to hang onto that little thing called hope, waiting for her to come back. Which I think I now know is not happening.
How do I know? There are signs all over the place. If I were a writer, I would say, "I can see dead and mangled bodies of my dreams and hopes scattered all over the place. Each dream killed with as much indifference as one would swat a fly on the wall" and so on and so forth. But I am not. At least not that kinds. But I can see things have changed. And the change looks irreversible.
Today, in fact was the last nail in the coffin. I just got tipped over the edge. I know I would continue to love her. I know I would continue to pine for her. And I would crave for her attention. But starting today, I shall stop making any effort what so ever from my side.
Wait. This is not about her. Its about LL.
So LL is a support group of people who would come together and talk about their issues. Even if one of us can find solution, find peace, find solace in the group, I think I would have achieved the purpose.
So, if you are a lover at large, you know who to talk to. My doors and mailboxes and ears are always open!
Just like in AA (where people who have issues with Alcohol gather and talk about things) Lovers at Large (or LL) is a group of jilted lovers who can't seem to get over the separation. And the separation is wrecking havoc in their personal and work lives.
The scope is larger because unlike alcoholics who know the issues that they are facing, the Lovers at Large don't know that they are suffering from longing and separation. And because of this ignorance they continue to suffer.
Needless to say, I, the founding member of LL, have my reasons for creating this support group.
Its just one reason actually. sgMS. The thing is, I cant get over sgMS. And I know she cares and yet she chooses to ignore me (to participate in all assorted, tiny, insignificant social gatherings that she could totally avoid but she does not). I know she's not seeing anyone but has a room full of tall, dark, handsome, rich, funny and successful guys who continue to accost her. And I know I don't stand a chance if she were to compare me to them. What makes my suffering worse is that she has been telling, and consistently forever, that I am not the one for her and yet I continue to hang onto that little thing called hope, waiting for her to come back. Which I think I now know is not happening.
How do I know? There are signs all over the place. If I were a writer, I would say, "I can see dead and mangled bodies of my dreams and hopes scattered all over the place. Each dream killed with as much indifference as one would swat a fly on the wall" and so on and so forth. But I am not. At least not that kinds. But I can see things have changed. And the change looks irreversible.
Today, in fact was the last nail in the coffin. I just got tipped over the edge. I know I would continue to love her. I know I would continue to pine for her. And I would crave for her attention. But starting today, I shall stop making any effort what so ever from my side.
Wait. This is not about her. Its about LL.
So LL is a support group of people who would come together and talk about their issues. Even if one of us can find solution, find peace, find solace in the group, I think I would have achieved the purpose.
So, if you are a lover at large, you know who to talk to. My doors and mailboxes and ears are always open!
Tall claim of the day
I just read about this Sci-Fi author called John Scalzi. Apparently, he has written EVERY day on his blog. Since 1998. Wow! I mean I dont even know how many years is that. And how many posts would that translate into. And how many great, good, bad, stupid ideas would that mean!
And here I am, proud about the fact that I maintain this blog since 2004. I mean I dont even know what was I upto in 1998. And most of the blog is like rants of a man who is still a 15-year old school girl in his head (aka Drama Queen).
Anyhow, coming back, the tall claim of the day is: Starting today, I shall write on this blog everyday. Everyday. Till the day I die. I mean till the day before I die because I dont think I would have time to update the blog when I die.
And why would I do that?
Few reasons.
A. I owe a lot of good things in my life to this blog and there is no reason gooder things may not happen to me in future, because of this very blog.
B. I love the concept of serendipity. Let me take a longish route to explain this. You see, one may argue that if I were to write everyday, why cant I write on a notepad and keep it in a lock and key. I can't because when things are locked behind a lock and a key (or hidden in a walled garden), those things, those ideas cant have sex with each other. And thus the lucky chance (serendipity) of gooder, better, grander things coming out of this copulation wont exist. And that would be a shame.
C. Most importantly, this gives me a reason to live. I think I have exhausted most of other reasons to live (read #sgMS). I know I ought to survive and provide for my family and all that. But that, that is not the reason why we live. Is it? That's responsibility. That's like being on the lowest ladder of Maslow's chart. I want to be on the top-most ladder. The one where I am self-actualizing. Whatever that means.
There are issues as well.
For example...
A. There would be days (most days) when I wont have anything interesting to say. My posts wont be lucid enough. And who would gives a damn about what an ill-informed, bald, unemployed, old man living in India has to say about things. But then, I have to do this. For no one else but me.
B. Who would read what I write? After all no other human being could be interested in Poker, Writing, Travel, Culture, Marketing, Blogging, Biking, Music, Films, Social Experiments, Money, Investing and a million other things that I typically write about on my blog!
C. Where is the time to write everyday? What if I am travelling? What if I am tired? What if I am not in the mood?
There are more. But then, I dont need to list those down. I know I am going to do this. And no rational reason would stop me from doing so.
So, in the end, I come back to the tall claim of the day: I repeat, starting today, I shall write on this blog everyday.
And here I am, proud about the fact that I maintain this blog since 2004. I mean I dont even know what was I upto in 1998. And most of the blog is like rants of a man who is still a 15-year old school girl in his head (aka Drama Queen).
Anyhow, coming back, the tall claim of the day is: Starting today, I shall write on this blog everyday. Everyday. Till the day I die. I mean till the day before I die because I dont think I would have time to update the blog when I die.
And why would I do that?
Few reasons.
A. I owe a lot of good things in my life to this blog and there is no reason gooder things may not happen to me in future, because of this very blog.
B. I love the concept of serendipity. Let me take a longish route to explain this. You see, one may argue that if I were to write everyday, why cant I write on a notepad and keep it in a lock and key. I can't because when things are locked behind a lock and a key (or hidden in a walled garden), those things, those ideas cant have sex with each other. And thus the lucky chance (serendipity) of gooder, better, grander things coming out of this copulation wont exist. And that would be a shame.
C. Most importantly, this gives me a reason to live. I think I have exhausted most of other reasons to live (read #sgMS). I know I ought to survive and provide for my family and all that. But that, that is not the reason why we live. Is it? That's responsibility. That's like being on the lowest ladder of Maslow's chart. I want to be on the top-most ladder. The one where I am self-actualizing. Whatever that means.
There are issues as well.
For example...
A. There would be days (most days) when I wont have anything interesting to say. My posts wont be lucid enough. And who would gives a damn about what an ill-informed, bald, unemployed, old man living in India has to say about things. But then, I have to do this. For no one else but me.
B. Who would read what I write? After all no other human being could be interested in Poker, Writing, Travel, Culture, Marketing, Blogging, Biking, Music, Films, Social Experiments, Money, Investing and a million other things that I typically write about on my blog!
C. Where is the time to write everyday? What if I am travelling? What if I am tired? What if I am not in the mood?
There are more. But then, I dont need to list those down. I know I am going to do this. And no rational reason would stop me from doing so.
So, in the end, I come back to the tall claim of the day: I repeat, starting today, I shall write on this blog everyday.
Coming Soon. In Oct 2014.
 |
| Coming Soon!! |
A. I have about two months to get a marketing plan in place.
B. I still have time to get the cover image done the way I want it done. I can now pester friends and strangers alike to help me with the cover. Actually I already did it. Just posted a question on Quora.
C. I have two months to kill. I had thought that I'd start the next one right after the launch. But since the launch is two months away, I can waste time. If I have to publish one book a year, every month counts. And I definitely cant waste two.
D. It give me more jitterbugs in my stomach about how would it do and how would I face audience and critics and all that. I am fearful that people may not like what they read. If that happens, then what? Etc etc.
But all said and done, I can't wait for October. Why? Because #tnks would be out in October! In the meanwhile, if you want, you can help me with tnks!
Originally posted here.
On longing. And separation. And roller coasters.
The last few days weeks months years have been like a roller coaster ride. Actually more than roller coaster, they've been like a ride on the sine curve. No no, a roller coaster. In a sine curve, you can predict the crests and the troughs. And they happen often, with regular frequency. In a roller coaster, you cant predict. You dont know long would the crest last and you never know when would the next crest come.
Thats how my life has been for past few years. Periods of extreme happiness (typically marked by togetherness - crests) and periods of extreme sadness (typically marked by separation - troughs) dotted by things in between (typically marked by longing - the slopes).
With time, these crests are getting smaller, troughs are getting larger and slopes are getting infinitely big. And this ladies and gentlemen is what I would talk about tonight. Its going to be a sob story. So please indulge.
So thing is, I am an adult. I am old by ALL benchmarks. Its been years since someone has called me a young man. And no one would ever call me that ever again. Ever. Ok? Ever. And with each passing day, the amount of time I have left on Mother Earth is reducing. The amount of time that I could spend with that special someone is reducing by the minute. Every minute I spend away from her, I am wasting that.
Because that's all there is to life. There is no deeper, no higher meaning. We are happy accidents that happened when some chemicals played with others and randomly decided to mate. Or amalgamate. Or whatever. Bottom line, I am old.
And despite being old, I refuse to grow up. I refuse to understand why is it necessary for me get rooted to a place. I like moving around. I love the freedom I have. I am proud that I do not have a predictable schedule. And so on and so forth.
To age, the never-settle-down attitude, add one more thing. The on and off relationship that I have with sgMS.
Remember I spoke about roller coasters in the beginning of this post? The relationship is like the roller-coaster. I enjoy it in general but I think I've had enough of it now. I want to be on a highway. With her ofcourse. Thing is, although everytime I go up, I bloat in the anticipation. Everytime I fall down, I am left moaning in agony and everytime I am on the slope, I glow in anticipation. But I think I've had enough of excitement. Everytime I roll down a peak, I almost fall off. It takes serious effort to cling on. And I try to. But I dont know how long would I be able to do so!
Thats how my life has been for past few years. Periods of extreme happiness (typically marked by togetherness - crests) and periods of extreme sadness (typically marked by separation - troughs) dotted by things in between (typically marked by longing - the slopes).
With time, these crests are getting smaller, troughs are getting larger and slopes are getting infinitely big. And this ladies and gentlemen is what I would talk about tonight. Its going to be a sob story. So please indulge.
So thing is, I am an adult. I am old by ALL benchmarks. Its been years since someone has called me a young man. And no one would ever call me that ever again. Ever. Ok? Ever. And with each passing day, the amount of time I have left on Mother Earth is reducing. The amount of time that I could spend with that special someone is reducing by the minute. Every minute I spend away from her, I am wasting that.
Because that's all there is to life. There is no deeper, no higher meaning. We are happy accidents that happened when some chemicals played with others and randomly decided to mate. Or amalgamate. Or whatever. Bottom line, I am old.
And despite being old, I refuse to grow up. I refuse to understand why is it necessary for me get rooted to a place. I like moving around. I love the freedom I have. I am proud that I do not have a predictable schedule. And so on and so forth.
To age, the never-settle-down attitude, add one more thing. The on and off relationship that I have with sgMS.
Remember I spoke about roller coasters in the beginning of this post? The relationship is like the roller-coaster. I enjoy it in general but I think I've had enough of it now. I want to be on a highway. With her ofcourse. Thing is, although everytime I go up, I bloat in the anticipation. Everytime I fall down, I am left moaning in agony and everytime I am on the slope, I glow in anticipation. But I think I've had enough of excitement. Everytime I roll down a peak, I almost fall off. It takes serious effort to cling on. And I try to. But I dont know how long would I be able to do so!
The last 12 months
Its been a year since I quit working full-time.
And its been a fast road down hill since then. Actually no. The year's been really interesting and while I have had a lot of lows, I did have some ups. I thought may be I would make a list. So, in bullet points, in the last 12 months, I...
And its been a fast road down hill since then. Actually no. The year's been really interesting and while I have had a lot of lows, I did have some ups. I thought may be I would make a list. So, in bullet points, in the last 12 months, I...
- finished working on my first book, The Nidhi Kapoor Story (tnks.in and FB page). To be honest I could've done this by March if I was disciplined but then this is the first one and I promise that the next one would be fast. The book should be out by end of August if not sooner.
- traveled to 10 or so countries. Out of these trips, two were with friends (roadtrip across US and backpacking in EU), few were to play poker at casinos (Macau, SL) and rest were work (I still freelance for my ex-employer). There is still 5 months and I hope I get to travel more. Universe, are you listening?
- fell in love all over again. With who else but #sgMS. Yeah, again.
- met a few super duper amazing kind people who have helped me without any ulterior motive or hopes of personal gains. If not for these people, I would've found is extremely hard to even pay my bills.
- learnt and forgot Yoga. I did that to lose weight and it did work. But I lack the discipline to work on it regularly. I think its just too boring. If it were a little more interesting, I would've totally done it. Its wonderful and I could see change in just two months. Wish I had the patience.
- started jogging. I suffer from a condition that prohibits me from running. But what the hell. I will. And I am doing it. I dont enjoy it to be honest but its like a bitter pill that I need to swallow to be able to do well with other things.
- spent everything that I had saved since I started earning. As I write this, my bank balance is so low that I am officially below the poverty line. I am using my credit card to pay my rent. In fact, I got this reminder one fine morning that I have all of Rs. 0.50 to my name. On a side note, do you want to hire me?
- took on and survived the April A2Z challenge. You must try this if you like writing.
- learnt that I am not as great as I think I am. This primarily happened because no one has shown any willingness to hire me. I can claim that I am being choosy and all that but still.
- realized that world is not a fair place and is full of opportunists, small and insecure people. Do read # 4 again please.
- shut down the business that I had started with a few friends.
- ignored this blog (comparatively)
- reduced the amount of time I spend on things like FB and twitter. Initially, I missed the excitement of people wanting to talk to you because you were so active on the Internet. But now, I think I like that I spend more time offline.
And I think this periodic review is a good idea. I just ought to take it seriously. I tried monthly reports for a while but it was too tedious and it wasn't fun. So I abandoned it. However, while working on this, I had to go back in time to see the pictures of the trips I've been on, the the kind of things I posted on my blogs, the kind of emails I exchanged with friends, family and it was fun. May be an yearly thing makes sense!
But before that, in the next 12 months, I ought to write yet another book, find a naukri that allows me to save some money, buy a car and hopefully, get together with sgMS.
P.S.: Need to work on a deck, tentatively titled, In last 12 months, that would have be like a pictorial presentation of things that I did in the last 12 months. In terms of a sneak peak, here is a screenshot.
.jpg) |
| Notification from my bank about a mini-fortune that I've saved with them! |
Perils of Plastic
Ever since I got a Credit Card (which took considerable effort to acquire despite my fancy MBA degree and long illustrious career), my relationship with money has changed.
Let me dive into history. Please indulge me.
There was a time not too long in past when every rupee I spent, I took from my ma. Even though I was gainfully employed, I liked asking her for money. I'd withdraw a chunk of cash and give her and then I'd ask her for money as and when I needed to spend. I loved it. And I think she liked it as well that I asked her for money. After all when I was still a student, she was the one who handed me my pocket money that was so so dear to me. Every rupee that I got from her was precious. It was hard earned and everytime I spent it, I could see the balance with me dwindling. I had to make tons of sacrifices to be able to ensure that the money I got from her lasted me some time before I spread my palms in front of her.
Now, that I am jobless and away from home (home is where ma and pa are, and some day #sgMS would be), I dont really keep a lot of cash handy. There is no incentive to make those trips to the ATM. There is no one to give money to. As a result I rely more and more on plastic money. My credit card. The one that took effort to acquire. Add on top of it the ubiquity and ease of swiping machines, even with courier companies. Everytime I spent more than a 100 bucks, I would use the card. Suddenly from the actual quantum of money going from my pocket, I was now merely swiping a plastic card through a machine and the transaction would happen. Gone was the need to run to ma or ATM. Convenience, I tell you.
And, and, ever since the proliferation of things like flipkart, cleartrip and amazon, I have this new shiny instrument. Online banking. Where I dont even touch plastic or coins or notes. Its amazing. All I do is enter a number and the transaction is done. Its fast, smooth and intuitive. In my sleep I can rattle the card numbers, security keys and passwords. And I can use it for large transactions. And unlike physical currency that went from my pocket or a mechanical swipe of the plastic, everything happens without a physical interface. What else could you ask for in life! The future of payments could be that I walk to a Starbucks counter, point at the coffee I want and just nod at the cash register. Money would automatically deduce from my profile that Starbucks has that is linked to the movement of my retina (indicating a yes for expense) enabled by a NFC between a kiosk at Starbucks and my phone.
Funny how fast this world of payments and transactions is changing!
So, to summarize, from spending money by hand to swiping a piece of plastic to merely disturbing a few electrons, I have changed the way I (and the world around me) spend(s) money.
Money, to me is now largely a number that rests in an account (which is yet another number). I cant see it. I cant touch it. I cant fathom how little or how much do I have. Its a damn number. And like all numbers, without context, it has no meaning. Maths is boring like that.
If I had 10 lakhs in coins, I am assuming it would be like a river of coins that Uncle Scrooge could take a dip in. If I had it in notes, the wad could be a thick like a book. But on a fuzzy webpage, it looks like a number to me. Every time I spend some money, say 10 bucks, since there is no physical contact involved, I dont realize that I've spent it. All I see is the number reducing from 1000000 to 999990. To me, this small reduction in number is not big. And before I know it, all these small reductions make a considerable dent in the stack. All without me realizing it. Without an inflow, the bucket could soon run dry with these small leaks!
The only way out is to go back to the dark ages of cash and budgets. Stop using the numbers and plastic and start handing notes and coins. Even if it means carrying a thick wallet around. At least I would know what I am spending on and I would know where is the money going.
Starting today, I am going to use lot more cash. A smallChange that would help me get frugal (until I become filthy rich).
P.S.: There are apparent advantages of using plastic. I dont have to lug around a lot of cash. I dont have to worry about running out of it and finding ATMs. I earn points that I could redeem to book free tickets to places that I want to visit. I get discounts at places where these credit card companies have tieups at. I get a monthly printed account statement that tells me where all I've spent my money at! And so on and so forth. But, but, I end up spending lot more than I ought to (or want to) spend. I have to control it. Somehow!
Notes to Self
Let me dive into history. Please indulge me.
There was a time not too long in past when every rupee I spent, I took from my ma. Even though I was gainfully employed, I liked asking her for money. I'd withdraw a chunk of cash and give her and then I'd ask her for money as and when I needed to spend. I loved it. And I think she liked it as well that I asked her for money. After all when I was still a student, she was the one who handed me my pocket money that was so so dear to me. Every rupee that I got from her was precious. It was hard earned and everytime I spent it, I could see the balance with me dwindling. I had to make tons of sacrifices to be able to ensure that the money I got from her lasted me some time before I spread my palms in front of her.
Now, that I am jobless and away from home (home is where ma and pa are, and some day #sgMS would be), I dont really keep a lot of cash handy. There is no incentive to make those trips to the ATM. There is no one to give money to. As a result I rely more and more on plastic money. My credit card. The one that took effort to acquire. Add on top of it the ubiquity and ease of swiping machines, even with courier companies. Everytime I spent more than a 100 bucks, I would use the card. Suddenly from the actual quantum of money going from my pocket, I was now merely swiping a plastic card through a machine and the transaction would happen. Gone was the need to run to ma or ATM. Convenience, I tell you.
And, and, ever since the proliferation of things like flipkart, cleartrip and amazon, I have this new shiny instrument. Online banking. Where I dont even touch plastic or coins or notes. Its amazing. All I do is enter a number and the transaction is done. Its fast, smooth and intuitive. In my sleep I can rattle the card numbers, security keys and passwords. And I can use it for large transactions. And unlike physical currency that went from my pocket or a mechanical swipe of the plastic, everything happens without a physical interface. What else could you ask for in life! The future of payments could be that I walk to a Starbucks counter, point at the coffee I want and just nod at the cash register. Money would automatically deduce from my profile that Starbucks has that is linked to the movement of my retina (indicating a yes for expense) enabled by a NFC between a kiosk at Starbucks and my phone.
Funny how fast this world of payments and transactions is changing!
So, to summarize, from spending money by hand to swiping a piece of plastic to merely disturbing a few electrons, I have changed the way I (and the world around me) spend(s) money.
Money, to me is now largely a number that rests in an account (which is yet another number). I cant see it. I cant touch it. I cant fathom how little or how much do I have. Its a damn number. And like all numbers, without context, it has no meaning. Maths is boring like that.
If I had 10 lakhs in coins, I am assuming it would be like a river of coins that Uncle Scrooge could take a dip in. If I had it in notes, the wad could be a thick like a book. But on a fuzzy webpage, it looks like a number to me. Every time I spend some money, say 10 bucks, since there is no physical contact involved, I dont realize that I've spent it. All I see is the number reducing from 1000000 to 999990. To me, this small reduction in number is not big. And before I know it, all these small reductions make a considerable dent in the stack. All without me realizing it. Without an inflow, the bucket could soon run dry with these small leaks!
The only way out is to go back to the dark ages of cash and budgets. Stop using the numbers and plastic and start handing notes and coins. Even if it means carrying a thick wallet around. At least I would know what I am spending on and I would know where is the money going.
Starting today, I am going to use lot more cash. A smallChange that would help me get frugal (until I become filthy rich).
P.S.: There are apparent advantages of using plastic. I dont have to lug around a lot of cash. I dont have to worry about running out of it and finding ATMs. I earn points that I could redeem to book free tickets to places that I want to visit. I get discounts at places where these credit card companies have tieups at. I get a monthly printed account statement that tells me where all I've spent my money at! And so on and so forth. But, but, I end up spending lot more than I ought to (or want to) spend. I have to control it. Somehow!
Notes to Self
- Read the difference between "which" and "that"
- Restart thinking / working on frugal life
I am back!
I am back!
Where did I go you may ask? Somewhere. Someplace. Here and there. At a place where I was away from a computer. I did have internet but it was on a handheld and since I am too lazy to type on a handheld, however convenient it may be, I didn't really write.
So I was away for a large part of a month and when I came back, I realized that nothing had changed. True that the Football World Cup fever had engulfed everyone alive and eyebrows were raised on Mr. Modi's first budget and a few countries were fighting with each other over petty things. But apart from that nothing of consequence happened. Its like that slow and steady chipping on a rock where you chip away the edges so slow that you cant perceive. And after a while, the rock takes an entirely new shape.
Looking at things around me, I think everything is like that damn rock, taking newer shapes with time, without me noticing. Everything, from the world at large to things like relationships, people, thoughts, everything is changing. Slowly, imperceptibly, gradually. It it. does. It has. It will.
And there is nothing that I or anyone else could do about it.
Anyhow, in other news, the edit on the book is done. I need to re-write some part and I am hoping to get it done within a week or so. And hopefully, the book would be out by July.
The big new, I have started working on the next one. So far, the plot is hazy but like #tnks, I hope to write the first draft by end of the year (2014). And then I'd take it up from there.
And, and I need to find a naukri. I got this SMS in the morning from my bank that said that the bank balance is Rs. 0.50. Egads! Need to work on that. Have had enough with living on udhaar. Need to do something about it. Like Now! But, before that, let me go write some.
And until, next time!
P.S.: Like multiple times in the past, I promise to be regular with blogging.
Where did I go you may ask? Somewhere. Someplace. Here and there. At a place where I was away from a computer. I did have internet but it was on a handheld and since I am too lazy to type on a handheld, however convenient it may be, I didn't really write.
So I was away for a large part of a month and when I came back, I realized that nothing had changed. True that the Football World Cup fever had engulfed everyone alive and eyebrows were raised on Mr. Modi's first budget and a few countries were fighting with each other over petty things. But apart from that nothing of consequence happened. Its like that slow and steady chipping on a rock where you chip away the edges so slow that you cant perceive. And after a while, the rock takes an entirely new shape.
Looking at things around me, I think everything is like that damn rock, taking newer shapes with time, without me noticing. Everything, from the world at large to things like relationships, people, thoughts, everything is changing. Slowly, imperceptibly, gradually. It it. does. It has. It will.
And there is nothing that I or anyone else could do about it.
Anyhow, in other news, the edit on the book is done. I need to re-write some part and I am hoping to get it done within a week or so. And hopefully, the book would be out by July.
The big new, I have started working on the next one. So far, the plot is hazy but like #tnks, I hope to write the first draft by end of the year (2014). And then I'd take it up from there.
And, and I need to find a naukri. I got this SMS in the morning from my bank that said that the bank balance is Rs. 0.50. Egads! Need to work on that. Have had enough with living on udhaar. Need to do something about it. Like Now! But, before that, let me go write some.
And until, next time!
P.S.: Like multiple times in the past, I promise to be regular with blogging.
On the road...
I'd be on the road for the next 18 or so days.
I may come back with the idea for the next book, or may be a collection of short stories. Or nothing at all. That's the point of travel. Right? When you just leave without an agenda?
I may come back with the idea for the next book, or may be a collection of short stories. Or nothing at all. That's the point of travel. Right? When you just leave without an agenda?
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