Untitled. Rant. Crib.

Alert: Read at your own peril.

I am going to rant. And rant hard. For I dont know what else to do. I think I am feeling weltschmerz (is that the correct usage? Or is it "suffering from"? I dont even know and you know who taught me about the word? Uday freakin Chopra! And read this article while you are at it). Or may be I am senile - after all I am old enough. I could be frustrated out of my wits. I could be a sore loser. I could be whoever. I have to speak my mind. I dont have a mountain where I could climb atop and scream my lungs out. I wish I had one. Or even an echo chamber. Nah. Or am empty room on the top of a high-rise. Nada.

But, I do have this blog. So here I am.

Rant. In no order.

People who cant work
At work, I try and juggle multiple balls and as a result I meet a lot of people. Most are ok - they do what is expected from them. Some are great at what they do. And some, they just suck. They suck at how they work. May be they are not capable. May be they are capable but are lazy. May be they dont see the big picture. May be there is no pride in being who they are. May be they are amazing and I suck. May be the two of us cant work together. The fault is in the damned stars. So, if the stars are not aligned, may be I need to find a way to steer away from them. Especially as I gear up for 2017.

I know I am being judgmental. I know I am not great at a lot of things I do. But then I try hard, I push myself. I show the intent of working. I try and I fail. But I do not give bloody excuses. Need to make things happen. Need to ship. No more slacking. No more working with people who are lazy. Not any more.

Egos bigger than the freaking Shivaji statue! 
Again at work, I meet people who [in their heads] are larger than life and love to play the blame game. They pass on the buck like those footballers dribble towards a goal. But unlike getting to a goalpost, the shit just gets pushed around in the middle with no end in sight.

What I need is people who ship (like Steve kept saying all his life). People who take ownership and are not scared of taking action. I want to err on the side of action. I am ok losing money, reputation but I want to move forward. Not get stalled.

Traffic in Mumbai
[This is where I rant on non-work things. Phew.]

Traffic in Mumbai has been written about almost everyone - including those who haven't even been here. To be honest, it was actually bearable for a large part. Lately, for some reason, you cant reach from point A to B without getting jacked. I suspect this is because of the construction of Metro. I could be wrong though. Irrespective, I need to find a solution. I cant be stuck in traffic as life passes by me. I mean I am 34. I am mediocre. And yet arrogant. I am poor and yet my head is up my ass so high that I cant see shit. I need to... [look how I started talking of traffic and I am talking about myself. If this is not signs of a disease, what is this?]

Coming back. I need to find a solution to the traffic problem. My work (and hustle) requires me to be on the go all the time and meet people. So traffic is inevitable. I just need to find a way to be able to manage all this and yet grow.

I recently picked up the cue after ages. I was never a great player but I've always enjoyed being on the table. In fact I love everything competitive. I like when there are goals and I can practise towards them. [This is way different from how I was earlier - where I would want to be left alone and I would want to do things at my pace. Now, I want a measurable targets and the ability and freedom to choose how I work on those]

So, last couple of weeks, I have played almost every day for 30 minutes. Thats a lot of practise for a recreational player. Enough to do well at the table. But I am stuck. I cant seem to hit a straight shot. I dont know how to bank. I've never been able to pull a ball back after you hit a shot. And I am someone who loves the game. WTF is this!

And while I am at it, my other forms of recreation - poker, drives and writing - have seemed to dried up in last few months. I need to get back to em somehow.

Last few days I have some close shaves. There are bruises, cuts, inflammations, pain and dont know what all.

So yeah. The rant. I think I need a break. From the world. From work. From friends. From family. From damned myself. I need to be away and go without a computer. Or a phone. I just want need to go somewhere cold, sleep for hours under a blanket, chase simple pleasures of life - walking, small-talk, tea, coffee etc. And the way things are stacked, I am at least a year away from that.  I actually may get to go away for 4 days between the 5th and 9th of Jan. Yay! 

But then 2016 has been a great year for me. I need to may be let this momentarily lapse in confidence go past me. Thing is, the holiday season could not cheer me up. And the other things that make me happy - travel, money, time, sgMS, I am not getting any of those. So, I dont know what to do and how to be happy. Someone said it perfectly on twitter: "My aalloo parantha is half burnt and thus I cant wait for 2016 to get over." Well, I don't have no aaloo parantha but I cant wait to start 2017.

Over n out.

P.S.: This is the 50th post of the year. Well done, considering how busy I was. #in2017, I promise to write about 100 posts. I know it sucks to focus on quantity but then I am not a wonder kid and I need to do a lot of work to be able to get one tiny thing that is out of the world. Wish me luck.

P.P.S.: Now that I have written this, I think the reason for the gloom is that a lot of small things have piled up, have been piling up for some time and they just came crashing onto me at the same time.

P.P.P.S.: As I write this, iTunes played Neil Young. Now I know what feeling the blues is. Universe, as SRK said, conspires!

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