For the next 50 years

Today's while talking to one of the interns that work with me (HS), I told her, "I have all the time in the world for the people that I want to be with for the next 50 years."

And once the conversation got over, the gravitas of the statement hit me. Hard. In my face. 

Lemme repeat it. And decode it for you. 

"All the time in the world"

In a world where attention spans are reducing by the minute second and time is increasingly becoming THE most important commodity asset (if it weren't already), its impossible to commit "all the time."

"For people that I want to be with"

This is easy. People that I want to be with.

"With" means people who I work with. People I live with. People I eat and drink and sleep and make merry with. People that I travel the world with. People I want to make memories with. The ones that make me better. Push me. Nudge me. Disagree with me (and yet stay with me). And vice versa!

People who I've known for years. People that I will to know in the next 50. And more.

"For the next 50 years."

To give context, I am 35. I dont even know how 50 years look like. The longest "relationship" apart from my family has been with a friend who I know since I was 7 or 8. Thats 27 years. The second-oldest friend, I know him since I was 17. Thats 18 years.

And the number of people (apart from family) that I know for over 20 years and I am in touch with is not even a handful. And here I am talking about being together for the next 50! You see the challenge?

But... 

But, but the thing is, the statement is the sum total of all that I have learnt over the last 35 years! It means that...

• I care deeply for my people. So much so that I am willing to make large commitments. And public ones at that. 
• I am in it for the long term. 50 is as long as they come. 2/3rd of the average lifespan of humans. And "it" means things I do. 
• I am more aware and mindful of the commitments I am making. Because as we go along, the only currency that we'd have is our reputation. And that gets built over time. With consistency. And delivery. 
• I understand that relationships are hard work. It takes a LOT of effort to nurture relationships and I am willing to do the hard work required. 
• I am aware of the fact that if I have to make a dent change the world make the world a better place, I can't do it by myself. I need people to back me up and stand by me. 
• And I want to share the rewards. There is no way that great things wont happen if people are together for 50 years. More than anything else, we would be happier and healthier. And that would enable us to do more for others. I dont know if there is any other meaning to life. 
• We (my people and I) can tackle problems that would take 50 years to solve! This essentially means that we can take on large challenges. Which one do I want to attack right now? I want each human being in the world to realise their potential and live happier and healthier. Large. And scary. You get the drift why I need long-term orientation? 

There is more. There has to be. Will discover as I go along. 

***

Thing is, while I was talking to her, I wasnt trying to be someone who I am inherently not. It just came out naturally and I stand by the statement. I mean it. I can make a promise that I will stick around for long. Really. 

And looking at this from the other side, each person that chooses to work with me, they need to be oriented for the long run as well. If long-term is not your thing, we probably will not gel well together.

Why long term? 

Because anything worth doing usually takes long!

Plus if you want to make impact at a scale, it WILL take long. Unless you are extremely lucky. Which I will probably get as I work alongside great people with the long-term orientation. 

Plus remember that quote? That "compounding is the 8th wonder of the world"? If I stick with people for long, our relationships WILL compound and WILL create a giant unfair advantage for all of us!

And finally, if people like Warren Buffett, Charlie Munger, Prof Bakshi, Jeff Bezos and others believe that long-term thinking is advantageous, I am not questioning them.

In fact I was seeing this video by Ray Dalio's where he talks about his principles for success (SEE THIS VIDEO NOW - 30 minutes and totally worth all the time) and the belief in the long-term orientation got reinforced. Since I saw it just yesterday, the thought was fresh in my head and it came out in my conversation with HS! 

If you still need more evidence about long-term thinking, I'd just say that Rome wasnt built in a day and I will leave it at that! That's about it for the day. Over and out. Lets go build our Romes. While we are together for the next 50, time is less. 

Any you know why that cover image? It's from Whole Earth Catalog and it speaks about how you ought to Stay Hungry and Stay Foolish. And I really think that if I am to walk the long road and make the world a better place, I need to have some great people walking alongside me.

Which brand has a story worth telling?

Today after a meeting a few colleagues and I ended up at Vikhroli Social (which is located inside the Godrej complex at Vikhroli) and the place had a wall full of Godrej Navtals.

And since I am on this spree to capture photos with my phone and all that, I clicked a few photos. Here is one.

That’s Navtal. From @godrej_group and @godrejlocks. Found at Vikhroli @socialoffline. . Part of a new photo series where I click pictures of some of the most legendary consumer facing brands from #India that tell us some of the most fascinating stories. Supported by @c4ein. . Which other brands do I click? In your opinion, which is the most iconic, most legendary brand from India? What brand has the most fascinating story? A story that is worth telling. To others. To the world at large. . Tell me the story. Help me tell the story. . Please. Cc @planneratlarge . #brand #brands #branding #india #marketing #advertising #media #communication #ad #crowdsourcing #help #photoessay #photography #photooftheday #photostories #storyteller #stories #storytelling #brandStories

A post shared by SG (@altsaurabh) on Jul 14, 2018 at 12:53am PDT

When I saw the photo while uploading on Instagram, I thought it has come out really well. It shows me the Navtal in all its glory. It establishes the product. The character. It tells me what it's supposed to do. And the wall at the back has some character to it. Its a fascinating photo, if you ask me! Ok enough of self promotion. 

I got thinking that I want to go click more brands in action. And tell the stories of those brands. And how those brands have added to the lives of people. And how people have relied on those brands to achieve different things.

People click nature, places, things, conflicts and what not. And tell their stories.
I wish to click brands and tell those stories.

So, what if I convert this into a project? A project that marries my love for brands, stories and photography? Sounded like a good idea. And bam! we have a project! 

Here are more details.

What is this project?
Lemme use steps to explain.

1. Run a poll or something and ask people about what brands do they think have stories worth telling. 
2. Once I get a list of 50 odd brands, I click some interesting photos of those brands (and the products / services / experiences) in action. 
3. Interview respective brand managers and understand more about the brands from the perspective of people who manage them.
4. Talk to end users of the brand (products / services / experiences). Capture their inputs, emotions. 
5. Compile them into a study or something and publish for everyone to consume. 

Sounds fun? Indeed! 

To what end? 
I dont know. I need to figure out. But as a stakeholder in the business of communication and building brands, I believe these stories MUST be told. To the users. And to brand custodians.

Plus I really think I will enjoy doing this.

Apart from this I am not sure of other reasons that taking this up. If nothing else, it helps me learn more about the business of brands, planning and communication. 

The next steps? The question!
Tell me 5 brands that you think are fascinating and have stories worth telling! If I were to make a list, in no order, I will include Cadburys (chocolates), Natraj (pencils), Coca Cola, Paytm and Starbucks.

What are yours? 

The end notes
What do you think? Gimme some feedback.

I know I am very far from delivering it and I need to do a lot of work on this before I can move ahead (and I will work on it over the next few days). But I need inputs from you. Help me!! Write to me. Or I am at @saurabh on twitter.

Thank you!

PS: Since this post is about a new project, I have removed the number of days left and the date of the post. This is the 5th day of posting on my blog without a break. Yay to that!

The Daily Grind - 2729 - 130718 - On Ikigai

Its 6:43 PM and while I have a mile long list to be done, I have consciously chosen to put everything on side and write. And no, I dint have to push myself too hard for it. And yes, this is a fascinating thing. From literally no writing for almost a month to the 4th day on the trot, I am on it!

Yeah baby! This is what I was talking about yesterday when I said that once I start writing, I will be back to being a writer that cant stop!

Ok I spoke too soon. I cant seem to find the right words. Wait. I cant even find the right thoughts. I am blank. Blank like a child in a topless bar (as Navjot Singh Siddhu would often say - that man! The gift of gab he's got!).

So while I was waiting for inspiration, I put on Netflix on another tab and I am going to watch Sacred Games. Why do I want to see it? A because the entire world is watching it and B because its at the intersection of so many things that I want to be doing with my life - entertainment, business, content, technology and so on and so forth.

The kind of things that lead to Ikigai. Read about it. It's a fascinating subject. I recommend you start here. See the photo below.

Damn ! lost the thread at the time I was writing. I came back to this after doing a few other non-productive things. 

So something really fascinating happened today at work. The kinds that move you, stir you. The kinds that Anton had when he discovered the source of the Ratatouille he had. While you are at it, do see this.

A disclaimer before that. My general rule of thumb is not to talk specifics about work but I will break the rule today.
At work, there is this intern in the client servicing team. Lets say that hes neither the brightest, nor the sharpest. And thus hes always remained under the radar. And he'd probably stay there because there is no way he can shine. I am not sure if hes slow or what. May be hes got some learning disability (a few days back someone told me that I may have some sort of ADHD - which I've suspected but have been far too reluctant to go and get checked).

So this guy, lets call him A, is a client servicing intern. The person he reports to, lets call her B.

Unlike A, B is pretty sorted with her work. No non-sense. On point and all that. Has expressed in as many words that A needs to pull his socks if he has to stay gainfully employed. But since neither works with me directly, I let them be.

Today when most people had left (at around 8 PM - the magic hour when teams are built. #note2self. I HAVE to write about this), B came up to me and asked me if I have 5 minutes to spare for A.

Now, typically I dont want to be interrupted when I am trying to write writing (there's this pitch tomorrow that I can NOT lose) but when it comes to young ones, I am little flexible.

So I gave in.

B made me sit and asked A to start. I was like, what's going to happen. I was fidgeting with my phone already and thinking of some excuse that I could make to get away from it.

And just about then A started his act.

And oh my fucking God! If there is a thing called God.
He was insane.
Brilliant.
Left me in a spell. I could not think of a thing but him while he was performing.
I could not take my eyes off him!
I was mesmerised - the way I've never been.
I am lost for words. On a blog. Really!

His talent, his art, all of it belongs to the people of the world - on stage, on the screen.
Not in front of a computer paddling material to clients!
He's got a gift that needs to be showcased.
He really does.

I felt the same rush, same excitement when I first met Imtiyaz.
In Imtiyaz I saw someone who had to be on a larger platform, entertaining more people. And in A I see the same. And I am sure there are millions of people like Imtiyaz and A that need more audience. What can I do for them? 

After his 5 minute performance, I started to talk to him. I had to!

Turns out he plays the guitar as well and can compose original music.
So I asked him if he could teach me and he agreed.
Yay!
But then teaching me wont help me go to a larger platform.
I need to help him find work audience.

So, I've asked him to a track for TRS. Lets see what he comes up with.

And in the end, I gave him the offer. The Offer. That I give to every deserving young person I know. That they can use me as their launchpad to do more things.

So I told him that in case he wants to put his material up on YouTube (shoot the content etc) or create a professional portfolio or something, I will support him. And then its upto his talent and luck where he reaches (in an ideal world, I dont want to let luck decide on the fate, the outcome. I have to manufacture success for my people. Need to figure out how. #note2self).

When I was with him, trying to talk to him and make him understand what I want from him, I was IN THE ZONE. The one that is increasingly hard to get into! I just need more of such days and incidents. I need to see these things through. I need to ensure that I get him where he belongs.

Just that I dont want to give him hope. I am not a great judge of talent but what I saw, I was amazed! And I am not easy to impress. So lets see what I do with him. If only I had the money. If only wishes were horses!

Coming back. Here's a question for you. 

When and what was last time you were in the zone AND you were creating something? Think and tell me. 

And if that thing that you were doing then repeats often, like clockwork and has patterns, maybe that's where your life's purpose is. That's where your Ikigai is. 

Think about it. 

And please please please do tell me. 

I would love to help you. 

Why?

Because I want to play God that's where my Ikigai is! Like I said today...

Enable more people to do more with their lives.

More - better, larger, greater, happier, wealthier, healthier and all the other -ers. https://t.co/HCR2bjcnHU

— SG (@saurabh) July 13, 2018

Oh, and you know the best part about this entire episode?
No. The Zone is not.
Neither is discovering my Ikigai.

The best part happened when I asked him which college he went to.
He said, Wilson.

And you know what was my first thought?
That he could help me meet Sudhakar Solomon Raj - one of those people that I am DYING to meet (read this and this about him to know more about him). I first heard about him from HV (a friend who's long deserted ghosted me after showing a lot of promise in the early days). And since then I've pestered her, tried on Facebook, wrote into him and what not. Prof has been elusive.

So, I asked A for a favour.
If any of the things that I am helping him do works out, he will help me meet Sudhakar Sir!
Yay!

They are right. Happiness does come in patches and at times when you least expect it.

Oh, the best part? 
The realisation that Universe does fucking conspire to make things happen. If you want em real bad. It really does.

Time for you to make a wish. And want it bad.
And discover your Ikigai. And lemme know if I could be of any help.

PS: I wrote on the sgEchoChamber today. Yay! So yeah, a good day for writing. 

The Daily Grind - 2730 - 120718

Day 3 on the trot of posting on this blog. Nothing much to report apart from work and all that.

However I must say that doing a post each day is a BIG commitment. I dont know how to people manage this WITH their day jobs! If they can, you can too, Mr. Garg. 

Plus in the zamana of byte-sized content and reducing attention spans, I am not sure who has the time to write blogs anymore. Fuck writing. I dont know one person who reads blogs. Do you? Tell me. May be leave a comment?

Anyhow. I can rant all I want to. The fact of the matter is that I have committed that I will write a post a day and I better do that. So, here's the post for the day.

*stares at the screen, thinking what to write.*

*still staring*

*staring....*

*yes!!!!!!*

So while I was staring at the screen, thinking about what to write, it dawned onto me that there was a time when I could write for hours and the words wont stop pouring out. And now I am having a tough time writing a 1000 words post!

I am not sure what is wrong. May be I am out of practise? Probably a post a day would fix this! Lets find out over the next few days.

*still no clue what to talk about*

*Oh yes!"

So I made a day trip to Thansit today and among other things, I clicked a few pics from my phone. One of them is embedded below.

It’s magical what a few filters can do. And for someone who wants to be a photographer (and a million other things, all at the same time), these filters are like a gift. That allow me to hide my immaturity and inexperience and deliver shots as gorgeous as these! . #train #rail #railway #indianrailways #shahpur #india #india_gram #igdaily #igers #monsoon #magic #sgClicks #trains #track #green #shotoniphone #iphonography #iphonex #incredibleindia #indiaphotoproject #travelphotography #cntgiveitashot #photographers_of_india #indiaphotoproject #photogram

A post shared by SG (@altsaurabh) on Jul 12, 2018 at 7:39am PDT

I dont know about you but as an independent, I really like the photo above (and all the other photos). They are as good as you would see from someone else. I just need to edit these better!

Actually, I will create a photoblog where I will capture these pics and the stories. On saurabhgarg.com (yeah, I have started work on the website). Lets see when I get around to doing this.

***

So yeah. Thats about it for the day. 1000 words?
I am not sure.
Not counting.
For the time being I want to just get the post up and running before the day ends.

And to be honest, here's something that you can help me with. 

Tell me what do you want me to write on. The kind of person I am, thoughts (and opinions) meander from work to life to authenticity to polygamy to money to purpose to writing to I dont know what all. Try me. Just give me an idea and lets see what comes out of it. Please!

Thank you!

The Daily Grind - 2731 - 110718

So time for the blogpost of the day update of the day. The theme for the day is removing the words "trying to" from life. 

Lemme give context.

So all my life I've played on the backfoot - you know, the kinds to apologise before I even start talking? And like they say, old habits die hard. And thus, when I talk, especially about myself, I tend to use words that make me sound a little, you know, humble. So that when I make mistakes, I could hide behind the facade of apology that I issued even before I started.

It worked well when I was in my early 20s and growing up. But now that I am in my late 30s, it probably doesnt.

Heck, it doesnt.

A friend who's in her early 20s pointed out to me to stop playing on the backfoot and drop the "trying to." Thank you, PM for this. So, today on, "trying to" is out. 

The other thing that happened today was that I saw this video by Robin Sharma where he talks about how age and longevity could be a potent weapon and as you get older, you can impact larger things. In the same thread, he talks about the importance of health. Health has to become the focus area. Like Karl once told me, "if it doesnt add to your life, do not put it in your mouth."

That's the other thing that starts from today on. I am not eating anything that does not make me better.

Staying with this video, Robin talks about this idea of Golden hour. Which to me means the first and the last hours of each day. First hour of the day, you plan for the day ahead. And the last hour, you unwind as you end the day.

Both hours, you are by yourself and with no one else and you are reflecting, meditating, reading, thinking, doing, creating and all that. PS: I am writing this post at 952 PM and right after this I will go and sleep. And yeah! I use the blog as a tool to help me reflect. 

Apart from this, I moved the needle on TRS (hope to talk more about it soon), played my first ever poker tourney where buy-in was more than a 1000 bucks (2500 buyin and I lasted about an hour before I bailed out), met Sandesh (amongst the wisest people that I know of) and then I got some work done.

Finally, I am going to track how I am doing. I've been tracking my day everyday since 23 May 2017) on a private document. But now that I have made a public commitment to write everyday and get better and all that, here is a smaller version that is in public domain. Please do see it and tell me how to improve it.

Thats about it I guess for the day. May not be a 1000 words. But a post nonetheless. That counts.

In the end, reaffirming, today on this moment on, I am stopping (not merely trying to, but actually stopping) things that dont addup to my life.

The Daily Grind - 2732 - 100718

So, I am going to do that thing again (at least try to). Thing where I write everyday. Even if I dont have anything interesting or special to say, I will publish. I. WILL. PUBLISH. The aim is to do a 1000 words each day. On an average. Today. And for the next 2732 days.

Why 2732 days? Because of this.

And not just 2732 but for the rest of my life.

And no. This is not the first time I am trying to do this. I have made multiple attempts in past. And I have failed at all of them. And if this time I am to succeed, I will have to make a superhuman effort to ensure that I dont drop out. I mean last time I took this challenge, you know how many days I lasted?

Wait!

I dont remember myself how many days I lasted. :(

#note2self, #sideNote
Talk about memory and the point of this blog if I cant remember what I wrote about! 
Also talk about how self-loathing is the worst thing you can ever do to yourself. 

Whatever.

Thing is, this time, I am committed to make this one the longest.

How long?
Well, as long as I live.
And if I get to time and location independence with money and all, probably will write more shit for people to see and read after I am gone. But then, once you are dead, would it matter? Not to me. But to others, it may. If I can change a few lives while I am around (and even when am gone), I would have lived well. Chalo, not am rambling. Time to get on with it.

So, after this mile long pretext, here is the post for the day. And no, I dont have anything special to talk about. I will just dump the shit that's crowding my head. And that's where my happiness is!

Lemme divide things to talk about into "themes"

Health
I restarted Keto yesterday. This is the third or the fourth time I am attempting Keto. Apart from the first time (which was about 4 months ago), I havent been able to sustain for more than 3 weeks.

PS: When I did it the first time around, the results were fascinating and thus I am encouraged to go back. Thing is, I dropped a couple of inches if not more. And while I suspect that was because of the calorie deficit, I am sure Keto did play a part.

This time around, I hope to "mix" Keto with some moderate exercise. Lets see where it takes me. Today is day 2 and I know there is Keto Flu around the corner.

Plus I have been reading about no (or low) carb diet and the list of advantages runs into miles! So, I am ok to make the lifestyle change and move from a diet that traditionally has been full of carbs (potatoes, sugar and more) and fat (ghee and oil). To proteins. And better fat (ghee, butter not oil). No I am not the specifics guy (I do have an eye for detail but I dont get into specifics - there's a subtle difference between the two. Maybe I will write a blogpost on this. #note2self).

Apart from this, I need to start taking those supplements. This again is a HUGE change from the stance that I have held all my life. I have hated the concept of nutritional supplements and now I am ok to experiment. Guess this is what mid-life crisis makes you do?

Oh, the next change? Start eating non-vegetarian. Lets see if I can do this. Like they say, change is good!

I also need to start the running regimen. I have to do that sub-4 Marathon and the Everest. I guess once I lose some fat, I can get to this?

Actually, come to think of it, this is probably the best time to start running? Weather is good and body will cool down faster. Ok, I will give it a shot today. TODAY being the keyword here. Come rain, hail or whatever!

Wealth
What I do at C4E is interesting and gives me a some freedom to play around and create projects, I am hard at work to identify an alternate source of income. The kinds Rich Dad Poor Dad talks about. Passive. That works for me, rather than me working for it.

To be honest, I shouldve done this about 10 years ago. But as they say, better late than never. The idea is to get to a point where I no longer have to trade my time for the money I need to live.

Live. Not survive.

#sideNote. While writing, I realised that this blogpost is my trying to reaffirm my views to myself. The blog is like a conversation that I am having with self. Which is not a bad thing to be honest!

Coming back. So I want to make enough from a passive source that I dont have to depend on a fixed pattern of life (wake up, goto office, come back home, watch a sitcom, sleep and repeat).

And the time and day and age that we live in, it allows me to do that. I just need to get it done.

Digression. 
I could talk about people that dint really need a passive income source - they got so good with their primary source of income that they made the money, made the impact, changed the world, made time for themselves and did not have to worry about compromising on their lifestyle. But then, I am definitely not that and I need to think of things that work for me. 

Writing 
When I started the year, one of the yearly goals was to write 202 posts. As of today, I am at 39 posts. That means I have 160 odd to go. And thats almost same as the number of days that are remaining in this year. So, a post a day should see me through. Hmmm.

#sideNote. More than half of the year is over. Must do an assessment. 

The other writing goal is to get the second book out. Started working with a friend but we lost track along the way. Need to action that in the next few days.

Wait. What about staying on focus on making the money? And all these things could remain at the backend! Nah. 

Misc updates
I restarted playing Poker. No I dont have the time but I want to give it a few hours each day. I love the game. And I really want to get good to it. If I were to draw a list of things that I want to do in life, Poker would be up there. I am ok to let go of guitar and pool and other things. But not poker.

Poker gives me an outside shot at creating a life that makes me travel the world and earn enough to live well. No, this is NOT plan A. This is a good backup plan for life.

note2self: Is this your new distraction? Think! 

Existential Questions
Lately I have been thinking hard on what I want to be doing. What do I mean lately? I have been in the thinking mode for well over a decade now (if not longer).

Other things that I am struggling to find answers to (if you are reading and wish to help, please do give me inputs):

A. Business. What I do at C4E is good and interesting but its a BIIIIIG pain in the ass to get new business. What do I do to get new business? Making phone calls? Sending emails? Creating content? If not for the patronage and largesse of a couple of giants, I would probably be back in Delhi, living with my parents. Or I would've found a full-time job (which would be the saddest thing ever). 

note2self: Mr. G, you can NOT get back to a full-time job ever. Unless its life and death situation. 

So, the question is, how do I find people to trust their brands with me? With C4E and with AWSL. 

B. Reputation. Thing is, wherever you go, your reputation precedes you. And I for reason haven't been able to create a reputation AT ALL. I mean my best friends have a tough time connecting with me. One option is that I cut off my friends. May be I will. But I will probably remain alone (if I do that). The other is to work on it. Question is, how! Any clues? Oh, by the way, I wrote this long post on reputation (and other things). I seem to know the academic answer. How do I translate it in action? 

One easy answer is that I need to conduct myself better. I need to have gravitas when I speak. Vanita has been asking me to work on this. And while I think I have worked on this, I am not sure if I am reaching anywhere with this. Help me if you can. Please!

C. Recreation. A couple of weeks back I went to Goa with a friend. And unlike other trips, this time I did not touch my laptop. And by the end of the 3-day trip, I was sick of NOT working.

Now, for someone who enjoys taking a break, this is a great thing to do. But to me, I am not sure if I want to do this. Why? Because what point is a life that is spend chasing frivolities and not challenging self?

Wait. In the large scheme of things anything and everything do is meaningless (afterall, we are on this large rock that is moving at some super high speed around the Sun and at some point in time it will probably collapse into the damn Sun once it becomes a blackhole!). So why do I even work, create things, inspire others and all that?

And then I ask, why not? If I live my life chasing frivolities, I would have a simple, easy, comfortable life. I would have seen the world, enjoyed all the great things that the world has to offer. And end of things.

If I work hard, inspire others and all that, I would probably live a tad less happier but I would have made lives of others tad better. May be I inspire them to get new jobs, discover new joys that they never knew, live happier, live healthier and so on and so forth. In the large scheme of things I probably wouldnt make any dent but to those few people that I impact the lives of, I would've probably made a world of difference.

Any why do I want to do this? Have I been told? Am I responsible? Why do I bother? Is this my problem?

Well, I dont have an answer. I met this gentleman a few days ago and he postulated that I want to do these things because I probably want to play God! Interesting hypothesis. May be I do. But guess we'd never know!

Or maybe, I'd try and find out. Over the next few days!

Till then, over and out. This is about it for today. I dont know if this is 1000 words but I have nothing else to say. Writing after a month or so and thus, a tad rusty! 

On relationships, work and meaning

Wrote this a few weeks back on an email and on Medium. Republishing it here. 

As I type this, I am in Dubai! In case you did not know, I am taking a break from life and work and all that and trying to discover myself. No, I am not killing myself or anything. This is an attempt to #bebetter. More is on this blogpost. Also, at C4 Events, we have a new project about postcards. Read about it here. Do lemme know if you want postcards from Dubai.

Anyhow so the point of this post is relationships and work.

The day before I left for this detox of sorts, I was talking to a colleague and was telling her that most modern relationships are actually based on convenience and not on real, deep sense of belonging. Of course she was aghast and all that. I don’t blame her. This a tough one. Counterintuitive to everything that we’ve been taught — especially in India where we are willing to kill and get killed for family, community, honor etc.

I believe that these relationships merely allow you to domesticate and stay in safe havens. If you have to go in deep waters and take risks and do amazing things, you HAVE to leave the comfort behind. And create (or forge or explore) relationships with strangers.

My point was that we ought to invest more into relationships that are built on top of work (or while working). And work not as in work that a bank teller does or a credit card salesman does (of course both are important and are tough and have dignity and all that) but work that makes us push the limits. The creative work.

So, in between the “argument” she asked me to give my theory of what makes relationships tick. I said that the deepest and the most meaningful relationships are the ones that are created around creating amazing things. In other words, if you can figure out ways to work together with great people, find synergies, find comfort in those people, it creates a fascinating relationship. And creates great work.

This seemed to make sense to her. And to me. And we left it at that and moved onto other things.

And then, something funny happened. I was checking my email in the morning and I stumbled onto this in my inbox…

The subtitle caught my attention and I had to click on it!

So I ended up at https://creativemornings.com/talks/christina-amini/1 and heard Christina Amini talk about how authentic relationships enable awesome projects and how awesome projects allow us to develop authentic relationships. Exactly what I was trying to tell my colleague the day before!

Do see the video if you have 25 odd minutes.

Disclaimer. The story (and the video), while is illuminating (and inspiring), is heartbreaking. You may not want to see it first thing in the morning. Or may be you want to see it, to remind you of the frivolity and shortness of life. A fear that pushes me to do more!

So, here are the key highlights that I am taking away from the talk (to help me reinforce my assertions about relationships rooted in work tend to be stronger, better and deeper). This following list is NOT a verbatim summary of the video. It also includes my thoughts as I saw the video.

• Most creative work requires you to have immense faith and inherent trust in the other person (or people).
• You have long-term thingy at the back of your head. This means you automatically start investing more (we all “know” that long-term success requires patience and honesty and openness).
• When you work together, your conversations are about trying to solve problems (and not about what is Taimur upto or what is the new costume on Ranveer Singh etc). When you try to solve problems, you are often thinking as a team (and not as individuals). You start thinking about strengths of the other person — which automatically make you look for goodness in them.
• When you work together, you are often vulnerable (you dont know how would audience receive a certain thing, you probably get stuck and seek help) etc etc. And when you are vulnerable, you open up. You start to share things that you’d normally keep buried in your hearts. And often when you solve problems when you are vulnerable, the answers that you come up with to solve the problems are the ones that often resolve the vulnerability. And when you get the resolution to your vulnerability AND to the problem you are facing, Eureka probably happens!
• Because what you create makes meaning and is often larger than you, your teammates or your team, you have this shared sense of purpose. And achievement.
• Most “creative” things require love. And that means you put in your heart and soul and all that to be able to create output. And when you work with someone who is also putting in the heart and soul and is creating a piece of love, you create magic! And the very process of creating magic makes the relationship, well, magical!

Apart from these direct inferences and thoughts from the talk, the other takeaway from this talk is when the lady says, “I will do anything with Susan!” This is something that I’ve been trying to be subconsciously. When I become available in market for new work etc, people HAVE to say that they’d do anything with me! Do they say the same about you?

Thats about it. What’s your take on relationships?

Thank you!

PS: This is a slightly edited version of an email that I send to select friends. Please do let me know if you wish to subscribe. 

PPS: First posted here. 

A primer on how to #beBetter.

Context: I wrote this as an email to a friend when he asked me for tips to manage his increasingly complex life (he is doing exceedingly well in life and has a toddler that keeps him on the toes) while remaining healthy.

I poured EVERYTHING I knew in this email.

And while I was editing it, I realised I could send this to more friends. And thus this post. Please note that I am no expert. Just trying to get better as an individual and these are the things that I am working on to #bebetter.

Hey XXXX,

So I wanted to write you an email and then I thought a doc is better. Easy to format and consume and share and comment and add to and all that.

Standard disclaimers apply. I am not a doctor. This is not medical advice. I am NOT responsible for the results if you do try these.

Oh, I don’t do a lot of these right now but will start doing so by the end of this year (right now, I am not even equipped to do some of these and I am working hard to get there).

Also, dont ask me for research, facts, rationale, reasoning, links, sources etc. This are things that I sincerely BELIEVE in and am willing to do myself. If you think these are right, please try. If you think these are wrong, these are wrong and refrain.

But like I said, I believe in and practise these things. There is all the skin in the game when I recommend these. So, up to you.

I divide my “discourse” in sections. Sections are:

1. Health
2. Work
3. Future
4. Tools
5. Misc

A. Health

This is the most important thing ever. I sincerely wish that I could turn back time and not abuse the body the way I did (coke etc). Thankfully I was never on drugs or alcohol. But if I tell something to all young ones, I say that you need to work on your health.

Anyhow, within health, key components are:

A.1 Sleep (I know that you have a baby and it’s tough to do all this but I am sure you can).

• You have to find your optimal level (duration) of sleep. People say it’s between 6 and 8 hours. For me, its 5. For you, it could be 8. Use a sleep tracker (see tools below).
• Find your relationship with circadian rhythm. Essentially, know if you are a morning person or a night person. And try to become a morning person if you are not. Easy way to do this is to try to sleep by 10 and up by 5. And no this is not impossible. You can do this. First few days are tough. And then it’s easy after that.
• When you sleep, sleep in a room WITHOUT any screen. Tough but if I can do, you can too. If you are using a tracker, put on airplane mode.
• Room temperature — 22 degrees
• Lights — DARK. Or Blue. Buy lights if you have to. I bought and it got fucked after a few days and since its too expensive, couldnt buy again.
• As you drift to sleep, think of things that you are grateful for, in THAT day. Not in general. On THAT day.
• REM Sleep is when what you learn gets reinforced and new connections are made. So I typically try to read / think about things that are perplexing me as I drift to sleep. By the time I get up and reach the shower, I somehow get the best ideas. Remember they say that best ideas come on the pot? This is the reason why. So, use sleep as a weapon.
• After you wake up, first thing? MAKE YOUR BED. Simple and SUPER EFFECTIVE. Please please do this.
• Second thing? Think of three things that you need to achieve today. That you WILL achieve today. Think. No writing nothing. Think. And then you start your day. If you want more dope on what to do when you start your day, ask me and I will tell you.
• Third thing? Watch some funny video. Whatever tickles your bone. I watch haryanavi humor. And prank calls by RJ Naved. You can watch Louis CK. Or even Modi Ji :)

A.2. Nutrition

• Irrespective of your body size, shape, age etc, you HAVE to go on a lo-carb diet. Fuck what nutritionists say. Lo carb it is.
• Try Keto for 2 weeks. Trust me, its THE shit.
• Cut out red meat from your life. Forget that there is red meat. If you eat red meat.
• Forget sugar. Eating processed sugar is a sin. You need to slap yourself hard in public if you eat sugar.
• No alcohol. No smoking. EVER.
• Try weed. Serious. But in moderation.
• Skip Dinner. If you can’t, ensure that you don’t eat carbs after 7 PM. If you have to have to eat, proteins. Boiled eggs are the best. No milk. And it’s ok to be boring and not want different kinds of food. And it’s ok if you go to family functions and people make fun of you for not eating.

A.3. Brain

• Install one of the brain training apps. I use Peak. Its immensely helpful. Its like exercise. You know walking is good. But same applies to brain. Each day, doing something that actually works on brain muscles is required.
• Brain is NOT for remembering. Its for thinking and processing and creating patterns. Outsource your memory to The Brain (a tool), or simply, Evernote. Counter-intuitive. But do it. Your brain has one function and one function only — processing. This means making connections, seeing patterns, connecting the dots etc. Fuck anything else that anything says. No one cares if you can remember a deck of cards — its a simple hack, anyone can learn. What you need to be able to do is process and be creative.
• Practise deep breathing. Wait. Deep breathing? Brain? Yes. Do it.
• Challenge yourself in new ways. Do things that you’ve never done. For example, stand up? Or play pool? Brian is about making connections. The day you stop making connections and the synapses, you are fucked.

A.4. Mindfulness

• Meditate 10 minutes everyday. Use Calm. Free version allows you 28 days. Please do that. If you want, am happy to buy you a subscription.
• REMOVE all negative things from your life — friends, family — anyone that drags you down, throw that person, thing out. This could be your best friend that pulls your leg all the time. I’ve done this. Thrown people out. It hurts. Like Cancer. Its part of your body but you kill it.
• ADD positive things.
• There is LOT more on mindfulness. I am not sure of a lot of things myself. This is something that even I am working on.
• Get authentic. Read about it. Authentic. You are like who you are. In real life, in conduct, in meetings, in your bedroom, in your heart and in your soul. If you are authentic, you spend less effort (you are not posing and hence you are using less brainpower and thus are happier). Plus people on other side also know you as authentic and good and honest and all that and thus trust you more.

A.5. Body

• Massage — twice a week. At home. Not spa. There is this guy at XXXX. He charges 400 per day. Find one in XXXXX.
• Walk — 45 mins EACH day. There is NO alternative to this. Invest in a GREAT walking shoe. Either Nike or Asics or nothing. You don’t have issue with money. So do it.
• Work with hands. Learn something that makes you use your hands. This will help you in delaying old age. I tried guitar. I am going to pick up Khartal.
• Grow muscle. Don’t become The Rock. But grow muscle. This will not happen without gym or protein. I don’t understand much of this right now but I once I reach that point, i will.
• Get a standing desk. You have to. If you can’t, I can gift you one. Mine is coming. At Starbucks, I work with a standing desk.
• Keep back straight. Remind yourself multiple times to keep the spine straight.
• Sex. Get regular with it if you aren’t. Sorry, this is a taboo and all that in India but get regular at it. Get an extramarital if you have to. I know this sounds wrong but you need to decide for yourself if you want to live till 120 and you want to be active and all that. Fuck what has been taught to us. Draupadi had 5 husbands. Akbar had a Harlem. What other evidence do you need? There is science. And no, I don’t have an extramarital thing yet. Heck, I don’t even have a marital thing yet. But if need be, I will. I am selfish.

Here are some “hacks”

• Carry Almonds with you in a small box. Everytime you are hungry, pop in a few. Not too much. A few (less than 5 at a time). Or boiled eggs. Buy an egg boiler. I bought one and it’s super easy to use and its fast and I get perfectly boiled eggs.
• Buy eye mask if you can’t get lights in the room.
• Use the night mode feature on your phone to get the phone to automatically go silent post 8 PM.
• Tell yourself EVERYDAY that you are lucky. You know that study right? They divided a random group of people into 2 groups. One was told that they were lucky. The other was told they weren’t. And then they were asked to search for free movie ticket coupons in the same newspaper. Guess who found more coupons? Just because they were TOLD that they were lucky, they found more.
• Listen to the music from the time in life when you had no worries and were carefree and you were SUPER happy. May be the same track that you used to propose to your wife! I listen to Lucky Ali, KK, Silk Route etc. I am forgetting who talks about this but this is a PROVEN technique to reduce stress and get focus back.
• Assume you make 3 lakhs a month (INR). This means you make 10K a day. Means each working hour for you is worth 1000 bucks. Anything that you can outsource for cheaper, do that. For example, you can get a driver for 400 bucks an hour, do it. You can hire an EA to save you 20 hours in a month? Pay 20K and get one. More on EA later. But point is, anything that frees up time for you — even if you have to pay for it, do it.

B. Work

• Get an EA to handle emails and other “dirty” tasks. Idea is that you will NOT do anything that does NOT add value to your time or life. If there is one thing that you can do from this entire document, get an EA will be THE number 1. May be sleep is but this is close.
• You will only do 4 things at a point in time. Not 3, not 5. If more than 4 things demand your attention, you will find a resource to do that. You can afford to. So do it. Wish I could.
• Use pomodoro. 25 mins of deep work and then break. Chunk you tasks in 25 mins. Open office for 25 mins, meetings for 25 mins, thinking for 25 mins etc. The other 5 mins on the pomodoro? Go for a walk. I am going to do 2 push-ups every 25 mins. Lets see. Idea is to cultivate that habit.
• While you work and you get a distraction, do NOT jump to it. Buy empty visiting cards and write on those the thing that is causing you distraction. And then once you are done what you are doing, do things that are on the cards.
• Get a personal board. I am getting one. You are on it. And there are 10 other people. Like XXXXX Sir said, from different backgrounds.
• Tell each of those people about your work ambitions. Don’t hide. Trust them. Don’t talk in vague terms. They are YOUR board. There is often sensitive information. Its ok. Life’s too short. And this sensitive information is NEVER life or death. Its at max career limiting. We can get the career back. But it’s ok to trust in your people, your board. For your progress.
• Switch off mobile notifications from all apps except SMS. Tell your favorite ones to call or sms for emergency. Everything else has to “fetch” for you. Your life shall not be controlled by the ding of an incoming message by a colleague or a client. Neither it will be run by a notification on Facebook about your wife uploading a pic of your daughter. It will be run by you and your goals and your ambition.
• Get famous. You already have XXXX. Use that. Leverage that. The idea is that reputation takes you so so far. Go far. I suck at this. I am working on this. And its tough for me cos I havent done shit. You have. Your reputation can take your so much farther its not funny.
• Write. PLEASE. Even if you think you write BS or write like crap, please write. There is NO better way to clear the head than to write. Writing this note has given me so so so so many ideas and reinforced so many beliefs. Thank you for making me write this one. Ideally you have to write at a specific time EACH day. I am trying to get into that zone of writing. But I need to first get out of the issue that my time is owed to someone else. You are lucky. You own your time.
• Learn mental models. Use them. If not all models, just learn Cialdini’s. These are social proof, authority, scarcity, liking, commitment and reciprocity. Find out all the models I’ve used in this one email.
• Get purposeful. Dont do things because there’s nothing else. I can talk so much about this. Not purpose as in world changing and all that. Purpose as in you do things with so much passion, so much love, so much purpose that if someone is looking at you, they get infected with your way of working. Ordinary is boring af.

C. Future

• Make a vision board (sounds gyaan but trust me, it helps. And ofcourse none of these esoteric things happen unless you work towards those things)
• Once a week, sit and think on your future. Mark this in your calendar. There is no way you can’t NOT do this.
• Use your board. I am sure you read the point above.
• Make your team. Team XXXX. I have this thing called Team SG. A set of REALLY young kids (in the age group of less than 25) that you hire today. These people HAVE to work with you for rest of YOUR life. Groom them, mentor them, help them. Make your team. Not your company’s. Your. Do you have 5 people who’d walk out with you if you have to quit? I have 1. I want 9 more in this year. Working on this.

D. Tools

• Start using Asana. Or Trello. Whatever you like. Idea is to outsource your remembering function.
• Google Calendar. You will NOT meet anyone if its not on your calendar. Not even standup meetings. Create office hours (time when anyone can walk in to you office to ask you anything — like yesterday, 5 people walked in while you and I were talking. Train then that they can only ask you things at 11 AM or 5 PM). In 25 min slots.
• Sleep tracking — use fitbit or even some app on your phone. I use Sleep Cycle. This tells you how is your sleep and if you are sleep is fucked, you are fucked. You need to first know if the sleep is good or bad. You may think you sleep well but the app tells you that you are fucked and you need to fix it. This is the single biggest revelation that happened to me.
• All tools that I use EVERYDAY are: Hubspot CRM, Feedly, Asana, Toggl, LifeTrack sheet (where I track my life — I note down what I do on most days), Google Calendar.
• There is no set formula for these tools. You find your set of tools. I found these after a lot of effort and lot of time. I keep going back and forth between tools. Idea is to find your own path.

E. Misc

• You OWN the day. Not your calendar or emails. You can choose to switch off emails. Once you get your EA, you can further control your time.
• Use your commute. Cat nap, podcasts etc. Do whatever but do NOT waste it with SM or email. Commute is THE biggest advantage we have. I know of a guy who actually lives in Thane so that he can get 2 hours every day in train to read! Beat that!

That’s for the time being. I am sure there are more. And I am not sure if this helps you. But these have helped me immensely. I am little more peaceful and content. Though I am yet to become the big shit that I’ve always wanted to become — I am sure I will get there. I am lucky. Are you?

Any inputs anyone? I am @saurabh on twitter.

PS: First posted on Medium here. 

100 Rejections in 2018

I have yet another miniGoal for #in2018. I will try and get 100 rejections.

Like most projects, this started with an impulse. And like all things that I do, I put the impulse in action. See this tweet.

So, what is it?
In one line, I will try and get a 100 rejection letters #in2018.

What is a rejection? What is a rejection letter? 
Lemme try and example with an example. What if I ask a Rabbi Shergill if I can work with him? Afterall I've been a fan and all that since his Bulla days. His music and his philosophy has been a big big reason of my fandom.

However, there is no clear value proposition for a Rabbi Shergill to choose to work with me. And there no reason why he should accept me!

So, in all probability, he will reject the request. Assuming that he will get time to see my request - he being busy and famous at the same time! If he gets back to him and says that he doesnt want to work with me, that to me is a rejection.

Other example, when I travel for work, can I ask for the client to pay for a business class ticket (about 3x the price of an economy ticket)? I know I am not important enough for most of my clients to give me a superior treatment. The request will probably get rejected. Assuming I am not laughed at. Ok this was a bad example. Because this is a recurring event. Everytime I fly, I want to travel business. May be it is not. Some clients may reject. Some may not. Some may give in. Some may not, Some projects could have budget. Some may not. Need to think more. 

The definition of rejection (for the sake of this project) thus, is an ask that I know is almost impossible to get. The ask is so big, so audacious, so stupid, so ridiculous that it is bound to get rejected. The ask that I shouldnt be making in the first place. And since the ask if going to get rejected, I'd not feel bad when it is rejected. 

So, I will send a request. And the person, company he can choose to ignore it, accept it or reject it. Unless I get a feedback from him, I will not put this in any basket. I'd just call it waiting for inputs.

The next step is kinda fuzzy. What if you dont hear back (either acceptance or rejection), you send a reminder? Of course you could sound creepy (or desperate). Or you could sound enterprising and persistent and all. I am not sure of this one. Will think and update it over time. #note2self.

How did I get the idea? 
Three things had to come together to make this happen.

A. I saw this TED talk by Jia and I have been meaning to implement it. Why? Because its a social experiment and it makes you get out of your comfort zone. Its been on the todo list but I never got around to it. May be this is the time?

B. I met Hareesh Sir and talked to him about my failure to grow business at C4E. He said that unless you get rejected a million times, you cant say you have failed. So, I want to get rejected.

C. I saw this tweet and was surprised to know that people achieve such amazing feats that it makes you go wow! And like you, they are made of same chemical components and all that. So, if they can, why cant you? Kiki worked towards getting a 100 rejection letters. That means that at the response rate of about 1%, she would've taken 10000 shots! If she can, why cant I?

And why would I want to get rejected these many times?
I think the biggest thing we fear as humans is, "what if I get rejected!" or "what would the world say." By getting rejected a 100 times in the next 6-7 months, I will probably get over the fear. Jia did. Kiki probably did. I can too.

Plus, if I do get rejected, I can tell myself that the ask was so big that it was anyway gonna get rejected. I would thus probably feel little less bad. 

And finally if I hit acceptance, I am sure it would make like better! Oh, this also means that I need to choose what I need to get an acceptance on. I need a filter. So, the process, the model is, when I chase rejections, in case I do get an acceptance on it, the resulting #win has to take me closer to my three lifeGoals (Everest, Billion People, Billion Dollars). This is how my project differs from that of Jia’s.

So, what is the plan? 
Rather than putting a strict goal, task frequency, cadence etc, I will try and get a 100 rejections in this year. These would be a mix of personal, work, random and otherwise.

Oh, I made the first request already. To Rabbi Shergill. Let's see what do I get.

I will catalog all my requests and rejections on this post. And on this twitter thread.

List of all requests. 
#1. 8Jun18. No response yet.
Requested Rabbi Shergill to meet me and allow me to work with him.

#2. NoDate. No response yet.
Requested a professor from MDI if I could work with him on creating a new model for marketing. He showed initial interest but nothing happened after that.

#3. NoDate. No response yet.
Requested the dean at SPJain if I could meet him and may be teach at SPJ.

#4. 24Jun18. No response yet.
Requested another professor at another business school if I could teach at his.

UPDATE: This updating of the blog was getting way too much. Tracking it on an open Google Sheet. Link here. 

***

Thats about it! Wish me luck! And do try it for yourself.
Thank you. Over and out.
SG

PS: Can I turn this on the head and rather gun for 100 acceptances? And that means I will have to ask for a million things (assuming 1 in 100 is granted). Need to think. #note2self.

PPS: I love how this blog is becoming a dialogue with self. I just wish I could find a way to catalog these thoughts and share these with people that I trust and value and then get them to debate with me on the outcomes. Any ideas anyone? 

PPPS: What if I say that rather than trying to feel less bad about getting rejected, how about I try harder and get it? I think I cant do that because for a scatterbrain like me, I simply cant go deep with everything! 

PPPPS: Rant ahead. 

So there are a million things that I want to do in life and because there is one life and anything you want to do takes time to do, its humanly impossible to do all those. But then I may argue that if I attempt to do all these million things, I will probably end up doing a handful of those. And that to me is a #win automatically.

Not a bad theory to subscribe to. As long as I take shots at each of these things.

And to take a shot at these things, I need access. Access to people, ideas, resources, capital, time and all those things. And more importantly, I need permission. Again, from people and others that will enable those things. And acceptance that they'd help me. Thing is, acceptance to me is the biggest gift (apart from attention) that you can give someone. And since acceptance is such a big deal, you often dont get it!

Coming back.

I need to do a million things and often I dont get to those even start working on things because I assume that the other person, that the thing is dependent on, will reject the idea. And this fear of rejection is the biggest bane to getting things done!

So, I thought, can I fix it? Can I somehow get over this fear of rejection! 

One of the mental models that I subscribe to, is, Invert, always invert. In one line, the idea is that if you reverse the problem you are facing, you often get to the solution. You know that thing where the guy says if he knew where is he gonna die, he'd never go there? That! This entire fear of rejection looked like an interesting problem to apply this mental model on.

And hence, I started with the thesis that if I chase rejections (rather than permission, acceptance etc.), I will probably do well! Ergo, this post and the project. 

Veere Di Wedding - Review

I did it.
The unthinkable.
The worst thing that I could ever do as a moviegoer.
I saw Veere Di Wedding (IMDB)!

Yeah, the same movie that has driven a wedge between the otherwise stable relationships of all the men and women that were living in peace and harmony. There are men dismissing the movie as a chick-flick. There are women defending the content. Then there are men siding with the film and there are women who are saying that modern girls around their 30s are not like how they've been portrayed.

Its a fascinating battle brewing and I would love to take a side but then I am not as educated or informed as the twitterati. Oh, my universe is limited to twitter only.

Why would I commit an atrocity of this magnitude on myself?
Well. Lesser said about it, the better. Now that its been done, it's time to write a review. After I got some 300 odd hits on my review for Bhavesh Joshi, I have this career as a film-reviewer and I ought to stay with it.

So, the logline is, a group of four girl friends, each with a dysfunctional family, tries to come to terms with their respective issues as they come together for the wedding of one of the girls from the group. Neat. Sounds like fun. Similar to Dil Chahata Hai - a story of three friends trying to grow up as they make a trip to Goa.

Still from Veere Di Wedding

Like in DCH, there are these friends, there is banter and leg pulling and pranks. There is travel, there is music, there is emotions and there is a lot more jazz. No, not music but things that make movies, movies. But you know, this is where similarities end!

I'll come back to it.

PS: If Farhan Sir is reading this, please excuse me. For I have sinned by comparing your masterpiece with this! 

So, the friend I saw the film with, she said the film is inspired by the famous sitcom, Sex And The City. No, I haven't seen the sitcom. But I am told that the even though it has a million episodes or something, sitcom stays true to the theme (of 4 middle-aged women trying to cope with relationships in a big, fast-paced city). Each has a set of relationship issues that needs sorting and the friends are the support system, the coping mechanism, the bouncing board and all that.

In VDW, while the inspiration is striking, the "episode" is just about 2 hours long, it veers all over the place. The characters are flat, the friendship bland and there is no support or coping or bouncing happening. Flat as in wine that's been left in the open for too long. Bland as in cheese that's been given too much air.

Coming back to DCH, the relationships (both between the set of friends and with others) were really deep. You could experience their elation, anguish, anger, happiness and all those things. In each scene. In each dialogue. In VDW, you cant remember if they were laughing in the previous scene or if they were crying. May be a gang of girls is like that? On a perpetual rollercoaster ride. I am not sure. At least the ones I hung out with were, are not like that.

In DCH, when the guys argue and fight and all that, you feel their anger and the pain. You can understand their actions. You know the dude has fucked up and you take sides. In VDW, the conflict, whatever little of it has been portrayed, is so weak that you don't realize that it was the peak and the characters need to resolve it to take the story to the ending! Mr. Campbell must've turned in his grave. Of course not every story has to conform to his monomyth structure.

You know of those movies? Coming of age? Bildungsroman? May be VDW is an attempt in that direction? If it is, they ought to have spoken to Abhishek Kapoor. The guy, I think, has got coming of age right in India. You know of his repertoire?

Anyhow. The movie, ladies and gentleman is so ordinary that you can easily skip it!

If I were working on the project, what would I improve? 
A lot!

A. The story to start with. Actually come to think of it, the story was ok, you could tweak it a bit. But screenplay needed a lot of work. It just couldn't keep me interested. Despite all the gorgeous places that films has been shot at, all the color that is splashed around by the sets, all the banter between friends, all the mockery that they've made of the loud South Delhi culture, the film couldn't keep my interest.

B. I'd definitely improve the on-screen camaraderie between these friends. I mean I've never been part of these pajama parties, as they call em, but I am sure they are lot more fun. The banter is forced. The dialogues are predictable. The lines are cliched. Apart from a bracelet with their initials and a painting by mothers of one of the friends, they don't seem to have anything that identifies them as part of a clique. The screenplay should've established their friendship better and stronger.

C. The conflict, when it all was supposed to fall apart, when the friends fight, when they call names and all that, is so weak and so short-lived that you don't even realize that it had happened. Compare it with DCH. There is a big-ass argument and a fight and it takes Herculean effort to fix! Here, in VDW, all it took was a holiday? A phone call? Come on!

D. There are some really bad product placements. When If you see the film, you will notice that there are scenes that have blatant and liberal placement for brands like Uber, Bikaji, Air India and others. And these are done so bad that you think you are in a 2-hour long advertisement. Someone needs to bring back the love and passion in the business of making films. 

Lemme talk of each of the Veeres, as they call themselves.
The one with the cigarette.
I don't know why one of the characters always had a cigarette around. In the loo, in the car, on the beach, on the bed, in the wedding. Ok, I know you want to establish her as a free-spirited woman (did you?), could you not find a better instrument than a cigarette? Or those Calvin Klein sports bras?

The bride.
Ok, you are scared of this whole thing called marriage. I understand. I actually think that her character was written well! I don't have any complaints. But then, I also don't really have any vivid memories of her after I've seen the movie. She is ordinary. You know how you have this salt-shaker on the dining table that no-one notices unless they need em? That!

The lawyer.
Sigh. Lesser said the better.

If you can't seem to endure this blogpost, please skip to the bottom and do read the open letter that I've written to her.

The married one.
She is actually the best of the lot. Played her part well. Had better one-liners to deliver compared to others. I wish she had a meatier role. She could've held the story together. But then shes not a Kapoor you know. Or may be I am wrong. The point however remains that her character had hope and they fucked it up.

The good parts? 
There are a few two. No, seriously. There are. Here' a list.

A. There is this character called Bhandari.
He comes in rather late but when he does, he is probably what makes the film tolerable. He may sound crass, down-market, a letch or whatever but he is what he is. He's done a great job - the kinds that would've taken a lot of effort to pull off. I want to see more of him. I actually miss him. He doesn't have a lot of dialogues or scenes but every-time he comes up, you do take notice. He's like that subtle flavour, seasoning in a complex dish that you cant put your finger on. But you know that the dish has the distinctive taste because of that one flavour. You know? The magic sauce? That!

B. I loved the cinematography!
The locations are breathtaking. The movie looks gorgeous. Of course the 4 ladies are pretty and all that but even if I removed them from the shots, the empty frames would look great! Its, as more established critics will say, is

So, the verdict? 
Don't go to a movie hall to see it.

Once its on Netflix, you may want to spend an evening fast-forwarding your way through it.

I'd give Veere Di Wedding a 1 star. 

Also, I must say that I saw the film on a Tuesday night and the hall was almost half-full. Which is a lot considering its been a few days since the film came out. So maybe, there's something there.

And while you are at it, you may want to see this review by this lady.



Oh, if despite the warning, you do decide to watch this, all the best!
Do let me know what you think.
I am @saurabh on twitter.
Thanks for reading!
SG

PS.: As I end this, there are two things that I want to talk about. 

A, 
Please know that as a critic and a reviewer, I do not want to merely diss the creators. My intent of being a critic is not to discourage the ones that do the new. But to learn from them. And when its my turn to create, not repeat the mistakes. I subscribe to Anton Ego says about critics. 

And B. 
As someone who's had a crush on Sonam Kapoor K Ahuja since I was a child (when I first saw her in Pyar Ki Ganga Bahe), may I please write an open letter to her? Here goes...

Dear Sonam,

I really really love your sense of style. Plus I am a big fan of your smile. It is second only to Julia Roberts' . The way you carry and conduct yourself? It is so unique that you're one of your kind. Anyone would want to give their arm and leg to see you smile. I will. 

But... 

But could you PLEASE stop acting? 

I mean take inspiration from your sister - Rhea. She is a producer. And she has chosen to remain that. What if you remain a mere socialite? and actually up the ante at those parties and charities and fashion events? Really! As a marketer, I really think that's a greater opportunity for you. For every crappy film that you do, you reduce the brand value and you takeaway reasons from brands like Loreal et al to pull the plug. There is a limit to which that these brands can support you. No? 

Oh, btw, even if you decide to continue working in films as an actor, of course as someone who loves you, I will continue to support you. All the best! 

Love,
Saurabh