Move over AA. There's a new thing in town. Lovers at Large. The idea, the concept is similar to AA but has a wider score.
Just like in AA (where people who have issues with Alcohol gather and talk about things) Lovers at Large (or LL) is a group of jilted lovers who can't seem to get over the separation. And the separation is wrecking havoc in their personal and work lives.
The scope is larger because unlike alcoholics who know the issues that they are facing, the Lovers at Large don't know that they are suffering from longing and separation. And because of this ignorance they continue to suffer.
Needless to say, I, the founding member of LL, have my reasons for creating this support group.
Its just one reason actually. sgMS. The thing is, I cant get over sgMS. And I know she cares and yet she chooses to ignore me (to participate in all assorted, tiny, insignificant social gatherings that she could totally avoid but she does not). I know she's not seeing anyone but has a room full of tall, dark, handsome, rich, funny and successful guys who continue to accost her. And I know I don't stand a chance if she were to compare me to them. What makes my suffering worse is that she has been telling, and consistently forever, that I am not the one for her and yet I continue to hang onto that little thing called hope, waiting for her to come back. Which I think I now know is not happening.
How do I know? There are signs all over the place. If I were a writer, I would say, "I can see dead and mangled bodies of my dreams and hopes scattered all over the place. Each dream killed with as much indifference as one would swat a fly on the wall" and so on and so forth. But I am not. At least not that kinds. But I can see things have changed. And the change looks irreversible.
Today, in fact was the last nail in the coffin. I just got tipped over the edge. I know I would continue to love her. I know I would continue to pine for her. And I would crave for her attention. But starting today, I shall stop making any effort what so ever from my side.
Wait. This is not about her. Its about LL.
So LL is a support group of people who would come together and talk about their issues. Even if one of us can find solution, find peace, find solace in the group, I think I would have achieved the purpose.
So, if you are a lover at large, you know who to talk to. My doors and mailboxes and ears are always open!
Tall claim of the day
I just read about this Sci-Fi author called John Scalzi. Apparently, he has written EVERY day on his blog. Since 1998. Wow! I mean I dont even know how many years is that. And how many posts would that translate into. And how many great, good, bad, stupid ideas would that mean!
And here I am, proud about the fact that I maintain this blog since 2004. I mean I dont even know what was I upto in 1998. And most of the blog is like rants of a man who is still a 15-year old school girl in his head (aka Drama Queen).
Anyhow, coming back, the tall claim of the day is: Starting today, I shall write on this blog everyday. Everyday. Till the day I die. I mean till the day before I die because I dont think I would have time to update the blog when I die.
And why would I do that?
Few reasons.
A. I owe a lot of good things in my life to this blog and there is no reason gooder things may not happen to me in future, because of this very blog.
B. I love the concept of serendipity. Let me take a longish route to explain this. You see, one may argue that if I were to write everyday, why cant I write on a notepad and keep it in a lock and key. I can't because when things are locked behind a lock and a key (or hidden in a walled garden), those things, those ideas cant have sex with each other. And thus the lucky chance (serendipity) of gooder, better, grander things coming out of this copulation wont exist. And that would be a shame.
C. Most importantly, this gives me a reason to live. I think I have exhausted most of other reasons to live (read #sgMS). I know I ought to survive and provide for my family and all that. But that, that is not the reason why we live. Is it? That's responsibility. That's like being on the lowest ladder of Maslow's chart. I want to be on the top-most ladder. The one where I am self-actualizing. Whatever that means.
There are issues as well.
For example...
A. There would be days (most days) when I wont have anything interesting to say. My posts wont be lucid enough. And who would gives a damn about what an ill-informed, bald, unemployed, old man living in India has to say about things. But then, I have to do this. For no one else but me.
B. Who would read what I write? After all no other human being could be interested in Poker, Writing, Travel, Culture, Marketing, Blogging, Biking, Music, Films, Social Experiments, Money, Investing and a million other things that I typically write about on my blog!
C. Where is the time to write everyday? What if I am travelling? What if I am tired? What if I am not in the mood?
There are more. But then, I dont need to list those down. I know I am going to do this. And no rational reason would stop me from doing so.
So, in the end, I come back to the tall claim of the day: I repeat, starting today, I shall write on this blog everyday.
And here I am, proud about the fact that I maintain this blog since 2004. I mean I dont even know what was I upto in 1998. And most of the blog is like rants of a man who is still a 15-year old school girl in his head (aka Drama Queen).
Anyhow, coming back, the tall claim of the day is: Starting today, I shall write on this blog everyday. Everyday. Till the day I die. I mean till the day before I die because I dont think I would have time to update the blog when I die.
And why would I do that?
Few reasons.
A. I owe a lot of good things in my life to this blog and there is no reason gooder things may not happen to me in future, because of this very blog.
B. I love the concept of serendipity. Let me take a longish route to explain this. You see, one may argue that if I were to write everyday, why cant I write on a notepad and keep it in a lock and key. I can't because when things are locked behind a lock and a key (or hidden in a walled garden), those things, those ideas cant have sex with each other. And thus the lucky chance (serendipity) of gooder, better, grander things coming out of this copulation wont exist. And that would be a shame.
C. Most importantly, this gives me a reason to live. I think I have exhausted most of other reasons to live (read #sgMS). I know I ought to survive and provide for my family and all that. But that, that is not the reason why we live. Is it? That's responsibility. That's like being on the lowest ladder of Maslow's chart. I want to be on the top-most ladder. The one where I am self-actualizing. Whatever that means.
There are issues as well.
For example...
A. There would be days (most days) when I wont have anything interesting to say. My posts wont be lucid enough. And who would gives a damn about what an ill-informed, bald, unemployed, old man living in India has to say about things. But then, I have to do this. For no one else but me.
B. Who would read what I write? After all no other human being could be interested in Poker, Writing, Travel, Culture, Marketing, Blogging, Biking, Music, Films, Social Experiments, Money, Investing and a million other things that I typically write about on my blog!
C. Where is the time to write everyday? What if I am travelling? What if I am tired? What if I am not in the mood?
There are more. But then, I dont need to list those down. I know I am going to do this. And no rational reason would stop me from doing so.
So, in the end, I come back to the tall claim of the day: I repeat, starting today, I shall write on this blog everyday.
Coming Soon. In Oct 2014.
 |
| Coming Soon!! |
A. I have about two months to get a marketing plan in place.
B. I still have time to get the cover image done the way I want it done. I can now pester friends and strangers alike to help me with the cover. Actually I already did it. Just posted a question on Quora.
C. I have two months to kill. I had thought that I'd start the next one right after the launch. But since the launch is two months away, I can waste time. If I have to publish one book a year, every month counts. And I definitely cant waste two.
D. It give me more jitterbugs in my stomach about how would it do and how would I face audience and critics and all that. I am fearful that people may not like what they read. If that happens, then what? Etc etc.
But all said and done, I can't wait for October. Why? Because #tnks would be out in October! In the meanwhile, if you want, you can help me with tnks!
Originally posted here.
On longing. And separation. And roller coasters.
The last few days weeks months years have been like a roller coaster ride. Actually more than roller coaster, they've been like a ride on the sine curve. No no, a roller coaster. In a sine curve, you can predict the crests and the troughs. And they happen often, with regular frequency. In a roller coaster, you cant predict. You dont know long would the crest last and you never know when would the next crest come.
Thats how my life has been for past few years. Periods of extreme happiness (typically marked by togetherness - crests) and periods of extreme sadness (typically marked by separation - troughs) dotted by things in between (typically marked by longing - the slopes).
With time, these crests are getting smaller, troughs are getting larger and slopes are getting infinitely big. And this ladies and gentlemen is what I would talk about tonight. Its going to be a sob story. So please indulge.
So thing is, I am an adult. I am old by ALL benchmarks. Its been years since someone has called me a young man. And no one would ever call me that ever again. Ever. Ok? Ever. And with each passing day, the amount of time I have left on Mother Earth is reducing. The amount of time that I could spend with that special someone is reducing by the minute. Every minute I spend away from her, I am wasting that.
Because that's all there is to life. There is no deeper, no higher meaning. We are happy accidents that happened when some chemicals played with others and randomly decided to mate. Or amalgamate. Or whatever. Bottom line, I am old.
And despite being old, I refuse to grow up. I refuse to understand why is it necessary for me get rooted to a place. I like moving around. I love the freedom I have. I am proud that I do not have a predictable schedule. And so on and so forth.
To age, the never-settle-down attitude, add one more thing. The on and off relationship that I have with sgMS.
Remember I spoke about roller coasters in the beginning of this post? The relationship is like the roller-coaster. I enjoy it in general but I think I've had enough of it now. I want to be on a highway. With her ofcourse. Thing is, although everytime I go up, I bloat in the anticipation. Everytime I fall down, I am left moaning in agony and everytime I am on the slope, I glow in anticipation. But I think I've had enough of excitement. Everytime I roll down a peak, I almost fall off. It takes serious effort to cling on. And I try to. But I dont know how long would I be able to do so!
Thats how my life has been for past few years. Periods of extreme happiness (typically marked by togetherness - crests) and periods of extreme sadness (typically marked by separation - troughs) dotted by things in between (typically marked by longing - the slopes).
With time, these crests are getting smaller, troughs are getting larger and slopes are getting infinitely big. And this ladies and gentlemen is what I would talk about tonight. Its going to be a sob story. So please indulge.
So thing is, I am an adult. I am old by ALL benchmarks. Its been years since someone has called me a young man. And no one would ever call me that ever again. Ever. Ok? Ever. And with each passing day, the amount of time I have left on Mother Earth is reducing. The amount of time that I could spend with that special someone is reducing by the minute. Every minute I spend away from her, I am wasting that.
Because that's all there is to life. There is no deeper, no higher meaning. We are happy accidents that happened when some chemicals played with others and randomly decided to mate. Or amalgamate. Or whatever. Bottom line, I am old.
And despite being old, I refuse to grow up. I refuse to understand why is it necessary for me get rooted to a place. I like moving around. I love the freedom I have. I am proud that I do not have a predictable schedule. And so on and so forth.
To age, the never-settle-down attitude, add one more thing. The on and off relationship that I have with sgMS.
Remember I spoke about roller coasters in the beginning of this post? The relationship is like the roller-coaster. I enjoy it in general but I think I've had enough of it now. I want to be on a highway. With her ofcourse. Thing is, although everytime I go up, I bloat in the anticipation. Everytime I fall down, I am left moaning in agony and everytime I am on the slope, I glow in anticipation. But I think I've had enough of excitement. Everytime I roll down a peak, I almost fall off. It takes serious effort to cling on. And I try to. But I dont know how long would I be able to do so!
The last 12 months
Its been a year since I quit working full-time.
And its been a fast road down hill since then. Actually no. The year's been really interesting and while I have had a lot of lows, I did have some ups. I thought may be I would make a list. So, in bullet points, in the last 12 months, I...
And its been a fast road down hill since then. Actually no. The year's been really interesting and while I have had a lot of lows, I did have some ups. I thought may be I would make a list. So, in bullet points, in the last 12 months, I...
- finished working on my first book, The Nidhi Kapoor Story (tnks.in and FB page). To be honest I could've done this by March if I was disciplined but then this is the first one and I promise that the next one would be fast. The book should be out by end of August if not sooner.
- traveled to 10 or so countries. Out of these trips, two were with friends (roadtrip across US and backpacking in EU), few were to play poker at casinos (Macau, SL) and rest were work (I still freelance for my ex-employer). There is still 5 months and I hope I get to travel more. Universe, are you listening?
- fell in love all over again. With who else but #sgMS. Yeah, again.
- met a few super duper amazing kind people who have helped me without any ulterior motive or hopes of personal gains. If not for these people, I would've found is extremely hard to even pay my bills.
- learnt and forgot Yoga. I did that to lose weight and it did work. But I lack the discipline to work on it regularly. I think its just too boring. If it were a little more interesting, I would've totally done it. Its wonderful and I could see change in just two months. Wish I had the patience.
- started jogging. I suffer from a condition that prohibits me from running. But what the hell. I will. And I am doing it. I dont enjoy it to be honest but its like a bitter pill that I need to swallow to be able to do well with other things.
- spent everything that I had saved since I started earning. As I write this, my bank balance is so low that I am officially below the poverty line. I am using my credit card to pay my rent. In fact, I got this reminder one fine morning that I have all of Rs. 0.50 to my name. On a side note, do you want to hire me?
- took on and survived the April A2Z challenge. You must try this if you like writing.
- learnt that I am not as great as I think I am. This primarily happened because no one has shown any willingness to hire me. I can claim that I am being choosy and all that but still.
- realized that world is not a fair place and is full of opportunists, small and insecure people. Do read # 4 again please.
- shut down the business that I had started with a few friends.
- ignored this blog (comparatively)
- reduced the amount of time I spend on things like FB and twitter. Initially, I missed the excitement of people wanting to talk to you because you were so active on the Internet. But now, I think I like that I spend more time offline.
And I think this periodic review is a good idea. I just ought to take it seriously. I tried monthly reports for a while but it was too tedious and it wasn't fun. So I abandoned it. However, while working on this, I had to go back in time to see the pictures of the trips I've been on, the the kind of things I posted on my blogs, the kind of emails I exchanged with friends, family and it was fun. May be an yearly thing makes sense!
But before that, in the next 12 months, I ought to write yet another book, find a naukri that allows me to save some money, buy a car and hopefully, get together with sgMS.
P.S.: Need to work on a deck, tentatively titled, In last 12 months, that would have be like a pictorial presentation of things that I did in the last 12 months. In terms of a sneak peak, here is a screenshot.
.jpg) |
| Notification from my bank about a mini-fortune that I've saved with them! |
Perils of Plastic
Ever since I got a Credit Card (which took considerable effort to acquire despite my fancy MBA degree and long illustrious career), my relationship with money has changed.
Let me dive into history. Please indulge me.
There was a time not too long in past when every rupee I spent, I took from my ma. Even though I was gainfully employed, I liked asking her for money. I'd withdraw a chunk of cash and give her and then I'd ask her for money as and when I needed to spend. I loved it. And I think she liked it as well that I asked her for money. After all when I was still a student, she was the one who handed me my pocket money that was so so dear to me. Every rupee that I got from her was precious. It was hard earned and everytime I spent it, I could see the balance with me dwindling. I had to make tons of sacrifices to be able to ensure that the money I got from her lasted me some time before I spread my palms in front of her.
Now, that I am jobless and away from home (home is where ma and pa are, and some day #sgMS would be), I dont really keep a lot of cash handy. There is no incentive to make those trips to the ATM. There is no one to give money to. As a result I rely more and more on plastic money. My credit card. The one that took effort to acquire. Add on top of it the ubiquity and ease of swiping machines, even with courier companies. Everytime I spent more than a 100 bucks, I would use the card. Suddenly from the actual quantum of money going from my pocket, I was now merely swiping a plastic card through a machine and the transaction would happen. Gone was the need to run to ma or ATM. Convenience, I tell you.
And, and, ever since the proliferation of things like flipkart, cleartrip and amazon, I have this new shiny instrument. Online banking. Where I dont even touch plastic or coins or notes. Its amazing. All I do is enter a number and the transaction is done. Its fast, smooth and intuitive. In my sleep I can rattle the card numbers, security keys and passwords. And I can use it for large transactions. And unlike physical currency that went from my pocket or a mechanical swipe of the plastic, everything happens without a physical interface. What else could you ask for in life! The future of payments could be that I walk to a Starbucks counter, point at the coffee I want and just nod at the cash register. Money would automatically deduce from my profile that Starbucks has that is linked to the movement of my retina (indicating a yes for expense) enabled by a NFC between a kiosk at Starbucks and my phone.
Funny how fast this world of payments and transactions is changing!
So, to summarize, from spending money by hand to swiping a piece of plastic to merely disturbing a few electrons, I have changed the way I (and the world around me) spend(s) money.
Money, to me is now largely a number that rests in an account (which is yet another number). I cant see it. I cant touch it. I cant fathom how little or how much do I have. Its a damn number. And like all numbers, without context, it has no meaning. Maths is boring like that.
If I had 10 lakhs in coins, I am assuming it would be like a river of coins that Uncle Scrooge could take a dip in. If I had it in notes, the wad could be a thick like a book. But on a fuzzy webpage, it looks like a number to me. Every time I spend some money, say 10 bucks, since there is no physical contact involved, I dont realize that I've spent it. All I see is the number reducing from 1000000 to 999990. To me, this small reduction in number is not big. And before I know it, all these small reductions make a considerable dent in the stack. All without me realizing it. Without an inflow, the bucket could soon run dry with these small leaks!
The only way out is to go back to the dark ages of cash and budgets. Stop using the numbers and plastic and start handing notes and coins. Even if it means carrying a thick wallet around. At least I would know what I am spending on and I would know where is the money going.
Starting today, I am going to use lot more cash. A smallChange that would help me get frugal (until I become filthy rich).
P.S.: There are apparent advantages of using plastic. I dont have to lug around a lot of cash. I dont have to worry about running out of it and finding ATMs. I earn points that I could redeem to book free tickets to places that I want to visit. I get discounts at places where these credit card companies have tieups at. I get a monthly printed account statement that tells me where all I've spent my money at! And so on and so forth. But, but, I end up spending lot more than I ought to (or want to) spend. I have to control it. Somehow!
Notes to Self
Let me dive into history. Please indulge me.
There was a time not too long in past when every rupee I spent, I took from my ma. Even though I was gainfully employed, I liked asking her for money. I'd withdraw a chunk of cash and give her and then I'd ask her for money as and when I needed to spend. I loved it. And I think she liked it as well that I asked her for money. After all when I was still a student, she was the one who handed me my pocket money that was so so dear to me. Every rupee that I got from her was precious. It was hard earned and everytime I spent it, I could see the balance with me dwindling. I had to make tons of sacrifices to be able to ensure that the money I got from her lasted me some time before I spread my palms in front of her.
Now, that I am jobless and away from home (home is where ma and pa are, and some day #sgMS would be), I dont really keep a lot of cash handy. There is no incentive to make those trips to the ATM. There is no one to give money to. As a result I rely more and more on plastic money. My credit card. The one that took effort to acquire. Add on top of it the ubiquity and ease of swiping machines, even with courier companies. Everytime I spent more than a 100 bucks, I would use the card. Suddenly from the actual quantum of money going from my pocket, I was now merely swiping a plastic card through a machine and the transaction would happen. Gone was the need to run to ma or ATM. Convenience, I tell you.
And, and, ever since the proliferation of things like flipkart, cleartrip and amazon, I have this new shiny instrument. Online banking. Where I dont even touch plastic or coins or notes. Its amazing. All I do is enter a number and the transaction is done. Its fast, smooth and intuitive. In my sleep I can rattle the card numbers, security keys and passwords. And I can use it for large transactions. And unlike physical currency that went from my pocket or a mechanical swipe of the plastic, everything happens without a physical interface. What else could you ask for in life! The future of payments could be that I walk to a Starbucks counter, point at the coffee I want and just nod at the cash register. Money would automatically deduce from my profile that Starbucks has that is linked to the movement of my retina (indicating a yes for expense) enabled by a NFC between a kiosk at Starbucks and my phone.
Funny how fast this world of payments and transactions is changing!
So, to summarize, from spending money by hand to swiping a piece of plastic to merely disturbing a few electrons, I have changed the way I (and the world around me) spend(s) money.
Money, to me is now largely a number that rests in an account (which is yet another number). I cant see it. I cant touch it. I cant fathom how little or how much do I have. Its a damn number. And like all numbers, without context, it has no meaning. Maths is boring like that.
If I had 10 lakhs in coins, I am assuming it would be like a river of coins that Uncle Scrooge could take a dip in. If I had it in notes, the wad could be a thick like a book. But on a fuzzy webpage, it looks like a number to me. Every time I spend some money, say 10 bucks, since there is no physical contact involved, I dont realize that I've spent it. All I see is the number reducing from 1000000 to 999990. To me, this small reduction in number is not big. And before I know it, all these small reductions make a considerable dent in the stack. All without me realizing it. Without an inflow, the bucket could soon run dry with these small leaks!
The only way out is to go back to the dark ages of cash and budgets. Stop using the numbers and plastic and start handing notes and coins. Even if it means carrying a thick wallet around. At least I would know what I am spending on and I would know where is the money going.
Starting today, I am going to use lot more cash. A smallChange that would help me get frugal (until I become filthy rich).
P.S.: There are apparent advantages of using plastic. I dont have to lug around a lot of cash. I dont have to worry about running out of it and finding ATMs. I earn points that I could redeem to book free tickets to places that I want to visit. I get discounts at places where these credit card companies have tieups at. I get a monthly printed account statement that tells me where all I've spent my money at! And so on and so forth. But, but, I end up spending lot more than I ought to (or want to) spend. I have to control it. Somehow!
Notes to Self
- Read the difference between "which" and "that"
- Restart thinking / working on frugal life
I am back!
I am back!
Where did I go you may ask? Somewhere. Someplace. Here and there. At a place where I was away from a computer. I did have internet but it was on a handheld and since I am too lazy to type on a handheld, however convenient it may be, I didn't really write.
So I was away for a large part of a month and when I came back, I realized that nothing had changed. True that the Football World Cup fever had engulfed everyone alive and eyebrows were raised on Mr. Modi's first budget and a few countries were fighting with each other over petty things. But apart from that nothing of consequence happened. Its like that slow and steady chipping on a rock where you chip away the edges so slow that you cant perceive. And after a while, the rock takes an entirely new shape.
Looking at things around me, I think everything is like that damn rock, taking newer shapes with time, without me noticing. Everything, from the world at large to things like relationships, people, thoughts, everything is changing. Slowly, imperceptibly, gradually. It it. does. It has. It will.
And there is nothing that I or anyone else could do about it.
Anyhow, in other news, the edit on the book is done. I need to re-write some part and I am hoping to get it done within a week or so. And hopefully, the book would be out by July.
The big new, I have started working on the next one. So far, the plot is hazy but like #tnks, I hope to write the first draft by end of the year (2014). And then I'd take it up from there.
And, and I need to find a naukri. I got this SMS in the morning from my bank that said that the bank balance is Rs. 0.50. Egads! Need to work on that. Have had enough with living on udhaar. Need to do something about it. Like Now! But, before that, let me go write some.
And until, next time!
P.S.: Like multiple times in the past, I promise to be regular with blogging.
Where did I go you may ask? Somewhere. Someplace. Here and there. At a place where I was away from a computer. I did have internet but it was on a handheld and since I am too lazy to type on a handheld, however convenient it may be, I didn't really write.
So I was away for a large part of a month and when I came back, I realized that nothing had changed. True that the Football World Cup fever had engulfed everyone alive and eyebrows were raised on Mr. Modi's first budget and a few countries were fighting with each other over petty things. But apart from that nothing of consequence happened. Its like that slow and steady chipping on a rock where you chip away the edges so slow that you cant perceive. And after a while, the rock takes an entirely new shape.
Looking at things around me, I think everything is like that damn rock, taking newer shapes with time, without me noticing. Everything, from the world at large to things like relationships, people, thoughts, everything is changing. Slowly, imperceptibly, gradually. It it. does. It has. It will.
And there is nothing that I or anyone else could do about it.
Anyhow, in other news, the edit on the book is done. I need to re-write some part and I am hoping to get it done within a week or so. And hopefully, the book would be out by July.
The big new, I have started working on the next one. So far, the plot is hazy but like #tnks, I hope to write the first draft by end of the year (2014). And then I'd take it up from there.
And, and I need to find a naukri. I got this SMS in the morning from my bank that said that the bank balance is Rs. 0.50. Egads! Need to work on that. Have had enough with living on udhaar. Need to do something about it. Like Now! But, before that, let me go write some.
And until, next time!
P.S.: Like multiple times in the past, I promise to be regular with blogging.
On the road...
I'd be on the road for the next 18 or so days.
I may come back with the idea for the next book, or may be a collection of short stories. Or nothing at all. That's the point of travel. Right? When you just leave without an agenda?
I may come back with the idea for the next book, or may be a collection of short stories. Or nothing at all. That's the point of travel. Right? When you just leave without an agenda?
Dear sgMS
Dear sgMS,
Its been some time that I've written into you. Today is as good a day as any to do so. And here I am. Actually, to be honest, today, I am missing you so so so much more than other days. I dont know why. I know I have promised in the past that I would try to move on. I tried to. You know it. But I cant. No, you are not to blame.
So I am going away for three weeks. I wont have access to email or phone and I wont know how to stalk you. Good thing is that I would be with someone who I can confide in. So may be I wont crave for you as much. But then may be I would. Yeah yeah I am an indecisive fuck. I dont know what I want and I dont know how to get it.
Once I am back, please grant me darshan. Its been some time that I've met you. No?
In the meanwhile, stay good. Stay happy.
Love,
SG
Its been some time that I've written into you. Today is as good a day as any to do so. And here I am. Actually, to be honest, today, I am missing you so so so much more than other days. I dont know why. I know I have promised in the past that I would try to move on. I tried to. You know it. But I cant. No, you are not to blame.
So I am going away for three weeks. I wont have access to email or phone and I wont know how to stalk you. Good thing is that I would be with someone who I can confide in. So may be I wont crave for you as much. But then may be I would. Yeah yeah I am an indecisive fuck. I dont know what I want and I dont know how to get it.
Once I am back, please grant me darshan. Its been some time that I've met you. No?
In the meanwhile, stay good. Stay happy.
Love,
SG
Tumko Dekha To Ye Khayal
What do you do on a Sunday evening when you are randomly depressed? You turn onto youtube and hunt for some nice interesting mushy music. And that's when you stumble onto Jagjit Singh singing Tumko Dekha To Ye Khayal Aaya.
This has to be amongst the best written AND performed love songs of all time. All time. Here. Enjoy it. I would some day, write a longer post about this.
Here is the lyrics...
Tumako dekha, to yeh khayaal aaya
Jindagi dhoop tum ghana saaya
Aaj phir dil ne ik tamanna ki
Aaj phir dil ko hamane samjhaaya
Tumako dekha to yeh khayaal aaya
Tum chale jaaoge toh sochenge
Hamane kya khoya hamane kya paaya
Tumako dekha to yeh khayaal aaya
Hum jise gunguna nahi sakate
Waqt ne aisa geet kyun gaaya
Tumako dekha to yeh khayaal aaya
Dear Gloria Jeans Coffee
Dear Gloria Jeans Coffee,
Thank you. Thank you for being rude to my friends and me. Thank you for telling us to leave your store unless we ordered "once every hour". Thank you for breaking all faith, all trust that you had earned over the years.
I know that you are in the business of selling (often overpriced) beverages and (often bad quality) food to (often) unsuspecting patrons like myself. No, I dont blame you. You are not alone. There are multiple businesses offering exact same thing. In fact one of them is headed towards an IPO! After all the incomes are rising, people have money to spend and we Indians love to go out. I also know that the business requires people to spend long hours and order these beverages and keep the cash register ringing. I also know that there are people like me who sit at your air-conditioned cafes for long hours and keep otherpatrons customers away.
But then, if the entire cafe was empty and were not preventing any other customers from occupying those empty places. We were not loud. We were not rude. We were not out of place. We merely wanted to sit for sometime to make a presentation that we could take to an investor and raise money for our business. If we could sit, finish the deck and got the money, you could have been part of our story. Just like Starbucks is a part of my first book. Dear Gloria Jeans, you lost the opportunity. In fact, if I dont get the required money from the prospective investor, like a sore loser, I could blame you. No?
You know, I am not really out of place. Between the three of my friends we had ordered food and beverages worth 1200 bucks. Despite that, is it right for you to ask us to "order something once every hour?" May be it is. The place where I come from, we often say, "atithi devo bhava," the guest is like a God. May be you guys are different.
To be honest, your barista was really courteous during the entire episode. When we asked him why, he told us that "he is questioned" if we sat "idle" and "without a drink" in front of us. Company policy. Sigh! You know Gloria Jeans dear, more businesses have had to shut shop because of these company policies than any other reason.
Of course its your premises and you have the right to refuse admission. But did you refuse admission? No. Did you refuse to serve me? No. Did you throw me out once I gave you money? Yes! At least thats how I felt. And no, I am not exaggerating. And I am not the kinds to crib and rant about businesses unless something really ticks me off. You have ticked me off.
You know, I may not be a celebrity and I definitely don't have access to television and other such large mediums. And one irate customer cant really do much. Too small and too insignificant. But I can ensure that I never spend any money at any of your outlets anymore. And I can urge all my friends to not visit a Gloria Jeans. Not in Mumbai. Not in India. Not anywhere in the world.
I know, I am too small, too insignificant in the large scheme of things. But then, like Pink Floyd says, we're all just another brick in the ball.
No?
Anyhow, all the best for your future endeavors. To me it looks bleak. But I have been wrong in the past. I sincerely hope this time I am not.
Regards,
A regular patron who will not spend any money at any of your stores anytime soon.
Thank you. Thank you for being rude to my friends and me. Thank you for telling us to leave your store unless we ordered "once every hour". Thank you for breaking all faith, all trust that you had earned over the years.
I know that you are in the business of selling (often overpriced) beverages and (often bad quality) food to (often) unsuspecting patrons like myself. No, I dont blame you. You are not alone. There are multiple businesses offering exact same thing. In fact one of them is headed towards an IPO! After all the incomes are rising, people have money to spend and we Indians love to go out. I also know that the business requires people to spend long hours and order these beverages and keep the cash register ringing. I also know that there are people like me who sit at your air-conditioned cafes for long hours and keep other
But then, if the entire cafe was empty and were not preventing any other customers from occupying those empty places. We were not loud. We were not rude. We were not out of place. We merely wanted to sit for sometime to make a presentation that we could take to an investor and raise money for our business. If we could sit, finish the deck and got the money, you could have been part of our story. Just like Starbucks is a part of my first book. Dear Gloria Jeans, you lost the opportunity. In fact, if I dont get the required money from the prospective investor, like a sore loser, I could blame you. No?
You know, I am not really out of place. Between the three of my friends we had ordered food and beverages worth 1200 bucks. Despite that, is it right for you to ask us to "order something once every hour?" May be it is. The place where I come from, we often say, "atithi devo bhava," the guest is like a God. May be you guys are different.
To be honest, your barista was really courteous during the entire episode. When we asked him why, he told us that "he is questioned" if we sat "idle" and "without a drink" in front of us. Company policy. Sigh! You know Gloria Jeans dear, more businesses have had to shut shop because of these company policies than any other reason.
Of course its your premises and you have the right to refuse admission. But did you refuse admission? No. Did you refuse to serve me? No. Did you throw me out once I gave you money? Yes! At least thats how I felt. And no, I am not exaggerating. And I am not the kinds to crib and rant about businesses unless something really ticks me off. You have ticked me off.
You know, I may not be a celebrity and I definitely don't have access to television and other such large mediums. And one irate customer cant really do much. Too small and too insignificant. But I can ensure that I never spend any money at any of your outlets anymore. And I can urge all my friends to not visit a Gloria Jeans. Not in Mumbai. Not in India. Not anywhere in the world.
I know, I am too small, too insignificant in the large scheme of things. But then, like Pink Floyd says, we're all just another brick in the ball.
No?
Anyhow, all the best for your future endeavors. To me it looks bleak. But I have been wrong in the past. I sincerely hope this time I am not.
Regards,
A regular patron who will not spend any money at any of your stores anytime soon.
Soul searching 102
There is no place in the world for jack of all trades. At least not in India. Everyone wants to hire an expert. Someone who's been there and done that. Someone who thinks in a silo. Someone who has never dared to venture out of their comfort zone. Someone who's a conformist.
Sorry to say but the world (at least the bit around me) does not reward the ones who try things. Its like a negative spiral. You fall into once and you can never come up again!
Of course I chasehappiness happyness all the time. But right now, this part, this part of being fucked up, sucks like hell. Need to find a way out. Soon.
Sorry to say but the world (at least the bit around me) does not reward the ones who try things. Its like a negative spiral. You fall into once and you can never come up again!
So, you see, I can crib. Crib for like ten hours. For ever if I have to. About how tough I am finding to find a naukri. I always thought that with my (almost) fancy degree, it would be a walk in the park, in any kind of economic environment, anywhere in the world. But now I realize how wrong was I. I have never been more wrong. So wrong that I am left in the lurch. Lurch may be too harsh. But I am definitely not happy.
But like most experiences, this one has taught me a few things. Here is a list...
1. When you are falling, you fall like a hot knife through butter. You just go through everything between you and rockbottom. Its thin air and you fall fast. I went from extreme happiness and carelessness to bouts of anxiety in less than two weeks. All this when my first book is almost ready to hit the market.
2. You are alone. And like Steve says, you're naked. There may be God but he has his funny ways. I am not fond of him anyhow. Apart from you, no one else loses sleep over what you're going through. They may want to, but they cant. Sleep is like that monster that makes everyone a slave.
3. You are not anyone else's priority. Everyone would want to help, commit to help but help would be half-measures. Not because they dont like you. Not because they dont want to help you. But because they have other priorities. And you're second-fiddle at best. In fact I can put myself in others' shoes. How often has someone asked for my help and how many times did I actually help em? not enough! You reap what you sow. So may be, going forward, will help as many people as I can.
4. Dont take things for granted. I have been a happy-go-lucky dude all my life. So much so when people around me were buying houses and cars and making millions of rupees in their cushy jobs, I would laugh it out loud. Now, for some reason, it has started to suck. The dwindling bank balance has started to bother. Not being able to pay for drinks and food when you step out, it sucks. Everyone, including friends and family, treating you like a liability is even worse. Again, its about you. You being alone. And all that.
5. The world around me is transactional. You give me something and I would give you something back. And everyone wants to emerge as a winner. On top. Nothing wrong with it. Darwin knew this long before any of us could even comprehend. Either you fight and you come on top. Or you slither away to obscurity.
6. If you are nobody, nobody wants to talk to you. Not friends, not neighbors, not strangers, not prospective dates. Not prospective employers. When I had a naukri, I would regularly get calls from everyone wanting to hire me. And since I've been in the job market, no one wants to hire me! Sigh!
So.. What else? I dont know. I mean I know but I am not going to talk about it here. May be on the secret blog. Or evernote.
Yeah. This is it. For the time being. Of course all these are first-world issues. Since I've been blesseed Lets see how many of these sessions can I do before I either succumb to pressure. Or find a way out. Either way, this will stop. In the words of Chris, this part of my life, I call it "internship being fucked up in my head."
4. Dont take things for granted. I have been a happy-go-lucky dude all my life. So much so when people around me were buying houses and cars and making millions of rupees in their cushy jobs, I would laugh it out loud. Now, for some reason, it has started to suck. The dwindling bank balance has started to bother. Not being able to pay for drinks and food when you step out, it sucks. Everyone, including friends and family, treating you like a liability is even worse. Again, its about you. You being alone. And all that.
5. The world around me is transactional. You give me something and I would give you something back. And everyone wants to emerge as a winner. On top. Nothing wrong with it. Darwin knew this long before any of us could even comprehend. Either you fight and you come on top. Or you slither away to obscurity.
6. If you are nobody, nobody wants to talk to you. Not friends, not neighbors, not strangers, not prospective dates. Not prospective employers. When I had a naukri, I would regularly get calls from everyone wanting to hire me. And since I've been in the job market, no one wants to hire me! Sigh!
So.. What else? I dont know. I mean I know but I am not going to talk about it here. May be on the secret blog. Or evernote.
Yeah. This is it. For the time being. Of course all these are first-world issues. Since I've been blesseed Lets see how many of these sessions can I do before I either succumb to pressure. Or find a way out. Either way, this will stop. In the words of Chris, this part of my life, I call it "
Of course I chase
Hope I dont forget these. Once I get a place of my own, this is something that I would pin to my board for sure.
P.S.: Here is Soul searching 101.
P.S.: Here is Soul searching 101.
Monthly Report - May 2014
The fifth month of the year is gone. Here is the update.
Here are the thing that I did in this month
Here are the thing that I did in this month
- #tnks was accepted by Grapevine. This means that I will be a published author in a few months. Yay!
- Had a net black month with poker. Hope to continue the run in June.
- Still jobless. Like I was in May. And the months before that. I am looking for a naukri that gives me some money and some time. If you know of places that want to hire someone with 8 years of work-ex post MBA, please let me know. Some of my details are on my linkedin profile. I did interview at a few places and I now know how it feels to be on the asking side.
- Launched onWriting.in. I dont know where would it end but I like what I've done with it. People have already said that its helpful for struggling writers. So a minor victory there!
- I am traveling for almost 10 days in June. So I have like 20 days. In these 20 days, two key things would be onWriting.in and tnks' edit.
- If I get time, I want to do things for Feb, Mar, Apr (
sellgiveaway sgElectra, work on Cpt Obv, ISIN and next plot) - Clear Evernote.
- #poker. See all of grisped on youtube.
- #36to30. I am done with Yoga. I would restart once I find a naukri. Meanwhile, I am trying to walk 10000 steps everyday. I post my progress here.
Hello Grapevine India!
First posted at tnks blog.
I am so so happy and so so proud to announce that The Nidhi Kapoor Story (web, facebook) has been accepted by Grapevine India. If all goes well from here on, we are looking at releasing the book by August of this year.
Its a big big moment. And I am totally excited about it.
Publishing a book has been on my bucket list for longest time ever. Took me some time but its here. Of course a lot of people have helped me do this. I am grateful for having access to such great people.
I may argue that its the end of a long-cherished and a long-held dream. But honestly, I think its just the beginning. Now that I have gone through the grind of writing a full-length story, there is no way I am going to stop now.
#tnks would be the first in a long line of books that I would eventually write and publish. To be honest, I already have a list of ideas and plots that I want to extend into books. Of course a travel book (another thing from my bucket list) is up on the cards. I intend to start with the next one in September (when I take my week off). But, for the time being, I want to focus on #tnks and creating a kickass book that people enjoy reading.
I sincerely hope that you'd like it and #tnks would be worth your time and money. This is what you can expect from #tnks.
Oh, I need all the help that I can get. It could come in shape of pre-orders, marketing ideas, distribution ideas, contacts of other people who may help. If you think you can help me, please add your name to the form below and I would be in touch.
You may alternatively click on this link to fill details later.
Thanks!
Soul searching 101
Since I quit last year, I have been on soul-searching ride. I am trying to understand where I come from and what is my purpose. Why did Mother Nature create me and why did She make me the way I am.
Of course the answers are not easy and I am definitely not the working hard kinds. I want to enjoy life as it comes and I dont like to plan ahead.
But then, Mother Nature and Providence has their funny ways. Since its been almost a year now, the money that I had saved is running out fast. And once I realized that I was running out of money, I thought I needed to findmeaningful employment.
And this is when the real stirring of mind happened. This is when soul-searching happened. Of course I am no where close to finding the meaning of life but stirring and soul-searching is a painful process. I now know the agony and despair of a man with limited means. I now understand where why they do things they do. I know what it is like when dreams get shattered. I appreciate the lyrics of Bawra Man and genius of Swanand Kirkire. The poets and writers and speakers and thinkers and other such people, respect!
Thing with searching for a naukri is that you need to shed all your clothes and stand naked. Naked to the mercy of things and people and situations that are beyond your control. You need to pimp yourself. You need to ask for favours. You need to glorify your microscopic achievements. You need to think of things that would make your noticeable, even when you dont want to be noticed. And you need to do it all the time. Say after day. Application after application. Recruiter after recruiter. Till you are either tired of it. Or someone takes mercy on you!
You have to bare your soul and lay it on a platter to the person on the other side. You then hope like hell that they like what you have offered. After the interaction, if that happens, there is this agonizing period where you wait for the other party to come back with their decision.
If the decision is not in your favor, more often than not, the other party does not bother to inform you. You are left to fend for yourself. The wait that was supposed to end in a few days extends into weeks and then eventually months. You, as an applicant, go through various emotions. From hope and expectation (of getting a naukri) to reason (they may be late because they may be stuck) to denial (how can they reject me or I didnt want to join anyway) to anger (I hate the company) to despair (damn, money is running out). Each of these emotions peel yet another layer from your onion-like soul.
However, the good part is that this experience of knocking on doors, both open and close, both known and unknown, both friendly and hostile, is priming me for the next big task ahead of me. I guess it would require even more stirring, more anxious nights, more heartburn. The one where I am supposed to talk about my upcoming book to everyone in the world. Did you like it on Facebook yet?
Disclaimer
Of course all these are applicable to someone like me. Mediocre, average, nothing great to boast of, no awards, no concrete output, lack of social skills, stubborn and all that! The ones on the other end, the ones who are in demand, must have a different experience altogether. That of ecstasy, elation, happiness and pride. I dont know how that works. I may, sometime in future. But not right now.
Of course the answers are not easy and I am definitely not the working hard kinds. I want to enjoy life as it comes and I dont like to plan ahead.
But then, Mother Nature and Providence has their funny ways. Since its been almost a year now, the money that I had saved is running out fast. And once I realized that I was running out of money, I thought I needed to find
And this is when the real stirring of mind happened. This is when soul-searching happened. Of course I am no where close to finding the meaning of life but stirring and soul-searching is a painful process. I now know the agony and despair of a man with limited means. I now understand where why they do things they do. I know what it is like when dreams get shattered. I appreciate the lyrics of Bawra Man and genius of Swanand Kirkire. The poets and writers and speakers and thinkers and other such people, respect!
Thing with searching for a naukri is that you need to shed all your clothes and stand naked. Naked to the mercy of things and people and situations that are beyond your control. You need to pimp yourself. You need to ask for favours. You need to glorify your microscopic achievements. You need to think of things that would make your noticeable, even when you dont want to be noticed. And you need to do it all the time. Say after day. Application after application. Recruiter after recruiter. Till you are either tired of it. Or someone takes mercy on you!
You have to bare your soul and lay it on a platter to the person on the other side. You then hope like hell that they like what you have offered. After the interaction, if that happens, there is this agonizing period where you wait for the other party to come back with their decision.
If the decision is not in your favor, more often than not, the other party does not bother to inform you. You are left to fend for yourself. The wait that was supposed to end in a few days extends into weeks and then eventually months. You, as an applicant, go through various emotions. From hope and expectation (of getting a naukri) to reason (they may be late because they may be stuck) to denial (how can they reject me or I didnt want to join anyway) to anger (I hate the company) to despair (damn, money is running out). Each of these emotions peel yet another layer from your onion-like soul.
However, the good part is that this experience of knocking on doors, both open and close, both known and unknown, both friendly and hostile, is priming me for the next big task ahead of me. I guess it would require even more stirring, more anxious nights, more heartburn. The one where I am supposed to talk about my upcoming book to everyone in the world. Did you like it on Facebook yet?
Disclaimer
Of course all these are applicable to someone like me. Mediocre, average, nothing great to boast of, no awards, no concrete output, lack of social skills, stubborn and all that! The ones on the other end, the ones who are in demand, must have a different experience altogether. That of ecstasy, elation, happiness and pride. I dont know how that works. I may, sometime in future. But not right now.
Lean Mean Fighting Machine
 |
| 27 May 2014 |
A. The Nidhi Kapoor Story (website, 200+ likes on fb)
B. 30"
That's all. Nothing else is important. I dont want anything else from 2014.
Money, fame, love, #sgMS, cars, travel, comfort, chase of the new new thing, plans to take over the world, bucket list, ride to Leh, long-distance cross-country rides, serial murders, financial wizardry, Priyanka Chopra, awards, conversations, coffee with Karan, 100 likes on a FB post, 10,000 twitter followers, houses, writing for magazines etc could wait. The two things, A and B, cant.
So, A, the book, is done. The goal was to get a book published this year. And I think I am comfortable on that front right now. Its now on a publisher's desk. The ball is not in my court. I am waiting for the publisher to look at it and tell me if its good enough to be out in the market. Lets see how that goes. There's this calm on that front. There's nothing that I can do about it. I mean I can send it to more publishers but someone has shown faith in me and I need to stick with them. Its all about faith and its about people. Right?
On the other, B, 30", I am actually worse off than I was when I started. The goal for the year was to reduce my girth to 30" (from the current 36"). I even waged an iPhone with a friend. So thanks to this bet, I did make a good start. I joined yoga classes and actually enjoyed the time I spent there. I was even regular with it. As side-effect, I started to notice what I ate and I lost more inches. I walked 10 000 steps most days and it showed. I almost became a lean mean fighting machine. No no, kidding. Not the machine but I did lose weight and I did enjoy while it lasted.
But in last month or so, I have lost all the progress I made over the last few months. I am as fat as I was at the end of the last year. I am as lethargic. I am as lazy. I am unhealthy and I know it. And worse, I dont know how to fix it. I mean I can. All it needs is 10 000 steps everyday. No? I plan to start all of it again soon. May be once I get a naukri. Wait a minute. What soon? Why not today? And now?
So right after I hit the publish button, I'd go for my 10 000 steps. And once I am back, I will update this post with the screenshot of my 10 000 steps for the day. And I'd do it tomorrow. And day after. And the day after that. Till I am back to being the lean mean fighting machine!
P.S.: I just hope that the battery in the phone lasts that long!
Update. I did about 4.5K steps. I just couldnt go any more. A start none the less.
How to? For the lazy ones.
No, you're not the only lazy person that you know of. There are more. So many that there is this entire corner of the world wide web reserved for them. Trust me. Ok dont. But just search for procrastination, getting things done, to-do lists, productivity, life hacking and more. Each sounds like an interesting buzzword with a million interpretations. But all of these are essentially talk to the same set of people. Lazy ones. Like me. Like you.
I have always had a million ideas that could possibly put a ding in the universe. But since I have always been lazy, I never pursued any idea. But with Nidhi Kapoor, somehow I got lucky. Despite my legendary laziness, I could work on it for more than 9 months and actually finish it.
Someone asked me how did I do. And since I am all for sharing, here is a list of things that I did to make it happen.
1. Create a large measurable output.
A novella of 30 posts, each post with 1000 words.
Lose 2 inches in a month. Takes 10000 steps every day.
Money? 10 lakhs a month. Health? 6 packs. Travel? 100 counties. So on and so forth.
I try to create a large audacious goal that I want to achieve. And then I try to make it measurable. A goal that is not measurable is not a goal at all. Its just wishful thinking.
2. Divide things into tiny, measurable and tangible goals.
20 minutes of yoga. 1000 words a day. 10000 steps a day. 1 country per month.
Key words are tiny, measurable and tangible. Without these three, all goals are meaningless. There is nothing like "few" or "some". Moment you make a tiny task that has "few" in it, please know that its doomed. It wont happen. I can bet my ass on it.
There's a simple test to know if the goals you set are correct. If you can see, notice and talk about the progress you're making against the goal, you are on track.
For example, over a period of time, 1000 word everyday get compiled into a nice thick book. Use some app on your phone and you would have a nice chart with all the steps you've walked over the days. So on and so forth.
3. Share the large goal and tiny tasks with the world.
Subject yourself to public ridicule.
If possible, get a couple of likeminded people and do it with them. You can write from the comfort of your home. They could walk on a track close to their place. But report to each other. Be each other's boss and subordinate at the same time. Help each other. Remember that standing on the shoulders of giants?
Public ridicule is probably the most powerful motivational force that is ignored. Make a commitment on Facebook and then ask your closest friend to take your happiness on FB if you don't do things. I promise you would do things just to stop your friends from posting things on FB.
If your friends refuse to help you by ridiculing you, I volunteer to do so. What say?
4. Celebrate. Every day and when you achieve the large ultimate goals.
The way daily tiny goals are important, you ought to celebrate the achievement of those goals. For example, everytime I write those 1000 words, I go and buy myself a Diet Coke. You may buy yourself an icecream. Or one hour of Internet. Etc.
Get addicted to these rewards. The goal thus become like a precursor to these rewards. More you crave for the awards, more passionately you'd chase your goals.
Same for that large goal. Make the award so big that you want it at any cost. When I finished my book, I told myself that I would go travel at a firang destination. And I am going in June. Fingers crossed.
Thats it! When you do achieve your goal, do share with me. Would love to see what you cook up!
All the best! And do "like" the FB page for my book ;P Its at facebook.com/TheNidhiKapoorStory.
P.S.: Please note that this is not scientific at all. This is something that has worked for me and may or may not work for you. But do try.
Credits
Thanks to SG26Jul for the idea.
I have always had a million ideas that could possibly put a ding in the universe. But since I have always been lazy, I never pursued any idea. But with Nidhi Kapoor, somehow I got lucky. Despite my legendary laziness, I could work on it for more than 9 months and actually finish it.
Someone asked me how did I do. And since I am all for sharing, here is a list of things that I did to make it happen.
1. Create a large measurable output.
A novella of 30 posts, each post with 1000 words.
Lose 2 inches in a month. Takes 10000 steps every day.
Money? 10 lakhs a month. Health? 6 packs. Travel? 100 counties. So on and so forth.
I try to create a large audacious goal that I want to achieve. And then I try to make it measurable. A goal that is not measurable is not a goal at all. Its just wishful thinking.
2. Divide things into tiny, measurable and tangible goals.
20 minutes of yoga. 1000 words a day. 10000 steps a day. 1 country per month.
Key words are tiny, measurable and tangible. Without these three, all goals are meaningless. There is nothing like "few" or "some". Moment you make a tiny task that has "few" in it, please know that its doomed. It wont happen. I can bet my ass on it.
There's a simple test to know if the goals you set are correct. If you can see, notice and talk about the progress you're making against the goal, you are on track.
For example, over a period of time, 1000 word everyday get compiled into a nice thick book. Use some app on your phone and you would have a nice chart with all the steps you've walked over the days. So on and so forth.
3. Share the large goal and tiny tasks with the world.
Subject yourself to public ridicule.
If possible, get a couple of likeminded people and do it with them. You can write from the comfort of your home. They could walk on a track close to their place. But report to each other. Be each other's boss and subordinate at the same time. Help each other. Remember that standing on the shoulders of giants?
Public ridicule is probably the most powerful motivational force that is ignored. Make a commitment on Facebook and then ask your closest friend to take your happiness on FB if you don't do things. I promise you would do things just to stop your friends from posting things on FB.
If your friends refuse to help you by ridiculing you, I volunteer to do so. What say?
4. Celebrate. Every day and when you achieve the large ultimate goals.
The way daily tiny goals are important, you ought to celebrate the achievement of those goals. For example, everytime I write those 1000 words, I go and buy myself a Diet Coke. You may buy yourself an icecream. Or one hour of Internet. Etc.
Get addicted to these rewards. The goal thus become like a precursor to these rewards. More you crave for the awards, more passionately you'd chase your goals.
Same for that large goal. Make the award so big that you want it at any cost. When I finished my book, I told myself that I would go travel at a firang destination. And I am going in June. Fingers crossed.
Thats it! When you do achieve your goal, do share with me. Would love to see what you cook up!
All the best! And do "like" the FB page for my book ;P Its at facebook.com/TheNidhiKapoorStory.
P.S.: Please note that this is not scientific at all. This is something that has worked for me and may or may not work for you. But do try.
Credits
Thanks to SG26Jul for the idea.
Z. Zone.
This is a part of the April A to Z Challenge. My theme is my Bucket List. Read about it here. Other posts in the A to Z Challenge: Ancient Ruins, Book, Coffee Shop, Date a Supermodel, Entrepreneurship, (Be a) Finisher, Give Away my Wealth, Handle a Baby, Inspire, Jack of all trades, Keep my shirt on, Make a lot of money, No, Off the Grid, Poker, Question Everything, Run a Marathon, Settle in the mountains, Teach, Up in the Air, (Master the) Vedas, War of Words, X-men and Yell out loud. This is the last post in the series.
Z. Z for Zone. In the zone. Perpetually. Zone means flow. Flow means being at the top of the game. Its the mental state where things happen automatically and you dont need to put in effort. Its where you are so immersed in the activity that you lose track of time, effort, energy, money, other considerations.
Imagine a singer practicing for herself. Imagine a gambler winning hand after hand after hand after hand. Imagine a lover trying to woo his love. Or a child trying to erect sand castles on a beach. Think of the arched brows of a sniper trying to take a headshot. Imagine a writer typing away to glory with the din of a coffee shop as the background. A biker on a long unwinding road with the constant hum of the motorcycle underneath him.
That! That is being in the zone. And I want to be in that zone perpetually. If not that, than all the time. And I want to a
There was a time when I could spend hours playing Counter-Strike. I wasnt really good at it but everytime I played, every fucking time I played, I got in the zone. Easy. It was a given that if I fire up a session of CS, Id be in zone. Same when I was a pseudo-coder years back. And when I played Q3A.
After that things changed and I got a college degree. Since then most things I do require me to juggle multiple things at a time. As a result I havent experienced the zone much. Except when I am writing at a Starbucks. Or some other coffee shop. Or a comfortable chair and a table. I am that kind of person. External things are important to me. If they are in place, I can get in zone easy. If they are not, I may try hard but I wont ever go there.
So, since college, its been getting tough and tough to get in the zone. I dont know what to blame it on. One of the things that I want from like is that whatever I do, what I put my hand in, it has to be that immersive that I get in the zone instantly. There were times when I got there while I was working on #tnks. I just need to get more such things going for me. Sad bit is that #tnks would not give me financial independence but if it did, I would it would be a perfect way to live life. Because, thats all there is to life. Zone. And the chase of these zones.
With this, ladies and gentlemen, my stack of posts for a2z2014 is done. Hope you enjoyed reading the posts as much as I enjoyed writing. Took me 5 extra days but it was worth the wait.
Onto the next project. And onto regular blogging with inane updates about tiny things that I like doing.
Z. Z for Zone. In the zone. Perpetually. Zone means flow. Flow means being at the top of the game. Its the mental state where things happen automatically and you dont need to put in effort. Its where you are so immersed in the activity that you lose track of time, effort, energy, money, other considerations.
Imagine a singer practicing for herself. Imagine a gambler winning hand after hand after hand after hand. Imagine a lover trying to woo his love. Or a child trying to erect sand castles on a beach. Think of the arched brows of a sniper trying to take a headshot. Imagine a writer typing away to glory with the din of a coffee shop as the background. A biker on a long unwinding road with the constant hum of the motorcycle underneath him.
That! That is being in the zone. And I want to be in that zone perpetually. If not that, than all the time. And I want to a
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| From the game flOw. If you haven't played this game, you've missed something. |
After that things changed and I got a college degree. Since then most things I do require me to juggle multiple things at a time. As a result I havent experienced the zone much. Except when I am writing at a Starbucks. Or some other coffee shop. Or a comfortable chair and a table. I am that kind of person. External things are important to me. If they are in place, I can get in zone easy. If they are not, I may try hard but I wont ever go there.
So, since college, its been getting tough and tough to get in the zone. I dont know what to blame it on. One of the things that I want from like is that whatever I do, what I put my hand in, it has to be that immersive that I get in the zone instantly. There were times when I got there while I was working on #tnks. I just need to get more such things going for me. Sad bit is that #tnks would not give me financial independence but if it did, I would it would be a perfect way to live life. Because, thats all there is to life. Zone. And the chase of these zones.
With this, ladies and gentlemen, my stack of posts for a2z2014 is done. Hope you enjoyed reading the posts as much as I enjoyed writing. Took me 5 extra days but it was worth the wait.
Onto the next project. And onto regular blogging with inane updates about tiny things that I like doing.
Y. Yell out loud.
This is a part of the April A to Z Challenge. My theme is my Bucket List. Read about it here. Other posts in the A to Z Challenge: Ancient Ruins, Book, Coffee Shop, Date a Supermodel, Entrepreneurship, (Be a) Finisher, Give Away my Wealth, Handle a Baby, Inspire, Jack of all trades, Keep my shirt on, Make a lot of money, No, Off the Grid, Poker, Question Everything, Run a Marathon, Settle in the mountains, Teach, Up in the Air, (Master the) Vedas, War of Words and X-men.
Next is Y. Y for Yell out loud. So loud that I lose my voice. So loud that my throat hurts. So loud that its louder than anything around me. Louder than the noise that people make at events like Woodstocks. Louder than your heart-thump when you're in trouble.
I want to stand on the top of a really high building and stare at the world go by underneath. I want to stare in the void and see my voice reach to the very bottom. I want to see myself getting spent at the effort. I want to see myself inside out and I want the wind to go in and clean me up from inside. I want to take a rebirth. I want to break some shackles. I want to cry with the effort that it takes to yell like that.
Its like getting a high. The kinds that you get when you drop acid. Or when you do drugs. Or when you win a lottery. Its something that probably cleanses you from inside. It probably makes you feel renewed.
I would have done it long back if it didn't stigmatize people around. Yelling, in my culture, is connected to extreme pain or happiness or shock or something. There's no one that yells without reason. And definitely not for the frivolous reason of getting a high. Or renewing themselves. Or yelling just for the sake of trying! Damn these boundaries! It has to be one of the most liberating feelings ever. Probably more liberating than the bungee. Or the skydive.
I have to do it. At least once before I hang my boots!
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| Can you guess the building? |
I want to stand on the top of a really high building and stare at the world go by underneath. I want to stare in the void and see my voice reach to the very bottom. I want to see myself getting spent at the effort. I want to see myself inside out and I want the wind to go in and clean me up from inside. I want to take a rebirth. I want to break some shackles. I want to cry with the effort that it takes to yell like that.
Its like getting a high. The kinds that you get when you drop acid. Or when you do drugs. Or when you win a lottery. Its something that probably cleanses you from inside. It probably makes you feel renewed.
I would have done it long back if it didn't stigmatize people around. Yelling, in my culture, is connected to extreme pain or happiness or shock or something. There's no one that yells without reason. And definitely not for the frivolous reason of getting a high. Or renewing themselves. Or yelling just for the sake of trying! Damn these boundaries! It has to be one of the most liberating feelings ever. Probably more liberating than the bungee. Or the skydive.
I have to do it. At least once before I hang my boots!
Monthly Report - Apr 2014
The fourth month of the year is gone. Here is the update.
Here are the thing that I did in this month
In May of 2014, these are the things that are on the cards
Here are the thing that I did in this month
- Finished the second draft of The Nidhi Kapoor Story. Met with a publisher friend. Spoke to a few designers. With each passing day, #tnks now looks like a reality. Aiming to bring it to life by Jul or Aug of this year.
- Had a net negative month with poker. Need to get back to black in May.
- Still jobless. But I know a vague direction that I need to take. The naukri should give me some money and some time because I want to try and write another book in this year. Please let me know if you know of places that want to hire someone with 8 years of work-ex, post MBA. I have a fairly decent linkedin profile.
So moving on, Report on things I had planned for Apr.
- I had quite a few things. Did none of those. Last four months, month after month I have failed to do most things that I had planned. Why? Because I am lazy? Or because I am trying to eat more than I can chew? Will think about it over the next month and plan accordingly.
In May of 2014, these are the things that are on the cards
- Things for Feb, Mar, Apr (sell sgElectra, work on Cpt Obv, ISIN and next plot)
- Clear Evernote.
- #poker. Get yet another good month with poker. Like I mentioned, a good month is when I do not lose. This is probably going to be an ongoing goal.
- #poker. See all of grisped on youtube.
- #36to30. Take yoga as a challenge. Try and do asanas with more poise and tougher intensity. I would take it up as a challenge. I wrote about it here. Remember the tread mill that Will Smith talks about?
Thats about it from the month of Apr. Over to you May.
X. X men.
This is a part of the April A to Z Challenge. My theme is my Bucket List. Read about it here. Other posts in the A to Z Challenge: Ancient Ruins, Book, Coffee Shop, Date a Supermodel, Entrepreneurship, (Be a) Finisher, Give Away my Wealth, Handle a Baby, Inspire, Jack of all trades, Keep my shirt on, Make a lot of money, No, Off the Grid, Poker, Question Everything, Run a Marathon, Settle in the mountains, Teach, Up in the Air, (Master the) Vedas and War of Words.
X. The tough one. I cant think of anything but X-Men. X-Men is a team of superheroes that have some genetic mutation that gives them some sort of superpower. Like all people with superpowers there are good ones and there are bad ones. And like all places where you have good people and bad people, there is an inevitable clash. And then like most myths, stories, the good wins over the bad.
So X for me is X as in X-Men.
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| X-Men Poster |
The thing is, I really want to have some sort of superpower. I know its too late to get mutated by I think I can develop some superpower. It doesnt have to be a physical thing. I dont want to be a magnetic field or have an icy cold stare or something. I am ok with the superpower of words that allows me to move mountains with things that I write. Or I am ok with the superpower of observation that lets me decode people the moment I set my eyes on them. Like Sherlock had. Or like Reacher had. Or even a superpower with numbers that allows me to make money. Or may be I could grow bigger when I eat mushrooms, like Super Mario. Or may be the power of invisibility that Arun had. Agreed that a gadget gave him his superpower, it was a power nonetheless.
The superpower would elevate me from boring bald man in India to someone who would see the wonders that the world has to offer. It could come as a result of dedication, from a gadget, or from borrowed tools. But I really want one. I want to be an X-man. Somehow. For once. Before I die.
To be honest, I dont want to retain this power forever. I just want to get the power once and live a life full of excitement. A life that is beyond the rigmarole of money, society, relationships, emotions and other such things. At least for once. Somehow.
What is your superpower? What makes you a X-Man?
W. War of Words.
This is a part of the April A to Z Challenge. My theme is my Bucket List. Read about it here. Other posts in the A to Z Challenge: Ancient Ruins, Book, Coffee Shop, Date a Supermodel, Entrepreneurship, (Be a) Finisher, Give Away my Wealth, Handle a Baby, Inspire, Jack of all trades, Keep my shirt on, Make a lot of money, No, Off the Grid, Poker, Question Everything, Run a Marathon, Settle in the mountains, Teach, Up in the Air and (Master the) Vedas.
Next is W. W as in War of Words. As in this blog!
I have been writing this blog since Jan of 2004. And I want to continue to write here till I die. I don't know what purpose it would serve but I want to. Writing this blog is the longest I have done something, apart from living. And I dont want to stop.
Can I say that I cant imagine a life without this blog where I send inane updates and thought blurbs? That important is this blog!
The very act of writing on a public forum and letting strangers peep into your life sounds stupid but thats how things were back in 2004. It sounded like a great idea that someone could be interested in your life. The fact that a stranger could read what I wrote gave me kicks. Ofcourse the blog helped me make new friends, helped me learn more things and definitely made me a better writer.
The blog is also good way to go down the memory lane. I can go to a month and a year and I can see things that were occupying my head those days. For example browse to a random month, say Mar 2009, and a glance at posts would tell what all I was thinking / planning / cooking then!
In fact the blog is responsible for a lot of things that I started and eventually did not finish. I am the kinds who wants to talk first and then attempt those things. I know its not really the best way to go about things but it has worked for me in the past. There is no reason why it wouldn't in the future. Even #tnks started on this this blog with this post in May of last year. If you're on FB, please see this page and do recommend changes that I may make on this page.
Thats about blogging. And about War of Words. I want to continue to write it till I can.
Onward to X!
P.S.: Again, this is not really a thing for the bucket list but for the wish list. Either ways, I am not complaining.
P.P.S: Not happy with post. Note to my future self. Take lesson from these posts that you dont like. Tagged with #reWrite.
Next is W. W as in War of Words. As in this blog!
I have been writing this blog since Jan of 2004. And I want to continue to write here till I die. I don't know what purpose it would serve but I want to. Writing this blog is the longest I have done something, apart from living. And I dont want to stop.
Can I say that I cant imagine a life without this blog where I send inane updates and thought blurbs? That important is this blog!
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| Screenshot of my blog... |
The very act of writing on a public forum and letting strangers peep into your life sounds stupid but thats how things were back in 2004. It sounded like a great idea that someone could be interested in your life. The fact that a stranger could read what I wrote gave me kicks. Ofcourse the blog helped me make new friends, helped me learn more things and definitely made me a better writer.
The blog is also good way to go down the memory lane. I can go to a month and a year and I can see things that were occupying my head those days. For example browse to a random month, say Mar 2009, and a glance at posts would tell what all I was thinking / planning / cooking then!
In fact the blog is responsible for a lot of things that I started and eventually did not finish. I am the kinds who wants to talk first and then attempt those things. I know its not really the best way to go about things but it has worked for me in the past. There is no reason why it wouldn't in the future. Even #tnks started on this this blog with this post in May of last year. If you're on FB, please see this page and do recommend changes that I may make on this page.
Thats about blogging. And about War of Words. I want to continue to write it till I can.
Onward to X!
P.S.: Again, this is not really a thing for the bucket list but for the wish list. Either ways, I am not complaining.
P.P.S: Not happy with post. Note to my future self. Take lesson from these posts that you dont like. Tagged with #reWrite.
V. (Master the) Vedas.
This is a part of the April A to Z Challenge. My theme is my Bucket List. Read about it here. Other posts in the A to Z Challenge: Ancient Ruins, Book, Coffee Shop, Date a Supermodel, Entrepreneurship, (Be a) Finisher, Give Away my Wealth, Handle a Baby, Inspire, Jack of all trades, Keep my shirt on, Make a lot of money, No, Off the Grid, Poker, Question Everything, Run a Marathon, Settle in the mountains, Teach and Up in the Air.
Next is V. V for (Master the) Vedas.
Vedas are ancient Indian scriptures that apparently contain the sum total of all ancient Indian wisdom. It was written over the years and by multiple people across the entire length and breadth of the great Indian subcontinent. Apparently, vedas is not a work of human imagination. It is what the sages heard from the divine. More on this later.
So, once I have hung my boots, I'd want to devote my time studying the vedas.
Why would I want to do it? I dont know. It just sounds unfair that this great body of work exists and while I was around on this planet, I did not spend time with it. All the more important because I believe that I am curious about the world around me and no better way to try and satiate the urge than the vedas.
Plus the vedas is like a collection of ideas and thoughts that everyone has an opinion on. And each sect would have their interpretation of the vedas. Each interpretation would make for an interesting read. Will show me different perspectives and opinions.
I wish I could leave everything and chase the knowledge and understanding like its no one's business. Just wish I dint have to work for money!
Oh, this series by Times Wellness is a good starting point!
Next is V. V for (Master the) Vedas.
Vedas are ancient Indian scriptures that apparently contain the sum total of all ancient Indian wisdom. It was written over the years and by multiple people across the entire length and breadth of the great Indian subcontinent. Apparently, vedas is not a work of human imagination. It is what the sages heard from the divine. More on this later.
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| The four vedas |
Why would I want to do it? I dont know. It just sounds unfair that this great body of work exists and while I was around on this planet, I did not spend time with it. All the more important because I believe that I am curious about the world around me and no better way to try and satiate the urge than the vedas.
Plus the vedas is like a collection of ideas and thoughts that everyone has an opinion on. And each sect would have their interpretation of the vedas. Each interpretation would make for an interesting read. Will show me different perspectives and opinions.
I wish I could leave everything and chase the knowledge and understanding like its no one's business. Just wish I dint have to work for money!
Oh, this series by Times Wellness is a good starting point!
U. Up in the Air.
This is a part of the April A to Z Challenge. My theme is my Bucket List. Read about it here. Other posts in the A to Z Challenge: Ancient Ruins, Book, Coffee Shop, Date a Supermodel, Entrepreneurship, (Be a) Finisher, Give Away my Wealth, Handle a Baby, Inspire, Jack of all trades, Keep my shirt on, Make a lot of money, No, Off the Grid, Poker, Question Everything, Run a Marathon, Settle in the mountains and Teach.
Next is U. U for Up in the air.
The movie. The one that had George Clooney in it. The one that was based on the book. The movie is about a dude who travels to places in America to layoff people. The important bit, the one that I want to achieve in this life, is that he has 1 million frequent flier miles and has a personal goal of collecting 10 million miles.
If you think its undoable, check out Chris and Ansoo. If not a million, they would be pretty close. In fact, at one point, I had 300,000 miles myself.
So the movie is about this guy who's job is to meet people who have been laid off and counsel them on the post-layoff distress. As a part of his discourses (read speech, monologue etc), he asks them a simple question. What's in your backpack. He further sort of glorifies the joblessness and extols the virtues of a frugal, free life. Lee Child and Jack Reacher would be proud of him. Not a pleasant job but a job nonetheless. That takes him to multiple cities and allows him to meet people and allows him to earn miles!
Like I said, at one point, I had more than 300K miles on me. I am not sure how many am I left with now. The trouble is that they are/were staggered across multiple airlines and multiple alliances. Plus a lot of them have expired because of inactivity. And I have used a lot of those for some travel in the last one year of joblessness. When I start work again, I want to stack up on the miles again. Took me 3 years to get 300K. There is no reason why I cant do it again. The million miles figure shouldn't be tough to achieve. Lets see...
Further, if I compare myself to Ryan or Jack right now, I have a houseful of things that I want to cling on to. These are books, pictures, photos, toys, puzzles, posters and I dont know what all. I want to be able to reach a point where I can pack whatever I own in a carry-on case. Thankfully, I am not that attached to clothes, so my bag is anyway half empty. But the other things, I need to start simplifying. I need to start giving away things. May be I'd start with my books. I dont know. I'd think on it. Soon.
So, the U for me is Up in the air. And the other smaller question. What's in my backpack?
Before I close this post, here is a question for you. Two. How many miles do you have? And what's in your backpack?
Next is U. U for Up in the air.
The movie. The one that had George Clooney in it. The one that was based on the book. The movie is about a dude who travels to places in America to layoff people. The important bit, the one that I want to achieve in this life, is that he has 1 million frequent flier miles and has a personal goal of collecting 10 million miles.
If you think its undoable, check out Chris and Ansoo. If not a million, they would be pretty close. In fact, at one point, I had 300,000 miles myself.
So the movie is about this guy who's job is to meet people who have been laid off and counsel them on the post-layoff distress. As a part of his discourses (read speech, monologue etc), he asks them a simple question. What's in your backpack. He further sort of glorifies the joblessness and extols the virtues of a frugal, free life. Lee Child and Jack Reacher would be proud of him. Not a pleasant job but a job nonetheless. That takes him to multiple cities and allows him to meet people and allows him to earn miles!
Like I said, at one point, I had more than 300K miles on me. I am not sure how many am I left with now. The trouble is that they are/were staggered across multiple airlines and multiple alliances. Plus a lot of them have expired because of inactivity. And I have used a lot of those for some travel in the last one year of joblessness. When I start work again, I want to stack up on the miles again. Took me 3 years to get 300K. There is no reason why I cant do it again. The million miles figure shouldn't be tough to achieve. Lets see...
Further, if I compare myself to Ryan or Jack right now, I have a houseful of things that I want to cling on to. These are books, pictures, photos, toys, puzzles, posters and I dont know what all. I want to be able to reach a point where I can pack whatever I own in a carry-on case. Thankfully, I am not that attached to clothes, so my bag is anyway half empty. But the other things, I need to start simplifying. I need to start giving away things. May be I'd start with my books. I dont know. I'd think on it. Soon.
So, the U for me is Up in the air. And the other smaller question. What's in my backpack?
Before I close this post, here is a question for you. Two. How many miles do you have? And what's in your backpack?
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