Dear Rich Housewives

Dear Rich Housewives,

On behalf of all the drivers that drive you around the town, the restaurants that host your kitty parties, the high street malls that you frequent to buy groceries, the maids that to help you with cooking, cleaning etc, the beauty parlors where you paste tons of creams and powders on your faces and millions of such micro-economies that you help flourish by your mere existence, including the one I am a part of, a BIG THANK YOU! Thank you so much for your patronage. We have no clue what would we do without you guys. You actually provide for food and shelter for me and my family.

Thank you so very much! 


And now that letter is over, lemme come to the reason for this letter. But before other things, let me describe you. A typical rich housewife. For the ease of readability, lemme use bullet points.
  • A typical rich housewife is in her early thirties (because the number that us minions call age, stops increasing for rich housewives after they are 35), has her personal driver chauffeur to ferry her around the beauty parlors, malls, kitty parties and other social gathering that attracts her kinds. 
  • She has a very active social circle of friends, neighbors, few almost page 3 celebrities, people who own fancy restaurants and parlours and the likes. 
  • And of course relatives in-laws that she loves to hate. 
  • The creature called husband is a fast rising star in some large multinational and thus only meets her on Sunday morning brunches at famous five star hotels. 
  • Sex is strictly twice a week, lasting for all of five minutes on each occasion. Not necessarily with the creature that we spoke about two seconds back. Variety, you see, ensures that there's "spice" in life.
  • Money needless to say, is not a problem. She holds a credit card with an insane credit limit. Thanks to all the hard work that the husband puts in at work.
But you may ask that most women, in Delhi atleast, have at least two things from the list I spoke about above. How are you to spot the real rich housewife? Here's a checklist...
  • She would be wearing thick framed sunglasses. Even when she is inside a mall. And even if its night. I suspect they dont remove the sunglasses even in the movie halls but I am not too sure. I havent had any rendezvous with any so far.
  • She can be found body hugging wearing track pants in all sorts of "interesting" colors like powder pink, baby pink, parrot green, turquoise, blood red and shimmering black. Shimmering is the keyword here.
  • When she sits in her chauffeur driven cars, she would sit right behind the chauffeur. Men and other mortals sit diagonally behind the chauffeur. But not her. Her throne is right behind the driver. I dont know why. I wish I could know.
  •  She would have a really badly dressed maid in traditional Indian clothes, trialing her. The maid's hands would be full of large shopping bags. On lat count, she had paper bags from a million and a half trees.
Enough. Now I have to come to the real reason of this letter/post. Its about a friend. She just got married to a guy who is a typical rich housewives' husband. And she is kinda lost about her purpose in life. She thinks that since she is no longer a girl now and married to a dude, she is now worthless and does not deserve to live etc.

The letter is strictly to give her affirmation her that she is not worthless. She must know that she is as important to our lives as Mamta Didi or BehenJi Mayawati are. She provides livelihood and entertainment to so many people. She is better than those godmen. I mean a typical rich housewife directly employees at least 12 people and indirectly supports 60 mouths. She should be damn proud of her existence. And I am not even talking about all the pseudo businesses that she runs (just to enter the "me too" list). If I included that, I wouldn't be surprised if 80% of India's GDP is somehow touched by the rich housewife!

xxx, just take care of yourself. You are really important. I mean it.

P.S.: I sincerely apologize if I may have hurt any feelings. And obviously, any similarity with anyone living or dead, is purely coincidental.

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